Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, to start off we have the Pinkamina Diance Pie section! There some minor fourth wall breaking, some introspection and a whole lot of craziness. We also find out what's going on with AJ and Pinks in terms of what Twilight did to them as well as finding out what happened to Spitfire and the rest of them. Originally, I was going to write each of them out in full, but I felt that'd take up too much room and not really be interesting enough to justify that word space. That and I wanted to write the Twilight scene asap.
And talking about the Twilight scene, here it is! I've hyped this up a bit to a few people and I'm rather scared of how it will be received. Why? Because I'd tried to make it sad and sorrowful and all that, but I'm not too sure if I've succeeded or not. Whatever the case may be, this scene was the first scene I ever got relating to this fic and writing it out was a heck of a ride. I'm generally not a fan of long drawn out goodbyes, but I did one here so... oops?
Anyways, critiques would be awesome!
NO!...no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no.no. you cant die twilight you wont die Celestia please for the love of all that exists save her.1.bp.blogspot.com/-st_rGeBY1i4/T0gN1514pgI/AAAAAAAAgZM/lEUXBZt6gyI/s320/137502+-+Alicorn+artist+banananamilk+blanket+celestia+princess+twilight_sparkle+weirdest_anatomy_ever.png
Aw, man. I'm not gonna lie. You kill off Twilight Sparkle and I will hate you and everything you write until my dieing breath. Not even kidding.
When you get the next chapter up I don't think I'll be able to read it. The thought of Twilight dieing in any story just makes me want to curl into a ball and cry until I have no liquid left in my body to cry with.
That being said, I really loved this chapter. At the end of the last one, I was really wondering what would happen next now that Twilight had discovered that Celestia was in the Sun. I knew that Twilight would come up with a plan, but the idea of the most powerful Unicorn in existence freeing Celestia from the Sun itself was quite a nice concept.
Just... Don't kill off Twilight.
938977
=laughs= You have no idea how much I've wanted to get such a reaction from someone. I'm glad you liked the idea though, I wasn't sure if it'd be too cliched or what.
Yea, that reaction was probably a bit over the top but still.... Twilight is the one who managed to get rid of my depression after all those years. I feel quite strongly towards her, even if she is not real.
939101
Well, we'll see what happens. We'll see...
I feel despair.
You have made me feel feels :v
939149
Yes! Despair is good, it's very good. How about some tears? Can I get some tears as well?
... What? I'm not sadistic. Not at all sadistic.
939211
My pride has boundaries :l
I'm going to admit that I did get some tears forming, along with that tightness in the chest.
Good job, :v
939237
Yes! You just made my day (unless someone else actually cried or cheered) in which case they win (sorry!). I really wanted to get an emotional reaction from this chapter so I'm glad I managed that
Remember people, we don't really know if he's dead. That being said, why did you have to give us this big of a cliffhanger? In doing so, you HAVE UNLEASHED MY RIGHTEOUS FURY!
Oh you magnificent bastard. That was great.
Also am I the only one who is somewhat okay with Twilight dieing? While shes by far my favorite pony, I think that a heroic sacrifice to save the world is pretty fitting for her. Certainly more fitting then dieing of old age on a bed.
939729
=bows= Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much
=laughs= Well so far you're the only one to say you're alright with her dying so I suppose so?
After everything. She could have begged forgiveness, joined against Nightmare, there a literally millions of possibilities, but in the end she chose instead to give her very life for the ones she loved.
Well played, I do believe I'm touched.
I'll admit that I had to rub my eyes clear at the end and stop for a second to just get a better grip on myself. Fuck man. I know you said "the scene" but I was not expecting that. I just... I'm shocked. That was a fucking gut punch that.... FUCK! I'm not angry, it's just when I get sad or despaired or whatever I get heavy with the language. I mean FUCK! What was... that was a thoroughly well done scene. I barely even feel the need to talk about Pinkamina/Pinkie/Pinks bit because I just... Twilight!
You've built up to this moment so perfectly. I see that know, the last 25 chapters all come together perfectly to create this moment. How long have you been planning this for? I mean, I don't know whether to be sad that Twilight's dead or proud of what she did or angry at you, or glad to see her punished or...
OK I'm rambling.
=slaps himself violently=
Calm down.
Proper review time:
This was an excellent chapter. An absolutely excellent chapter and it functioned as a brilliant pay off to that which came before it. Very well done sir. Pinkamina/Pinkie/Pinks was very well done. Very very well done indeed. That said she was completely outshone by Twilight's scene later on. I felt perhaps the explanation of what was done to either of them could have been done a little better. It just feels paced slightly off.
Then we get to Twilight's scene. When I appropriately detach myself from it emotionally the pacing stands out as a slight issue, but I honestly don't care. It was just incredibly well done. Yeah it seemed like the scene with Nightwish was was rushed and yeah you could have made a slightly bigger deal of Twilight finally freeing herself of dream Celestia but I still absolutely love this scene. Just... well done man. You absolutely shattered the fourth wall here but it still works. It works so very well actually that I'd never even considered the possibility that breaking the fourth wall could work this well.
Oh and it's a minor issue but please-please-please let me pre-read for you in future.This is too good of a scene for you to allow it be marred by so many basic and minor mistakes. There was even one in the (brilliant) final scene:
"And thank you, for letting me raise the sun, for giving a monster such as a one final chance to see the sun."
You can see what's wrong with that sentence I hope. I think it was meant to be "for giving a monster such as me one final chance to see the sun."
Anyway... I need to go and remind myself this isn't cannon.
940361
Yay! I can say this chapter is a success if I managed to get that reaction out of you.
I have been planning it for a very, very, very long time. In one of the eariest chapters there was the chess scene between Twilight and Nightmare Moon. Look at the last named move Twilight makes - Queen's Sacrifice. Yep, you read that right, I had planned it since then. That's how long I've planned it.
And I agree, the pacing of the explanation was way off, but I really wanted to get that out of the way and to one side. Plus, I have a habit of putting foreshadowing in scenes where something else outshines it completely (eg. the Gaia-Nightmare explanation coming back around ten chapters later with Cadence).
Well, the Nightwish scene just came about as I was writing it and trying to come up with a starting point. It was meant to come out a bit rushed as I wanted to give that feeling Twilight running away almost. Rereading it now, I can say that I didn't quick get that across and that's something I'll have to work on. And I deliberately downplayed Twilight shattering Phantom Celestia so that it wouldn't detract from what and I wanted it to come across as something dramatic without all the fanfare you know? I mean, this is Twilight being finally alone with that last of her sanity. A fanfare almost felt like it was more than she deserved in a way.
I'll fix up that mistake. I cannot believe I missed that.
940413
It's a short list of other stories that got a reaction like that out of me.
That's a long time planning. And some great foreshadowing actually. Damn shame I didn't pick up on it but I suppose that a huge leap for me to make.
OK that's a fair point with downplaying the end of phantom Celestia. Consider that criticism withdrawn.
940439
Stop it, you're making me blush! =laughs= And inflating my ego beyond epic proportions.
Yep! Massive leap and I'd have been sad if anyone picked up on that one.
you best not let twilight die thoguth a great chapter so can not wait for more
That was one hell of a chapter. I usually have something to say about them, but this time... I can't think of anything. Nicely done.
the last part was almost painful to read, more then once did i have to step away from my computer.
The worst part being, im almost 100% sure you'll leave her dead, since you've proven more then once during these 25 chapters that you CAN be cruel in your writing.
How can a story about fictional Ponies hurt so much.
Dammit.
Still loving the Pinkie parts. I also find the parts with Pinkie trio hilarious (and interesting)in how they interact with other ponies especially with how Pinkamina thinks about Rainbow Dash and the scene with AJ (is it a prank is it real does Pinkie even know?). Just finished all the chapters up to this point and outside of the first chapter that highlighted Pinkie (too over the top especially on the 4th wall) Pinkie has been a treat to read and many times steals the show in the chapter. In particular I like how you are trying to add a third personality and more importantly I like how you have portrayed Pinkimina in particular as a Sensate (Planescape term for somebody whos philosophy is to experience everything) rather than being evil or just serious (as she is funny in her own way). The reason for her having that philosophy is believable and Pinkie in general has just been interesting. I will continue reading but in particular I will be looking for more Pinkie moments.
here's a warning without twilight NMM wins for trixie is neither great nor powerful enough to truely wield the elements nor can she assist in their victory against nmm. the only hope Equestria has left is Celestia and she's going straight back to her celestial body when nmm arrives. she is also incapable of using the elements due to her disconnection from them. so yes i do believe in a way you have truly broken twilight and have fulfilled the tittle of the story now i'm off to cry in a corner.
940750 940812 Thanks!
940976
Yep, I'm pretty damn cruel when the need arises. I've actually stolen a comment from Atlus to use, and that one is " get off on your tears".
941265
The Pinkie part was actually really hard to write because in the beginning I did characterise her as a tad too psychopathic so from that point on, I was basically dialling everything back to make her someone who just wants to experience everything. Adding Pinks into the mix made things even more insane as I have to juggle three characters now rather than just two and characterise them separately. Glad you enjoyed it so much though.
941953
Amusingly, if you considering Twilight broken, she was broken by her friends and not Nightmare Moon. Just added food for thought
This was... Well, it was good, but didn't really hit me very hard.
For two reasons:
1- I'm cynical and I was expecting this (Nothing to be done about this one really)
2- Fucking typos and other minor errors. They're not bad enough to mess the scene up, but there's enough to disrupt immersion. (You still need a really good proofreader)
I'm looking forward to the letter that Nightwish has, and to see Celly's reaction to the history of Knight Commander Twilight Sparkle.
944579
Don't remind me. I've already been chewed out once for the typos =chuckles= Needless to say, I will be getting a proofreader
manly tears shed this day.
946232
You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear people saying they cried at this chapter. Why yes, I am evil, why do you ask?
Hmm I wonder if Applejack getting/copying part of Twilight's soul will become more significance later on.
Where's the new chapter :l
Sometimes you just find a chapter of a story so well written and set that you cannot help but get emotional, this is one such chapter for me. Awesome work!