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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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great stuff keep going
she's/ she has
Far as I'm aware, you should never start a sentence with 'and'.
meet
I'm really loving this story by the way.
7563215 Got them fixed. Good catches.
Thank you for enjoying my story.
You really are the sweetest stallion. Please don't ever loose that."
Should be
You really are the sweetest stallion. Please don't ever lose* that."
This keeps getting better!
That stallion is more stallion than most stallions!
Good chapter!
Now the big question: Will Strongbuck die a hero or live a hero? (That he is a hero is out of question.)
Hospitals aren't invented yet. (Maybe one pony will earn a red cross cutie mark next chapter.)
7562583
You can put things like this in the author's notes.
Thanks, by the way. Those pictures makes things easier to imagine.
Found two wild typos:
Ether "a foal" or "foals", but not like this.
At last two suggestions. (No typos.)
Better: "That's right, and you two are doing a wonderful job at that!"
I would reword that.
Fuck dude... Another excellent blood-pounding sequence! This story just keeps getting better!
These characters and the scenario of a budding civilization is so adorable.
While I doubt you'll kill any of those three off it was a well done part, I thought at first it would be a unicorn that came across to help out not those two coming back for him. There is one thing that I haven't realized is that, will you be explaining at some point what is controlling the sun and moon at this time? I know that it was stated before Celestia and Luna took over it had about 7 of the worlds most powerful unicorns working together to get it done. Or would there be other alicorns here as there seemed to be ancient ones given the temple image in Stranger Than Fanfiction episode.
7564246 You've been with foal twice!
I grew up with horses, and that term would be correct. When a mare is pregnant, we say that she is "with foal".
I combined the human way of saying "You've been pregnant twice!" to " You've been with foal twice!" to keep with the equine feel.
I would be happy to change it if enough people feels that it is wrong.
and found Bell Flower holding in her mouth, the same strange thing he saw on
I rewrote this sentence like five times and this is the best of all my versions. I agree that there is probably a better way to write it, but I felt I was butting my head against a brick wall trying to get it right. If anyone sees a better way to write that sentence then let me know in PM and I will happily change it.
I will go into the sun and moon, at a later time, as well as when they will first meet Unicorns and Pegasi. There is a lot to get into first, so I will have to take the story at a certain pace, or it will feel rushed.
As to Alicorns, I am not planing on creating any, but I am not ruling it out, if I need to. The only Alicorns I have planed at the moment is Celestia and Luna.
7563816 Got it thanks!
very interesting, though I wonder when they'll properly meet the unicorns and pegasi.
Just to let everyone know, due to a childhood injury, I am unable to smell anything.
I try to add smell into my stories but I am guessing at it. If at any point you think I got a smell wrong let me know. In this chapter I had to look up what a dog smelled like and the best description I got was that they were musty smelling.
7567139 I know this sounds weird, put the fact you had to look up a smell is freaking adorable!
7567139
Trying to describe a smell is like trying to describe a color, without a point of refrence its really hard. And your comming from the other side, so major kudos. For me the smell of dog is like a smell between soil and freshly cut wood. Again with the point of refrence. But musty comes from the wet fur mixing with the dog smell. In the future you could probably describe the smell by how the individual feels about the smell. As in this case the pony might have had an instinctual revulsion to the smell as the predator/prey relationship would go beyond memory. Also smell is tied to memory so whenever a wolf attack victim smells the scent they will instantly remember the event or emotion they last smelled it. So trying to describe something subjective like smell might be the wrong way of going about it.
OK... I'm starting to hear dialouges from the Civilizations series trailers and opening ahhh... played to many civ games.
Just saying. I do love your story though. I came expecting clop, but now I respect this story too much. Thank you sir, (or madam, not sure and I don't want to jump to conclusions) you've made me want more substance than what I usually read. Thanks, bye!
7936664 The correct pronoun for me would be "Sir".
Thank you for enjoying my little story and I hope you will continue to enjoy it.
I'm gonna be honest, I get way too attached to these characters and when they die, I'm left broken and devastated. I'm not sure if I'm gonna wanna finish this. I'm just too damn soft.
8216119
Be heartened and stay strong. Take comfort in knowing that I like happy endings.
I only discovered this story tonight (congrats on feature BTW) and I'm loving it so far. I want to just keep reading this now, but I unfortunately need to sleep. You've created an amazing story with an extremely believable world, and I look forward to reading the rest over the next few days and weeks. ;)
- the.
8646620
Oh snap!! Its 1am! Dangit!!
8646620
I just noticed your post here and I'm not sure what you meant when you said (congrats on feature BTW)
This story is quite nice so far, sort of right up my alley for the most part!
"Ether" A flammable liquid; the upper regions of the air beyond the clouds.
"I don't hate a flammable liquid of you." or "I don't hate the upper regions of the air beyond the clouds of you."
I believe this is supposed to be "either."