You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on! If this message goes away after a few seconds, ignore it, javascript support sometimes takes a few seconds to detect.

Featured In16

More Stories6

  • E Progress

    58,495 words · 14,351 views  ·  1,629  ·  35
  • E Doctor Whoof: First Impressions

    Every new companion has a first impression of the TARDIS, regardless of the Doctor.
    1,546 words · 4,001 views  ·  186  ·  2
  • T Pony Tales: Belle Runner

    Even in a world of magic talking ponies, weirdness exists...
    14,080 words · 1,701 views  ·  119  ·  2
  • E Vale Decem Equis

    A Doctor Whoof take on the last scenes of "The End of Time".
    3,572 words · 2,729 views  ·  117  ·  2
  • T A Twilight and Trixie Story

    Just a bit of fun with the Twilight and Trixie shippers. Please don't kill me.
    2,021 words · 4,506 views  ·  223  ·  8
  • T A Prince of Mars

    The prince of Mars returns to Equestria to catch up on what his sisters have been up to.
    6,454 words · 2,620 views  ·  189  ·  17

Blog Posts111

  • Today
    Happy Thanksgiving, Everypony!

    I hope it is safe, fun, and not too awkward with all those relatives to deal with.

    And if it is, there's always food.

    1 comments · 8 views
  • Sunday
    Request for Aid, Please

    My friend, Sage of Toads, needs some help. He has a job but is getting insufficient work hours. I know, I know: I ask a lot from you and I have delivered so little lately. But I only ask for what aid can be given. He is the one who has helped me write and become a better writer. He is like my brother. I have lost a lot of family in my life, so I had to rebuild it from scratch. So please, if you have some cash just send a little of it off.

    So please, give it a shot. Just a few bucks, all I'm asking. If you wanted to send me money? Just send it to him instead. His Paypal email link:

    Thank you.

    1 comments · 69 views
  • 5w, 13h
    NEW JOB!

    A short term archaeology contract, only lasting a month at best, but hey! It is getting paid for something I want to do. However, it will take me to Iowa's cornfields and riparian environments, so writing is going to be even slower than usual. Let's see if anyone notices!

    12 comments · 127 views
  • 5w, 5d
    Hands Next Chapter at 90%

    This is going to be another change up in style for this series: A bit more serious, and telling things from the side of Earth post-Changeling War. But it will also introduce something crucial for Andrew Shepherd: A link back home.

    And thus, all his embarrassing exploits can at last be related back home.

    3 comments · 100 views
  • 7w, 6d
    "Hands" Now Available in German!

    Thanks to the extremely talented Wolfiewonk90!

    Give him props and danke!

    3 comments · 78 views
  • ...

A slightly more realistic take on the "Human in Equestria" story concept.

... For a given value of "realistic."

Most recently featured on September 29th, 2014. I can't remember all the other specific times this has happened, but each time was a huge honor and I thank you so much!

Now with an image graciously provided by Page Turner, and an audiobook version narrated by multifanficaday and if you prefer it in German, FrankyDoodle has got you covered!

And a TVTropes Page!

First Published
7th Mar 2012
Last Modified
19th Oct 2014
#1 · 142w, 1d ago · 6 · 6 · One ·

First! Better continue. This was funny as hell! As usual though. Everything you do is funny! My sides hurt! Like, pain! From laughing!

#2 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Oh, lord... This is either gonna be epic, insane, epicly insane or... fourth option?

#3 · 142w, 1d ago · 3 · · One ·

The beginning reminds me of those fluttershy-is-a-rapist threads on /mlp/

Fun fact: My name is Andrew

"Doctor Woof" - Doctor Whooves?

"I sighed and thrust the brush in and out, a lot harder than I had to."

Nuts? Tight? :pinkiecrazy:

>>296548 Nobody cares. Don't spam, please.

>>296558 Insanely epic!

#5 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Any story that can say "Don't eat me, I'll taste like I wet my pants!" is all right with me.

#6 · 142w, 1d ago · · 2 · One ·

>>296569 Not spamming, when I get first I get first, then I read, and edit my comment to something more intelligent, and relevant to the story I've read.

#7 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

That...was amazing. I would like more, please.

#8 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

>>296569.....You stole my line.

#10 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

This is hilarious, and if you decide to pick up on it after you finish Beating the Heat, I will not complain.

#11 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Geniune, honest-to-God slapstick. Write more, this is certainly interesting and very much compensates for the size of a human compared to a pony. Of COURSE we'd hit our heads everywhere, hahaha!

#12 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Now sitting on her knees, a curvy, purple unicorn girl like out of every furry's fantasies appeared. She smiled brightly.

"Does this help?" Twilight asked.

And you turned this down? :pinkiecrazy:

#13 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Very nice. I always like the subversion and inversion of our strange little fandom. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who remembers "hey guys, you do know we're all insane because of this, right?"

Because we are insane. COMPLETELY.

Also, my name is Andrew as well and so it's always a blast to see it on a character in a story.

That part with Twilight, though, seems so insanely out of character for her. Well, the very last bit. You know what I'm talking about.

But other than that, this looks interesting. I certainly love slapstick and the idea that the ponies pretty much abuse the character for his hands is a funny one that opens up all sorts of issues. Ear scritches come to mind. Massage. All sorts of things to really turn up the awkwardness and hilarity! :D


#14 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Needless to say, my first stop after breakfast was the carpenter's office.

Carpenter? Shouldn't it be chiropractor?:derpyderp2:

All in all, this was funny as hell. Keep it going! :pinkiehappy:

#15 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


Most definitely.

It's funny cause I put mental patients in locked rooms for a living.

#16 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

>>296840 With all due respect to Ms. Sparkle, I would turn it down, too.

...then again, AJ or Fluttershy...oh, Azura's Star, I've lost my sanity.

Oh, wait, I NEVER HAD IT! :pinkiehappy:

#17 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


Then I look forward to working on the patient-jackboot relationship someday.

#18 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Now obviously it's just a joke.

But logically speaking Twilight wouldn't need to interact with the protag to learn about the physical dynamics of sex since most mammalian reproductive physiology follows the same rules. She would only need to learn sociological aspects which would not be any trouble as pony society is a parallel idealized version of human society. So the only logical reason for her actions would be if her motivation was specifically to have sex with the protag and study was merely a pretense.

#19 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Good lord was that silly. At least it was the fun, entertaining silly. :raritywink: I'd love to read more.

#20 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


Psh. Jackboots. I wear comfy, super durable Merrell hikers. So glad they come in black.

#21 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

That was a pretty entertaining read.

Also: my name is Andrew as well :twilightblush:

#22 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

I approve of this fic... so very very much...

#23 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

>>296573 Lol.. Anthropology?

#24 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

I approve. 10 stars. :raritystarry:

#25 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


Not gonna lie. This was also my first thought. I demand more of this....whatever the hell it is. It's good, just not sure what it is. BUT I NEED MORE!

#26 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Very entertaining, you should ABSOLUTELY write more of this!

Tracking for great justice! :flutterrage:

#27 · 142w, 1d ago · 1 · · One ·


Insane? Nah, we're all normal. Its everyone else who is crazy.

Actually, when you give it careful consideration, it is not out of character for her. This is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about, the pony with a major OCD problem. If she bumped into a sentient species and knew nothing about them, she would, without a doubt, gather as much information possible.!!!

Besides, all of the mane six are adults for their race, and its already been concluded in various sci-fi series that as long as their sapient (and at least theoretically an adult) that its perfectly fine.

Now, moving on.

I'd hope that the next chapter or chapters explain how mister Andrew here got to Equestria in the first place, as well as his early interactions. As for the bits involving him bumping his head, to be honest, I've always been of the opinion that on average the ponies are only 6" to a foot shorter than we are. Plus, a number of their doors are big enough that, going with this premise, an average sized human would fit. They may just have to duck a bit. Of course, I go with this idea also because it makes a human slightly less intimidating.

I will say that I am also glad that you took that approach with regards to the matter of sex. I think in general almost (I stress the almost part) any human sent to equestria wouldn't even consider that until they had been there a while, and even then, they'd probably be a bit uncomfortable.

I'll freely admit here and now, that I would willingly tap an Equestrian, if they themselves were willing naturally. Its only beastiality if its with a non-sapient animal after all.

Why? One, because I'm open-minded. Two, because its Twilight Sparkle (who is the best pony :twilightsmile:) and three, because at this rate, I'm not getting anywhere with my own species. :pinkiesad2:

#28 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

i love this

#29 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Even in equestria, Politics is a bitch.

and I am ROTFLMFAO here.

and also this part cracked me up


"... Okay! I'm going to go now," I said quickly.

I would react more like:

"...How old are you mares again?"

followed by "...Bye"

#30 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


She wants to feel his HAAAAANDS

#31 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

So far this is great. I think everyone wh finds this will demand:flutterrage:MOAR!!

#32 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

So...Twilight tried to fuck him. Okay, I guess.

#33 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·


#34 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Now sitting on her knees, a curvy, purple unicorn girl like out of every furry's fantasies appeared. She smiled brightly.

"Does this help?" Twilight asked.

I'm not sure whether I should NOPE this into oblivion or feed it gustas. [/memestorm]

Definitely keep this going, your stories are some of the best ones out there!

#35 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Oh great. Twilight wants to 'experiment',

:twilightsmile: : "For SCIENCE!"

Fluttershy is cute and she knows it and uses it as manipulation on the poor Human :fluttershysad:

Rarity is Rarity (as usual) :raritywink:

In short, this is funny and I WANT MOAR!

#36 · 142w, 1d ago · · · One ·

Me gusta... tracking.

#37 · 142w, 23h ago · · · One ·

silly twi :twilightblush:

#38 · 142w, 23h ago · · · One ·

>>296952 Carpenter's place: to make a pine box for himself.

#39 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

Wow, that was an interesting version of HiE. I like it! :pinkiehappy:

#40 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

It's gonna be one of those days, isn't it?

#41 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

I could almost picture the protagonist, hanging upside down and wondering, "where did my life go so wrong, that this is now a calm day to me?"

#42 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

I don't know. Twilight may be recluse enough to shapeshift simply to get him to open up more... not to jump his bones. It's entirely possible she wasn't planning on getting down so much as to just get him to communicate in a more 'comfortable' setting, though obviously, that backfired, and Twilight's oblivious enough not to know why.

Or she did want his hands... and that's also cool, she can have my hands whenever she wants...

#43 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

Engaging, funny, well-written and I find pleasure in the pain and deadpan disposition of Andrew.

This is story is what it is, and what it is is what I just said a second ago.

Will track with the intensity of a thousand coke-sniffing eagles soaring through the air while on fire.

#44 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

something's wrong with me... I find this almst more funny that Beating the Heat... :pinkiecrazy:

moar handz, moar! XD

#45 · 142w, 22h ago · · · One ·

That was good!

#46 · 142w, 21h ago · · · One ·

This is too funny not to continue. The story MUST go on, that fate of the world depends on it!

#47 · 142w, 21h ago · · · One ·

>>298048 "I'd hope that the next chapter or chapters explain how mister Andrew here got to Equestria in the first place, as well as his early interactions." - Me too!!! The first contact is always the best part.

The story itself is well written and deserves MOAR without any doubt. MOAR!!!

#48 · 142w, 21h ago · · · One ·

that was a really funny story, please write more :applecry:

#49 · 142w, 21h ago · · · One ·

During the part with Twilight:

"What could possibly make this a more comfortable subject for me?" I complained.


Now sitting on her knees, a curvy, purple unicorn girl like out of every furry's fantasies appeared. She smiled brightly.

"Does this help?" Twilight asked.

Me: Instant terror. Stop reading, hit back button, check rating. Nope, still rated teen. Terror subsides, return to reading.

A funny little story with no real plot, not that that's a bad thing. Sometimes we all need a little randomness in our lives. I certainly enjoyed it. Here, have a track. :pinkiehappy:

#50 · 142w, 21h ago · · · One ·


:moustache: agreed, good man with the Equestrian/Human relationships.

I always heard that they were on average around 4ft, that's if you were to think on a realistic level. but judging that there has been no explanation to their height we can only guess to what their actual height is. :twilightsmile:

Login or register to comment