Hands

by Andrew Joshua Talon

Extras 3

Hands

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.

Have some more shorts!

- - -

An alternate take on how Shepherd's love life might have gone...

- - -

Okay. So living in a world populated by colorful, talking ponies was strange. Severely strange. But at the very least, they were extremely kind. Even to a strange, awkward talking primate.

I even got a job as a local handyman! ... Which was a pun they had never heard of until now.

I hate having to explain my jokes, don't you?

That said, there were some issues. Issues I was hopefully going to resolve with Fluttershy, the local vet/hippie/shy girl.

Apparently she was extremely hot by pony standards. I dunno, I wasn't sure about it. Especially while she was examining my throat with a tongue depressor.

"Mmhm, it's-it's just as I thought," Fluttershy said with a nod, pulling back. She had an adorable flashlight strapped to her head. "You're not getting enough iron in your diet."

"You could tell that by looking down my throat?" I asked. Fluttershy blushed.

"Well, um, no, but I did a few other tests too, and I can smell better than you, so... Um... Yes," she said with a nod. She frowned. "You're obviously an omnivore. But you're clearly not getting enough iron from the diet you're on right now. Um, your diet back home: What did it consist of?"

I flushed, and rubbed the back of my head. Fluttershy blinked.

"Oh my... Did you eat horses?"

"What? No!" I said quickly. "I didn't eat horses! I did eat cows, pigs, goats, sheep-"

"Ah! All creatures with significant amounts of myoglobin in their tissues," Fluttershy said with a nod. She smiled at me. "Just stay here. I'll be right back!" She fluttered off to the kitchen, and began rummaging around and cooking. I blinked a few times.

"Uh, okay?" I leaned back on the couch and sighed. Damn, this couch was incredibly comfortable. And the whole cottage was nice, cozy, warm... I'd been working so hard...

Before I knew it, I was dozing, then I was napping. And then... I smelled something. Something I never thought I would smell again.

Beef... Cooking... Beef...!

I slowly sat up, wincing a bit. A winged form appeared, the sunlight shining behind it. My eyes adjusted, and at last, I resolved the form.

It was Fluttershy. Smiling warmly, her beautiful blue eyes gazing at me with warmth and compassion. Between her hooves (which were covered with adorable oven mitts) was a tray. On this was a plate of baked potatoes, carrots, a salad, and a mouth watering, juicy, perfectly seared steak. And to go with it was a glass. A glass my nose told my overly excited senses was filled with alcohol!

"Um, I used a griffin cook book and a dead bison one of my bears left me," Fluttershy said bashfully. "I-I followed it exactly. I understand many carnivores like their meat to rest before consumption and reach an ideal temperature," she said shyly. "I also made gravy and added some hard cider as a complement to the meal-"

I pounced on the food, gobbling it down with the reckless abandon of a starving man. It tasted like pure orgasms-And the booze was even better! It created a symphony of taste on my tongue, that went right to the deepest, most primal parts of my brain.

Everything slipped away. I may have been the only human on an alien world but in this moment, all my loneliness and fear and insecurities slipped away. All I was left with was a warm, full stomach, the taste of meat and booze, and the beautiful, angelic creature who had made it possible.

"Um... Y-You liked it?" She asked.

In this moment, she wasn't a strange pony shaped alien. She was the most beautiful woman in the universe. Which is when I pounced on her and kissed her deeply.

- - -

Later...

Twilight Sparkle was staring in disbelief and annoyance at us. "I... I'm sorry, you knocked her up?!"

Fluttershy happily rubbed her rounded tummy with a bright, happy flush. "I've never been happier," she sighed.

I, on the other hand...

"HOW?! NO, SERIOUSLY, HOW?!" I cried, tearing out my hair. "THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!"

"Well, you didn't think griffins, hippogriffs, centaurs and minotaurs came about without some help, did you?" Twilight asked.

"... Gross," I decided. I sighed as Fluttershy cuddled up to my side. "So Greek mythology rules?"

"I don't know what that is," Twilight said, looking more annoyed.

"Basically," I began, "everything is the fault of some horny guy from another world." I blinked and hummed. "Sounds about right, actually."

- - -

Author's Note:

Since the last chapter's attention was stolen by Twilight Sparkle disliking Harry Potter, here's the other short.

Comments

[Amilition]

Holy shit, this was the very first MLP fan fic I ever read. It makes me happy to see it back alive

[ssokolow]

9930236

It was my third, as I remember, after I was pulled into the fandom by seeing the Fanfiction.net copy of The Wizard and the Lonely Princess show up in the faves list of someone whose judgment I trusted, then reading Shinji's Nightmare there too.

(In fact, it was this fic which brought me to fimfiction.net via an author's note on the Fanfiction.net version directing me to My Little Pony: Versus Equestria, which wasn't being cross-posted to Fanfiction.net.)

[sockmonkey]

9930236
Same here. This was the fic that bronified me. Darn you Andrew Joshua Talon, darn you to heck!

[Jack-Pony]

Damn it Zeus Shepard!