Student and Teacher, Servant and Mistress, Citizen and Ruler, Friend and...Lover?
***
"Twilight Sparkle doesn't read books," Celestia happily reported, "she stares them into submission until they give her the information she needs."
"One time." Twilight stressed with a groan.
"Nightmare Moon checks her closet for Twilight Sparkle every evening." Luna offered smugly. Twilight's crimson face shrank further behind the book, her glower solidifying.
"Once!" She hissed.
"The bars in Tartarus aren't there to keep the villains in," Cadance's face held an aura of supreme gravity, "but rather there to keep Twilight Sparkle out."
Twilight groaned a mighty groan.
"Time passes because it's trying to get away from Twilight Sparkle." Luna smirked.
"Twilight Sparkle does not sleep," Celestia began.
"That one is true." Twilight sighed in relief.
"She spends periods of time influencing the world with her sheer will alone to make mortals feel comfortable."
"ONE TIME!" Twilight snapped, her book flying out from under her rising form. "I blow up a mountain battling one supervillain and suddenly it's all "Twilight did this to Tirek" and "Twilight made Tirek feel like this", and now it's like I can't go anywhere without hearing one of you break into these stupid, unfunny jokes! Is it too much to ask that ponies stop making me seem like some impossible being just because once--once--I got hopped up on our combined magic and blew up some rocks and your average bad guy with it?!" Twilight seethed, panting herself into a more stable, calm variation on her righteous fury.
"It's alright, Twilight," Cadance gave a devilish smile. "I know how we can make Celestia stop cracking them, at least." She gave an aside glance to Luna, who nodded and turned to look at Celestia with a gaze not unlike a wolf cornering an elk. Celestia only raised an eyebrow.
"Twilight Sparkle once paid a visit to Equestria's Virgin Princess." Luna spoke with diabolical glee. "She is now "The Princess"."
Celestia swallowed hard on nought but air, devolving into a set of wheezing coughs. Twilight, for her part, had to give a nervous giggle.
"Princess Celestia has to cast birth control spells before Twilight Sparkle enters the palace, for fear she may grow pregnant simply upon hearing the sound of her voice." Cadance smirked. Celestia's coughing fit continued, and Twilight turned crimson, but broke from giggles into laughter.
"Twilight Sparkle can make Celestia's tail raise by idly thinking about her."
"Princess Celestia sometimes screams Twilight Sparkle's name out simply by thinking about her."
"That one is true!" Twilight blurted out between giggles. Celestia's coughing fit ended in a mortified cry.
"The War Between The Two Sisters happened because I realized that, some day in the future, my sister would have the chance to bang Twilight Sparkle and I would not."
"Twilight Sparkle can put Celestia in heat by walking past her."
"Celestia needs a cold shower every time Twilight Sparkle's name is mentioned in her presence."
"Twilight Sparkle can put Celestia in motions with a flick of her wing." Twilight offered. She turned to Princess Luna. "Twilight Sparkle can make Princess Luna worship her own moon." And then at last to Cadance. "Princess Cadance married Shining Armor because the intensity of pure Twilight Sparkle was too much love for her to handle." The entire table fell silent, staring at the pony in question. Twilight tilted her head. "What? Only you three are allowed to make stupid jokes about me?" Twilight grabbed her book, summoned a pair of sunglasses and added a cocktail for her to sip lazily to her summon at the last moment. "I'm Twilight-roundhouse-kick-Sparkle. I do what I want."
And that was the day when the three Princesses of the court--to the great relief of Twilight herself--decided Twilight Sparkle jokes were no longer funny.
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Oh my god, I can't breathe!
That's the first time I heard something like that. I can't even. Though Twilight can.
Oh god. Air. I need air.
The sun shines because it's so hot for Twilight Sparkle.
Night falls because it trips over it's own hooves while thinking about Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight Sparkle doesn't actually have a horn. That's her brain reaching out through the front of her skull to get you.
Twilight Sparkle doesn't teleport herself to her destination, she teleports the rest of the universe so her destination comes to her.
Space exists because Twilight Sparkle wanted a place to keep all her stuff.
There is no nuclear strong force. Atoms stay together because they know what Twilight Sparkle will do to them if they don't.
Friendship isn't really magic, it just does what Twilight says.
Holy... I like this. It deserves my comment.
5291474
King Sombra was once wrestled into submission by Twilight Sparkle's shadow.
Twilight Sparkle once built a book fort as a filly. Today, thousands of ponies live in it and call it, "Canterlot."
Changelings no longer attempt to disguise themselves as Twilight Sparkle. The last one to try exploded from the sheer magnitude of
awesomenessadorkableness.Books were originally invented by a villain as a means of distracting Twilight Sparkle. It remains unclear to evil-doers if this was a good idea or not.
Twilight Sparkle's cutie mark does not reflect the appearance of the Tree of Harmony. Rather, the Tree is Twilight's Number One Fan, and grew that way to impress her.
Twilight Sparkle invented time just as a means of challenging herself by making it more difficult to be in two places at once.
There is no such thing as Magic. It is merely the universe's way of trying to stay on Twilight Sparkle's good side.
Twilight Sparkle caused the Big Bang as a filly the first time she tried to light a candle with her magic.
Death has an agreement with Twilight Sparkle. It stays out of her way, and she lets Death live.
Star Swirl the Bearded gave up magic and became an actuary after he peered into the future and saw Twilight Sparkle.
Gravity exists because Twilight Sparkle wanted a way to keep her stuff together.
Books are not written for Twilight Sparkle to read. The words assemble and arrange themselves out of fear of disappointing her.
I decided this was just too good of an idea to let die, so I've started a thread in the "BadassTwilight = Total Domination" group forum!
Twilight Sparkle TRUE! FACTS!
Accurate.
I still think of it when I watch S2E25 and S2E26