Once More, Jurists, Unto the Drink
"Therrrrrrrre she blows!" Zaid smirked out the Noble Jury's windshield. He pulled at the ship's controls, bringing the vessel to a steady glide above the rampaging goblin vehicle. "Gotta hoof it to ya, Floyd-Floyd!" He grinned over his shoulder. "I'm getting the hang of this! Sure, you might make Nancy purr... but I can make her sing!"
"Quiet, you!" With sparkling antlers, Floydien marched out onto the windswept deck. "Just keep Nancy steady so Floydien can turn the green boomers into charred boomers!"
"Not so fast, Mr. Floydien!" Booster Spice shouted. He and Josho galloped from the rear stairwell, heaving a heavy metal rig over their shoulders. "Nnnnngh!" Cl-Clank! They slapped down a miniature, crystal-powered turret onto the starboard side railing. "This is just the moment I've been waiting for!"
"What are you even spitting about?"
"Nothing against your space horns, big guy," Josho said. "But I've always felt the Jury needed a bit more 'oomf'."
"So I spent the last three weeks working on a new defense system using Roarke's backup weaponry!" Booster chirped pleasantly, fastening the turret into place. "It could come in handy if things get tougher between here and Val Roa!"
"And who better to test it on than these morons?" Josho pointed. "Hope we're not stealing your red-nosed spotlight."
"Floydien doesn't see why we can't both shimmer glimmer."
"Just start firing already!" Bellesmith grunted, trotting up with Kera on her backside. "The longer they ride off with those poor children—"
"Yes yes yes." Floydien was already pivoting with his horns aglow. "Spot for Floydien!"
"On it!" Kera's voice cracked as she stared down a pair of levitating binoculars. "There's a clearing in the trees ahead! Five seconds!"
"Steady..." Booster gestured to Josho as the obese stallion gripped the turret's handles. "Steady..."
"Aaaaaaaaand now!" Kera shouted.
TH-THOOM! The turret's discharge was almost enough to knock Josho and Booster across the deck.
P-POW! The blast formed a crater in the earth that rattled the truck's wheels. The vehicle below had to swerve left and right before accelerating once again.
"M-mother of chipmunk chunks!" Josho wheezed.
"Hrmmm..." Floydien's lips curved ever so slightly. "Floydien approves." Fl-Flash! Flash!
The elk's electrical bolts knocked one imp off the claw. The goblin went shrieking while his partner swung the crane around, switching the buzz saw for a missile launcher that he aimed up at the Jury.
Swooooosh! Rainbow dove in and bounced off the missile launcher like a trampoline.
Thwooooosh! The missile fired off-target, exploding into a line of trees to the vehicle's right. The truck nearly rolled off course, instead swerving through a row of bushes and barreling downhill towards the southeast.
"Doing good!" Rainbow Dash hollered, zipping up to the Jury's level and then darting back down. "Aim for the wheels! We gotta neutralize it and get to the foals inside!"
"Now we're in it deep," Josho said.
"Why's that?" Belle asked.
The stallion smirked as he reloaded the cannon. "This has gone on so long that Rainbow's had to say 'neutralize.'"
"Oh."
"Th-they're heading for a clearing!" Kera shouted above the binoculars.
"Then let's get this over with!" Booster shouted.
"Yes." Josho aimed down the cannon. "Let's." THOOM!
CRACKKKK!
The front right wheel well to the truck exploded, tearing out a chunk of the windshield along with it. An imp in the front passenger seat was instantly sucked out. He caught onto a bent bar of metal, clinging to dear life.
"No! N-no! Please, God, no—!" Wham! An errant tree branch struck his body, sending the goblin flying off into obscurity. "Nooooooo!/"
Jex grunted, collapsing besides the frightened foals. The truck slid downhill, its front right side spitting sparks from the collapsed wheel well. Nevertheless, the vehicle maintained its horrendous speed.
"The Boss is going to make you p-pay for that!" one imp said.
"Will you shut up about the Boss already?!" Jex hollered. "We can still win this!"
Th-Thap?! "Win what?!" Rainbow's voice cracked from where she suddenly perched on the truck's hood, grinning through the shattered windshield. "Aren't you on the wrong side?!"
Jex looked up, then sputtered, "Oh for crying out loud!"
"You?!" Rainbow giggled and giggled some more. "Really?! You again?! Jeez, dude, your mother must have given birth in a hot air balloon to have dropped you on your head that hard."
"Scram!" Jex shouted. "Or we'll take down your whole ship!"
"Wow, I can't decide if you're serious or just stupidly cute."
Cht-Chtckk! Jex cocked a pistol and yanked a gasping foal under his arm, pointing the gun at his tear-stained face. "How's this for cute?!"
"Whoops!" Rainbow spread her wings and let the air jerk her out of sight. "Gotta go fast!"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaugh!" Jex hollered at the top of his lungs, firing several rounds out the windshield. The foals clasped their ears while the imps flinched and yelped. "Rrrrgh—God! I hate that pony! I hate her!"
"Just a little bit further!" One imp shouted, pointing ahead at a looming ravine. "We can still lose them among the rocks!"
Fwoooosh! Up above, Rainbow ascended back to the Jury's level.
Floydien paused in blasting the truck's hull with several electrical beams. "Any luck luck with the suck sucks?!"
"Hold your fire," Rainbow grumbled. "It's a tight, hot, nasty problem inside that thing."
Zaid stuck his head out of the cockpit. "That's what she—"
"Get back to Nancy!" Floydien spat.
"One twirl of the pistol and they can put holes in all the kid's heads," Rainbow said, glaring at the truck as it made for the stone chasms ahead. "I can't get inside without risking any of the villagers' foals."
"Well, there must be some way of getting them out safely!" Belle exclaimed. "Within minutes, they'll be where the Jury can't reach!"
"Come on, Rainbow!" Kera exclaimed. "We can get 'em!"
"Not with only one way for me to enter the ship," Rainbow said.
"So let's make another hole!" Booster patted the smoking turret's barrel with a proud smile. "We can totally do it!"
"Yeah, and fry a foal or two in the process."
"This would help if I knew the truck's weak spots," Rainbow thought aloud. "Darn it! I friggin' hate having to think during an action scene!"
"Why use your head, Rainbow, when you can use your zebra?" Belle asked.
Rainbow looked stupidly at Belle.
Belle smiled stupidly back at her.
"We're almost there!" the imp driver exclaimed, smiling through his sweat. "We can do this! The Boss won't kill us after all!"
"Just drive straight!" Jex said, shoving the foal back with the other seven. He reloaded his pistol, gritting his teeth. "I don't want anymore screw ups! Especially with—"
Something round and spherical zipped past the shattered window.
"... ... ..." Jex's eyes darted left and right. "What in the Hell was—?"
Thwissssssssh! The O.A.S.I.S. sphere flew directly into the truck's interior. It stopped on a dime, strobing a red laser-light that swept all across the bulkheads and consoles.
"Does that belong to the Jury—?"
"Get it!"
"Don't get it! Hit it!"
An imp dove for it. The sphere jerked away with a whistling noise. Another imp dashed forward, swinging a crowbar. The O.A.S.I.S. sphere darted towards the floor, causing the imp to hit his friend's face instead. Blood and teeth glistened in the object's manalight as it took two more sweeps, then zipped out of the vehicle before Jex could even aim his pistol at it. As it flew outside, the goblins could see Rainbow flying past the truck—a zebra dangling from her grip. The stallion tilted his head aside and waved with a smile, all the while the sphere returned to a choker around his neck and pulsed a beam of data to his runic plate. Just like that, the two ponies flew up out of view.
"What... j-just happened?" Jex muttered.
"Uhhhh..." One goblin gulped. "I think the thing just scanned us."
"Scanned us?!" Jex spun about, sneering. "What for?!"
Fl-Flash! Josho materialized in front of the foals with a grin... and a shotgun. "Candygram!" BLAM! He fired into the dashboard from across the interior.
"Aaaaugh!" the driver flinched, showered with sparks.
The vehicle swerved hard to the right, knocking Jex to the floor. "Ooof!"
Meanwhile—"C'mon, kiddies!" Josho wrapped his strong forelimbs around all of the foals, hugging them towards him. "Stick close to Uncle Josho! That's right—fat teddy bear all up in this b—" Fl-Flash! They all vanished in a pulse of mana.
"Jex!" the pilot shouted.
"Dammit..." Jex punched the floor with a little green fist. "Dammit dammit dammit!"
"Jex!"
"WHAT?!" Jex spun, snarling. The world lit-up in front of him, and his pupils shrank. "Oh no."
Every goblin inside the truck screamed—
—as the runaway vehicle drove clear off a cliff, plummeting towards a trickling river far below. Several goblins peeled out of the vehicle, only to fall alongside the hulking dead weight. Within half-a-minute, their bodies made lame splashes in the drink below, only to be swept off in the merciless rapids.
Meanwhile, up above, Josho released his grip of the timid foals.
"Is that all of them?!" Belle yelped, galloping forward along with Kera. "Please tell me that's all of them!"
"I grabbed everyone I saw," Josho said, holstering his shotgun. "Eight little scamps."
"That matches what O.A.S.I.S. counted," Pilate said, wheezing slightly as Rainbow Dash lowered him down to the windswept deck. "Eight foals total."
"Oh, bless the Spark!" Belle squatted low and swept the more distraught colts and fillies into a hug. "There there... you are safe now! We'll get you home to where your parents are waiting for you!" She smiled, sniffling. "I promise."
"Hey!" Kera waved at a few of the blinking foals. "My name's Kera! And I run this place!"
"Kera..." Pilate started.
"Wooohooo!" Props galloped out of the stairwell, did a victorious cartwheel, and skidded to a stop with flouncing ponytails. "We did it! They should re-name Nancy 'Goblin Hunter!'"
"Heh... sure..." Zaid put the ship into a slow drift and trotted out of the cockpit. "But I'm not sure if Clopcom would approve."
"Hrmmf..." Floydien marched past him. "Cult boomer gets less funny funny each day."
"... ... ...Clopcom Hyper Turbo Edition?"
"Well, if you ask me, Josho and Pilate are the stallions of the hour!" Booster Spice said, grinning. "And here I selfishly thought my new cannon would steal the show."
"Please..." Pilate turned towards him with a smile. "It was entirely a group effort, as ever."
"Well, I don't mind boasting," Josho said, still trying to shake loose a trembling foal clinging to his hoof. "Hey... the tender moment's come and gone, kiddo. Urinate on somepony else, will ya?"
"Hold on a second," Rainbow said, hovering again. "Show's not yet over."
"It isn't?" Props asked, blinking.
Fwoooosh! Rainbow dove off the ship's edge while every Jurist craned their necks to watch.
"Nnnngh!" Jex hissed, his claws clinging to the edge of a petrified tree branch stretching over the edge of the penultimate cliff. Below him, his partners sputtered and treaded water at a frightening distance. One inch at a time, he worked his way up the tree.
And then the branch shook savagely from four blue hooves.
"Gaaaugh!" Jex winced, squinting up at the pegasus.
"Wow..." Rainbow blinked. "Not only are you lame, but you're—like—a living cliche too!" She smirked. "Or in this case, a dying cliche."
"Where... d-did you come from...?!"
"I've got a better question," Rainbow said, eyes briefly glaring. "Where were you gonna take those foals?"
"Screw you, pony!" Jex hissed. "I don't owe you anything!"
"You've certainly been giving us a lot to be cathartic about! I should almost thank you! But there's no time for that." She trotted forward along the branch, making it wobble more and more. "You know, the strangest thought occurred to me..."
"Guh!" Jex struggled to keep ahold as she made the branch shake more and more. "Mrmmmf!"
"A punk as desperate as you couldn't possibly go on this way if you were the one in charge," Rainbow said. "Besides, seems like the egoes of goblins is counter-intuitive to the fact that they're the size of hippopotamus boogers. So, lemme make an educated guess..." She leaned down, sneering into his green face "You're working for someone. And I'd like to know who that is."
"Go to Hell!" Jex sputtered. "The Cartel doesn't negotiate!"
"Well, then. The last time I owned your stupid ass, I gave you a threat. Since I hate repeating myself, this time I'm going to give you a message." Rainbow Dash stood right above is straining claws. "Tell your boss, your queen, your stock broker, your goblin king, your whoever—the Noble Jury is gonna fix Val Roa soon. And once they do, they're going to send every able-bodied pony in the kingdom down south to raze you little turdlettes off the face of the earth once and for all." She flapped her wings and lifted up. "You can count on that... like gravity!"
"Don't—!"
Rainbow coiled her wings tight, fell, and struck the edge of the branch with all four hooves. THWACK!
The whole thing shook like a spring, launching Jex off.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaiiiieeeeeeeeeeee—" Sploosh!
Rainbow yawned and flew back to the Jury.
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Well, so much for getting one step closer to totally stopping those goblins. Guess that'll have to come later. In the meantime, job well done, everyone.
And she pronounced it correctly, too.
Uh... when do you like to think?
I sense Floydien is channeling author author.
Gotta go fast! Gotta go fast! Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, Rainbow Dash!
I like this part.
5067478
When a wingboner is involved.
She freezes up and gets that far-away look...
Nifty use of zebra.
I doubt this is the last we'll see of Jex. He's like Shell... except, y'know, incompetent.
5065536 4... I started reading as the first one closed. And yes it does.
I love threats with weight!
Josho's entrance was awesome!
And as always, Rainbow Rocks. 
Back on the Noble Jury:
"Where is Jex?"
"I let him go."
5067235
That would be pretty cool. I actually barely remember making that comment as I was about a minute away from falling asleep, and I cracked up when I saw your reply because I had completely forgotten about it until then.
5067984
Yeah, I had completely forgotten how long you'd been commenting, that's why I put 2+. I only figured you had to have been around longer than Captain Filta had been.
fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2014/010/d/2/sanic_by_daltond-d71lysv.png
Title acquired?
Also, love RD's badass speech at the end. Truly first rate.
5068039
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5067742
Funny, I was thinking exactly the same thing. He's also nowhere near as persistant. I really hope he dies from that fall- even though I know that it's impossible to fall to one's death in fiction- because he's so terribly boring.
Stupid smiles all around!
Heh heh heh. These fight scenes are as awesome as they are funny.
Yaay. More advanced equipment allowed. You know, that Goblins buz saw on a maniple arm has given me an idea. I think Ill call it the Smart Gun.
Surely Rourkes old hydraulics would be useful in building it, but its the integration of the Nancy Janes controls for auto correction of the targeting, and a input connection for OASIS for illuminating the target in the first place. All we need then is to Runaway a little with the Smart Shells. 
The trick with the interior OASIS scan with Josho port? Can we call that the General ONiel? given its performance is out of this world?
Especially next time, Josho can port in with something that weighs the same as 8 foals, and leave it as a going away present? 
Ive just had an insane idea. Of piggybacking the OASIS scan beam through a 360 degree gem wrapped in a Smart Shell, then doing a swap in place with Joshos teleport. Course, I wouldnt expect him to be able to port anything large seperate from himself anywhere the same distance, but its amazing how delicate massive machinery is to a rock in exactly the wrong place.
Looks like the Jury,
<sunglasses>
Got the drop on Jex again.
EDIT
Insane beats Inane any day.
I know goblins are looking very loony tunes-y here, but they were going to enslave giraffes. They are kidnapping children.
After the entire business with Shell, I would expect the jurists to stop being so politically correct and actually kill them.
5068039
[insert obvious Commando reference here]
Another one...
You're reading now? What are you, an egghead?
And another...
Breaking the fourth wall is Pinkie Pie's job... oh... right.
too soon?
5068425
Jex is just a wanna-be small-fry. Rainbow is using him to send a message to the Shell-equivalent, this “Cartel.”
Besides, it wouldn't be Imploding Colon if it took less than two books to get rid of a villain.
Ah, a good day beating up Goblins and saving foals!
Would really like to know who these guys are working for though. I'm sure its not as simple as another Goblin.
I see Rainbow yelling "GG easy" after Jex the next time she sends him flying off.
5068836
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LOL candygram! Josho always gets my funny bone
. Also IC is showing his age with that reference.
gotta go fast
5068019
I see what you did there.
5069472 5068053
Excellent. 10/10
Wow.
Spoiler: The goblin leader is actually all four of these.
Just poking my head into the peanut gallery for a moment.
All I have to say is that I am enjoying this story tremendously and I am eager to see where it goes. I look forward to reading these chapters like a typical television viewer looks forward to a new episode of their favourite programme.
Thank you for entertaining us on a nigh-daily basis!
Since they're dealing with goblins instead of trolls, I feel dumb for coming up with this:
''Looks like trolls just got... trolled.''
I suck
5071924
I think all five would be nice. He's also a whoever, which in the goblin-tongue means something like 'Desecrator of Beauty' or something like that.
WOO! Jex is a recurring character! Lets keep that Team Rocket rolling!
5075938
Except Team Rocket was actually likeable even during their schemes. Jex deserves to die. I don't like Jex. He is evil.
I do wish we had some real Team-Rocket-like 'villains' though.
5067742 *sniff* That the... the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me! I'm the lamest recurring sort-of-villain and I'm proud!
5106508 sowwy you had to be a bad guy jex :L
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5076432 team rocket wasn't likable. That was just Jesse, James, and Meowth. The rest of the organization was pretty evil, to the point that the trio actually turned on them multiple times.
I love how incompetent Jex is. I just want to see him again so they can beat him.
-Spirit
Oh the irony. There's a parachute (I guess the bed blanket or bed sheet brand) ad right after Jex takes the fall. Knighty, I love you.
Yes, both of the quotes deserved their own laughing Dashies
I'm starting to realize, They are literally the worlds most badass Mercenary band. I mean you Have:
"The Scientist" booster,
"The Daredevil" Rainbow Dash,
"The Shock trooper" Josho ,
"The Heavy Weapons Specialist" Gotta be Roarke,
"The Duelist" Eagle eye,
"The Engineer" Obviously Propsy,
"The Pilot" Surprisingly enough Zaid,
on "Crowd control" We have Floydien,
"The Analyst" is obviously Pilate, Alternatively "The brains", It's his scans and plans that make so much of this run smoothly.
"The prodigy" Is Kera, With her ever growing impressive Magical prowess she stands to be the best of them all, but she's not quite there yet.
And Finally but perhaps most importantly "The Support crew" Belle and Ebon, Because no Badass band of heroes is complete without The ones who do all the cooking cleaning stitching up and everything else that keeps the team going, and sometimes get to play distraction or something else.
They've got the full set and then some. All we need is an infiltrator and I'm willing to bet that Ebon might take that role on soon enough.
This is the first story that has made me actually laugh out load for a long time.
Loving ):(
Some part of me wonders if the duchess is chrysalis, keeping Val roa trapped from the outside. We shall see.
Ah, nothing like some comic relief via the thorough beating of a few goblins.
6069330 you forgot Floyd "The Artillery"
No, it's "Curse you, Rainbow Daaaaaaaaash!". Get it right!
This is so great. Somehow it feels like the culmination of everything that's happened since the first chapters of Eljunbyro. The Noble Jury is a team, an unstoppable force of awesome and action. It's exciting, it's rewarding, it's fun, and it just feels right to see Pilate's O.A.S.I.S. and Floydien's antlers and Josho's teleportation being used all together for the benefit of helpless ponies.
It also, unfortunately, feels like an end.
Gentlemen...we now have a mortar.
Prime the artillery!!!
Spoken like a true scamp