Neon Genesis Evangelion reference?

>>508116508116

Yes, in fact. Though it's just inspired by the title structure rather than the show itself.

Nice, can't wait for the next chapter!

No, I mean I literally can't wait..., post the the chapter please....

I have enjoyed reading these chapters, I look forward to more.

I want more of this

Sincerely the Doctor

This has gained my interest, will wait a maximum of one week for the next chapter

Hehe. Skarmory.

I have been waiting for someone to recognise and try something like this. Saves me from having to do it!

I read on with great anticipation!

Image: http://i1096.photobucket.com/albums/g329/f_this1/Pny/15720-20food20macro20pinkie_pie20popcorn-1.jpg

Oh crap, I forgot my cola. Oh wait, Prelude. *rushes for Concessions stand*

Image: http://img-cache.cdn.gaiaonline.com/b5d2bd4f3d2662fae5d608f483a148d4/http://i1083.photobucket.com/albums/j398/WanderTones/SmackJeeves%20Forum%20Avatar%20Emporium/My%20Little%20Pony/Pinkie%20Pie/PinkiePiePopcorn.gif

*Om-Nom-Nom-Nom*

----------------------------

On a more constructive note, nice play at the normal life. Most ponies forget that not all humans live in a harsh, brutal, uncaring world. Some of us do actually lead pleasant lives.

"Dear Twilight Sparkle -

Odd weather conditions in Canterlot led to the raining of unknown lifeforms. While I am busy quelling panic and trying to maintain order, would you kindly take the time to research phenomenon of this kind. And also be a dear and send Fluttershy up to the castle for me just in case we need to sedate this intriguing specimen.

Your Mentor

Princess Celestia"

Twilight: "Great, More Homework."

>>508359508359>>508611508611>>508663508663

Thanks for leaving a comment, glad to hear you like it.

>>509433509433

Ah, a kindred spirit I see... Glad to know you appreciate what I'm trying to do here. (By the way, I happened to see your other comment this morning, on that "Lost Memories" fic. Prime example of what I'm talking about there.)

>>509939509939

And that's exactly what I was aiming for. Too many characters have so many reasons to leave, not enough reasons to want to go back.

Oh, man, where do I even start?

A genuinely interesting, original plot with beautiful pacing, smooth flow, and immaculate prose. Immersion was constant throughout and the main character was thoroughly fleshed out and relatable. The transition was handled well and was done in an interesting fashion. Even the side characters acted believably according to clear, consistent motivations.

Brilliant. Just brilliant. It's a bit early to judge the story as a whole, but I absolutely love what I've seen so far and I cannot wait to see more. This certainly has the potential to shape up to be one of the best HiE's out there. Honestly, I'm surprised it wasn't featured.

Look at me, gushing like a school girl...

Anyway, please keep at it. If you couldn't tell from the rest of my message, I'm delighted by this fic and incredibly interested to see where it goes. Keep on keeping' on.

Author is at least aware of the potential pitfalls of this scenario.

Wings is intrigued.  Welcome to my reading list.

You truley have a gift when it comes to writing, i was sitting at the edge of my seat while reading this.

Very interesting, I look forward to reading more.

I can really appreciate a HiE story that realises that it's a HiE story.

Having good grammar is a bonus too.

Looking forward to this.

Connor's reaction to the guard talking, hi-freakin-larious. Can't wait for more!

Lol Skarmory. Pokemon ftw.

Is it sad that I immediately knew that Skarmory was a pokemon?

This... writing of Celestia... Oh my god I think I love you. You write her so god damn well. It's so amazing to read a story that actually writes Celestia well. I ... don't really know what to say. To me, the charecterization of Celestia is the best part of the entire story so far. It fits my view of her perfectly. Some write her well, but this... This is probably the best I've ever seen her in a human story...

Just ... all of my yes to you. Please continue this.

Moving away from my obsession with your writing of Celestia, you did a very good job with Connor's reactions as well. It's perfectly believable, and fits quite well, along with adding some humor in as well. Once again, excellent job. I will for sure be watching this.

Moar please

Sincerely the Doctor

I've got a good feeling about this fic.

Looking forward to the next chapter, but don't rush it or anything

And have a moustache

But...BUT I......I NEED MOAR! GIVES IT TO US! THE PREEEECIOUSSSSSSS(next chapter)!

i think i would of tossed myself over the balacony just to try to wake up....i done it before in my dreams...

2001

>>517531517531

Thanks, glad to know you like it! As for being featured, well, what can you do? I never expected it to take off immediately anyways. It's nothing truly 'novel' at first glance, unlike a comedy with a unique twist or a trollfic.

>>518952518952

That was actually something I kept in mind constantly as I was going along. I wanted to make everything as plausible as possible, including strictly canon portrayals of all characters involved.

>>522598522598

This was brought to my attention by a friend as she was reading it over for me. I honestly did not make the connection until she mentioned it, but yeah, that's pretty much the feel of, though not the inspiration for, that section.

I'm very, very happy.

In theory, it's possible to write good HiE, but I'd like to have examples to share with folks.  Up until now, my go-to "good HiE" was Rude Awakening by ponyaddict, which is entertaining, but isn't really a serious HiE: guy gets magicked to Equestria, his clothes don't make the trip, awkward ensues.

Thanks for giving me a serious example.

Oh, and you own show-vs-tell.

>>525838525838

You have my thanks! As I stated before, I'd really appreciate people spreading the word about this if they liked it. As for showing vs telling... yeah, I believe it's important enough to make or break a story, among other things. Really have to cover all your bases if you want it to be something great.

Wow.  This... this is incredible.

I've read a lot of HiE fics, and I can tell that this has the potential to be one of the best if you continue the pah you're on.  Hell, just the prologue on its own left me wanting more, and it didn't even have any mention of pony in it.

Tracked, thumbed, etc.

Looking forward to more.

Only one word can describe this fic......BRILLIANT!

Another great chapter, keep it up!

So is he going to, by any wacky coincidence, stay in Ponyville...?

...Nah

Of course not... Nothing interesting 'ever' happens in a backwater little town like Ponyville.

Ah, another interesting chapter. Looks like Connor is coming to terms with his current situation, which is always good. Once again, excellent job keeping Celestia in character. Luna is almost completely fanon in her personality, really, so I can't judge you for that. In any case, I liked it. Same goes for Connor.

Of course, this chapter was mainly introductions for Connor and trading information. I assume next chapter will have him going to Ponyville? Or, if not next, then soon? I must admit, I am curious how you will handle introductions to the town.

>>553986553986

Glad you approve. Yeah, this is basically my exposition chapter, where by the end everyone involved knows what's what and the current situation is explained. As for my portrayal of Luna, I did my best to go off of what we know from the episodes. Basically more formal, but also slightly more naive/emotional than her sister. But you're right, I was basically winging the interactions the whole chapter, only focusing on whether or not it was believable.

And yes... if all goes according to plan then by the end of The Second Day, he will be in Ponyville. The hard part is, I know how I want everything to end up. It's all the in-between stuff that I need to suss out still.

>>554470554470

Ah yes, the unfortunate situation of knowing what you want, but not knowing how to get there.

I don't know about Luna being naive. About current lingo of course, but not necessarily naive about other things. She was a being bent on, essentially, world domination at one point.

In any case, I think you portrayed her just fine.

I look forward to more.

Although this story is just getting started, the job you've done is so good so far that I can say this what of the most well-written HiE stories I've read. Now, there a quite a few better written HiE fics out there, but that has more to do with the fact that the plots of those other fics are further along; this story has the potential to be right at the top of my favorites list.

This fics has a lot of strengths: it avoids a lot of the most overused HiE cliches (except a few, though I like how you pointed out the lack of a language barrier), has a likeable, sympathetic, realistic human OC, and I love how  you've captured the personalities of the princessses so far. The next chapter can't come soon enough!

>>578197578197

Thank you very much for the fav and the comment! Overall I'm satisfied with the direction it's taking, I just hope I can keep up the quality in subsequent chapters. I gotta say, it's readers like you who can appreciate what I'm doing that make me feel good about writing.

Hmmmph I didn't like this chapter buuut... now we are past the shock and awe part it'll get better. I just don't think Conner shouldn't have had such a drastic reaction. If he truly was a gamer he would have had at least some fantasies about the worlds he plays in. Remember the GOLDEN RULE no not that one. This one 'Information is Power' the more he talks the more he gives away. If he truly was a gamer and at least somewhat of a recluse he would have kept his emotions in check far better. Waking up in a strange place the first things I would do is observe and analyze like any gamer would. Flying into a panic attack NEVER HELPS.

>>600287600287

Hmmm... interesting argument. I have to say though, it's hard to be analytical when you're facing just that much uncertainty. I tried to imagine the scenario as if someone was kidnapped in their sleep and brought to some place he'd never been before, not knowing any of the hows or whats or whys. Add on top of that the fact that things around you are happening that shouldn't happen in a logical world, and it was all just a bit too much to absorb.

I respectfully disagree, but thank you for the constructive criticism.

I can't wait to read about their time together.

It's a very nice beginning for an HIE fic.  I place it second in my HIE fics list to

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/12961/1

Looking forward to more!

Hmm, Interesting, I shall continue to read, Congrats on featured anyways!

Church - Wait a second, the HELL IS THAT MUSIC?

>>616214616214

FINALLY someone gets it!

Yes, finally we come to that scene in every HiE fic I love, when the human protagonist first meets one of the mane six! And it didn't disappoint! I've noticed that you've split up the story into days, so that tells me that Connor's stay in Equestria is gonna be pretty short, or this fic is gonna make War and Peace look like a supermarket flyer! I'm curious, are you planning this story to have one season's worth of plot (I think that roughly translates to close to a full year, although it's impossible to judge the canon timeline), creating a story-arc, or is this gonna be a slice of life story? I really don't want this fic to end too soon! Can't wait until Connor meets the rest of the Elements, especially Pinkie and Dash!

Wow. So much attention to detail and correct grammar in this story that you don't see in many HiE fics. Bravo, I will continue to read this magnificent story. Here, have a free moustache, courtesy of your new follower

>>616253616253

It's gonna be a fairly short story arc. There are not going to be long stretches of time where not a lot happens, it's gonna be pretty fast paced, so not really a slice of life thing.

>>616426616426

Thanks, I try my best.

I knew you were going to expand on your allusion to Pokemon at some point.

Anyways, excellent as always. I am curious as to how you are going to resolve the whole deal. Connor wants to go home, so a bunch of unicorns are trying to figure that problem out. What happens when they do? He gets sent home of course. But... I don't know, that just seems rather, er, sudden? Maybe you have some kind of conflct planned out for that, and even if you don't it is realistic, so yeah. There's that.

I'm sure you have something planned out for it anyways, so I'll shut up now and just wait for the next chapter.

Well, I kinda see why you'd have to keep it short; there's only so much adjusting that Connor can do in pony society I guess, being an ordinary kid trapped in extrodinary circumstances. That being said, I really hope you can expand the scope of this story. I've seen plenty other fic writers who ended up with radically different stories than what they'd originally had in mind. Still, I'm enjoying the story as it is, no need for any drastic changes.

I might give drawing a cover art for this story a try. Got anything in mind?

>>518849518849 nah, just means you're a loyal fan!

>>617077617077

I was his devoted fan as soon as I saw his Celestia writing.  

And I don't think I could actually be mad at whatever he does in this story, if only because of his Celestia writing.

>>616943616943

That would be amazing. I'll send you a PM with some ideas I have.

>>616099616099 If you know what I mean....

Image: http://www.mememaker.net/static/images/templates/12740.jpg

Geeez, Skarmory is one big jerk, seriously, he REALLY needs to get a marefriend.

>>617175617175

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ2DAeJ4MDRJ--LL46cEL26S7RC8RYdCgsgI3l2nbJOG8i8gVRNog

Loving the realistic aproch to this. Though that awsome and mysterious stone formation will eternally bug me.

Meanwhile at the bottom of a mystic rock fomation/portal rested a note that said Got ya~Merlin.

Very well written, I will definitely be tracking this.

“Yeah... It’s almost like... I don’t know, alternate universes. Parallel worlds or something, where a lot of stuff is similar but also different... Except instead of zeppelins flying around and Nixon on the twenty, I get talking ponies who can use magic... Hehe... go figure.”

FRINGE REFERENCE OOOOOOOOOOOH

>>632976632976

Actually, in the episode it was Nixon on the dollar coin, but I think it's funnier this way.

10000 words?!  On it boss!

((will edit comment in afterwards))

******

Well this seals it.  This is officially my favorite HiE fic.  There hasn't been a single instance so far in this story that I haven't enjoyed, and you're constantly leaving me wanting more.

I really love the revelation that Twilight had near the end of this chapter, it's nearing genius in it's execution.  Keep on writing dex, I eagerly await your next chapter.

prepare the infinety music ready'

Another awsome chapter, keep it up!

Ah, more well done interactions. Twilight seemed rather miffed, but you can't blame Connor for laughing at the "magic of friendship." Lord knows I laughed my ass off when I heard that for the first time.

For some reason, the line "I'm just saying" doesn't sound like Twilight in my mind. It sounds more like Dash to me, but maybe I'm just wierd.

Still looking good. This is my absolute favorite HiE fic that doesn't focus on the comedic elements of a story. There's too many of those out there, and too many of them are poorly done. I assume that Ponyville is on the horizon now. It's only a matter of time...

10k words? challenge accepted

>>518952518952

It really is nice to see Celestia written as Celestia.

The chick is called Peewee, not Pipsqueak.

>>692355692355

Thanks for catching that. Fixed.

>>692382692382 sure.

Beautiful.

Please, do go on.

How could someone laugh at the magic of friendship?! It's serious business! The only thing more masculine and serious is defeating foes with the power of love! How could he?

Hey, nice writing with the descriptions of places and what not. Makes me feel like I am there. I think that it would be interesting if you put forward exactly WHY he laughed. Perhaps maybe have Connor mention some of the more brutal aspects of human civilization, like bar fights, depression, war, and the like. Though you can do as you wish on that, but it would make logical sense why he would laugh like that in the face of being told "The Magic of Friendship." But otherwise, nice work. One of the better fics I have read with near coherent flow and minimal errors in it.

>>694468694468

Thank you for commenting, and I'm glad you like it. Your concerns aren't without merit, but I do have a method here. This chapter is framed from Twilight's point of view, so I purposefully kept his reason for laughing vague, and I intend to elaborate more on his views in the next chapter, which will switch back to his perspective when things are less tense and he has a chance to explain. (But no, I'm not going to do the cliche thing of going "Oh, Earth is a horrible place with violence and war and killing and whatnot.") Because it isn't. It's simply less idealistic a place.

This was very, very well done; whenever a writer captures the personalities of the Mane Six just right, I can hear the dialogue spoken by their respective voice actresses in my head; and you got Twi's personality down perfectly. Her love of reading, her need to lecture, her curiosity and especially her snarkiness, was all portrayed excellently.

I think it was perfectly understandable that Connor laughed at Twi's belief in friendship and why Twi would be ticked off at him for that; not only does magic exist in Equestria, it is greatly enhanced by positive emotion and love; in other words, not only are the ponies kind by nature, they have empirical proof that altruism and empathy really work, that everything can be solved if you just care enough and rely on your loved ones. Relationships are very important to humans, yet we are plagued by apathy and hatred for each other. Funny, but I think most bronies, when they first heard of the show, rolled their eyes at the title and the premise like Connor did here; it's a testament to the show's writing that it can portray the "Magic of Friendship" as being both genuinely heartwarming and awesome at the same time; Connor's gonna find out that the power of friendship is a very powerful force indeed. Excellent chapter, can't wait for the next one!

>>693899693899 he only laughs because here on earth the way you stop a threat is by meeting on the battlefield.

I wonder if warriors will ever disappear from this world

No, never there will always be warriors,

And there will always be war.

Ship AI Cortana

>>695761695761 I was being sarcastic... but for Cortana quote I applaud you.

Why doesn't this have more views???

Really, it's not very often that you can find a story of this quality.

>>696911696911

I know, right? It's criminal!

>>694623694623  Well, to be fair, its not that Earth is a horrible place, its just that lined up to the relative utopia of Equestria it just can't compare.  But on the other hand, the derivatives of wars and the motivations behind them at their basic level (competition for finite resources, be it food, fresh water, arable land, economics, etc.) are all negated in Equestria due to the innate powers of the ponies themselves.  Earth ponies are magically attuned to the land for growing crops, pegasi control the weather (preventing any natural disasters), and unicorns are the "magic mcguffins" to solve everything else.  The "Magic of Friendship" is all well and good in a world that quite literally runs on magic.

Its going to be a real wake up call when Twilight learns just how much she takes for granted.

Twilight Sparkle...with the greatest of all powers... the power...

Of LECTURE!

Agreed, this needs more views and more likes.

This is indeed much different than most HiE fics and I am excited to read more. Most of all, I love the fantastical way of describing his entrance to Equestria. If this wasn't on FiMFiction, I would swear it was some well known modern fantasy novel akin to "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" without the ridiculous randomness.

Pure awesome.

Fireon...Fireon Somehow that name feels familiar to me.. Do you know why?

Image: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png

>>701117701117 I often find myself wondering how it is that some authors on this site are so much better than several professional ones while not being one themselves..

This Displeases the sandwich god, for it outdoes that one Fic about that one thing.

>>740710740710

Is that... a good thing?

>>616636616636

fast paced?  are you kidding?  this is GREAT pacing!  you take your time to describe the environment and the protagonists' emotions.  your paragraph and sentence structure are well-organized and i can hardly spot grammatical errors that stand out (if there are grammatical errors, then you've kept it to a minimum).

i say take your time with this fic to maintain these well-organized chapters.  i have finally found a HIE that's not clunky (i may have read some good fics, but there are mistakes that do stand out that somewhat irks me) and in character.

Touché is with an accent, like the way I spelled it.

Good chapter, though the whole "let us never speak of this again" felt kind of forced.

Absolutely brilliant. So I guess the rest of the Mane 6 are pretty much confirmed for The Third Day, right? Also, another question, are you going to be including various background ponies (Lyra, Bon-Bon, Colgate) in this fanfiction, or are you going to stay with the show's canon?

when i see kraaakaa krakka boom i imagine the sky just screamin it out aloud for me to hear

I kinda can't help but feel that this might be the 'weakest' of the chapters so far... Like it's pretty much just a string of watered down scenes held together with fishing line and duct tape. Then again, maybe I'm just being hard on myself. It should get better from here on out, now that most of the exposition is out of the way... I hope.

>>784931784931

Yup, they're all going to be there. (Mane 6 that is) As for the background ponies... I think I'll stay true to the spirit of the show and keep them as background ponies. Otherwise it might come off as a little too 'in-jokey'.

*Sees how you characterized Celestia.*

...

...

It's perfect. Damn it, I have to read the rest now. *fav'd*

That was great! The character interaction was great as usual, loved Connor's Dresden Files reference. I think Spike's character was handled very well, although one or two lines, felt a bit off, as if they were things he wouldn't phrase it quite the way you did, but overall the characterization and  humor in that scene came off very well regardless.

Loved that small  bit with Peewee near the end; not only was it adorable, but I really liked how you've incorporated season 2's canon so far.

While I don't mind the slow pace of the story, I'm still amazed that we're not chapters in and Connor still hasn't met the rest of the main six yet; I was actually wondering whether you would end the chapter as they arrived at Twilight's house, but I'm glad we got to see Spike, he's my favorite character. For some reason the dinner scene with Connor and Twi eating pasta amused me, since I'm Italian as I was wondering if I would include Italian food (especially desserts), in my HiE fic if I ever got around to it.

I still hope that this story won't be too short and that you'll include a few small time skips after Connor's first week in Equestria, so that you can give us at least one season's worth (i.e. a year), of Connor's adventures in Equestria.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

>>785498785498

Thanks for the feedback. Though, I think you're mistaken in imagining the time scale of the story. It won't be short by any measure... but one year is waaaaaay beyond what I have planned. Without giving too much away, I will say that the plot is going to ramp up after day 3.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with him having a relatively short stay, I just want to finish this story feeling that everypony has had their fair share of the limelight (this includes popular background ponies like Lyra, BonBon, and Vinyl Scratch, as well as newly introduced Shining Armor and Cadance) and that something has been accomplished by the time the story ends, which means Connor gets lots of character development by interacting with the ponies in their day to day lives, or he helps defeat some new or old Big Bad  who threatens all of Equestria.

Glad to hear that you'll kick it up a notch once the rest of the Mane Six are introduced to Connor. It makes sense that the opening chapters cover the first few days. Most HiE authors like to get to the character intros as fast as possible, but I think you're approach is better.

Another splendid chapter.

Now please, please be careful when handling meeting the rest of the Mane 6. There are a lot of clichés that could occur, and I wouldn't like to see that happen.

Though I'm probably worrying over nothing. You've already written this story based around a relatively unoriginal idea, but managed to quite successfully put your own spin on it. That takes a lot of work.

P.S. Yay, Peewee's in the story!

       Honestly, that is just awesome. I'm so happy he hasn't been sent to the moon following the 4-6 seconds of screen time he had on the show.

Loved the new chapter, keep it up!

>>785145785145

I disagree with this statement. The addition of background characters, like for instance Lyra, Bon-Bon, and Colgate, could also work to make the world more believable and open, rather than feeling as if all events of the world revolve around the Mane 6. Also, twists on the personalities from 'accepted' fanon could make it all the more lovable, like one fic I've read recently where Lyra is a total bad-flanked reserve guard and unicorn martial arts master. Obviously not something like that for this story, but just saying that their personalities don't need to be 'in-joky'.