Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
Have some shorts!
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A Difference in Cultural Perspective
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With the opening of the human archives, I had found some amazing things I couldn't wait to share with my marefriends and friends in general. And given Twilight's love of magic and reading, I had shared a fantasy series I loved when I was a child with her.
In hindsight, maybe I should have had second thoughts about that...
"Seriously, this is their version of magic?" Twilight asked, shaking her head in disbelief at the human-written fantasy story. "This is absurd! I mean, a single one shot soul separation spell? THAT'S their most deadly curse? I have dozens of spells in my basic books that are far worse than that! And this Ron character, why is he even here? He's not funny or useful, he's just a load! And Hermione is so bossy and manipulative and this Harry guy just gets led around by the hand by old men, he never does anything on his own initiative... And... Wait."
She scowled deeply. "A 'super' wand? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? That is the big secret? Some MacGuffin just introduced in the last book?! It doesn't even serve a central focus, it's just a-a plot coupon!" She huffed and tossed it aside. I looked at her from across the library, a bit hurt. I mean, I had loved these books growing up but to have all the plot holes and problems pointed out... Well...
Ouch.
"Please tell me this is not the most popular fantasy series on your planet?" Twilight pleaded. I sighed.
"It's a best seller and the author is one of the richest people on Earth."
Twilight stared in disbelief. "Is... Is she at least a witch or something-?"
"No," I said. "Remember? No magic."
"Which means... You have no idea how actual magic schools or magic societies function!" Twilight gasped. She beamed. "I know! I'll write this J. K. Rowling and offer her all the suggestions I can on how to write proper magical fiction! And romance for that matter, as well! After all, I have so much experience and-"
"I don't think your Daring Do fanfics count, Twilight," I said dryly. Twilight blushed.
"It... You have to admit, I at least developed things better!"
"Between Daring Do and her worst villain? Seriously?" I asked. Twilight huffed.
"It is perfectly acceptable! There's all sorts of subtext you can see between their relationship that could make for a romantic foundation-"
"Right, which is why so many people ship you and Trixie," I said dryly. Twilight gaped.
"Wha-They-They do?!"
I held up a romance novel Rarity had sent me. On the cover, a purple unicorn and a blue unicorn were locked in a passionate embrace. Twilight's eyes widened as she seized it in her telekinetic grip and flipped through it.
"I... But... But the only pony who could know all this, who would... Would twist it would... Would be...!" She gasped. I helpfully handed her my pistol.
"You might be needing this," I said. Twilight scowled... And summoned my entire arsenal from the basement. With an array of guns, rifles, rocket launchers and swords hung around her like metallic angel wings, she snarled.
"I think I know what I'll be needing," she growled, and she trotted out the door with all her weapons. I stared after her. Spike looked in from the kitchen, trying to look like he hadn't seen the whole thing but a look from me and he dropped the pretense.
"Geez... You really have rubbed off on her," Spike said, shaking his head. I chuckled.
"Nah... The weapons are just for effect. If she really wanted her dead," and here I laid back on the couch, "she wouldn't have taken anything."
"Good point," Spike admitted.
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Hehe, yay another chapter.
I didn't realize how much I'd missed this Equestria. Brilliant stuff.
Kinda annoyed she’s belittling HP so much; wonder how she would react to Tolkien’s work?
Heh. Hilarious.:D
9926953
Well, if she'd grown up with it she'd probably see it more fondly. But without that, she's a lot more, er, critical.
That was an awesome ending XD
Wait, how is she reading the movies?
Yup. Especially after clearly stating that she's seen better lethal spells in her junior grade books.
9926953
She just might like Tolkien's work. It's less about the magic and more about the adventure. Dashie would probably love it.
9927138
Hm Tolkien is nice... but it is relatively dry and takes HORRIBLE detours once the company splits... On top of that there are lot of really slow parts that Dash would really really hate...
9927383
Yeah, kinda thinking Dash would be pretending to silently die of boredom or commit hari-kari after the third or thirtieth straight page of elven genealogy or ancient poems in other languages.
I could see her being into the kind of YA action novelette which is nonstop thrills and suspense, though. It's no surprise she likes Daring Do, given it seems (from the little the show reveals) to be written along those lines. Never a dull moment.
9927383
Biggest issue with Tolkien is his need to give the backstory to every tree or rock the characters come across.
I devoured The Hobbit in a couple hours. Engaging and entertaining read, with the only dragging part being when the dwarves were imprisoned by the elves.
It took me three weeks to get through The Lord of the Rings, and it was so dry I felt like SpongeBob begging Sandy for water, and I never even touched the Silmarillion.
Dashie might like The Hobbit.
TLOTR and Silmarillion are more Sparklebutt's speed.
9927775 I finished LoTR in 3 DAYS.
Speed reader.
9928109
Normally speed-reading isn't an issue for me. It was just that in between all the Tolkien-waffle, I wasn't sure if I was missing important details, having never read the series before. I fell into the trap of thinking that such a great author surely had a reason in-story for including all this stuff.
Nope. That hill's name in the gloried days of C'rmuhlise Unnyonn or whether the sword Terlit Plunjar was wielded by the king or the king's second cousin's sister's first aunt's childhood neighbor's acquaintance, etc. etc. ...utterly unnecessary.
Now I can speed-read through the trilogy in about six hours.
I understand what Tolkien was trying to do (recreate the European epic in the modern day), and I admire that, but sometimes I wonder if he had to do it so well...
9927383
Most likely. Maybe some Andre Norton, or some Anne McCaffrey, or some Piers Anthony.
9928192 I'm a PENULTIMATE speed reader.
You see, my first job was as an editor/analyst in a company that produced databases of biomed journals. You want to talk dry? Imagine indexing PATENTS. Imagine indexing METHOD JOURNALS of long-winded laboratory procedures written in AGONIZING DETAIL.
I became one of the fastest in the company, indexing an average of 92 journal articles a day. At my best, I could blast through 100 pages and tell you about a smudge I noticed on page 45.
Now, that was before two massive MRSA infections which damaged by recall memory (again... I'd just finished fixing that in 2002, dammit). I can only really absorb about 10 pages a hour now. But I was able to finish LoTR 7 times before that, and I recall where every little scene I like is located.
9928670
Hey that's fascinating. Mind talking about this particular story rather than others, please?
9928696
It's great and I've missed it.
9928737
Thank you. I just don't want to confuse anyone else reading the comments.
9928758
(Pats you on the back) I understand. When I got my wisdom teeth removed last year, I spent about three hours thinking I was a glass of water. I started crying when I realized that I wasn't able to drink myself when I was thirsty.
My dad got it on video. He likes to humiliate me with it.
So I understand confusion.
So, I'm imagining some Infinity Blade armor for the suit Moonbutt and Shepherd found; what's the inspiration?
9928837
This:
i.pinimg.com/564x/59/2e/3e/592e3e437c11a06a51315bac52dc507c.jpg
And this:
comicvine1.cbsistatic.com/uploads/original/11116/111163466/5034130-9454271722-batma.jpg
9928846
Ahhh, going Keyblade Wielding Batman, eh?
I'm assuming a bit of Iron Man's suit augmentation as well, specifically the opening function?
9927046
That's what I thought, too. Ron's kind of a jerk, but he's still the strategic one. Hermione's bossy, but she's brilliant. Harry's deliberately un-informed by his authority figures, but he's still pretty brave for an abused kid/teenager. They have their flaws and their virtues.
...Although having other people keep Important Intel away from you isn't exactly a personal failing, now I think of it.
Coming from the HP fandom, H/Hr specifically, I feel like there should be some be some commentary about Ginny, but that's just me.
9930150
Yeah, Ron isn't perfect but I definitely feel he isn't as bad as the Ron bashers would have you believe.
Although to be fair I suppose Twilight's comments here are more nitpicking than actually pointing out real flaws.
Thinking about it while the views of the characters are certainly subjective I find it odd that Twilight would incorrectly label the Elder Wand a MacGuffin. It makes her sound like one of those angry reviewers who throw around terms without actually understanding the meaning of them. Hell, that's exactly what she's doing when you consider she immediately points out it doesn't serve a central focus to the story which is kind of all a MacGuffin is.