When the Goblins Go to Market
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
Jex's face was bloodied and bruised. The imp drooled constantly, his head bobbing with each motion of the goblins dragging him by his arms. He tilted his weary head up, squinting down the line of chanting, yelling figures. Goblins of all shapes and ugly complexions were howling at him, spitting at him, pumping their fists into the air and chanting the same word voer and over again.
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
“Runt!”
At last, the goblins carrying Jex brought him to the center of a shantytown of rusted buildings and platforms, erected in the center of a gigantic gravel quarry. Hundreds if not thousands of imps had gathered around the scene, cheering with bloodlust as Jex arrived at his destination.
With angry grunts, the imps manhandling him threw him onto the stone floor.
“Oommf!” He winced, coughing up blood and clutching his shattered ribcage. He tried crawling forward, but an imp or two rushed in, giving him a good savage kick in the sides. Yelping, Jex rolled over, facing the blinding sun. To his meager relief, a crooked metal leg blocked the bright light, followed by another arachnid limb of rusted construction.
“Silennnnce!” shouted the voice of a goblin security guard.
The chanting finally... finally died down, and in its place Jex's twitching ears heard the muffled hum of age-old cylinders and gears clicking against one another. A bulbous shadow loomed above him.
“Who...” A deep voice crackled through a worn set of speakers. “Who is this runt that the Green Bandits have dragged in before me?!”
The crowd answered ravenously.
“Jex!”
“Jex!”
“Jex!”
“Jex!”
The battered goblin looked up, ears tearing from the sunlight.
At last, the bulbous shape came into focus; an animated metal spear on six jointed limbs. It teetered above him like a gigantic black widow. With a hiss, the front panel split open. Steam poured out like a suana, and once it dissipated there sat a wrinkly old goblin with multiple grizzled chins and a metal tube connecting from his mouth to the inner workings of the machine. The living torso of fat raised a flabby hand to silence the crowd, then narrowed his mucus-stained eyes on the imp beneath him.
“And Jexxxxx...” Most of his teeth were missing, and more steam poured out from his throat with each wheezing breath. “Would be so kind as to tell the Cartel why you have become a mere runt today?!”
Jex winced. His eyes darted around the crowd. All he saw was barred teeth and clawed fists. At last, with a regretful shudder, he said, “I lost the slaves...”
“You mean you lost my slaves!” The seated goblin's eyes flickered like red embers. “Foolish runt!”
The crowd around them whooped and hollered. On loud, clanking limbs, the half-imp paced around the bruised figure. Gravel and dirt sprayed in Jex's face with each heavy step taken.
“If this was just one mission, then it would be forgiveable. I, after all, am a goblin of mercy. Life gave me a second chance, so why not give all of my dear brothers the same!”
“Haman, please...” Jex sat up, wincing. “If I-I just had more resources! If I had some of the things you plan on giving the Lounge, I—”
“But don't you get it?!” Haman spun, leering. The heavy weight of his walker hovered threateningly above Jex's trembling figure. “I already GAVE YOU. A SECOND. CHANCE. RUNT!”
The crowd's voices lifted again. The bloodthirsty imps banged their wrenches and tools against the floor and walls of the quarry.
“I gave you... more than any Green Bandit has ever been given, and you shat all over it, ya worthless bedstain!” Haman resumed pacing, digging a shallow trench around the imp with his metal legs. “And why? Because of some... meddling 'Noble Jury?'”
“Haman, it's a Skystone ship!” Jex whimpered. “It's more advanced than anything the Lounge has got! Or even Val Roa!”
“Do not pretend to know what Val Roa has or doesn't have,” Haman said as he readjusted the tube running into his mouth. Breathing easier, he pivoted to look at Jex head-on. “Their business is my business. It was your job to find slaves so that we could mine faster and supply the Lounge in time for the upcoming exchange. Now. Where. ARE. THEY?!”
“Haman... B-Boss...” Jex shivered. “I-I can get the slaves! We just need to eliminate the Jury! They are—”
“Nothing but ponies, from what your lackeys told me!” Haman frown, chins wabbling. “They aren't even all deer! It is inconceivable that they could have overpowered the hundreds of imps I gave you to do your task with, skystone or not.”
“Boss, believe me. They're stronger than you think.”
“They obviously must be. So tell me, runt.” Schiiiing! One arm produced a blade that extended to the nape of Jex's chin. “Should I employ them in your place instead?!”
Jex gulped, quivering. Nevertheless, he summoned the strength to speak, his eyes trained on Haman's horrid features. “Boss, even if you wanted to take them down, you're going to need a Bandit who knows them inside and out.” Daringly, he pushed the blade down and leaned forward on his knees. “Send me after them, Boss. I don't even have to lead the team. But if you let me lend my eyes and ears, then I can help more Bandits of the Cartel track them down and kill them, Haman! Then the thorn in our side will be gone and we'll continue with the exchange!”
“Stupid runt. The exchange is going to continue whether or not these pretentious heroes are sent to suck on their dead mothers teats.” Haman reached up and scratched his hairy chins. “However... these 'Jurists' sound stupid enough to challenge us if they catch wind of the Northern Campaign.”
“I won't let that happen, Boss!” Jex said, panting. “Just give me one last chance! I beg you!”
“Hrmmmm.” Haman leaned back in the walker. “Very well... you will continue to be the Cartel's eyes and ears.”
“Ohhhh...” Jex slumped back, exhaling with relief. “Thank you, Boss.”
Whurrrrrr-Cl-Clak! One metal arm latched around his shoulder. “However...” Haman glared. “...you've proven to be useless with your arms and legs.”
“No...” Jex stammered, pupils shrinking. “N-no!” Whurrrrrr! He was hoisted up in the air, then slammed back down. He thrashed and wriggled as two more of the metal legs rushed at him, armed with tasers and buzz saws. “No no no no—Please, God, no—”
His screaming could be just slightly heard over the sound of ripped flesh and crackling bone. Haman squinted through the sprays of hot red blood, unfazed. Twenty seconds later, once the task was done, Haman pivoted in his walker and tossed two limbs into the crowd—a right arm and a left leg. The imps cheered and juggled Jex's dismembered body parts, bouncing them gleefully from one end of the quarry to the next with resounding whoops and whistles.
“There... an fair exchange.” Haman let go of Jex, allowing a pair of guards to drag his writhing, bloodied figure towards a shack across the clearing. “You still have a leg to hop to your commanding imp's comands.” A slobbery smile. “And a hand left to wipe his subordinates' asses.”
The crowd hollered and laughed. As the imps gradually broke up, returning to their tasks all across the quarry, Haman lingered in place, rubbing his chins and thinking.
“Hrmmmm...” He turned and whistled towards the nearest guard.
The imp walked up, holding a rifle. “You called, boss?”
“With the slave shortage, just how behind are we in paying those damned lizards?”
“We need twenty more tons of ore, boss,” the goblin said. “We could reel most of the Bandits back in to work double-time in the mines, but that will deplete our forces by nearly half.”
“And we need them ready for the Northern Campaign.” Haman inhaled, then breathed out a cloud of steam. He blinked. “How many Bandits do we have enlisted from the Northeast Tribe?”
“Easily fifteen hundred strong, boss.”
“Do they have women and children?”
“Oh, absolutely! You know how those Northeasterners love to breed.”
“Hmmmm... indeed.” Haman pivoted about. “I want you to send five companies. Round up all of the families left in their hovels and send them down into the mines.”
“Right now, sir?”
“Don't question me, runt.”
The goblin winced and nodded. “Sure thing, boss.”
“Besides...” Haman shuffled off on rusted limbs. “It's not like their husbands and sons are going to survive the attack anyway. Now go.” He glared, breathing steam. “And send all available forces to track down this 'Jury' and murder them. Meanwhile, I'm going to be talking with our contact. Things are coming down to the wire, and if there's anything I hate it's a last second business deal.”
CLACK! And the plates of his bulbous cockpit slammed shut.
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Y'know...
I don't think I like these goblins anymore.
5177762
WHAT DID I TELL YOU, YOU VILLAGE IDIOT
NONE OF THEM CAN BE TRUSTED, NOT A SINGLE ONE
THEY SHALL ALL BE IMPALED BY THE SPEAR OF VAL ROA
sorry, i get excited when i'm right. i didn't mean that.
Ah well. Kind of cool that Jex is still around, it's good that he's not throwing away named characters. Was kind of expecting the king goblin to be named Rust, though.
With the Jury down quite a few members this is going to be one tough fight for them.
...Porky?
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090509121342/earthbound/images/1/1f/PorkySSBB.jpg
Lots of creepy metal people today. First, there was Mr. THERE ARE NO STRINGS ON ME and now this dude.
5177762 Agreeeeeeeed.
5177762
When did you ever did?
5177762 You liked them in the -first- place?
I don't like the sounds of this Northern Campaign. They're working with the Lounge and from what mister Haman Big Bad Spider Boss (what IS it with IC and spider bosses?) he's got contact inside... not good.
I about pitched a shit-fit thinking that was Pestiferous.
Thirty sit-ups, ):(. Knock 'em out!
There's alllllways a bigger douche...
Begging for second chances to take the jury... missing limb(s)... repeating patterns.
Looks like evil spiders are gonna be a theme, first Lady Pestiferous and now this twat.
Oh yeah, he definitely isn't working for someone on the Council.
Well, thats hardcore. Sounds like this douche needs an attitude adjustment "most rare".
This guy is rubbing his chins so much he's like a second Josho.
Like Pestiferous, except more of a mobile Jabba the Hutt and less starved skin and bone.
Three guesses who their "contact" is.
Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of Pestiferous.
Haman's back in use...this time as Jabba the nasty-ass cyber goblin. Also, that was a nasty experience for Jex.
I, for one, am curious about the details of this Northern Campaign and how it relates to the issue at hand in Val Roa.
Those Lounge lizards are up to something fishy. Will Roarke and the
Noble Jury be able to survive the imminent goblin shitstorm? Could
Chrysalis be the one behind all of this crud? I haven't forgotten how
she infiltrated Ledomare and Xona, causing all out war. She's obviously
capable of turning all the Soul Sentries into changeling artillery. It's no
wonder the Jury got shot down by giant green fireballs. Only changelings
or Chrysalis herself could have that kind of firepower.
The Goblins are coming and the Juries Down?.. who is going to wear Rourkes old suit, given it needs a mana interface due to her neural links.
Josho needs heavy assistance as that shotgun of his is good for close in porting, but want to make room for him to get in and out, dropping in is ok when they dont have weapons and spiky things, but not the flood.
Props needs to work on the steam vents, forming and tuning them to give supersonic blasts with acoustic overtones.
Either that, or all thats left is Wizball, and a perfeclty innocuous part of forest that in no way has the currently immobile Jury hidden below it.
Well, you know what Will smith says when faced with a giant mechianical spider? Welcom to Hurt.
He had the special.
5178427
Sharp Quill or Fishberry. probably Fishberry imo.
But Chryssie either way.
For a moment there, I thought the Spider Queen of Searo was leading the imps.
Dude reminds me of the Goblin King from the Hobbit... 'cept in a goddamn spider mechanism suit. That shit be terrifyin'.
An exchange with lizards? This can't be good. And this Haman fellow does not seem like he would be fun at parties.
5177878
Alright from this chapter onward I, Neon Beat, swear to be on the Jake the Army Guy workout plan. Daily updates mean daily workouts. Gotta get more in shape now that roller derby season is over.
5178901
You're fucked, dude. Good luck.
5178901
5178921
Heh...
5178934
All respect to that guy, though. That's a good idea, to actually follow your orders. Maybe I should try it.
Jks lol im a duchess and your CO haha nope
5178901
I need to get back to doing it. I stopped at some point for whatever reason.
Oh, what a delightfully contemptible villain! We'll all be pretty happy to see him die.
He should search for a human named Chell. I understand she's good at murder.
Well that was needlessly cruel...
5179288
Yes, Godspell is the best thing. The music is great.
But yeah, I can see that fic working. I'll be watching for it.
5179288
5178472
I read the beginning of your post in Radio Narrator Voice:
OH! So Haman has bitten off more than he can chew and now goblins like Jex are paying for it.
He sounds like a coke smuggler without any customers.
A conversation between Josho and Haman would probably be interesting.
And please, for the love of god, do NOT let Zaid speak to Haman. Actually, keep them away from each other. There'll be a lot less bodies that way.
Steampunk Spider Goblin Imp Big Boss is here.
I suppose the contact is not even Queen Cheeselegs, the corruption in Val Roa seems to be so much that they all have their own hidden agendas.
5176099 Perhaps.
But rather I think that each place will hold a chapter. From Windthrow to Silvadel; Ledomare to Xona's battlefront; Durandana to Val Roa's environs, they will all remember the light and colour that Rainbow brought into their lives.
How despite the misery and pain, as they struggled against outside forces, Harmony brought about the change that really mattered. These stories will be passed, in every town, village and people, from father to son, mother to daughter until the end of time...
And she shall ever be remembered for the brief moments that she was with them.
Should another traveller ever follow that epic journey, perhaps they could collect each chapter and add it to the final Book of Memories for a character that was larger than life in both word and deed.
also, GRRRRRRR
im so used to there being hundreds of chapters i can still read! so used to just keeping on reading! im not used to having to wait for the next chapter to come out!!! 
Well, guess we won't be seeing any of 'me' any time soon XD
5178427 for a bit i was thinking the same thing
upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/87/Jabba_the_Hutt.png
So a few more clashes with the Jury and he'll be all out of limbs.
5176099 Luna and Celestia will remember, at the very least. Two immortals whom you consulted with every month are enough to pass down the legend to those you loved the most.
Spear Spider chair? That is unnecessarily cool. Also can I just say? When I first read those lines I was terrified that somehow Pestiferous had survived and made it all the way here.
So, as everyone else said, Pestiferous scare there. Apart from that, we know the gobbos and the Lounge are working together for...something
5182542
I remember. Silver strips (or was it leather?), goblins, demons. Living Pony batteries. Eating trash without grasshoppers.
But this is Austraeoh. RD is awesome enough to prevent that reality from ever taking place
I really hate these goblins.
-Spirit
5181876 Wow you done goofed there mate.
What a . . . colorful culture. Yeah, I think these goblins are far worse than how they've been presented thus far.
Not that I don't think the Jury could handle them but...theyre kinda split with two of the strongest Jurists (3 if you count Floyd) are away.
5184337 That's well and good but remember, when/if Rainbow gets to the dark side, she will no longer have any contact to anyone including the Princesses
Wait, how are they going to power the NJ without RD?