Let It Go, Let It Go
Under the Lounge sphere's outstretched doors, a canvas tent had been attached. Ebon Mane and Eagle Eye slept, shaded from starlight. Their necks spooned with one another as they slumbered silently, their breaths soft and serene. Surrounding the sphere in the valley northeast of Amulek, dozens of changelings lay in a dense circle, their shells dark and glossy in the moonlight.
Roarke was the only one awake. She reclined against Whizzball, staring out while she kept silent vigil over the cluster of shape-shifters. She took several deep breaths, her nostrils flaring. At last, after much fidgeting, she stood up. On remarkably graceful legs, she shuffled across the field, stepping in between the changelings as she approached one particularly anxious figure on the edge of the group.
A single changeling was shivering, its fangs clattering as it struggled to find slumber. While its brothers and sisters remained still as stone, this one shuddered upon hearing the approach of Roarke's hoofsteps. It looked up, took one glance at the metal mare, and gasped. There was a flicker of an orange coat, and soon it was scooting away.
"Shhhh..." Roarke nevertheless stepped towards it. "Be still. It is okay."
"I'm s-sorry!" the creature whimpered, crawling backwards into a tree. There, it curled, covering its face with webbed forelimbs. "Please! I didn't mean for that t-to happen back at Ether Point! It w-won't happen again!"
"Calm down—"
"I promise!"
Roarke grasped its forelimbs, forcing the creature to look her in the face. Stern, Roarke nevertheless kept her voice low. "I will not hurt you."
The changeling stared at her, panting.
Roarke gulped and said, "It's a promise I made. A promise to the mare that I love."
Slowly, the changeling exhaled. Its eyes flickered green, and its shell was replaced with an orange coat. "Reckon I believe ya, darlin'..."
Roarke's eyes narrowed.
The shape-shifter flinched. "I-I'm mighty sorry..." She clenched her green eyes shut as the orange fuzz began to dissipate. "I'll switch back—"
"No." Roarke shook her head. "Don't. Stay like this."
"But..." The thing winced, looking nervously at the bounty hunter. "Why?"
"Because you obviously need to," Roarke said. "And who am I to stop you?"
After several heavy breaths, the orange mare relaxed. It leaned back against the tree while freckles solidified across its muzzle.
Roarke sat across from her. The two stared at one another in reverent silence. Finally, Roarke leaned forward and spoke, "Who... are you, right now?"
The mare bit her lip. "I... I'm sorry, sugarcube." She sniffled. "I have no unearthly clue..."
Roarke leaned her head to the side. "You first appeared when you hugged me." She blinked. "When you were Rainbow."
"Yes. A thousand pardons. It sure wasn't very neighborly of—"
"I'm not grilling you," Roarke grumbled. "I'm just..." She sighed. "I only wish to understand."
"So do I." The changeling shivered, her blonde bangs flouncing with each shiver. "Everythang's all cloudly like, and whenever I try to think about it... I-I plum wear myself out."
"You've been starving for so long," Roarke said.
The mare's green eyes fell.
After a moment of silence, Roarke said, "I may not have much confidence in the strength and courage of these two stallions who've come here to help you, but they are certainly loyal and dedicated equines. If there's anything I've learned from flying with the likes of them, it's that loyalty is the strongest quality anypony could ever hope to embody. I've no doubt that they will show you the way to a bright and promising future."
"Yeah..." The changeling nodded. "Reckon so..."
"It's alright to be scared," Roarke said. "But don't let yourself be too discouraged. You have a future now, and it's glorious. Trust me." Roarke's lips curved slightly. "I know what it means to believe in no tomorrow. And I also know what it means to have that change overnight. It's frightening, yes, but it's also undescribably liberating."
"I... I guess so..." The mare shivered. "It's just... h-happenin' so much all at once. I... I f-feel like I can't handle it..."
Roarke's eyes fell to the wayside.
The changeling covered her eyes, groaning. "I d-dunno how my brothers and sisters are doin' so m-much better than me. I j-just felt somethin', and it's been tearin' me apart on the inside ever since—"
"Ever since what?" Roarke asked. "Since you hugged me?"
The creature avoided her gaze. "I'm awful sorry! I... I-I just couldn't help myself. I... I..." The changeling suddenly gasped.
Roarke was hugging her. Softly. "Shhhh..." Roarke spoke gently, her voice calm and neutral. "Then stop trying to help it."
The changeling clenched its teeth, shivering.
"Simply relax," Roarke said. "My friends are here to help each and every one of you. So why shouldn't I?"
At last, the changeling caved. It clung to Roarke, burying its freckled face in her shoulder as quiet sobs escaped its lungs. Finally, with a shuddering breath, it murmured, "Thank you, sugarcube. Thank you so m-much..."
Roarke was merely silent, gazing off into the dark treeline as she held the shape-shifter close.
"She lurves you," the creature drawled. "She lurves you so darn m-much..." Sniffles.
At last, Roarke murmured, "You're one of them, aren't you?"
The creature hung in silence.
"You're one of her deceased friends," Roarke said coldly. "The companions that she lost back in Ponyville?"
The changeling exhaled, nuzzling her face into Roarke's shoulder. "Yes," she said. But then, seconds later. "And no."
Roarke blinked at that. She leaned back and stared at the changeling's tear-stained face. "No?"
The shape-shifter took several calm breaths, relaxing in Roarke's embrace. "I... I-I was somethin' different, sugarcube. Somethin' special."
"To Rainbow Dash?"
"I can sense that she'd never say it out loud," the changeling said. "But it was a love so strong that she had to keep it secret. Her loyalty's like a two-edged sword, all strong and steel-like, but it cut both ways, ya reckon? It's enough to tear a pony in two..."
"And a changeling in a million..."
"I wouldn't rightly know." The shape-shifter gulped. "All I can say is that it hurts. It hurts somethin' awful. And I h-haven't been able to get it out of my head ever since—"
"You sensed it in me."
The changeling looked up, lips quivering. "It's in you, darlin'. Rainbow Dash's love." She gulped. "And it's so strong and fillin' and scrumptious. But..." The changeling winced. "It hurts to much at the same time. I... I-I dunno how to handle it! If everypony we ever meet in this world is like this, I-I dunno how we'll ever fly right by Ebon's standards. I—"
"Does Rainbow Dash still love her?" Roarke blurted.
The changeling merely stared at her.
"I..." Roarke winced, but nevertheless spoke, "I need to know... is our—" She gulped. "Is her love really split apart like you say?"
The shapeshifter stared at Roarke. Slowly, its body grew more and more limp. A distant spark illuminated its eyes.
Roarke's voice lifted with a touch of concern. "What—....? Are you—...?"
"Does our l-love ever die, Roarke?" Imre's voice said. The changeling's orange fuzz turned to a pale scarlet. "Do we leave enough to share with others?"
The metal mare sucked her breath in.
The changeling's eyes rolled back. With a tiny whimper, it slumped forward in Roarke's grip, its dark body trailing with green smoke. "Nnnngh... g-guh!" It sputtered. "S-sorry... can't... c-couldn't hold on—"
Roarke clenched her eyes shut. "Then don't try." She seethed. "Let it go."
"I... I-I want to h-help," the changeling sobbed. "You are both so precious. So loving and tender—"
"It's not your love," Roarke hissed. "Feed all you wish, but let go of it. Don't be consumed by what you consume. Your life is your own, do you understand me?" She swallowed hard, carressing the changeling's translucent, gossamer mane. "You deserve to live your own life. So let go."
"But... b-but..."
"I promise you that you'll be safe. Trust me."
The changeling cried quietly. In a flash, its coat turned blue, and Roarke saw that she was caressing a prismatic mane. Within a minute, the coat dissolved back to a black gloss, and the changeling finally stopped shivering. When it spoke next, it was with a sob... a tranquil sob.
"Thank you," the creature mewled. "Thank you s-so much..." It clung to Roarke like a foal, murmuring. "I understand now. I... won't let the feeling consume me."
Roarke stroked the creature's shoulders as she nodded. "That's a very good thing," she said, sighing out her nostrils. "I... I wish we all had your tenacity." And she gazed up into the starlight with a distant expression.
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Roarke is almost motherly in this scene.
that title xD
Roarke most Therapist-y.
I really hope that Roarke now (or at least will be able to) understands that even though Rainbow still loves AJ she loves her just as much. I love it when she is being motherly towards others, its really nice.
I'm not sure I've mentioned this before, but thank you SO much for using 'I' instead of 'ah'.
Roarke is kinder than she gives herself credit for. She has an awful lot of ideas about how awful she is, and this simply isn't the case- but I know how hard it can be to let go of your self-perceptions. Roarke has a deep-seated feeling of guilt that causes this, I think. Despite us talking alldayerryday about how much we love Roarke, she was basically a child soldier traumatized and indoctrinated into becoming an instrument of war.
I think she has both true love and a psychological need for Rainbow Dash, who accepts her for who she is and whoever she may choose to become.
Is it still a big deal that she has enough basic respect for them that she doesn't call them breeders?
No. But still, this level of kindness is still rare from even our lovely new Roarke.
More Roarke showing a weakness in her facade. The brief moments where her mask slips are my favorites where Roarke Most
is concerned.
This is a valuable lesson for our shape-shifters. As much as they need love, they need to remember that they don't NEED to impersonate, and that it can hurt those who don't accept that facet of them.
They really do. The changelings aren't really characters, more an amorphous mass- as they should be, with their role in the narrative at this point. I think the "You deserve your own life." quote will reflect in them getting names.
Hopefully they don't steal my name, though.
You're a lot stronger than you think you are, Roarke.
Roarke has changed so much for the better....also I'm going to need an Elsa pony.
5085120
I hope you're aware that from IC's point of view you just declared open season on your name...
Wow. Roarke in this scene is just wow
I wonder if any of the changelings will transform into Gold Petals?
5085231
Yeah, but if I was one of those changelings' names I'd be a bit salty about it. It also wouldn't fit.
Roarke has turned into such a softie.
Frozen Fractals floating all around.
Changelings that are big an small that band to make bigger, but in this variation are limited to variation in physical size?
Rourke needs to be able to get back to Dash, and have an easy time.
Im thinking retractable blades on her cabling so she can use them as projectile wiresaws?
5082532 Celestia discovers a room full of chamber pots and decides to take a nap.
So, if I'm understanding this right, the changeling becomes AJ for Roarke because it is experiencing RD's split love for both Roarke and AJ.
5085289
He could be Ascendant. Leader of the Free Changeling State.
Or some other thing that makes them call one of the changelings AA.
Can't hold it back anymore!
5085347
That would be fine, but some names just have so much potential. Zaid Val Roa you can- and IC did- get a lot out of, a main character and a nation-state. Pilate is perfect for his character.Nobody remembers the guy, but Roarke was also a commentor in Eljunbyro. Can anyone imagine Roarke being otherwise named?
It's probably (extremely) conceited of me, but I think my name would suit some glorious hero/despicable villain in the senate/oligarchy/nobility of Val Roa. Arcanist Ascendant is inspired off of the idea of a magician casting off his physical form and becoming pure magic, and while a Val Roan character might posess that level of magical might, I don't see it in these changelings.
I feel kind of whny and dirty as I type this, it feels like i'm being an asshole to IC even as he continues to write this so diligently. I would love to have my name on a character at all, but I just would love so much for it to really fit the character as much as Pilate fits Pilate, Zaid fits Zaid.
Meh.
5085289 Then probably a Val Roaian mage of some sort.
5085316
The twist at the end is foreshadowed by the contents of those chamber pots.
5085395
And I'm a noun!
every time he writes my name a part of me dies and goes to heaven
Oh wonderful. Guess what'll be stuck in my head for the rest of the night.
This was a great chapter. I love seeing Roarke like this--tender and insightful. Though, I sense that this won't be the end of Roarke's dilemma (i.e. Rainbow's past/present feelings for Applejack)
Roarke the counselor?
Reminds me, Roarke needs to try singing.
5085447
Haha, that's awesome. I'm sure you'll get your very own character someday, as long as you promise ):( to feed it and walk it yourself.
Either a broken-and-fixed robot droid or some sort of mechanic or peasant? Who knows.
5085431
But I feel like I should just be happy with what I get. I'm going to stop speculating on any future AA character now.
Everyone else, though, is free game.
I have a strong feeling that our Duchess of Sehlp will be either Swan Song or Alcyone Meissa. Or maybe Alcyone Meissa will be split into two characters?
Cannot decide which I prefer;
Meissa Sehlp
or
Swan Song, regent Lady of the provinces of Sehlp.
So it's clear to me now that Roarke has never been as sociopathic as she outwardly seemed. In fact, I would say she is more well emotionally-adjusted and socially-functional than many ponies who were reared in even the most favourable of settings and circumstances.
She became hard on the outside, and wrapped everything else up like a coconut crab tucking its chitin-encrusted tail under itself to protect its vulnerable underside.
She did it because she had to. It's how she survived. And like everyone else, she became accustomed to living her life that way. Like everyone else who must change and adapt, Rourke was afraid.
Roarke is learning that it's safe to love, and that opening herself up to others doesn't mean that she will get soft. It just means that some of your priorities must change.
With those changes... also comes the fear of very real loss.
That's how I see her. What are your observations about Rourke?
Even more fuel for my "Roarke is the new Element of Honesty" theory. Also, adorbs.
5085395
But for me, you will always be a ship.
5085535
Val Roa probably has other ponies on the Royal Hierarchy, so there can still be a Princess there, y'know. 5085316 With a faithful Diamond Dog companion.
5085728 Careful, Zaidy Waidy. You're a character in one of my stories now. Don't make me take off my belt.
5085738 Well, I'm not going to make you do it.
Wet Pussycat - Unida
Bonus 80's soundtrack reference.
Seven months and almost 1.6 million words later. I am finally caught up, and it is glorious. Onwards we go!
So that's why changeling aj happens, rainbow is loyal till the end. Its great she found love again with roarke. Most rare better know what she has is once in a lifetime...or 2.
5085921 5086141
You two are magical. Please be our friends.
See! The flame still burns!
Yay! A brief instance of me... I miss me.
5085738
5085757
You two are adorable and crack me up. Also, Swan, if you have a belt on that means you put things on in the first place, -expecting- to take them off...
5085395 I understand. I have been following this story since before Silvadel, at some point changed one word of my username to one that may sound like a character name, and now I stopped leaving chapters to accumulate, instead reading every chapter the day it's released, so I can comment at least five chapters a week. If I ever get a character named after me, I wouldn't want it to be just one of many, like you said.
Or maybe I should convince the author with the promise of Disney Princesses fanart, I guess I can draw that easier than ponies.
5086398
*reads Chapter Title*
It... it sure does, Tcherny.
Everypony talking about how wonderful it is to have your name in the story. I just want to say thank you to to IC for Nightshade. She might have been crazy and a little evil but I loved her. He really does find names that fit just perfectly. Kera, Zaid, Roarke, could any of us imagine them having any other name?
5087003
I really like the way how voluntary changeling feeding is becoming a thing. Having overcome the perceived invasiveness and real intimacy of the act, Rainbow and consorts are quickly turning it from an awkward 'Okay, do what you must' into MY BODY IS READY.
5085116 Well Ah'm not sure if Ah have mentioned this before, but...
5085308 statici.behindthevoiceactors.com/behindthevoiceactors/_img/chars/char_47997.jpg
...also, what is it with everyone and character naming in this chapter's comment section? C'mon guys, this is no Black Friday sale.
Roarke should give up on bounty hunting and just settle down as a Therapist.
Let it Go
5087071
Makes me wonder what their names were originally planned to be. Or if you were all named DickCheese or something.
I saw in Eljunbyro or somewhere someone thought the commenters named themselves after characters in the story.
5088767 I like to think that they have no set names before he choses one from the commenters. The question you should be asking though, is why does IC NEVER post a comment of his own?
5089284
I like his style, though. Creates an atmosphere of speculation. And you get to say pretty much whatever you want.
Oh, man, if a new chapter doesn't get posted in the next five minutes, the world is gonna end!
In his public interviews, shortskirtsandexplosions uses the a-word to describe his “good friend” Imploding Colon. No, not that a-word.
5089887
Adorable?