Nightmare Moon's returned and Twilight captured. In order to survive she must sacrifice everything
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Sometimes I really wonder how many people read these insane ramblings of mine. Anyways, onwards!
The structure of the scenes in this chapter actually gave me some issues. The RD bit was meant to be first to act as a bridge from the previous chapter and slow things down a bit, but I felt it fitted better at the end so that's what I went with. Of course that means coming in from the previous chapter to this one, it's very much action scene after action scene. Originally this chapter was meant to be a slow one to drop thing down, but I decided to keep it going to (hopefully) keep building the action, tension and excitment. Hopefully.
Pinkamina's interactions with everyone else was an interesting one I have to say. Originally I planned on not having her there at all and mysterious missing, but I had already done that with Dash. The other option was for her to be really quite agressive and out there, but that felt too simple. Instead I ended up going with a conceptualisation where she seems and comes across as Pinkie, but with what the readers know of Pinkamina, it comes across as much darker. Not sure if that worked though.
Finally, the Rarity section. This bit was entirely devoted building up tension for the next chapter as well as showing Twilight and Rarity fighting it out. It was an interesting scene to write as I had to try not to abuse "teleport" or similar words too much considering both mare's fighting styles revolve around it. Also, it offered everyone a taste of just how powerful the Elements are.
Anyways, as per usual, critiques are welcome!
I've always thought it was weird how the five element bearers stay so loyal to Twilight despite barely knowing her. I know I certainly wouldn't. I also think the readers need to be reminded every now and then that Twilight isn't actually loyal to Nightmare Moon. This chapter didn't show her in another other light than a puppet.
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Actually, I deliberately don't want to remind people that Twilight isn't actually loyal to Nightmare Moon because I want to blur that line. Twilight's entire focus is on getting Celestia back and if that means doing Nightmare Moon's dirty work and being a puppet (for however long it takes for NNM to trust her enough to tell her Celestia's lcoation) then she'd willingly do that. I want people reading this fic to start questioning Twilight as a hero, as a good character, as a puppet, as a sane pony and all that jazz. I mean at points I will have Twilight subverting NNM and commenting in thoughts that she is still ultimately focused on getting Celestia back, but I'm not going to constantly shove it down reader's throats. And getting back to your comment, the entire point was to show Twilight in the light of being a puppet and I have no doubt that in this AU, the majority of Dawn soldiers would consider her NNM's pet.
Haha this series is so good I wish I could thumbs up it twice.
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Blasphemy.
This... This is quite possibly the best possible THING!!!
Anyone see what I did there?
This will totally end with corrupted or dead elements