Thirty-Four
Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
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More slice of life shorts. Enjoy!
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So, the aftermath of my little misadventure out of the hospital got me put under house arrest. Nurse Redheart actually petitioned the Princesses to make me stop pushing myself, and for once they responded to her calls.
They actually visited me in my new home and very kindly and firmly told me that I was confined to my house until Nurse Redheart deemed me healed. And so, I was bandaged and forced to lay or sit down in my home. It wasn't entirely awful: My marefriends visited every day and we enjoyed various... Things.
Not just those things.
"You know, this information you've given me on Cargo Cults is fascinating," Twilight said as we lounged in the library. My marefriend had her head in my lap and I was stroking her mane. I chuckled and leaned back on the couch.
"Oh?"
She was flipping through the old book I'd dug out of the ancient human archives. "Yes... Association with food, supplies and so on... Thinking the planes were the source of it all. Based on a lack of understanding." She looked up at me. "It seems like humans have to use their creativity to fill in the gaps... When you don't have dieties."
"Sure we do," I said. "They're just more subtle."
Chrysalis, who was reading a book on beekeeping nearby, snorted derisively. "You humans and your gods," she huffed. "You used them to justify everything! Every victory, every set back, every little thing you blamed on your gods! Or thanked them for."
"Didn't seem to turn out badly," I observed. Chrysalis sniffed.
"So you would attribute your delusions of sky gods to your victory, rather than your inherent insanity?" Chrysalis snorted.
"You're just jealous that my gods kicked your gods' ass," I said flatly. The Changeling Queen rolled her eyes.
"We disposed of our gods long ago. They were more trouble than they were worth."
"You got that from Star Trek," I accused. Chrysalis looked affronted.
"I-I did not! How dare you say that!" She huffed. "In fact, I guarantee that my Changelings didn't let that pop culture nonsense corrupt them at all!"
"What's wrong with human popular culture?" Twilight asked. "Or our popular culture, for that matter?"
"Because it is for common consumption of the masses," Chrysalis snorted. "Inspiration churned out time and time again, cheap nonsense."
"And yet, that inspiration was a big part of what allowed humanity to beat you," Twilight said. "I think you're discounting it out of hoof because you don't want to admit it had something to do with your defeat."
Chrysalis's wings flared, and she snorted. Twilight just smiled, a bit nastily. The Changeling Queen growled.
"You're not the only one who can read emotions," Twilight said airily. Chrysalis snorted, and she flapped off downstairs.
"This from little miss Anal Retentive," Chrysalis short back. Twilight turned bright red. I blinked.
"Twilight? What's that-?"
"NOTHING!" Twilight said quickly. "J-Just talk about that-The cargo cult thing! Yes!"
I frowned. "All right... Well, the way it happened, as you said, was a false association... Causation does not imply correlation..."
"But in a world where all you have is faith, that's all you can rely on," Twilight said. "Phenomenology, I think it's called."
"Da da, da duh duh," I muttered. Twilight blinked.
"Huh?"
"Hm? Oh, just an old song," I said. I shook my head. "Though... I guess wonder how much the Changelings got from us. I mean, unconsciously."
"Because they feed on emotion, you think they might have absorbed... An aftertaste, so to speak?" Twilight suggested. I grinned.
"Exactly." I stroked her mane and she sighed. "You know, we connect so well it just amazes me sometimes how often we're on the same wavelength."
"Yeah," Twilight giggled. "So, what am I thinking right now?"
"What am I thinking right now?" I asked.
Twilight hummed.
- - - - - -
"All hail the great Atomic Apes!" A Changeling wearing a latex mask of Richard Nixon called, raising his hooves over his head. "HOMO SAPIENS IS HOMO SUPERIOR!"
"HALLELUIAH!" The assembled Changelings chanted, all wearing similar masks.
- - - - - - -
I stared at my marefriend. She stared back.
"That was-" I began.
"-Weird," Twilight finished.
We were silent for a bit longer.
"How long until Fluttershy gets back from her tour?" I asked.
"Three weeks," I sighed.
"Wonderful," Twilight mumbled.
"Turn down your incredulousness around the empath, won't you?" Chrysalis snorted.
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Uhhh....
mahna manah
6621007 Assuming production was high enough, the rate at which the machine worked vs the apples meant, even with those horrible numbers, the Apples would have won out.
Haggling for a slightly better price would have sufficed. The Flim Flam brothers are not villians. They are victims.
That was interesting
Y weird.
...What.
HAHHAHA! That (wiping a tear from my eye) was funny!
Oh god! Those changelings
Yay another chapter!
6628238 So I guess this means my likeness is the cherngelerng Devil... since I want to burninate them all.
6628226 Until the fake tonic scheme.
NOW they're villains. But still just basic shysters and snake oil salesmen.
6628226
They're snake oil conmen. For all we know the machine could have busted down. Not to mention they accepted the competition knowing full well it'd put the oldest family in Ponyville out of home. That might be normal for our world, but this is Equestria. You don't drive someone homeless so you can make some quick sales. They are not victims. You might be able to argue they're just businessmen, but that doesn't lift the burden of morality from their shuck and jive-haulin' backs. We might say they aren't necessarily villains, but they're sure not good people, and DEFINITELY not victims. A later episode even proved that they're more than willing to make potential victims of their products so long as they can't be held legally accountable.
Flim and Flam are not good guys, they aren't heroes, they're not normal-folk, and while they're certainly no Tirek they ARE antagonists with low morals or care for their fellow equine along the lines of Lightning Dust. End of story.
6628875
6628891 They were innovators with a machine that did exactly what they promised, driven to desperation after their reputation was thrown against the rocks. Like Trixie, losing to the Main Six drove them to darkness, and they took up, well, flim flam to make ends meet, and let their dream of being pioneers die quietly behind them.
That was fun, may I have another? Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
6628623 I thought you were dead(ish) after Doombreed decapitated you, Doomrider.
6628945
None of that matches canon, either by display on the screen, informed rationalization, or even competent conjecture.
Ergo this is entirely your headcanon. Please do not attempt to spread headcanon as fact, it tends to lead to messiness.
Best human.
Whatever you say, Klingon.
You're enjoying this.
Aw, but where's the fun in that?
That was fun. There's quite a bit to consider for a sub-kiloword chapter. The cultural development of two competing species is a fascinating topic, to say nothing of that imagine spot.
Hail Nixon!
So, was that a shared imagine spot between the two of them?
6628945 Given that they were happy to throw the Apples off their farm, after trying to force them to take a deal that would have financially ruined the Apples anyway... I find it very hard to feel sympathy for them.
Next time Chrysalis needs to feed, Andrew should start singing 'The Song that Doesn't End' and see what happens.
6631912 memecrunch.com/meme/4J9Y7/i-second-that/image.jpg
This has been an old piece in my favourites list, sadly, whilst its still good, its not good enough.
Um... what?
6628220
6664540
Looks like a Man Kzin wars shout out. After losing four wars in a row the Kdaptist cults was founded. Worshippers wore human masks, hoping to fool God long enough to get a victory over humans.
...........
6700942 I think this one was a while ago.
10 more days and it is officially 2 months since the last update.
Is this story dead?
The main character is eerily similar to me...
Anyone else hear this?
this is a good story, just want to know more on what happens.
This History Is Dead ?
Please, update!
UPDATE
UPDATE
UPDATE
When's the next update?
7561249 In a few years when Andrew gets drunk some night and writes a chapter out of nostalgia.