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2dextreem

Joined February 2012
299 followers

Stories (1)

  • You Do (Not) Belong
    A serious take on the HiE self-insert genre. This is the story of a by all accounts normal human being, caught up in events beyond his control. Forced to deal with the possibility of being stuck in a world that's strange in more ways than one.

    204,342 words · 14,414 views · 1,653 likes · 110 dislikes

Blog Posts (6)

Source

A freak lightning storm, strange lights, and an unassuming, yet mysterious stone obelisk. What do these things have to do with an average college student from North Tonawanda? At first, nothing. But when nineteen year-old Connor lets his curiosity get the better of him and lands in the center of a cosmic coincidence, he probably should have left well enough alone.

Now, he finds himself stranded in an impossible world where magic is real, and "normal" takes on a whole new meaning. A world populated by sentient creatures calling themselves "ponies." A stranger in a strange land, Connor's yearning for answers and a way back to Earth will try both his patience and his sanity in the days following his arrival, even with the support of his new equine friends. But as he witnesses his life slowly spiral out of control, he will call into question his definition of home, humanity, destiny, and what it means to truly belong.

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Rated Teen just in case for occasional swearing. This story takes place shortly after the end of Season 2, and the main character is from an Earth where MLP never existed (in order to preserve proper characterization). Or just assume he's never heard of it, that works too.

The title is not an Evangelion reference, I was just inspired by the wording scheme.

First Published
27th Apr 2012
Last Modified
14th May 2014

Comments ( 1,481 )

#1 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · 7 · ·

Neon Genesis Evangelion reference?

#2 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · 3 · 1 ·

>>508116

Yes, in fact. Though it's just inspired by the title structure rather than the show itself.

#3 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · · ·

Nice, can't wait for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

No, I mean I literally can't wait...:fluttershysad:, post the the chapter please....:pinkiecrazy:

#4 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · · ·

I have enjoyed reading these chapters, I look forward to more.:pinkiehappy:

#5 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · · ·

I want more of this

Sincerely the Doctor

#6 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · · ·

This has gained my interest, will wait a maximum of one week for the next chapter :trixieshiftleft:

#7 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

Hehe. Skarmory.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 116w, 6d ago · 8 · ·

*Om-Nom-Nom-Nom*

----------------------------

On a more constructive note, nice play at the normal life. Most ponies forget that not all humans live in a harsh, brutal, uncaring world. Some of us do actually lead pleasant lives.

#9 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · 4 · ·

"Dear Twilight Sparkle -

Odd weather conditions in Canterlot led to the raining of unknown lifeforms. While I am busy quelling panic and trying to maintain order, would you kindly take the time to research phenomenon of this kind. And also be a dear and send Fluttershy up to the castle for me just in case we need to sedate this intriguing specimen.

Your Mentor

Princess Celestia"

:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

Twilight: "Great, More Homework."

#10 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 6d ago · 2 · ·

>>508359>>508611>>508663

Thanks for leaving a comment, glad to hear you like it.

>>509433

Ah, a kindred spirit I see... Glad to know you appreciate what I'm trying to do here. (By the way, I happened to see your other comment this morning, on that "Lost Memories" fic. Prime example of what I'm talking about there.)

>>509939

And that's exactly what I was aiming for. Too many characters have so many reasons to leave, not enough reasons to want to go back.

#11 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 5d ago · · ·

Oh, man, where do I even start?

A genuinely interesting, original plot with beautiful pacing, smooth flow, and immaculate prose. Immersion was constant throughout and the main character was thoroughly fleshed out and relatable. The transition was handled well and was done in an interesting fashion. Even the side characters acted believably according to clear, consistent motivations.

Brilliant. Just brilliant. It's a bit early to judge the story as a whole, but I absolutely love what I've seen so far and I cannot wait to see more. This certainly has the potential to shape up to be one of the best HiE's out there. Honestly, I'm surprised it wasn't featured.

Look at me, gushing like a school girl...

Anyway, please keep at it. If you couldn't tell from the rest of my message, I'm delighted by this fic and incredibly interested to see where it goes. Keep on keeping' on.

#12 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 5d ago · · ·

You truley have a gift when it comes to writing, i was sitting at the edge of my seat while reading this.

#13 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

Very interesting, I look forward to reading more.:pinkiehappy:

#14 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

Connor's reaction to the guard talking, hi-freakin-larious. Can't wait for more! :pinkiehappy:

#15 · Chapter 2 · 116w, 4d ago · 4 · ·

Lol Skarmory. Pokemon ftw.

Is it sad that I immediately knew that Skarmory was a pokemon?

#16 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

This... writing of Celestia... Oh my god I think I love you. You write her so god damn well. It's so amazing to read a story that actually writes Celestia well. I ... don't really know what to say. To me, the charecterization of Celestia is the best part of the entire story so far. It fits my view of her perfectly. Some write her well, but this... This is probably the best I've ever seen her in a human story...

Just ... all of my yes to you. Please continue this.

Moving away from my obsession with your writing of Celestia, you did a very good job with Connor's reactions as well. It's perfectly believable, and fits quite well, along with adding some humor in as well. Once again, excellent job. I will for sure be watching this.

#17 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

Moar please

Sincerely the Doctor

#18 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

I've got a good feeling about this fic.

Looking forward to the next chapter, but don't rush it or anything :twilightsmile:

And have a moustache :moustache:

#19 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · 1 · ·

But...BUT I......I NEED MOAR! GIVES IT TO US! THE PREEEECIOUSSSSSSS(next chapter)! :flutterrage::pinkiecrazy:

#20 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·

i think i would of tossed myself over the balacony just to try to wake up....i done it before in my dreams...:pinkiecrazy:

#21 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 4d ago · · ·
#22 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 3d ago · · ·

>>517531

Thanks, glad to know you like it! As for being featured, well, what can you do? I never expected it to take off immediately anyways. It's nothing truly 'novel' at first glance, unlike a comedy with a unique twist or a trollfic.

>>518952

That was actually something I kept in mind constantly as I was going along. I wanted to make everything as plausible as possible, including strictly canon portrayals of all characters involved.

>>522598

This was brought to my attention by a friend as she was reading it over for me. I honestly did not make the connection until she mentioned it, but yeah, that's pretty much the feel of, though not the inspiration for, that section.

#23 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 3d ago · · ·

I'm very, very happy.

In theory, it's possible to write good HiE, but I'd like to have examples to share with folks.  Up until now, my go-to "good HiE" was Rude Awakening by ponyaddict, which is entertaining, but isn't really a serious HiE: guy gets magicked to Equestria, his clothes don't make the trip, awkward ensues.

Thanks for giving me a serious example.

Oh, and you own show-vs-tell.

#24 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 3d ago · · ·

>>525838

You have my thanks! As I stated before, I'd really appreciate people spreading the word about this if they liked it. As for showing vs telling... yeah, I believe it's important enough to make or break a story, among other things. Really have to cover all your bases if you want it to be something great.

#25 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 3d ago · 2 · ·

Wow.  This... this is incredible.

I've read a lot of HiE fics, and I can tell that this has the potential to be one of the best if you continue the pah you're on.  Hell, just the prologue on its own left me wanting more, and it didn't even have any mention of pony in it.

Tracked, thumbed, etc.

Looking forward to more.

#26 · Chapter 3 · 116w, 2d ago · · ·

Only one word can describe this fic......BRILLIANT!

#27 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 5d ago · · ·

Another great chapter, keep it up!

#28 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 5d ago · 9 · ·

So is he going to, by any wacky coincidence, stay in Ponyville...?

...Nah

#29 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · 9 · ·

Of course not... Nothing interesting 'ever' happens in a backwater little town like Ponyville. :derpytongue2:

#30 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

Ah, another interesting chapter. Looks like Connor is coming to terms with his current situation, which is always good. Once again, excellent job keeping Celestia in character. Luna is almost completely fanon in her personality, really, so I can't judge you for that. In any case, I liked it. Same goes for Connor.

Of course, this chapter was mainly introductions for Connor and trading information. I assume next chapter will have him going to Ponyville? Or, if not next, then soon? I must admit, I am curious how you will handle introductions to the town.

#31 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

>>553986

Glad you approve. Yeah, this is basically my exposition chapter, where by the end everyone involved knows what's what and the current situation is explained. As for my portrayal of Luna, I did my best to go off of what we know from the episodes. Basically more formal, but also slightly more naive/emotional than her sister. But you're right, I was basically winging the interactions the whole chapter, only focusing on whether or not it was believable.

And yes... if all goes according to plan then by the end of The Second Day, he will be in Ponyville. The hard part is, I know how I want everything to end up. It's all the in-between stuff that I need to suss out still.

#32 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

>>554470

Ah yes, the unfortunate situation of knowing what you want, but not knowing how to get there.

I don't know about Luna being naive. About current lingo of course, but not necessarily naive about other things. She was a being bent on, essentially, world domination at one point.

In any case, I think you portrayed her just fine.

#33 · Chapter 4 · 115w, 4d ago · · ·

I look forward to more.:pinkiehappy:

#34 · Chapter 4 · 114w, 6d ago · 2 · 2 ·

Although this story is just getting started, the job you've done is so good so far that I can say this what of the most well-written HiE stories I've read. Now, there a quite a few better written HiE fics out there, but that has more to do with the fact that the plots of those other fics are further along; this story has the potential to be right at the top of my favorites list.

This fics has a lot of strengths: it avoids a lot of the most overused HiE cliches (except a few, though I like how you pointed out the lack of a language barrier), has a likeable, sympathetic, realistic human OC, and I love how  you've captured the personalities of the princessses so far. The next chapter can't come soon enough! :pinkiehappy:

#35 · Chapter 4 · 114w, 6d ago · 2 · 1 ·

>>578197

Thank you very much for the fav and the comment! Overall I'm satisfied with the direction it's taking, I just hope I can keep up the quality in subsequent chapters. I gotta say, it's readers like you who can appreciate what I'm doing that make me feel good about writing.

#36 · Chapter 3 · 114w, 2d ago · 4 · 2 ·

Hmmmph I didn't like this chapter buuut... now we are past the shock and awe part it'll get better. I just don't think Conner shouldn't have had such a drastic reaction. If he truly was a gamer he would have had at least some fantasies about the worlds he plays in. Remember the GOLDEN RULE no not that one. This one 'Information is Power' the more he talks the more he gives away. If he truly was a gamer and at least somewhat of a recluse he would have kept his emotions in check far better. Waking up in a strange place the first things I would do is observe and analyze like any gamer would. Flying into a panic attack NEVER HELPS.

#37 · Chapter 4 · 114w, 2d ago · 4 · 2 ·

>>600287

Hmmm... interesting argument. I have to say though, it's hard to be analytical when you're facing just that much uncertainty. I tried to imagine the scenario as if someone was kidnapped in their sleep and brought to some place he'd never been before, not knowing any of the hows or whats or whys. Add on top of that the fact that things around you are happening that shouldn't happen in a logical world, and it was all just a bit too much to absorb.

I respectfully disagree, but thank you for the constructive criticism.

#38 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

I can't wait to read about their time together.:pinkiehappy:

#39 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

It's a very nice beginning for an HIE fic.  I place it second in my HIE fics list to

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/12961/1

Looking forward to more!

#40 · Chapter 1 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

Hmm, Interesting, I shall continue to read, Congrats on featured anyways!

#41 · Chapter 4 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

Church - Wait a second, the HELL IS THAT MUSIC?

#42 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

>>616214

FINALLY someone gets it!

#43 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

Yes, finally we come to that scene in every HiE fic I love, when the human protagonist first meets one of the mane six! And it didn't disappoint! I've noticed that you've split up the story into days, so that tells me that Connor's stay in Equestria is gonna be pretty short, or this fic is gonna make War and Peace look like a supermarket flyer! :pinkiehappy: I'm curious, are you planning this story to have one season's worth of plot (I think that roughly translates to close to a full year, although it's impossible to judge the canon timeline), creating a story-arc, or is this gonna be a slice of life story? I really don't want this fic to end too soon! Can't wait until Connor meets the rest of the Elements, especially Pinkie and Dash!

#44 · Chapter 1 · 113w, 5d ago · 4 · ·

Wow. So much attention to detail and correct grammar in this story that you don't see in many HiE fics. Bravo, I will continue to read this magnificent story. Here, have a free moustache, courtesy of your new follower :moustache:

#45 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

>>616253

It's gonna be a fairly short story arc. There are not going to be long stretches of time where not a lot happens, it's gonna be pretty fast paced, so not really a slice of life thing.

>>616426

Thanks, I try my best.

#46 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

I knew you were going to expand on your allusion to Pokemon at some point.

Anyways, excellent as always. I am curious as to how you are going to resolve the whole deal. Connor wants to go home, so a bunch of unicorns are trying to figure that problem out. What happens when they do? He gets sent home of course. But... I don't know, that just seems rather, er, sudden? Maybe you have some kind of conflct planned out for that, and even if you don't it is realistic, so yeah. There's that.

I'm sure you have something planned out for it anyways, so I'll shut up now and just wait for the next chapter.

#47 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

Well, I kinda see why you'd have to keep it short; there's only so much adjusting that Connor can do in pony society I guess, being an ordinary kid trapped in extrodinary circumstances. That being said, I really hope you can expand the scope of this story. I've seen plenty other fic writers who ended up with radically different stories than what they'd originally had in mind. Still, I'm enjoying the story as it is, no need for any drastic changes.

#48 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

I might give drawing a cover art for this story a try. Got anything in mind?:twilightsmile:

#49 · Chapter 2 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

>>518849 nah, just means you're a loyal fan!

#50 · Chapter 5 · 113w, 5d ago · · ·

>>617077

I was his devoted fan as soon as I saw his Celestia writing.  :pinkiecrazy:

And I don't think I could actually be mad at whatever he does in this story, if only because of his Celestia writing.

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