Four
Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
- - - - - -
The next day, that irritating rooster announced the start of a new day. I swung out of bed with a smile on my face. I washed, dressed and made my way downstairs, to a somewhat peculiar sight. It was weird enough the other animals were all watching Fluttershy as she coached herself in the mirror.
"Remember, you are a winner, you are assertive," she told herself. "Never apologize when you can criticize!"
I blinked a few times. Admittedly, this was not the weirdest thing I've seen Fluttershy do. She is very sweet, very kind, but she's also a little... strange.
Like, "dress up as a flower pixie and dance to get the weasels in the mood" strange.
Then again, I like to talk to myself in the mirror a lot too. Good practice for... Talking.
"Good morning Fluttershy," I said with a smile. She jumped a bit, then turned and smiled at me.
"Oh, hello Andrew. Good morning." She trotted over to the table and held up some pieces of paper. "You've got some work orders for today."
"Oh, thanks!" I said with a smile, taking them. I looked them over-They were all fairly simple jobs, but they did pay well. I nodded at her. "Good. So, what are you up to today?"
"Oh, um, I'm going to try out my assertiveness training today!" Fluttershy said brightly. "I did the whole workshop yesterday, and... And I want to see how I do."
"Well, good luck with that," I said with a smile. Fluttershy frowned.
"Good luck?"
"Yeah... I hope it goes well?" I clarified. Fluttershy continued to stare for a moment, before very slowly nodding and smiling again.
"Sure! Thank you!" She turned and trotted out the door. I shuddered a bit, and wasn't quite sure why.
"Well... That was kind of weird," I muttered. I looked up at the ceiling, and groaned. Angel was nowhere to be seen.
"Perfect," I grumbled.
I departed a few minutes later, wary of everything around me. I stepped down the path to the main road, where I happened upon a soaking wet Mr. Greenhooves. I blinked.
"You all right, sir?" I asked.
He shivered. "Oh, uh, just... Just fine, Mr. Fluttershy!"
I sighed. "Sir, I'm not-"
"She's quite feisty today, your wife! You might want to look to her, see if you did anythin' to upset her!" The old stallion said. He squinted at me. "And also yer standing on yer back hooves. That ain't healthy to do all the time!"
I rolled my eyes. "Right sir, I'll get right on that." I headed into town for my work, heedless of the air of doom that seemed to be hanging over my head.
Then again I was used to that.
- - - - - -
Getting back into the swing of things let me take my mind off of Fluttershy's unusual behavior. My first stop was city hall, which had sustained a lot of damage to it's roof from various sources. The residents had torn out the old, rotting support beams and it was my job to drill the new one into place.
One of those sources of destruction was alongside me now as I drilled a screw into the support beam, on top of a ladder. She was a gray pegasus who hovered nearby, her bright yellow eyes staring at me in wonder.
"Okay," I said with a sigh as I finished. I reached down and pressed my weight on the beam. I checked the joint-I'd made sure there was a fairly large notch in it to help with the hold. "I think this'll work for this one." I turned to my assistant with a smile. "Let's move the next one into position."
"Okey dokey!" She said cheerfully. She flew off, and I slowly moved along the parts of the roof that were still intact to the next support beam to be replaced. For this job, I employed a bit of rope to tie the beam off. I then used a handsaw to cut through the beam, cutting the same notches into the connecting pieces at the edges of the roof.
It was slow going but I managed to get both of them done by the time my assistant flew back. Her wings were beating hard as she carried the beam via a rope in her mouth. Slowly, she lowered it, and I slid back with a smile and waved my hands.
"Come on, come on... Easy... Easy does it..." I called. Her wings were beating hard enough to be heard, like helicopter blades, and the new beam came down slowly... Slowly...
And then dropped, knocking the old beam out of place and swinging the new beam right for me. I yelped and fell over, grabbing onto the rope that secured the old beam tight. I skidded down the rope, wincing as the rope burned against my face, but I managed to come to a stop. I looked up and saw the pegasus staring down with an apologetic look on her face.
"I'm very sorry!" She cried... Which let go of the new support beam.
"Crap!" I cursed as I let go of the rope, the beam plummeting for me. I threw myself to the side, landing on my stomach with a "whump!" as the beam hit the floor behind me with a loud "crunch!"
I had covered my eyes out of reflex, and when I opened them I saw the gray pegasus smiling nervously at me.
"Er... Oops?" She said. I sighed and leaned back.
"Is there any particular reason you were assigned to help me, miss...?"
"Derpy! Derpy Hooves!" She said proudly. She rubbed her chin. "And the reason I've been assigned to this job is because I helped break the city hall building!"
I stared. "Uh huh... And you want to fix it because...?"
"It's my responsibility!" Derpy said cheerfully. I sighed and rubbed my head.
"I see..." I stood up and held up my hands. "Please wait here, Derpy."
"Okey dokey!" She said cheerfully, saluting me.
I marched right to the Mayor's office, and knocked on her door.
"Come in~!" She said, and I entered. She looked up from some paperwork with a bright smile. "Oh! Hello Andrew, nice to see you again."
"Uh, same Miss Mayor," I replied. "I've... Really got to ask if you can assign some more help to me on the roof?"
"More help?" The Mayor said with a frown. "I thought you said you could handle it with a few pegasi!"
"Well yeah, but at the moment I only have one pegasus, and it's Derpy," I said flatly. The Mayor winced.
"Ah... Yes." She rose from her seat with a frown. "That is odd. Everypony should be back from their lunch break by now..." She pushed past my legs into the hallway and trotted down to the other offices. I watched her go and sighed, shaking my head.
The least I could do would be to fix up the beam, so I headed back to the construction site. Derpy was there, cheerfully eating some muffins. She grinned as I came back.
"Hello boss! Wanna muffin?" She asked, holding one out. I shrugged and smiled, taking one.
"Sure..."
As I ate it, she chattered amiably about the difficulties she had had in getting said muffin.
"I mean, there was this big line right outside Sugercube Corner! It just came out of nowhere! And then there was this huge pile of garbage on the bridge I like to look at fish from, so I slipped in it and had to go grab a shower..."
"Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh," I replied politely, nodding every so often. I kept my eyes peeled. Frankly, Angel's revenge could come from anywhere and this seemed like an ideal place for an ambush. That crazy rabbit might come from anywhere.
I was already wishing I had my gun. Well, hand cannon really...
"... then Rainbow Dash said she was fed up with my shenanigans! I didn't mean to cause shenanigans, I just wanted a broom..."
"Uh huh," I said with a final nod. I stood up. "Well Derpy, what do you say to finishing this beam up?" I looked up with a frown. "Doesn't look like anyone else has come back from lunch. What do you say?"
"Oh! Sure!" Derpy said cheerfully.
"Just uh... Don't talk during it, okay?" I said. Derpy nodded happily.
"Not a probl... Er... I mean..." She made a "zipping her lips" motion. I nodded and smiled.
- - - - - - -
A completely silent Derpy may not have been the best choice either, I reflected, as I lay in a heap on city hall's steps.
"SORRY BOSS!" Derpy shouted. "I WANTED TO SAY 'LOOK OUT' FOR THAT FLOCK OF GEESE BUT-"
"No, no, it's fine," I sighed. I twitched. "Really... Ow..."
- - - - - - -
Thankfully, I didn't need to spend another night at the hospital. I hadn't broken anything, just bruised it nice and hard and a quick healing spell saw me returning to City Hall. I frowned as I noted that the rest of the work crew was now milling around, looking distracted.
Save for Derpy, who was cheerfully working with a whistle.
"So, what took all of you guys so long?" I asked, as soon as I'd ascended the roof. One pegasus, a stallion in green, grimaced.
"Some rude pegasus just up and monopolized the restaurant we go to!" He said. "She wouldn't let anypony else be seated until all her needs were met!"
I winced. "Sheesh, sounds like a real piece of work..."
"I couldn't get coffee because that same pegasus took so many cups I didn't get any for myself!" A pink, female pegasus sighed.
I looked at the last pegasus, a guy in gray fur. "What happened to you?"
He trembled. "She... She said I looked... Tacky!" He whimpered.
I blinked a few times. "Uh... Huh." I sighed. "Look guys. We just have to finish the support beams today, then we can do the roofing. Why don't we all just focus and get it done?"
I got a round of unenthusiastic replies, but we did manage to get the support beams in place before it was time to call it a day. Derpy cheerfully waved, while the other ponies seemed rather disturbed.
I didn't really get it. Maybe ponies were more easily upset?
Nah, that was probably a generalization. Hell, I'd seen Fluttershy stare down a T-Rex, and Twilight blast some nameless horror back to it's lair in the woods. They were made of sterner stuff.
Maybe they were just having an off day.
In any event, I made it to Fluttershy's cottage: Exhausted, achy, and confused.
My confusion, however, was only going to grow as I entered the cottage. The hordes of cute little animals that were usually within were all gone. In their place stood Fluttershy, giggling to herself as she lounged on the couch. On the coffee table in front of her, there were several cups of coffee.
She looked up at me and smirked.
"Welcome home, Andrew."
- - - - - -
I stared back at Fluttershy, managing a friendly smile as I usually offered to my landmare every day I got back from work.
"Good evening Fluttershy," I said. "I uh... I take it you had a busy day."
She stretched and smiled cheerfully.
"Oh yes, a wonderful, busy day!"
"That's good to hear," I said carefully. We were both silent for a moment. There was a tension in the room, a tension that just kept building. I decided, idiot that I was, that I was going to head it off as quickly as possible.
I wiped my forehead and sighed.
"Well! I'm exhausted." I headed for the kitchen. "I think I'll just have a quick dinner, then shower then bed good night-"
"Hold it."
I froze. I very slowly turned my head to look at Fluttershy, who was staring intensely at me.
"Yes?" I asked, turning to face her. She smiled again.
"I want a massage."
"... Okay," I said, shrugging. "Sure." Truth be told, this made me feel a little better. I mean, it was just a massage, right? How much trouble could a massage cause?
My mind nastily reminded me of Applejack and Twilight, but I dutifully ignored them and sat down on the couch next to Fluttershy. She laid down, and looked up at me expectantly. I rubbed my hands together, and began my work on the muscles of her back as efficiently and in as business like a fashion as I could.
She hummed happily before she spoke.
"I had a great day today... Mmm... Iron Will's training really, really helped me," she sighed.
"I uh... Heard," I said carefully. She looked back at me.
"Oh? What did you hear?" She asked cheerfully.
"Uh..." How to phrase it properly...? "Well... My work crew was late getting back from lunch, apparently due to some of your... Assertiveness."
Fluttershy's eyes widened for a moment, before narrowing. She huffed.
"They were in my way, and when somepony blocks, it's time to rock!"
"What does that even mean? I almost got crushed by Ditzy because of that," I said flatly, still massaging her back. Fluttershy sniffed.
"The old Fluttershy would've been the one who didn't get lunch on time, or just crushed. New Fluttershy is perfectly content with getting what New Fluttershy wants!"
"I... See...?" I said, now very concerned.
"Rub me between my wings!" She commanded. I did so, and she trembled underneath me. She let out a deep, throaty moan. "Ohhhh yesss..." She smirked up at me. "How about the other side next?"
I withdrew my hands. She started, and stared up at me in surprise.
"What? Why did you stop?"
"Well, because I want to talk to Old Fluttershy," I said, as calmly as I could manage.
"Old Fluttershy isn't here! There's only New Fluttershy!" Fluttershy growled.
"Oh, New Fluttershy, you nut, now let's be serious," I said. I took hold of her hooves and looked imploringly into her eyes. "Come on, Old Fluttershy. You know, sweet, kind, gentle Fluttershy?"
"HA!" She scoffed. "You just want to talk to Old Fluttershy because she was a pushover! You enjoyed pushing me around, didn't you?"
"I'm... Sorry?" I asked. "What?"
"Yeah! You enjoy pushing me around! Having me at your beck and call! And you enjoy it because you are alone on this world," she continued, glaring at me directly. "Totally alone. You're a weak alien, that's what you are! Too weak to be honest about why you hung out with me before!"
My jaw dropped.
"What?! What are you-No, no, this is about you," I said flatly. "You're the one acting like you've gone insane!"
"That's it!" Fluttershy said angrily. "You're just avoiding the issue!"
"What issue?! I don't-!"
"Well, New Fluttershy won't have jerks under her roof!" She growled. She rose up on her back hooves and struck me in the chest with both of them. I was sent sprawling onto the floor as she hovered above me, her eyes narrowed in anger. I held up my hands defensively.
"I didn't push you around, you volunteered to let me stay with you! I pay you rent! I do chores!" I was now feeling desperate. "I can find that spot you really like between your wings!"
"Get out!" She snarled. "Out right now! New Fluttershy will not tolerate this!"
Discretion, as has been said before, is the better part of valor. So I very slowly nodded.
"Right... All right... Clearly you want some time to yourself. That's all right." I grabbed a change of clothes, a few other essentials like my toothbrush, and got out as fast as I could.
- - - - - - -
Thirty minutes later, I was in front of Twilight's door. The moment she opened it, I let it spill.
"Fluttershy has been possessed and we need to save her immortal soul."
Twilight blinked.
"Good evening to you too...?"
- - - - - - - -
"So yeah," I said earnestly. "Fluttershy is possessed. Possibly by this Iron Will guy, I don't know. Maybe he's infecting ponies with his spirit, turning them all into evil, malevolent bitches!"
"Andrew, Andrew, breathe!" Twilight said, reaching up and resting her hooves on my shoulders. "Just relax, breath..."
"R-Right, right, breath," I said, taking deep breaths. "Relax..."
She massaged my shoulders and her face was curiously close. I looked up into her eyes. She looked into mine.
"... Right, I'm relaxed," I said quickly, scooting away and clearing my throat. She sighed and nodded.
"Right..." Her horn lit up as several books came forth, coming to a rest on the coffee table. "I wouldn't worry too much, she's probably just, you know... Going a little overboard."
"Seriously Twilight, would you at least go talk to her? She did basically throw me out," I said flatly. Twilight sighed and patted me on the thigh.
"All right, I will," she said kindly. "Though you know, you could just move back in with me."
"I... It..." I sighed and looked at the ceiling. "I think it's a little crowded here already."
"You could just share my bed," Twilight suggested with a bright smile. I stared at her in disbelief. Twilight shook her head rapidly.
"I-I didn't mean it like that!" She insisted.
"Well how did you mean it?" I demanded.
"I just meant... You know... We share a bed. I used to do it with Spike all the time," Twilight said.
"And I bet you talk to him about how his species reproduces all the time," I said, growing angrier. Twilight stepped back and scowled.
"What exactly are you implying, anyway?"
"I don't know! What are you implying?"
"What do you think I'm implying?!" Twilight demanded. "Because it sounds like you're implicating me for something you think I'm implying!"
"I'm not implying anything!" I shouted back.
"You're shouting pretty loudly about not implying anything!" Twilight growled back, now right in my face.
"That's only because you're denying you're implying anything!" I shouted back.
There was a loud groan from upstairs, and a sleepy looking dragon peered down from his partially open door.
"Would you two please take this outside?" Spike sighed. "Or at least argue in a less noisy way?"
"Sorry Spike," we both said together. The dragon grumbled something about mammals I'm not going to repeat here. Suffice it to say it made Twilight blush, and I looked at the ceiling with a heavy sigh.
There was silence for a while before I spoke again.
"Right. So... Demonic possession," I said. "How do we fix it?"
"Are you sure you're not just overreacting to her going through a mood swing?" Twilight asked.
"You haven't seen her," I emphasized. "Really."
Twilight sighed. "Look... We're both really, really tired. Let's just call it a day and rest. We'll do something about Fluttershy tomorrow but right now, neither of us is thinking straight."
"Right," I said with a nod.
"You can sleep with me," Twilight said. I gaped at her in some astonishment, but she looked at me with a bit of steely determination.
"You can't sleep anywhere else, there isn't a large or comfortable enough surface. And whatever you think my intentions are, all I want is to sleep and for you to be comfortable." She took a deep breath and glared at me. "All right?"
"I... It..."
"Well?" She asked, tapping her hoof impatiently. I nodded.
"All right..."
"Good," Twilight said, trotting upstairs. I stared after her for a long moment, and sighed. I shook my head at my own stupidity.
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends," I quoted Henry V as I slowly ascended the stairs.
- - - - - -
Relax guys. At no point will this turn into a clopfic. That doesn’t mean I won’t make jokes about it though...
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♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
MORE! Plus...Must...Resist...Temptation..To..Say...First...
Sexual tension with ponies FTW
Good chapter, as always.
Toe that line!
I personally don't care if you cross, as long as it's as awkward as it should be... but that would detract from the story.
TOE IT!
Twice in one day, and well written at that? Way to go!
Twice in one day, and well written at that? Way to go! Wait, the date system on the updates is messed up. Either way, amazing job.
The Exorcist: Flutterbitch edition.
Demonic possession! That makes so much sense!
Save her immortal soul?
God for Harry, England, and Saint George!
"Andrew, Andrew, breath!" Twilight said, reaching up and resting her hooves on my shoulders.
I think you need to add an e to breath. Other than that, Great chapter!
This is so damn funny its unreal
Btw nice Choice of Name
should have shortend it though
I can only say that you have done a great job with this chapter
Eh... I don't know about you guys, but I'd jump on that opportunity in an instant.
damn i was waiting for dat clopclopclop
Rly Good, can't wait till next one, and 324005 I almost got diabetus because of your avatar pic
good. als long it isn't a clopfic, I find it entertaining enough.
(I do like romance stories tough, as long they are in the ''old fashioned disney way'')
Dammit, she's DERPY.
Fluttershy, middle ground! FIND IT!
...
Lovely post, par usual. Damn, I wish I was a quarter good as you.
For some reason, I could perfectly imagine that argument with twilight, like, it was meant to happen
Oh god it gets better and better with every chapter.....
this both confuses me and makes total sense at th' same time.
324021 why thank you good sir
Nopony says no to twilight's bed apparently.
I am looking forward to the next chapter.
"The residents had torn out the old, rotting support beams and it was my job to drill them into place."
Think you forgot to add "the new oneshere.
But, as always, great chapter! I like the semi-continuity with the canon show. Keep up the great work!
This is my favorite fan-fic in my trackin' list.
2 things; Flutterbitch is best Discorded pony
and MOAR.
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"Fluttershy has been possessed and we need to save her immortal soul."
Her name's Derpy dammit!
Hilarious! Please, don't stop!
Y3s
MORE STORY YAYZ!!!
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Lulz will ensue and I will be here for every one of them.
This was another great chapter to this series. Fluttershy scene was so funny to read!
not turn into a clopfic? GODAMNIT SO CLOSE
324037 I know right ditzy doo is not her god damn name DERPY DERPY get that into you're
PUNY LITTLE SKULLS!!!
Yay, you included Derpy!
And more fun with Flutterrage 
and horny Twilight 
to boot.
I'm still looking forward to what happens when Celestia and/or Luna show up.
A true Comedic masterpiece Comrade! Bravo Sire, Bravo!
A massage you say? Sleeping with Twilight you say?
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Not a clopfic you say? I am somewhat dissapoint.
It would be awesome to read a true romance fic in your style but alas, I shall have to live with the comedy and innuendos.
Steady now bronies, we've had the whole Ditzy/Derpy wars already. Yes, Derpy is Canon. But it won't be for anybody that watched the show *after* they changed it. Horrifying, I know, but there we are. Not to mention the fact that this fiction could conceivably come from somebody who either didn't know her name was now canon, or who started writing this before it became canon.
It's not fair to ask an author to go back through his work and change a character's name throughout, so hush, the lot of you.
And as for the author in question, you're a gem! I know it won't turn into clop, but here I was hoping that, at some point, Twilight would catch her man. No clop needed, but a little romance wouldn't be too hard, now would it? Pwweeeeeaase?
Do I need to go find the CMC and make them do the face? I'll make them do the face...
That boy has Twilight Fever! I for one approve.
Andrew, Andrew, Andrew...Please make more. I need more laughs, and your the only one to provide them (well okay there may be some others, but your a primary source)
Cheers,
jangledorf
YAY
324143
Her name may be Derpy now, but at one time, in case you've forgotten, she had no official name and it was assumed that her name was Ditsy Doo. One could theorize that Derpy is a nickname for her just as 'Dashie' Is Rainbow Dash's Nickname.
Why are you getting so bent out of shape?
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323967 Listen to this man. You toe the HELL out of that line.
I have edited the story up. Ditzy is back to "Derpy". It was a subtle joke that didn't really work, so I'm just going with Derpy now. Enjoy.
I'm conflicted. I want Twilight to be happy (by getting together with Andrew), but these sexual tension jokes are just so funny that I don't ever want them to end! Also, I wonder if Twilight is going to get a surprise tomorrow morning?
I hate myself sometimes...
...
...