Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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Alright, short chapter this time and mainly an infodump one so sorry about it. Kinda necessary though as it sets up multiple things for the future.
Twilight section to start off and we see what happened to them. I actually this scene along with the Twilight-RD fight from last chapter came to me as one concept. And yes, Twilight losing a leg had been a concept since the very beginning so Fluttershy kinda stole it from her when she lost a wing, but hey! Sharing is caring right?
Resolution to the Cadence mystery. Amusingly only one person guessed the Cadence-Gaia link (after some prodding) and only one reader bought up the question of Discord. Well there you go, here's your answer. Also, we get a bit more background to my story as well as the power of the Elements of Harmony. Writing Shining Armor was also an interesting experience as I tried to make him on the adorkable side while capturing the familiarity between Cadence and him.
Finally a section on Rarity as she tackles with 'Beauty' and what it truly is. Also lets us see their view of Dash and what's going on with Pinkie. Truth be told, I should have cut out the Twilight section to add impact to the chapter, but that'd drag out the entire story to one more chapter so instead I went with the whole "RD is right there you idiots!" thing where we know she's right by them, but they don't.
857522
Well, you certainly had me hooked on CH1, it's so strange that i love to read about pony torture as much as i do, but i can't help it!
You do write some good torture, so props on that!
Enjoyed it? i loved it, postponed my dinner by 4 hours because i simply had to read it.
And now there's even a new chapter for me to enjoy.
If it's just simple proofreading, I'm more then up for that, since i could count the amounts of spelling mistakes on my hands.
It's just that, even if they're few, they're really annoying.
I'm off to read the newest chapter.
Edit: now that I've read it, Ehem.
You actually touched the subject most dark stories never touch, loss of limbs, Twilight loosing her leg and Fluttershy her wing, nice to see someone doing that.
Because i can't remember how many dark stories iv'e read where they "almost" loose a leg, or "almost" a wing, it gets annoying after a while.
so props on that too.
I'll not dwell into the entire Shining, Cadence thing, it was unexpected, but still good, better then what i thought they were doing.
And for my biggest question right now, Will Twilight decide to try and join the other elements in hope of being able to beat NMM, or will she return to her master as a good little pet.
question will twilight ever get her leg back? also why'd you remove her leg in the first place and finally phantom Celestia is one tricky mare!
chimmy cherry chunga?
858170
Maybe? And I removed it because I felt like it. And yes, that was totally serious answer, I removed it because 'Why not?' The in story reason is because it's trapped, but hey, I just felt like being evil so that's what I did.
Yes?
858192 you didn't answer the second one will she ever get it back or are you sticking to it and having Celestia traumatized when she gets back not that she wont be traumatized by how much emptier Equestria already is.
also i'm ok with you being evil it was just something that was bothering me.
858202 You'll just have to wait for the enxt chapter (I believe) to find out.
858215 o wait you mean the me-mmphglphhmfff... phoy fine i guess you went that rout ok anyway cant wait till chapter 23
858232
=laughs= Lots of people have said that or similar things about that section. Thanks for the compliments, it was one of the chapters I really slaved over in order to get just right.
It's actually a mix of Italian and Portuguese put together. I'm actually surprised someone managed to actually notice that truth be told because it was something I was totally not expecting.
858102
I thought you were going to post your thoughts on the latest chapter in another comment so I've been waiting patiently for that to come through so I could reply to both at the same time and it turns out you just editted you original comment! That is so not fair. Now onto my reply.
I was actually really of the torture scenes because I didn't want it to feel as though it was gore for the sake of having gore, but it's nice to hear some reassurances that it was fine. One of the reasons I went for torture so in depth is because I really wanted this to stand out from the crowd and make people realize this wasn't the usual AU fic.
Considering you managed to review at the end, I take it you didn't starve to death then. I'm really glad to hear you enjoyed it that much even though it does inflate my ego somewhat.
Give me a couple of chapters first before deciding to accept your offer. I really want to fix up my mistakes myself and learn proper grammar that way. Plus, I just know that I'll get lazy and not proofread in the end if I do get a proofreader. Yes, I am weird like that.
I did the whole loss of limbs thing because I'm tired of war fics where the main characters come out the other side without any serious injuries (physical or mental). Plus, Fluttershy did something stupid and I punished her accordingly. If a character does somethign silly, I will punish them.
I'm actually really proud of the Cadence/Shining thing as only one person managed to guess it and that was after me nudging me slightly. Also, what did you think they were doing? I love hearing about speculation and I'm curious.
As for your last point, I kind of answered that this chapter with the very last Twilight paragraph where she talks about still needing to find out where Celestia was stashed.
oh i was nearly right he he but another good chapter keep going
859954
I don't play fair, so expect more edited comments from me.
well, considering that you did write good torture scenes i though i could inflate your ego a little, but don't get carried away.
Stand out? why yes, it does stand out, there should seriously be an "extra dark" tag, because really, the urine scene?
even if i found it to be disgustingly amazing, it's still a pretty degrading scene. (i loved it.).
What i thought Cadence and shining were doing?.. yikes..
I thought that NMM had stashed Celestia down in the deepest parts of hell and that they were only there to "scout" because if they would simply waltz in there and grab Tia, that wouldn't make for good reading, so those two go on a scouting mission to later tell the "elements" of her possition who then try to rescue her.
something along those lines, and god dammit does it sound silly now that I've read what really happened.
About the proofreading, i can see your point, and I'm sorry if i'll come of as pushy, but when a story you like has a spot "open" for you to help, wouldn't you jump at the opportunity?
The way i do it when proofreading is, get it into a GoogleDoc and then proceed to mark down every error, fixing them but adding what was there before the edit in a comment next to it, so that when i return it to the author he/she gets a post ready chapter but also the possibility to see every error he/she made, And the author for the story im currently editing, he had tons if issues with "had" and "has" so i started marking them down to show him how many times per chapter he got them wrong, and since then they've steadily decreased.
So what's my terribly pushy point with that?
Seeing someone point out your error over and over again sometimes drives you to correct them on an subconscious level.
but still, i'll wait until you decide what to do, it's your story after all
Enjoy your wall-O-text.
860443
Wall of text's are my specialty.
You're the second person to bring up the urine scene and yes, I had to do that and it was meant to be disgusting and degrading and all that good stuff. I see it as more part of psychological torture and it felt like something dark without resorting to more gore you know?
Heh, you're the second person to think that. I'm glad I managed to throw so many off the scent though, I was afraid it would be too obvious with Cadence being an alicorn and so much weaker than Celestia and Luna (or appearing so in canon at least). It would be a nice place to stash Celestia though and part of me wishes I had actually thought of that.
Yes. Yes I could jump at the opportunity. Like I said above, I know I'll get lazy and I want to see how well I can get my grammar in line first. I'll keep it in mind though for future reference.
860468
The urine scene certainly did it's job, it was worse then all the other physical torture, by far.
and the fact that she was never forced to drink it made it all that much sweeter/horrible to read.
Glad to know I'm not the only one who thought they were "scouting".
your story, your rules, just give me a PM if you need any proofreading, if my previous posts failed to get this along, I'm more then eager to help!
have a good day~
I have some issues with this chapter. First off, the Tartarus you described wasn't Tartarus at all. It was Hades, or the Underworld. The River Styx, the judges, that's all in Hades. In Greek Mythology, Hades is where everyone goes when they die. Tartarus is where the gods send the really bad individuals (or those they don't like,) where the place serves as a hell and a prison. Although I'm pretty sure that it was just a prison for some that went there. It's a much scarier place.
Also, how did Shining Armour not know about Discord? He fucked up pretty much the entire world when he went on his rampage.
862028
I'm pretty certain Hades is the god of the Underworld, Tartarus is where all the evil people go and then there's Elysium which is where the good people go. I probably should have been more accurate, but the change from Tartarus to the Underworld was a last minute change and I couldn't really do anything about it by this stage without retconning. I'm sure that if I tried hard enough I could wiggle my way out, but my brain isn't functioning right now. Needless to say, I know I wasn't accurate.
Well in canon Twilight had to be told about Discord and the fight with him so I assumed it was either one of those secrets or it was like NNM in that it was a fairy tale and Shining simply did not make the connection.
860468 Lol, for the longest time I thought Twilight was going to be gaia. lol.