Evil rising up to take over Equestria? Normal. Evil succeeding in taking over Equestria? Unusual. How did he do it? By following some simple rules...
Supreme Overlord of the Dominion of Equestria. Wonderful title isn't it? Capture the Country, Marry the Princess, Take over the world. Sounds like an Adventure story doesn't it? Well this is no story. How do I know? Well I'm not stupid for one. All those other dolts that came before fell into too many simple traps. They're all so easy to avoid. That's why I work to rule. The rules. The Rules of an Evil Overlord.
It is a beautiful day in Equestria. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there isn't a cloud in the sky above the Castle of the Supreme Overlord in Canterlot. Castle of the Celestial Sisters? You’re a little late my friend. Didn’t you get the memo? The Dominion of Equestria has been mine for a whole year now.
Domination of Equestria - T+365 days.
From the great seas in the south to the frozen north, a wonderful recent acquisition, my Dominion has gone from strength to strength under my leadership. Poverty is down, wages are up. Social unrest is down, crime is down, dissatisfaction with the government is (officially) down. Some may say that’s down to some rather oppressive laws and brutal police practices, and I would agree with them wholeheartedly. You can’t argue with results afterall.
Elements of Harmony, Alicorn Sisters, Empires of the north and countless rebellions have fallen before me. Some would say that I could probably relax by now. The counter down in the hallway reads a healthy 17 days since the last armed insurrection. If we manage a month I have plans to hold a party for all in the security services. With Doughnuts. Ponies really really like doughnuts.
So tell me, my little friend, who are you again? No, you’re not North Wind. For starters, North Wind is a Pegasus, not an Earth Pony. Second, I know North Wind quite well, I attended his foal shower only a couple of months ago. What? Of course I can tell you’re not him. I can see you. It may be his uniform, and I hope for the sake of your friends and family that you didn’t hurt him too much when you stole it, and it may have his name tag on it, but I can see your face. Clear glass helmets for all those in uniform. It’s a simple policy and one that’s stopped more infiltrators like you than you have grass chewing molars in your mouth.
You know what? Never mind. Over the railing with you. Alioop! There we go. I still quite like the look on the face of Earth Ponies when they find themselves in the air with nothing under them. It’s a strange combination of shock, surprise and a yearning. A deep yearning to have the earth under their hooves again. The irony that they very quickly get that wish fulfilled in a very final manner is not lost on me I assure you.
Guards? Could you fly down there, make sure he’s dead and incinerate the body for me? Yes, standard procedure, double tap to the skull if he’s not moving, full clip to the chest if it even so much as twitches in the breeze, then double tap the skull.
Oh, and find North Wind. If he’s alive then retire him. No, not permanently, with a pension. Jeeze, I’m not a monster, he’s got a family. He has rather proved unreliable though.
Overlord Rule No:1 My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
“Sweetie Belle?” “Yes Scootaloo?” “I thought you said that we could get in here?” “How was I supposed to know that the vent would be too small to crawl through!”
Three fillies, one castle, one (of many) Evil Superweapon Ventilation Ducts. The Cutie Mark Crusaders Country Liberators were stumped by that last one though.
“We’re still fillies, how could it not be big enough to crawl through! Who designed this place anyways!” “Well, it looks to me like rather than have a single, large vent for all the air, there’s instead a whole bundle of little ones, letting the same volume of air move through a collection of much smaller apertures.” “You’re starting to sound like Sweetie there Bloom. I didn’t even get half of that.” “It’s quite simple, she said-” “Oh don’t start. Of course you’d understand Miss Dictionary.” “Hey, no need to be rude!” “Let’s just go girls, maybe we can get our marks elsewhere.” “Fine.” “Okay.”
Overlord Rule No:2 My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
It was dark in the Ponyville records office, despite the glowing orbs of magic hovering around the sole occupant. A single Alicorn furiously going through family records from across Equestria at a furious pace.
Come on Twilight, think. THINK. There’s got to be somepony who knows this guy! Parents are dead, mother died young, father remarried, then died a couple of years ago in an accident.. Siblings, dead, also in accidents. There actually seemed to be a lot of accidents recorded in relation to this family. If it wasn’t for the fact that Equestria was in the middle of a brutal and bloody takeover there would probably be plenty of cause for deeper investigation into several of these ‘accidents’.
What’s this? A younger brother from the second marriage? Used to be in charge of a major corporation before he disappeared. Within two months of his disappearance the elder brother assumed full control of all his assets, wealth, corporate facilities, everything. So that’s how the ‘Overlord’ got the resources to take over Equestria!
Twilight was appalled, naturally. The idea of harming your own family for personal gain went so against her natural grain that she nearly lost her lunch then and there. Still, he was listed as missing, he could still be alive. If she could find him, maybe, just maybe, there was a chance. He could assume control of his stolen life again, the country hadn’t fallen yet, control of the legislature was still in the hooves of good (mostly) decent (sometimes) ponies. She couldn't rely on that once the take over was finished.
It was another couple of hours in the gloom of the records office before she finally did lose her lunch. There, on the table was a photo. The photo was part of a newspaper article from the Manehatten Herald.
Missing Businesspony found dead in the harbour. All his vital organs removed.
Overlord Rule No:3 My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Rabble Rouser sat in the dock in the middle of the overly large chamber, head held high. He’d given this new ‘Overlord’ one hell of a hard time, it was unsurprising that such a heavy sentence had been handed down, from his Supremeness himself no less.
From almost day one Rabble Rouser had been organising. First demonstrations, then armed insurrections against the increasing stranglehold of this horrid regime. Ponies disappearing, foals taken from their mothers due to arbitrary rules which were known only to those at the top, never to be seen again. Regular executions in the streets, many of the security forces given Carte Blanche in the early days to beat and kill nearly anyone they fancied.
He couldn’t stand for it. It was in his name, on his flank and in his blood. He had to stand up for his common pony. For what was good and right in the world. For the Equestria which seemed by many to have been abandoned.
He was prepared for this though. He had the speech memorised for when he was there on the gallows. He would reignite the spark inside the downtrodden, bring back the light which was stolen. He knew his friends would be there in the crowd, ready to lead the mob in overrunning the guards. It would be a crowning moment, the escape and the rebirthing of the rebellion.
Or...not. Rabble Rouser looked down, his eyes pinpricks, at the hole in his chest. They hadn’t even left the courtroom yet, the Overlord himself sitting opposite him as Judge, Jury and it seemed, given the smoking gun, Executioner. Slumping to the floor Rabble’s mind raced at a mile a moment, seemingly in tandem with the speed his blood was leaking from his ruined heart. Wasn’t he supposed to be an example against further insubordination? How will that message get out if he died in this dark, hollow court? How was his message supposed to get out if he died here?
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be…..
Overlord Rule No:4 Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
Tartarus, prison of demons, evil emperors and unnamed horrors which used to lurk under the bed. The hardest place in the whole world to get out of. Or, get into.
In the depths of the wildest place in Equestria known as the Everfree Forest, is a cave. Inside that cave is a tunnel where no light, natural or magical may shine.
At the end of that tunnel is a river, wider and faster than any sea which sat upon the surface, filled with creatures of the kind even their mother couldn’t love.
On the far side of that river is a labyrinth, said to be the birthplace of the Minotaur race and still filled with their more beastial and mad progenitors.
At the centre of the labyrinth is a well. This well feels deeper than even the earth itself is capable of being. The walls are smoother than glass, and harder than diamonds. There’s no purchase for even the most experienced of Goat climbers.
At the bottom of the well is a cavern. This craggy massive space is the home of Cerberus, keeper of Tartarus. This three headed dog may be the cutest thing in the sunlight, but down here in the dark and the depths he lives up to his name as the Grim Keeper. No pony, no creature has ever gotten past him and lived. Until now.
Past the Grim Keeper is The Gate. The massive wrought iron edifice enchanted to be stronger than any material known to any sentient races. Unbreakable, lock unpickable.
On the other side of The Gate, Rainbow Dash’s hoof met her face. “You said it would be here Twilight.” Beside her, the Alicorn of Friendship was staring at the pedestal in horror. The large, empty pedestal. “It should be here Rainbow! All my research said it would be in the hardest place to reach! In the place nopony may gain entry! It has to be here!”
In Tartarus, prison of demons, evil emperors and unnamed horrors which used to lurk under the bed, somepony groaned.
Overlord Rule No:5 The artefact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
It has been funny. Hilarious even. Roughly a hundred ponies caught between my great armies and the plunge at the edge of Canterlot. Scrambling to find purchase to avoid falling. Wondering where to look, over the edge at the inevitable death below, or at the advancing minions of the would be ruler.
He drank it all in, the heady feeling of their fear and desperation. The last barrier between him and the Castle of the Celestial Sisters, and by extension, the throne of Equestria, was finally being routed. Citizens of the capitol looked on, many openly weeping at the sight of their protectors in shining armour about to be put to death.
It would be the perfect time for a speech. A rousing one about the change between old and new orders. About the end of the old world and the rise of his glorious new Dominion. To remind them, to show them, that this is what happened to those who defied him. It would set the perfect example to begin his new regime.
“Drive them over the edge. Now.” “Your word is my command, Master.”
It would be the perfect time for a speech. But it could wait. Besides, most of the watching crowd didn’t seem to be able to hear much over the screaming anyway.
Overlord Rule No:6 I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
“Did you really think you would succeed?” Spitfire looked up at him from the floor, it was all she could do to lift her head after the beating she’d taken. “I had to. You’re a monster. You’re going to take Equestria into a bloody war. Thousands will die!” He tutted at her, his face a mask of impassivity. “You’d be surprised. I’m already in the Everfree, and hardly anyone has died yet. I can see your pitiful forces massed against me in Ponyville, but to think that the Princesses would rather go for an assassination was really quite surprising.” “Was it, really? The greatest threat Equestria has ever faced and you think we’d play nice?” “Well, you have up until now. You’ve played by rote perfectly. First the pleas, then the heroic stands of the brave few, even trying to find the artefacts left behind by long forgotten races. But now here we are, on the brink of all out war, and you try to assassinate me? It has been disappointing.”
Disappointing? It was heartbreaking. They’d been so close. Four Wonderbolts, the best of the best, hoof picked by Princess Celestia and Spitfire themselves. They knew it would probably be a one way trip. Even if they took his head it was quite likely his armies would tear them limb from limb. Hell, they’d already taken her wings, and her Wingpony. Sorry, Soarin. Please, at least let the others complete their mission. If he couldn’t be killed, at least let others be saved through the annihilation of that abominable weapon.
She growled and with the last of her strength she spat on his boot. “You’re disappointed?You’re sick! What the hell is this even all about anyway!? What’s it even for!? Tell me that you bastard!”
Crack. … …... Crack
“No.”
Overlord Rule No:7 When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
Domination of Equestria - T 0 days. The Fall of The Castle of the Celestial Sisters: 14:14
“Is the chapel ready?” “Yes my Master. All has been prepared.” “A Judge, not a priest? “Yes my Master. No priest could marry you Master. You are marrying one of their deity figures. Only another Princess could preside.” “Speaking of, couldn’t you at least take me to dinner first?” “Oh quiet Luna my dear, we can have the whirlwind romance after the wedding.”
Running. They were running through the halls of The Castle of the Celestial Sisters, the battle between the invaders and the ponies had come to the final stand and continued to rage around them in the rooms and corridors. Through one hall and another they ran. The Supreme Overlord, soon to be master of all he surveyed cut down another Royal Guard in his path, clearing the way for the party coming up behind him. This group carried an important package, the Princess Luna herself, and a key part of his plan. Once they were married, it would give his rule the legitimacy it needed. Well, not needed as such. The only thing he absolutely needed was the control core in his pocket, but dammit, was it so bad to want to get the Princess at the end of it all? He hardly thought so.
One last door. He kicked it down with a powered boot. On the other side the most senior Judge in all of Equestria. Behind her, several armed figures in dark armour with their blades around her throat. “We’re here! Let’s begin shall we? I’m rather busy and needed elsewhere.” “I protest! Why would I marry the evil creature who has torn my kingdom apart!?” “Luna, Luna, Luna. One, because I said so. Two, you have no real choice in the matter. Three, things will be much much worse for your little ponies if you aren’t by my side being a positive influence. And four, because I promise you, once I have a little more time, you are going to love me.” “Beast! Felon! Foul Spawn! Twisted Wretch! Demo-” “Now now my dear. All you need to say is ‘I do.’ Please, for me?”
Overlord Rule No:8 After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
“You cracked the code yet?” “Yea, the last seal is coming off now. You see it?” “The big red button rising out of the floor labeled ‘Self Destruct?’ Yea, I see it. You should get over here.” “On it. Be there in 30.”
It hadn’t been easy getting this far. Unsurprisingly, security was tight around the control room and related systems. Four blast doors, sixteen patrols, countless cameras. It was a marvel they’d gotten to the end at all. But here they were, in the control block, sealed in while alarms blared around them with the sounds of heavy cutting torches on the massive bulkheads sizzling behind them. They stared at the culmination of their mission as it slowly slid from its protective housing recessed in the floor.
“Hey.” “Hey yourself.” “You did most of the work. You want to do the honours?” “Humm, maybe. But would anyone really know which of us ultimately pressed it in the end? I mean, when this place explodes, we’re going with it. Assuming the guards don’t get through the door first.” “Good point. Maybe we should press it together? That way whoever argues about this in the years to come will always be right.” “I like that idea. Well.... I just want to say-” “Yea, I know. Me too.” “Right. On three?” “One.” “Two.” “Three!” “Three!”
It was twenty minutes later the bulkheads finally came down. “Everything secure?” “Yes Captain, everything is accounted for.” “Perfect. Inform the Master that everything functioned as designed. He truly is a genius.” “Aye Captain. Shall we take the bodies away as well?” “Please do. Make sure they go directly in the incinerator.” “At once, Captain.”
Overlord Rule No:9 I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
The Griffiott Hotel. It was a small place on one of the main roads between the Equestrian border and the Capitol of Griffonstone. It wasn’t fancy, or particularly special. Nothing really important happened here. Today seemed to be an exception. It all began when two equine creatures walked in through the front doors. This wasn’t too unusual, except everyone had heard of the new Overlord who had recently taken over Equestria, and everyone near the border knew their uniforms. Why just two of them had come to their little hotel, the Griffons had no idea, but it was hardly likely to be an invasion. At least, they hoped not.
After these two had looked around the reception for a bit, He walked in. The Overlord himself. None of the Griffons there had seen him before, but he was unmistakable as anyone else. He exuded power from every pore, and a chill followed in his footsteps. The two creatures who had entered before him bowed deeply as he headed towards the counter.
“Can I help you….Sir?” “You will address him with more respect you-” “Quiet now, quiet now, she’s just doing a job. It’s Ok miss…?” “Gillia, sir...d-do you need a room?” “See now? You’ve got her all nervous. Yes, please, I need one of your quietest rooms. How full are you at the moment?” “We only have a couple of customers today...sir...is that..important?” “Yes, it is just a little. which room is the furthest away from all the rest? In a corner or something?” “R-r-r-room 204...on the next floor….” “Is anyone else on that floor Miss Gillia?” “No...no that floor is empty at the moment…” “Excellent! Then I’ll book every room on that floor for the next day. Is that alright with you?” “EVER-…Every room?” “Yes please. I only need the key for 204 though, the rest can stay empty. Also can you make sure that the cleaning staff and other guests stay off that floor for me?” “Um...yes….er….why?” “Oh it’s nothing to worry about my dear. Thank you for the key. Ok boys, bring him in. We’re going to have our little ‘talk’ up in 204. Oh. One last thing, do you have a minibar?”
Overlord Rule No:10 I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
“Master, we can conclusively say that we shattered all resistance from the previous regime. After the Battle at Ponyville and the fall of Canterlot they have less than twelve percent of their forces still active and absolutely no unified command structure.”
“What is the disposition of these remaining forces?”
“My Master, there are none remaining in Manehatten. Less than one hundred are known to be in operation in the area around Baltimare. Cloudsdale and Las Pegasus have already surrendered all arms, probably because one shot of your Evil Superweapon would dissipate the entire city. All that leaves is in Equestria proper is divisions of twenty or less stationed in all towns and villages between here and the foal mountains. The largest single most organised group on the northern continent is the force held by the Crystal Guard in the Empire to the north. We are preparing an assault to take it at once.”
“I see. Hold off on taking the Empire. See to it that all the the stragglers on our doorstep are mopped up at once.”
“But Master, the longer we leave the Crystal Empire alone the more they are going to fortify!” "They are already heavily fortified. The Empire is at the end of a mountain range, any assault will be costly. No, we wait until we are secure here in Equestria first. Once the Solar Eruptor is complete and we have replenished our strength we will strike at our leisure.”
“Master, none can stand against you in Equestria now! They are too scattered and useless! They have no command, no unified strategy! “Then you are a fool. Less than twenty per provincial division? Do you know how many of those there are between here and the western coast alone?”
“Um, no My Master, I do not.” “There are over one hundred and thirty townships and villages with a guard detachment. Do you know how many that adds up to in total armed and trained ponies?”
“Errr, two thousand six hundred, Master?” “Correct. And while it is true that we faced twice that number in Ponyville they will not go for a pitched battle again. No, it will be constant guerilla warfare. We would get absolutely nothing done outside of the cities.”
“They are too disorganised! Who would lead such a uprising?” “How many Bearers of the Elements of Harmony do you count in our cells?”
“None my Master.” “Humph, something like that. So no, we will not be rushing at the Crystal Empire. Let them starve due to a lack of supplies from Equestria for a while while we ensure there can be no further organised opposition within our borders first.”
“Your word is my command, My Master!”
Overlord Rule No:11 I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
“And this is the Solar Eruptor, my newest Evil Superweapon. I’m quite proud of it.” It was a truly massive device, bigger than my old superweapon based in the Everfree by far. Pipework running across the walls and ceiling lead to and from the massive pulsing orb in its centre, a tiny screen on the side monitored various readings from inside. It was functional, but looked rather crude. In time this chamber would be renovated, hiding most of the components from view. Maybe he could get a window installed into the furnace at the same time? Nah, tempting fate, however much fun the view would be.
“How does it work?” “Well, this is the core of the unit here, the Solar Furnace. In here pure magic and Solar plasma are generated. The former is kept contained and the latter is piped all around the Castle to provide heat and hot water. The infrastructure is currently being built to extend that program out to the whole of Canterlot to provide free energy and heating to the whole capitol, there’s enough of it being created after all. It’ll be an important factor in my plans to remove poverty. I'm not using words too complex for you am I?” “No, that makes sense. But you said it was an Evil Superweapon. What part of that is evil? Or a weapon? Are you going to scald ponies in the shower?” “Hahah, no. See, that’s where the stored magic comes into play. Running into the Canter Mountain itself are hundreds of magic conducive circuits, and they connect to a focusing array at the very peak. On command the Plasma can be diverted from mundane tasks and piped up to the focusing array where it will converge into a lance of star energy. The array is powerful enough to throw and contain that lance of solar plasma half way around the world.” “That’s impressive Mr.”
Well, I was quite proud of the idea. Use a ball of incredible energy to kick start the reaction, add the extra special renewable resource and pow, Solar Furnace, unlimited magic and star fuel generator-cum-eternal-torture-device. Who knew she could make so much mass? Heh, must have been several millennia of cake, fat flank.
“But I was wondering…” “Humm, go ahead?” “You said that the magic isn’t used unless it’s being used as a weapon, right?” “That’s correct.” “So...what happens if you don’t use it that way for awhile? Won’t it just...bottle up? I remember once when Mummy put too much spritz into the bottle once and she couldn’t get it off the spout in time so the glass cracked. Won’t it be the same here? I mean, you’re getting rid of all the super hot stuff all the time, but what about the magic?”
“Humm, let’s see, how to explain it. Inside the Solar Furnace is something which works as a massive magical storage device, like a battery as well as a generator. It’s capable of holding vast amounts of magic, it would take thousands of years before it died or broke because of that, and that's if it never gets used in that time. I expect I'll be using it quite frequently in the next year or two at least. From then, who knows.”
“Yea, but, maybe it wouldn’t break, but sometimes things stop working right before then, yaknow? Like how...when Mummy nearly over fills the bottle. Then the juice just tastes nasty. Or when the picture on the TV starts going wonky because just one iddy bit went bad. What if whatever’s in there goes nasty because it’s got too much magic and it doesn’t work properly?”
That...was actually a good point. A really good point. Nasty wouldn’t even begin to cover what would happen if she recovered too much magic. How had I missed something so obvious?
“Servitor!” “Your command, my Master?” “Gather the engineering team at once. Inform them they must begin implementation of a system to discharge the magic reserves of the Solar Furnace. Daily. This is Priority Zero, nothing else gets done till this is complete. Do you understand?” “Your word is my command, my Master.” “Go now. All speed. Now, tell me again, why did you apply for this post as an advisor to the new government?” “I need the money to help Mummy! She works extra hard to pay for my Piano lessons and stuff, so I want to help her out. And everyone says I’m the smartest and cutest filly in school.” “That’s wonderful child, you truly are a good filly, and certainly cute as a button. Well, I think we can safely say you have the job. Welcome aboard Miss Dinky Hooves.”
Overlord Rule No:12 One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
Domination of Equestria - T+365 days. “Take his armour off. That kit’s expensive. That and it can be reissued to a new recruit.” “Yes Captain.”
The bottom of the Canter Mountain was stained red. Again. Quite why so many ponies thought that some shades, funny glasses or a stolen uniform would be a suitable disguise was beyond him. This is why there were no all encompassing uniforms or armour in the whole of the Dominion’s military. Even the Supreme Overlord himself had a visor made of enchanted diamond. He always said it was so that he could have maximum visibility. It made sense. Why limit your peripheral vision? Isn’t that how Platinum the mad had lost his Throne to his brother way back when before the Unification? An utterly impractical helmet design which allowed him to be so easily ambushed from the side. It had gone down in the common vernacular as ‘Being blinkered.’.
“Sir!” “Yes soldier?” “I think his hoof just moved!” “Open fire.” The little valley was immediately lit up with the sounds of gunfire. Standard clips held 100 Plasmic rounds, and there were four of them. They emptied every magazine.
“Whooo…..who doesn’t love the smell of cooked Earth Pony in the morning?” “Can the chatter. Who’s got the bolt gun? Two to the head. Standard procedure here boys.”
Thunk-Splat. Thunk-Splat.
“Right, this is a main road. Bagup the remains and take them to the incinerator immediately. Stop for nothing, this is a priority 1 order. You are to witness the destruction until nothing remains. Am I clear?” “Sir, yes Sir!” “Excellent. Calling base, this is Execution 1, we’re done here. Can you send cleanup, there’s brains all over the canyon.”
Overlord Rule No:13: All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
Domination of Equestria - T+213 days. Fall of the Crystal Empire - 23:44
“Where’s Shining you bastard!? Where’s my husband!? Let me see him! If you’ve hurt him, I’ll, I’ll!” “Locked in your own dungeons. I have no uses for him, he will be executed in the morning.”
“What!? Executed!? No no no...nonononononononononono-” “Oh be quiet you hysterical mare. You lost this war seven months ago, you should have been prepared for this.”
“I won’t let you get away with this! Do you hear me I will not let you get away with it!” “My dear you are singularly unable to stop me, like dear little Rainbow Dash who uttered those words before you not a few scant hours ago. There is nothing you can do. Your armies lie shattered and broken, your heroes are dead or incarcerated and your very own power over the heart is now mine to command. You're less than the Pegasus you were before your ascension Princess.”
“No. No. Please, please no! You can't do this. Please don't do this! He's my husband, my heart will break. I can't live without him. I won't live without him.” “Princess that is precisely why you must live. Killing you with your husband would be too easy. No, in order to shatter your power truly I must shatter your heart.”
“You're a monster! I didn't really believe it, I thought the reports were exaggerated. You truly have no compassion, you are incapable of love.” “Of course I am. Love is a binding attachment which I cannot afford. Becoming too attached to any one pony leaves me open to being exploited. Much as I have exploited you on this very field of battle.”
“You’re sick! You’re sick in the head! You’re sick in the heart! Your soul is rotten through!” “You’d be surprised how often I hear that.”
“Hardly, it’s obvious to anyone who meets you! It seeps from the very fibers of your being. Your sickness poisons the air around you.” “You flatter me.”
“Gurlp! Bleh!” “Oh dear, Princess, you look quite ill. Don’t go making yourself so unwell you can’t bear witness to tomorrow’s execution. It’s going to be most spectacular.”
“Please, let me see him, just one last time. If there’s any shred of goodness in your heart, in any part of your being, please, just let me see him!” “Dear me no! Giving the condemned stallion succour in the final hour? What were you planning to do, have him sire your child in the darkness of his cell so you have something to remember him by? Hah! If that’s your plan I might just let you! The security camera footage will be worth its weight in gold!”
“Bastard! As if I’d give you the satisfaction!” “No? That’s a real shame. Well, once you see your husband perish tomorrow you may well change your tune. Your Aunt did after all.”
Overlord Rule No:14 The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
We really should have called the police. Or better, the bomb squad. Who’s dumb idea was it to hang around and try to save the stupid statue anyway?
"Arrrg!" “Sunset? Have you worked out how it works yet?”
“No Dash, I haven’t, and having you yell every few seconds isn’t helping my concentration!” "Sorry!"
Oh yea, it was mine. So here I am, kneeling in front of the statue in the grounds of Canterlot High, wrists deep in a mess of wires, cables and blocks of suspiciously labeled substances. Good thing I have small hands. All while a small screen in the corner ominously counts down. Three hundred and falling.
“Ok, assuming this counter is reading in seconds, we’ve got five minutes. Pinkie, you made sure the school’s evacuated?” “Ma’am yes Miss Shimmer Ma’am! Everyone removed from the building and accounted for!”
“Right then, that just leaves you guys. Get out of here right now.” “Now hold on an apple pickin’ mi-”
“No arguments! This thing is clearly going to be at least strong enough to blow this statue to pieces, but honestly, it looks a bit bigger than that. If I can’t deal with it then you could all get hurt, and I won't allow that to happen!” “Sunset, Darling, how can you expect us to abandon you like this!?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do and we’re running out of time! Don’t argue with me!” “Damnit Sunset! You better get out of there too before that thing goes all nuclear ok!?”
“Promise Dash, now go. Please!”
Right. Are they…? Yea, gone. Good. Now I can really get started. So this wire leads from the power circuit to what I can only assume is the detonation circuit, yea...all these ones go from there to the blocks stuck all around the statue. This one goes to...pressure pads, attached to the back. Thought so, if I move this, it’ll go off instantly.
Once I’m done with this I need to find out what’s going on in Equestria. I’ve not heard from Princess Twilight in months, and now this? Someone trying to cut the portal off with a bomb? What kind of madness has taken hold over there? Something’s happening in magical pony land, I can feel it, and it’s bad. Really bad.
How long have I got left? One hundred and thirty six seconds. Just over two minutes. Plenty of time Sunset, just take a deep breath.
Now, red or blue?
Canterlot Times Explosion at Local High School Kills Student! Students at Canterlot High distraught as seemingly random terror attack takes well loved friend.
Overlord Rule No:15 I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
“Just shoot him! Get it over with!” “If I have to tell you to calm down one more time Corporal I’ll shoot you. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes...Captain.” “Good.”
How did I get stuck with this lot? Oh yea, I’d pissed in the Overlord’s personal gold plated latrine. I guess I got off lightly. Damn it was a good piss though. You wouldn’t have thought the gold would do much for the experience but…
Anyway. Here we are, in the morning dew, standing over one of the last remaining rebel guard commanders. I’m kinda proud of our performance overall. He was a slippery one. Hiding out in the Foal Mountain range, he’d been a nightmare to track down. In the end, we caught him out on patrol on his own.
Ok, so in the end it was pure luck. I'll still take it though.
It really sucks.
“Right, listen here Rebel Scum, before-” “Err, Captain?”
“Ahhhggg...What!?” “You can’t ask him that.”
“I hadn’t asked him anything yet!” “Exactly.”
“What on Earth are you blathering on about!” “Regulations state quite clearly that any prisoner sentenced to execution will not be asked any questions immediately prior to said execution.”
“And what makes this ‘immediately prior’ humm?” “You’ve got a plasma gun pressed against his skull.”
“Ok, but what difference does it make if I ask him my questions now, then shoot him, or ask him then shoot him later? We need to know the location of the rebel base! Do you want to be stuck out here trying to flush guardsponies out of holes for the next six months!?” “No sir, but regulations…”
“Damn the regulations! Listen here you traitorous scum, you will tell me- “Captain, no!”
“-before I kill you, where’s the location of the hidden rebel base!?” “Oh now you’ve done it…”
”FOR CELESTIA! FOR EQUESTRIA! CHAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGEEEEE!”
“Their helmet recordings finish here my Master.” “Schedule retraining for all those in command posts. Use this as an example of not following regulations correctly.” “By your command, my Master.”
Overlord Rule No:16 I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
“Hummm...Would you like to try again after a nice deep breath?” “Ahhhhhh...Haaaaaaa...Yes please.”
“Go on then.” “Ok, so in the evening’s right? There’s a load of ponies, and changelings and other creatures who come off duty late at night right?”
“Yes?” “And in the morning the castle bakeries make a fresh batch of doughnuts?”
“Indeed, among other things. I hear they’re very popular.” “They are. And that’s the problem. A lot of po- um, creatures miss out because they’re asleep or away or on duty until later. I think if you had more made later then every pon- creature will be able to have a honey glaze if they want one.”
“Hummmm...So you propose a second batch of afternoon doughnuts so more creatures can have some? You have evidence that this would provide a tangible benefit? There are costs involved in getting the bakers back in the afternoon.” “Yes I do, but not just doughnuts, all baked goods for everyone. I even...made...this...chart...here!”
“Is that crayon?” “Yeup! See, in this chart here, the blue shows current happiness in the dinner hall at six PM. It’s like, super low right?”
"What are your units?" "Units?"
"What are you measuring?" "Happiness!"
"I mean what's the...no, never mind. So 'happiness' is low in the evenings?" "Yeup!"
“Right? And the pink?” “The pink shows how much happier everycreature would be if they had doughnuts!”
“And the stars?” “I ran out of space on the card to draw the pink bit, so I added stars for empa...emtha...em…”
“Emphasis?” “Yea! Emphasisis!”
“Well in that case, I’m convinced. I’ll make sure a new bakery rota is drawn up immediately. There should be a whole range of fresh baked goods in the evenings by the end of the week.” “Yay! Now mummy can have fresh muffins after her rounds!”
“So that’s what this was all about? You manipulative little filly...I do love you sometimes.”
Overlord Rule No:17 When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
“Well, I’ve been wondering...have you ever wanted...foals?” “No.”
“Really? You...don’t want foals? At all?” “Of course not. Don’t be silly. They’re silly, snotty little things.”
“Oh. I think they’re cute. Twilight was a wonderful foal…” “I’m sure she was. Now she’s a crater.”
“Shining! Don’t be so rude.” “Hah. Sorry Cady.”
“That’s alright.” “Heh.”
“Anyway, about foals.” “Ugh…”
“I was thinking, a little colt would really brighten the place up wouldn’t it? I mean, I’ve practically already raised a filly with Twilight, so it would be a good change of pace.” “It would be a terrible change of pace. He’d be getting in the way all the time, asking stupid questions and ultimately getting ideas above his station.”
“Shining Armour! What’s gotten into you! You’re being very rude today. It’s like you’re not yourself or something.” “Tch. Calm down Cadence. Listen to my voice. Everything is fine. Nothing’s wrong, remember?”
“Wha-?” “Maybe I am feeling a little off. It's been a stressful few days. I’m just going to head out for a bit. In the mean time, try and forget about foals ok? For me?”
“Uh...what...um...Ok. Yea...sorry, I don’t know what came over me. You take care then Shining. Don’t take so long to visit next time. I get lonely when you’re not here.” “Will do. See you soon Cadence.”
“Master? Why do you let her call you that? Surely she's aware her husband is dead, she witnessed his execution herself.” “Eh, it's easy enough to indulge her madness. It keeps her pliant with a minimum of effort. Plus, it’s no skin off my back what name she screams in the night.”
Overlord Rule No:18 I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” “Have I my dear? Sorry about that.”
“You haven’t lain with with me since our wedding night.” “Well you can understand, changing a millennia old government doesn’t just happen in a blink. Thank you for all your help by the way, but there’s still a lot to do. The sooner it gets done the better however.”
“There’s less change than you make out. All you’ve needed to do, fundamentally, is move sovereign powers from the established diarchy to yourself. You did that in one day.” “That may be true, but you know as well as I that the reality is much different. There’s dismantling the nobles, replacing the generals, annexing the cities, and all the rest. It’s one thing to say you have all the power, quite another to actually make ponies feel that power.”
“This...is true. But still you do sleep. I have seen your dreams.” “Luna, we’ve talked about this…”
“I know, I know. I cannot expect you to remain faithful, or indeed to love me as I do you, but...I suppose I simply did not expect to be discarded so...quickly.” “Haa…Look, Luna, My Dear, you’ve not been discarded.”
“Yet you refuse to lie with me, and instead prance with...others, in your dreams.” “Luna, you know as well as I what has brought this on. I’m sorry it has come up so early in our entanglement but I cannot sleep with you as you are.”
“As I am? What do you...Is it because I am in heat? Is this it? It is not I that you find repulsive, but the idea of being sire to my foal!?” “Calm down Luna. It is not simply you or your foal I have any aversion to. I simply will not be having any foals of any kind.”
“You will not be having foals? But how will you continue your lineage? You are not immortal as myself and the other Alicorns, you cannot rule forever.” “That remains to be seen.”
“It may be that there are roads to immortality, but none are sure. It would make far more sense to secure your line through the ages, for insurance if nothing else.” “Heh, no. That’s defeatist talk. If I need insurance against death then there are many better ways to go about it.”
“But what of the joy of raising a foal? Would not a little filly who you could mould into your own image give you joy?” “I confess, the idea is tempting. But, there’s a bigger problem of them straying too far from my ideals. That’s the pesky problem with independent thought and free will. You can never completely subvert it.”
“That’s never stopped you trying.” “That’s never stopped me keeping a loaded gun in our bed.”
“Point.” “No, a daughter would be a bundle of joy and energy to start with, but as she grew up to express the better of our genes she would be so striking a beauty as to gather her own following. Then, when it’s absolutely the most inconvenient moment she would decide that she knows best and attempts to depose me. Or, even worse, she falls to the wiles of some rugged and charming rebellious leader who’s on some ‘crusade’ against the tyrannical government.”
“I cannot sway you on this can I?” “No Luna, you can’t. There will not be the pitter patter of tiny hooves about this castle.”
“I...see…” “If it’s any consolation, I’ll rut your brains out for a week once your heat is over.”
“I...I’ll look forward to it, Master…”
Overlord Rule No:19 I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Domination of Equestria - T-15 - days. The Battle For Ponyville: 20:10
That must be...what? Random Guard number one hundred and twelve by now? These ponies really needed bullet proof armour years ago. Silly creatures. Then again, the current regime is so slow at adopting new technologies…
Oh, is that..? Why yes, I do believe that could be the Princess of Friendship herself. Not looking all that friendly though.
“So good of you to come and find me Princess.” “Mr President.”
“Didn’t you get the memo? It’s been Supreme Overlord for awhile now.” “I’ll never bow to you!”
“No? I’ll settle for kneeling. Especially if it’s so you can put that pretty little mouth of yours to work.” “You’re disgusting!”
“You flatter me too much.” “Give up! Turn your army back now!”
“Or what? Have you missed the part where your own army lies in ruins? Your friends scattered across the field of battle? I’ve won Princess. Call off your forces and many of them may yet be spared.” “Everypony here is set against you till the end! I’d rather die here than live in a world where you rule!”
“Really? But I wanted to catch them all...Killing you will end my streak before it even begins.” “Damn you!”
I get the feeling this conversation is over. Yeup! That’s some spellcraft right there!
Pew! Crack!
Shit, there’s a reason she’s one of the nation’s best spellcasters afterall!
Bang! Voop!
Ha! Winged you with that last one! Not so hot now are we!
“Hehe, hehehehehe…”
No, no. Keep it together. It’s important to maintain decorum after all.
“Heee..So, Princess, tell me, how does it feel to lose so utterly?!” “You...tell...me…”
“...What?” Is she…? That's another spell! Move back, MOVE BACK!
Crack.
My ears! That's a fucking high pressure wave! The bitch, she wouldn’t!? Where’s that shield charm! FUCK!
Whumph.
Boom.
Am I...still alive? Looks like it… Who would have thought the prissy little nag would have it in her to try something like that. And how did she fare…?
That’s...one large arse crater…
Oh, is that you Discord?
Don’t you dare...
Overlord Rule No:20 Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique! Where Everything is Chic, Unique and Magnifique! How can I help you today?” “Good morning. You’re the famous Miss Rarity?” She preened a little, she had to admit. What lady doesn’t like being flattered a bit after all? “Indeed I am good Sir, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself famous...oh no.” “Nonsense. I’ve heard of you and your designs all the way in Manehatten. I simply had to come here and have you design something for me.” Oh dear, he was a charmer wasn’t he? “Please, Sir, you flatter me too much. How may I help you today? A new suit? Some new trousers for the summer season?” “Thank you, no. I need a design from you only. It’ll be needed for mass production. See, I’m looking for a Uniform.” “A...uniform?” “Yes, indeed. One which screams ‘Confidence, ability, authority'. It has to be bold and innovative. It’s going to be worn by a great many and thus I simply have to have the best.” “That’s most...unusual Sir. May I ask what kind of pony will be wearing this uniform?” “Security. Yes, ponies who will be guarding and protecting very important things. You see I run a very important company back in Manehatten, and thus for this design and the rights to produce it I can pay you very handsomely.”
Could she pass this up? Something like a security uniform was rather beyond her normal range of designs, but to have her clothing worn by ponies working for a large Manehatten corporation? That could be a massive boon to her visibility. Especially if they had branches across Equestria. My, it might be that eventually every pony everywhere would be looking at her hoofwork.
“Tell me Sir, did you have a colour scheme in mind?”
Overlord Rule No:21: I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
Domination of Equestria - T 0 days. The Fall of The Castle of the Celestial Sisters: 13:41
He could hardly believe it had worked. There, in front of him was the embodiment of the two Alicorn Sisters’ magic. It pulsed softly as the colours swirled around on the surface, burning hot white and amber, bitingly cold blue and black. It was magnificent.
For a moment, all the sounds of battle left his ears. The sight of his minions tying up the two former rulers of Equestria vanishing from his sight. All was consumed by the light from that ball of ultimate power. The power to control sun and moon, the power to shift the heavens themselves. All he had to do was reach out and take it. Just a slight touch and he knew, it would all be his.
“Captain, the tape measure.” “As you command!”
Out came the roll. One hovering minion on one side stretching it out to one end of the hot emanation, the other brought to the far side.
“Forty Two centimeters Master.” “Damn. Welp, get the case. We’ll bag it for now. I’ll incorporate it into something else later.” “Your word is our command, Master!” “Now, has anyone worked out where the Chapel is yet?”
Overlord Rule No:22 No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 15:46
The Supreme Overlord was angry. Oh so terribly angry. Not too surprising given the flank-kicking they’d just received at the hooves of those damnable ponies. An anti-magic field, no one had seen it coming. It neutralised their own trump cards after all. At least, that was the thought. Seems Pegasi had no issues seeding clouds with fire and brimstone after all.
Still, it had worked in the pony’s favour, this time. The Superweapon had failed, and worse still, all their magically powered firearms had failed as well. It was only the policy to equip all troops with a blade that had saved the majority of the army, that and the pony’s reliance on hoof to hoof combat.
Now, it would work against them. Their confidence and their hubris would be their downfall in the end, the Overlord was sure, and he was too. They relied too much on their big powers, the near success of Queen Chrysalis’ invasion of Canterlot was a prime example. She secured the Elements of Harmony and the ponies were left powerless. Right up until she failed to separate the newlyweds.
Still, her loss was the gain of his Master. He now had the largest and best equipped army in the world, and he was going to crush the ponies this time.
A night attack was planned. A plan he supported whole heartedly as the new weapons were hoofed out to the troops. Chemical charges in this ammunition, not magical. No one had found a way to neutralize the laws of physics yet. At least, not without magic, and in this the pony’s own anti-magic field would work to their detriment.
“Lieutenant Chiral.” “I’m here my Master.” “Find me Captain Jagged Carapace. Me and him are due a word.” “By your command My Master.”
Yes, Chiral was looking forward to the coming battle. He would get revenge for his Master.
Overlord Rule No:23 I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
Domination of Equestria T+213 days. Fall of the Crystal Empire - 20:13
Rightie ho, let's give this another look shall we? We’re in the heart of the city, capital of the Crystal Empire, the palace is surrounded by my shock troops, the evacuation routes have been cut off and even the entourage of Princess Cadence had been routed back to the last stand line. They’re cowering under the palace supports, but that shouldn’t be an issue, we brought plenty of charged close combat lances and sabers. And the generals complained about constant close combat drills. Hah! So, all in all this should be the perfect moment of crowning victory, right? So why is it that my army, outnumbering the Prince and his paltry defenders by no less than five to one, is currently floundering against a pristine shield? Why?
“Why!?” “Worry not my Master! Even with the antimagic field offline we can still defeat them! They are but pathetic ponies!”
“Idiot! Those are far from pathetic! They are the elite of the Crystal Empire, led by the best commander in recent Equestrian history, backed against a wall with their Princess and Empire on the line! It’s going to be far far away from a fucking cake walk!”
“But Master-” “But nothing you buffoon! We’re being picked off by their unicorns and archers from within that shield while we can’t do a thing!”
“Why not bombard them then Master!? We could have that shield down in moments with our superior firepower!” “Why do I employ you!? Have you seen that monstrosity of impracticality they call the Crystal Palace!? If we hit one of those supports the whole thing will come down. Not only will it cause damage among our own troops but something made of that much crystal is liable to shatter and spread its devastation over most of the city! Do you think I ordered hoof to hoof combat only because I’m feeling uncharacteristically sporting!?” Idiots. All of them, idiots!
Well, not all of them, obviously, or we wouldn’t have gotten this far. In fact, most of them are pretty good. How on earth have I ended up with this one today then? Bah, not important.
“Master! We’ve captured the saboteur!” “Really!?”
“Yes Master, it seems that the technician in charge of the Antimagic field’s power supply had been converted by the enemy. He cut the cable in several places. The engineering corps is repairing it as we speak!” “Fantastic! Order our troops to withdraw outside of their arrow range until that shield comes down.”
“Your word is my command, My Master!”
Excellent. You’ll be mine soon, Crystal Empire. And with you out of my hair, there will truly be nothing remaining to challenge my rule of Equestria.
Overlord Rule No:24 I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
It was a massive mirror. At least, that’s what it looked like to the untrained eye. To the trained eye, the practiced eye, the Evil Eye, it was a massive glass focus. The focus of terrible magical energies which at a moment’s notice could be brought to bear anywhere in Equestria, along with a large swathe of the countries which made up its borders.
The Solar Eruptor, greatest of the Overlord’s weapons, perched right at the very top of the snowy, icy peak of the Canter Mountain, looming over the capital of Canterlot, gazing balefully across the subjugated land of Equestria, was undergoing its final mounting.
Ponies, changelings and all manner of other creatures swarmed around the small summit camp site, their sense of urgency fed by the imposing presence of their new Overlord himself, there to oversee the final preparation.
“Gulp...My Master, as you can see, we’re undergoing the final mounting now. Once in place we will activate the shielding runes which will draw power from the Solar Furnace below. At that stage, we are fully confident that nopony will be able to so much as touch any of the equipment, let alone damage it.” The Forepony was wringing his hooves. His concern was understandable, the Overlord had been scowling ever since he had arrived on the frozen peak.
“Tell me Forepony, I don’t see the vents for the Furnace up here.” “Um...No Master, they come out around half way up the mountain.”
“Half way up?” “Ah...Yes?”
Was that bad? The Forepony was now very concerned about the Overlord’s scowl. Especially because it now seemed to be directed expressly at him. “Mr Forepony, what is the range on those shielding runes?” “Oh...well they’re designed to cover the entirety of the apparatus here on the peak. To prevent undercutting and improve efficiency it’s a close formed, shaped field. It should be around...four centimetres from all of the equipment?”
“How far down do the runes extend?” “Ssss...well the entire peak…”
“So not the exhaust vents halfway down?” “Grrr...no?”
“So you’ve left the exhaust port open to attack, is that safe to say?” “Gulp...it...it...it would seem so, Master?”
Welp, good thing he hadn’t had anything to eat for the last six hours, as per guidelines when dealing with the Overlord. The Forepony was very glad, as he was certain that under that gaze he had utterly lost control of his bowels.
“You’ve left an open exhaust port which leads into the heart of my reactor exposed to enemy aerial attack. I find your lack of foresight disturbing.”
“Mmmmmm...Master, please, we can correct this!” “Indeed you can. And you will. Split up that exhaust. Run the primary trunking inside the mountain until the halfway point. From there, you will split it into at least fifty smaller outlets no greater than a hoof wide, and scatter them randomly all over the upper reaches of the mountain. Also I want any vertical sections to have switchbacks and dead ends. I don’t want more than three metres of straight piping. Do you understand?”
“Y-y-y-y...Yes master!” “And for the love of all things unholy get them covered by shielding runes!”
Overlord Rule No:25 No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
Well, she was a supermodel at one point. One could certainly see why. Despite being chained up and strung between two of my largest, burliest soldiers she still retained that natural grace. Despite the disheveled nature of her mane it was still soft and silky to the touch. Despite orders, her skin was still unblemished, smooth like butter and supple to the touch.
Yes, despite all that, Fluttershy was still one of the most beautiful mares in all of Equestria. And now she was his. Captured the day before organising the animals of Whitetail Woods no less. One wondered how she’d managed to stay in there so long, so close to his Capital without being caught sooner. Probably related to the incidence of maulings taking place in the Ponyville area.
Wild and tame beasts alike had become much more recalcitrant as my reign had progressed. Manticores, Cockatrice and all manner of other beasts had come stomping out of the Everfree not a week ago. There had even been a hydra or two. Naturally I had set them all on fire. Why waste soldiery on a bunch of animals? I have an Evil Superweapon, I need to use it every now and again to remind everyone why I was in charge after all.
Seems she had been trying again, this time with the gentler beasts of the Whitetail Wood. It would have been less problematic to be sure, but it could still have caused problems. Mice still chewed their way through power cables on a weekly basis.
So, despite living in the Everfree since the fall of Ponyville, despite losing countless of her ‘animal friends' to the earth melting energies of his Evil Superweapon, and being witness to countless more being put to the blade yesterday, she was still, oh so beautiful. He could do whatever he wanted with her, he was the Supreme Overlord after all. All it would take is a single order.
“Take her to Dungeon block K. Maximum Security. Key Level Black.”
He could do whatever he wanted. That was an undeniable truth. That included walking away from the mare giving him the hardest, bone chilling Stare in the history of ‘Looks which almost made you drop dead on the spot’. Besides, he was a married man after all, and his wonderful wife was waiting back in their chambers.
Overlord Rule No:26 No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
It was dim and vast underneath the Castle of the Overlord. Down in the deep dark of the hidden caverns lined with crystal and steel there was a small and furious team of creatures bustling around, carrying huge reams of cable and even more carrying bundles of computer chips and massive platters of data storage.
In the centre of the room stood a massive gothic column of twisted metal and groaning parts, rising high into the rafters with cabling and lights festooned all over like someone had confused Hearth’s Warming with Nightmare Night. It groaned and buzzed next to two figures which seemed to be both the middle of and apart from the flurry of activity taking place around them.
“So this is the central core of the Yggdrasil system?” “Yes…master.”
“It’s quite imposing.” “It needs to be. The processing core unit you supplied back when we began this project is quite substantial.”
“Absolutely. There’s nothing like it after all.” “It would make your demands for massive amounts of redundancy much easier if you allowed me to look at what it’s made of and how it functions.”
“I’m sure it would, Chief, but as I explained to you then, it’s a unique piece of equipment. Even were you to look under the cover, as it were, you would be no closer to replicating it.” “So you said.”
“Then you need to listen more.” “Well excuse me, Master.”
“Someone’s still bitter.” “After what you did, who wouldn’t!”
“Sooner you get over it the better.” “Why did I agree to this!?”
“We’ve had this conversation.” “Right...right. Moving on.”
“Please do.” “As per your instructions we’ve created several of these main system units. Three are installed here in Canterlot. One here, which currently has the processing core. Another in the Solar Furnace chamber above. Before the system comes online there will be a processor transfer system between the two for automatic core transfer and seamless service mobility.”
“Makes sense.” “Similarly full system management can be done from either here or the Empire Master Control System in the Sewage Overflow. Limited management can be done directly from the backup control system in the Furnace but only if the core is there at the time.”
“How limited?” “System diagnostics, data observation. No administrative level processes can be viewed or executed from there at all.”
“Excellent. And the third?” “The third main control unit here in Canterlot is located on the peak of Canter Mountain with the Solar Eruptor Focusing Lense. No processes can be run from there at all, if the core is installed there the system will enter full automatic mode.”
“Sounds acceptable. I assume there’s more though?” “Of course. In the basement of the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville we have a full replica of the Canterlot Master System.”
“That sounds rather insecure?” “It would be, except that the Ponyville system will only operate when the master connection is activated.”
“I’m not reassured.” “It’s a giant switch which physically disconnects it from the network. It’s in the deepest mine here in Canterlot and locked in a room with feral starving changelings.”
“That’s...inventive.” “Yea, I’m surprised the request was passed actually. One of the researchers put it down as a joke.”
“Hummm...Now I think about it, I do recall that one passing my desk now I think about it.” “Ah, you would pass it.”
“Of course. It’s hilarious.” “It's cruel.”
“Only if you count feral changelings as useful.” “I...wha-...nevermind.”
“Probably for the best.” “Usually is.”
“So we’re all well secured against any interruptions of service?” “Yes. With the city running off of the Solar Furnace we moved all of the previous power generators down here. Now a whole city’s worth of power generation is functioning as an uninterruptible backup supply for Yggdrasil.”
“Fantastic work Chief.” “I have a name you know.”
“Not according to the record you don’t.” “And who’s fault is that?”
“Oh please, you flatter me…”
Overlord Rule No:27 I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
“That’s the one for the Princes’ magic thingie right?” “Yea.”
“And the one behind it is the prisoner transport right?” “Yea.”
“So what’s that one in the back?” “Huh?”
“The one with all the extra chains, padlocks and the big signs saying ‘Handle with Changelings’? All that really necessary?” “That’s the love starved.”
“Love starved?” “Yea, the Changelings kept on a strict low love diet.”
“Wouldn’t that make them...well…” “Near feral? More like animals than sentient beings?”
“Yea…” “Yeup.”
“Why would he do that?” “You ever been near starving before?”
“There was that one time at band camp when everyone really started to hate on that donkey. Poor Ass was nearly beaten to death. The amount of hate in the air nearly choked me to death?” “And what did you do when you felt even the slightest glimmer of love?”
“I kinda went crazy for a bit and nearly drained a filly...dry…” “Yeup.”
“That’s...wow…” “Yeup.”
"And he uses them on the enemy?" "Would you rather he used them on us?"
"Well no, I mean... as a changeling that's not an issue for us, but for the ponies..." "Yea, it wouldn't be pretty."
"..." "..."
“Hey, Drosophila?” “Yea Geff?”
"I'm glad we're on his side." "Me too Geff. Me too."
Overlord Rule No:28 My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
Domination of Equestria - T-0 days. The Fall of The Castle of the Celestial Sisters: 13:34
“Sister, this has to be a joke, correct?” “No...Luna, I don’t think it is.
“Shake your tail, cus we’re gonna have a party tonight!”
“He’s singing Tia.” “I can see that.”
“Shake your tail! Shake your tail!”
“His Elite Assault team have surprisingly good co-ordination.” “So it would seem. Maybe once this is over we could implement dance classes for the Royal Guard? It seems to have improved their overall flexibility and ability to move as a team.”
“That it has. They make the most heavily armed group of backing dancers I’ve ever seen.” “It’s both beautiful and terrifying in a way.”
“I’m awesome! Take caution! Watch out for me, I’m awesome as I wanna be!”
“Is that a-?” “Yes Luna, seems being able to play an electric guitar is a requirement for most evil these days.”
“As I recall Discord could put out a pretty good, what do they call it these days? A ‘riff’?” “That he could, but he never wore something so...garish.”
“Really Tia? I seem to recall he would wear all sorts of silly costumes. Like the time he did that musical number about cats in a leotard.” “Euhh, don’t remind me. Still, I don't remember anything with quite so many rhinestones.”
"You better believe, I got tricks up my sleeve. And I captivate, because I'm powerful and great, yea yea."
“This is true. He is quite...sparkly.” “I’ve had enough of this Luna, absurd as it is, he is still a grave threat to Equestria. Let’s finish this.”
“I’m with you sister.”
“Um...Tia? I can’t seem to access my magic!?” “Neither can I. Be calm Luna. We can still manage this.”
”You didn’t know that you fell. Now that you’re under our spell.”
Overlord Rule No:29 I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
“Next!” Who knew complying with the new licensing regulations would be such a problem? I mean, yea, reductions in the rates on alcohol are great. Longer opening hours? Fantastic! But this one? This one just made no sense. He’d had to fire over half his workforce or be found in breach. It was just so, nonsensical.
“Miss...Milky Way?” “That’s me!”
Bubbly and friendly. Already looking poor. Another bust.
“Why do you think you would be good fit for the Hole In The Wall Bar and Hotel Miss Way?” “Well, I really like seeing ponies smile, and I find the service industry is the best place for that. The nice smile that comes with good service always brightens my day.”
Oh god, normally that would be perfect in a candidate. Oh great Overlord in Canterlot, he both giveth and taketh away.
“That’s...normally a good attitude. Unfortunately we’re not looking for...cheerful at the moment.” “Oh...I’d heard about that. So that...wasn’t a rumour huh?”
“I’m afraid not. Licensing regulations are now very strict about demeanor with the customers.” “Ok. Ok...umm...Well, I can do brusque. Ahem, ‘Hey you, stop eyeing up my teats! My eyes are over here!’”
That was actually surprisingly good.
“Have you practiced that Miss Way?” “Erm, in a way. I actually have to say that a lot.”
“You do? Why would- Oh...I see. Those are… well.” “Yea, it’s often quite a problem in public.”
“I’m terribly sorry Miss Way, but, there’s actually more to the regulations than just required attitude. I’m afraid I have to ask you what your teat size is?” “Really!? What? Why?”
“I’m legally not allowed to employ someone who requires a cup. I mean, I can see that you’re wearing one now, but some do as a fashion choice or because they’re suckling newborns and they’ve become sore. If you need them constantly for the support then I’m afraid that’s going to make you unemployable in the food and drinks sector.” “What!? Really!? No! What am I going to do!?”
“Calm down Miss Way, please. Now that I think about it, the regulations only apply to front of house staff. Would a position as a mixer in the room service bar suit you? You’d never be allowed to meet customers or we’d lose our license, but it says here on your CV that you know some mixology?” “Sniff, sure. Sounds good…”
Overlord Rule No:31 All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
“I just don’t know what went wrong!” “Seriously Miss Hooves, It’s fine. The work day is nearly over and I expect Luna to have me out of this shirt in the next couple of hours anyway.”
“Oh...Oh my…” “Tell me, how’s Dinky settling in?”
“She’s doing great! She’s doing so well in Celeti-ahhh what’s it called now?” “The Canterlot Officers Corp Academy?”
“Yea! In there! She’s always done well in school and it’s so good to see her doing so well like that.” “I’m not too surprised. She very much gave me the impression that she would thrive under the strict environment and high academic rigor.”
“Yea, exactly! Oh, I almost forgot, here’s your evening post. There’s this important one from Manehatten, and this one which I got from the Commandant of Canterlot on my way up here.” “Thank you kindly Miss Hooves. If you could hold on a moment, I expect I’ll be sending at least one immediate reply.”
"Sure!" “Humm…”
“Um...You ok? It looks like bad news?” “I’m afraid so. There’s just been another attack in Manehatten. It’s got Rarity’s hoofprints all over it.”
“Oh...right.” “Quite. I’m sick of only getting bad news from there. It’s been nothing but bungling and terrorism out there.”
"That sounds bad..." "And to compound it all the Commandant here in Canterlot is now telling me he's missed that seditious bastard Rabble Rouser again!"
“I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you any better news…” “Oh Ditzy, it’s not your fault. You’re the best mailmare I’ve seen, and it’s you I trust with my most important correspondence for a reason.”
“You...you’re flattering me…” “It’s all true. Now, I’ve written my reply to the Commandant. Can you take it down to him tonight?”
“Sure! No problem! I’ll see you tomorrow for Dinky’s personal lessons?” “Two o’clock. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
Overlord Rule No:32 I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
“Come now my Darling, don’t tell me you don’t like it. It would brighten up your day every time you spotted one, and there would be plenty around.” “While that might be true Luna my dear, you have to consider everyone else at the same time.”
“Owww, why should we? You’re the Supreme Overlord of The Equestrian Dominion. You can have whatever you want.” “That might be true, but that doesn’t mean I should. It’s barely been a month since the regime change, and while you’ve been absolutely invaluable in making that transition as smooth as possible it wouldn’t do to antagonise the staff and the peasantry like that.”
“Oh, go on, doesn’t it look good on me?” “It looks wonderful on you, it’s taking some effort not to jump you right now. But honestly, that’s a very good reason not to implement it as mandatory. I can’t be losing it in the middle of court or an important meeting. And what of the effects on the other male staff? It could actually negatively affect morale in the long run.”
“Oh come now, how on earth could such a skimpy little thing as a mandatory thong be bad for morale? It accentuates the flank, and the straps draw attention to the teats in a very alluring way.” “That’s precisely why it’s a bad idea Luna. This discussion is over, I won’t budge on the matter.”
“Owww, that’s mean. Not even if I wear this lovely little leather number?” “No, not even then. But if you wear it anyway I’m sure I can compensate you, in other ways.
“Oh my, Darling. How daring of you. Guards! Court is now closed, clear the petitioners. Me and the Supreme Overlord have some special business to discuss alone in the throne room. Ensure we aren't disturbed. It could take all afternoon."
Overlord Rule No:33 I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
“Now if you see here, this unassuming wooden staff?” “I see it brother mine, what’s so special about such a simple piece of wood?”
“Well, once I put a little magic into it, thiss happenssss!” “Brother! You’ve become a viper! How powerful and strong you are!”
“Indeed brother mine! I can now sssspit poissson over forty hoovesssss!” “Forty hooves! That’s impressive spitting right there!”
“Very impresssive! And to top it off thiss venom isss sso toxic that it will kill a pony in under sssixty sseconds!” “Under sixty seconds! Why who could stand up to such mighty strength? Surely now brother you are simply unstoppable?”
“Not only unstoppable, but easily reversible! Transform to and from serpent form at will with a Flim-Flam Serpent Shapeshifter Staff today for only-”
“Get the fuck out of my office.”
Overlord Rule No:34 I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
“The first meeting of the Renovation Committee for the Castle of the Supreme Overlord is now in session. Secretary, do we have quorum?
“Indeed Madam Chairpony, we have quorum. All members are present. Miss Verbal Dictation is hereby noted as Chair.”
“Fantastic. Now, the first order of business, as mandated by Our Supreme Overlord, the renovation and development of the dungeon blocks. You have the proposals in front of you?”
“We do. Is it really necessary to construct an additional four dungeon blocks? Are the two already present in the original castle not enough? “I agree, this seems excessive. Surely there are higher priorities?”
“Members, please. I admit, I share some of your concerns, but the matter isn’t really up for debate. It’s an order from the Overlord himself. The original High Magic Containment block is to be renamed Block M. The current secure block is to be renamed Block H.”
“Is there a reason for that?” “Indeed, all the new blocks are to have similar one letter designations. Is there some scheme behind all this? It just seems confusing to me.”
“If I may address the members Madam Chairpony?” “Go ahead. The Master for Excessive Thinking has the floor.” “If I understand the thinking here, Our Supreme Overlord is looking to the future. He’s planning on having high risk prisoners kept apart.”
“Oh, yes, I see now. This relates to the After-Harmony Project doesn’t it?” “Humm, I can see where he’s coming from.”
“Good. Now, these blocks are to be finished as quickly as possible. Our Overlord is expecting to fill them in short order. Master of Engineering, do you foresee any problems with the the proposed designs?” “No Madam Chairpony, we have extra stocks of stone and metal being shipped in from Manehattan as we speak. We also have supplies of Nightmare wood and Poison Joke staining coming in from Outpost Everfree, although they are subject to delays because of the increase in wild animal activity.”
“Master of Security, can you ensure the safety of these shipments?” “I can Madam Chairpony. I’ll have four extra divisions sent there at once.” “Perfect. Now, if there’s nothing else on this matter, we have quite the packed agenda.”
“Actually, Madam Chairpony…” “What is it Miss Hooves?”
“Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask, why is there a child at this meeting?” “I agree, this is most irregular. This is an important committee, not a creche.”
“Silence, all of you. Miss Dinky Hooves is a high level adviser to Our Supreme Overlord himself. Not only has she a right to be here, but she has a right to speak on any matter. Now, don’t worry about them, what was it?”
“Well, um, we’re naming the blocks after the Elements of Harmony right?” “That’s right?” “Well, there might be a problem…” “And what would that be?” “There’s two L’s.”
… ……
“So there is.” “Huh, that could be confusing.” “It could lead to confusion when implementing the policy of de-equanising the prisoners.” “It would save money on signage though…”
“Order! This meeting will be brought to order. This is a serious concern. We will need a solution to this problem at once.” “Um, Miss Chairpony?” “You have the floor Miss Hooves.”
“Er...why would I...Never mind, why don’t we just do something to differentiate the two L blocks? Something like-”
Overlord Rule No:36 I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 - days. The Battle For Ponyville: 14:02
“What did you say?” “Ah-buh-uh-” He’s going to kill me, I just know it. It's been a short life, but I can honestly say, I enjoyed it.
“Spit it out you imbecile!” “W-w-we’re being routed My Master! Our forces cannot keep the ponies at bay! The assault from the Earth Pony catapults, Pegasus fire rain and Unicorn lancers is proving too much for us! Without the Superweapon thinning out their numbers or the use of our Plasma Rifles we can’t hope to win here!” His grip is tightening around his sword, I’m going to lose my head! Oh crumbling carapace! At least it's sharp. The pile of dead guard at his feet can attest to that. Or at least, they would if they weren't all dead. Oh gods I'm rambling again. Why are you taking so long sweet sweet death?
“Yea, I thought so.” What?
“Sound the withdrawal. All forces are to retreat to the Everfree as fast as they are able.” “Um…”
“Don’t hang around! Go now!” “As you command My Master! All forces immediate withdrawal! Fall back to the Everfree at once! Priority order from high command! All radio units, relay that order on all channels.”
“By your order General. All units…”
My head’s still here. And my horn, and my wings, and all my hooves… I...guess I shouldn’t be too surprised. He’s not known for random killings. Well, except for that one time last month when Caramel Slice got the plans for the Laser Focus Array backwards. Nothing brings that lesson home than making the technicians stand behind their own creation during testing to see if it’s shooting in the right direction. Not that the Evil Superweapon was firing at all today.
“General, all platoons have confirmed the order to withdraw.” “Excellent. Begin packing up the command post.” “By your order General.”
“Master, we should be withdrawing also-” Where’d he go? Oh crap!
“Where is the Master!?” “He just left General, he was moving back to the rear line.”
He’s bailed already? Heh, smart man. “Honour Guard! We’re retreating from the command post to meet up with our Supreme Overlord. All speed!” “By your order General!”
Overlord Rule No:37 If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
“My...my baby…” “Cadence, darling, we never had a child. Remember?”
“No...I...I don’t know, Shining...you’re not…” “Yes I am, I’m your Shining Armour. We’ve been happily married for a few years now, remember?”
”YOU’RE NOT MY HUSBAND!” “Apply another sixty thousand volts.”
“Gaahhhhhh!” “Cadance, please. I don’t want to hurt you. You need to calm down.”
“You...you killed our…” “I keep telling you Cady, we don’t have a foal. I don’t know where you’re getting this crazy idea from.”
“But...I remember…you...all that blood...” “You’ve always wanted foals Cady, maybe you’re just misremembering? You’ve always been prone to flights of fancy.”
“...Flurry…” “Up the dosage.” “Master, any more might kill her.”
“...Heart…” “It won’t. Trust me, Alicorns can take much worse than this.” “As you command Master.”
“...Shining?” “Yes dear?”
"It hurts Shining..." "I know dear. I want to take your pain away, but you've got to forget first."
"Don't...want....mustn't...forget..." "Just forget about foals. You've never had a foal. There is no foal."
“You can’t...be…” “I’m right here Cadance.”
“No...you…” “I’m right here, and I’ll stay right here by your side until you’re thinking clearly again. We’ll be one happy family…”
Overlord Rule No:38 If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 - days. The Battle For Ponyville: 10:45
“I think this side has more sun.” “Yes Master.”
“No...No...this side. That side is too lumpy.” “Yes Master.”
“Hold on...The battle is likely to spend more time in the afternoon, so it would be better over here.” “...Yes Master.”
“Perfect. Now, that pitcher of lemonade?” “Here Master.”
“Humm...That’s good. This is good.” “Thank you master.”
“Hmm...I could do with some Chocolate too.” “Master?”
“Humm? Yes General, how can I help you?” “I do not intend to question your intentions…”
“But you’re going to anyway?” “Ahh...Why are you here master?”
“It’s a nice sunny spot with a view of the battlefield. I mean, if I get my binoculars out I could probably see Princess Twilight Sparkle's expression from here.” “Er...no, I mean surely you wish to lay waste to your enemies?”
“I fully intend to. That’s what the army is for.” “You don’t wish to do it yourself?”
“I’ll be getting a good number of kills myself. I have the targeting array for the superweapon right here.” “But surely you wish to taste blood with your blade? See the light fade from the eyes of your enemies!?”
“Surely one would taste with their tongues, not their blades?” “I don’t understand you sometimes Master.”
“An Evil Megalomaniac needs to maintain an air of mystery.” “I’ll take your word for it master.”
“Ferrero Rocher?” “No thank you Master. I’m allergic to Hazelnuts.”
Overlord Rule No:39 If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 - days. The Battle For Ponyville: 12:01
So here we were. Two armies arrayed against each other.
On one side, on the outskirts of the town nine thousand Solar Guard and seven thousand Night Watch.
On the other, intelligence estimates six thousand changelings, two thousand griffons and three thousand minotaurs. And two chained hydras and...is that an Ursa Major?
On the face of it, we have them outnumbered and better control of the air. All my studies of warfare tell me that this should go well in our favour. But I’m still super uneasy.
“Hey Twilight.”
Huh?
“Twiiiliiiigght…”
Oh yea, I should probably vocalise.
“What is it Rainbow?” “It’ll be alright. Alright?”
“I know Rainbow. We’ve planned well enough.” “I know right? I mean, you’re just that awesome, your battle plan will work perfectly.”
“I doubt that. Nothing ever works perfectly.” “Of course it will. I mean you designed it. So if a perfect pony makes the plan, then their plan has to be perfect, right?”
Oh Rainbow, if we weren’t about to go rushing into Equestria’s bloodiest conflict in over six hundred years then I would like nothing more than to sit down and talk about your feelings, and maybe mine, but… Not right now.
“I’m not perfect Dash, but thanks for the vote of confidence.” “Anytime Egghead.”
“Haa…” “Princess Twilight?”
“Yes?” “We’re ready to engage on your order.”
“Thank you. Order the western flank to begin maneuvers.” “At once Prin-”
WHUMM CRACK BOOM ... BOOM
Oh… Oh Celestia…
“...” “Twilight! Are you ok!? What was that!?”
“So many… so many dead…” “Twilight! Snap out of it! Here comes another one!”
WHUMM CRACK BOOM ... BOOM
“Super condensed air drop travelling at over the speed of sound generated in empty space…” “Ok, I have no idea what the hell you just said, but it basically amounts to we’re getting screwed!”
“...Twice as much damage from the expanding air front followed by a second implosion from surrounding air rushing into the resulting vacuum…” “I don’t care what it is I just want to know how to stop it before everyone’s dead!”
WHUMM CRACK BOOM ... BOOM
“Magical coil based hyper-compression an-” SMACK
“Wha?” “You back with us Egghead?”
“I...yes, yes I am.” “That’s good. So what are we gonna do?”
“We’re gonna head back to the castle. I’ve got something in my lab which could very well save our plots.” “The hell Twi! Why aren’t we using it already!?”
“Because I don’t know what long term exposure would do to a pony! It’s not healthy as is! But It'll be more healthy than having super compressed air bombs dropped on us!” “Sounds good to me, you need a hoof?”
“I’ll need many hooves. Corporal! I need you and your squad to do some heavy lifting!” “Yes Princess! At once!”
“Damn you Overlord, I should have expected this… Come on, the dampener in is the basement, we’ll need to move it quickly.”
Overlord Rule No:40 I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
“You can’t do this!” “Out of the way librarian, this is a direct order from the Overlord.”
“I’m not letting you burn a single page in this entire library, let alone any of these rare and unique scrolls!” “I have the authority to cut down anyone who gets in the way of this order, so you have two choices, you can get out of my way and I burn this library down, or I can cut you down where you stand and burn this library down. Either way, I’m getting this job done.”
"Then you're just going to have to kill me and explain to the Overlord why vast amounts of knowledge have gone up in smoke." "Deal. Now if you wouldn't mind getting down on all fours to make it easier to remove your head, I have an excuse to write and a library to burn."
“Wait wait wait! There is another option!” “Not so sacrificing now are we? I’m listening…?”
“Your orders are to destroy all of Starswirl’s works on time travel, correct?” “Destroy them through any means.”
“Right, right. But If there truly is nothing that’s going to avoid that, then If I help you identify which works are on time travel, or otherwise fall directly under that command, then you won’t have to destroy the whole library, right?” “You’re suddenly very co-operative?”
“If something’s going to burn, I’d rather minimise the damage than watch it all go up in smoke.” “I see. Very well then. However, not only am I going to have everything searched and double checked, if I find you’re hiding something from me not only am I going to burn this library down, I’m going to fill in a form 41a.”
“41a?” “Form 41a, request for permission to redecorate one’s quarters in the bowels and other assorted entrails of another pony.”
“Ah...I...see? Then...gulp, maybe it’s best we get started?” “Indeed, I’d rather not be here all day and all night.”
Overlord Rule No:41 Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
“KILL THE PEGASUS!” “O’ mighty Commander, ‘twill be quite a task. How will you do it, may I ask?”
“I’ll use my Sword and Plasma Cannon!” “Sword and Plasma Cannon?”
“Sword and Plasma Cannon!” “Plasma Cannon?”
“Plasma Cannon!” “Plasma Cannon…”
“Yes! Plasma Cannon, and I’ll give you a sample!”
Whiiiiirrrrrrrrrr….click. CRACK BOOM! “Eeep!”
“That was the Pegasus!” “Now!”
“Gah! Damn animals! Kill them all!” “Commander! We’re outnumbered!”
“They’re only forest animals! We’re soldiers of the Overlord, we’re better than this!” “Only forest animals!? Did you miss the part where that forest was the Everfree!?”
“North Wind, get that manticore on the left! South Wind, get that Hydra on the right! Typhoon, get up high and use that flamer on the little ones in the back! Hurricane Smog- “Come on Commander, you know I hate my last name!”
“-Use your rockets on that Ursa before we get flattened!” “We’re being overwhelmed!”
“Erupter Command, this is Thunder and Lightning Squads out in the Everfree! We need a strike on that Pegasus!” “Copy that, confirm your status.”
“We’re facing off against what must be most of her damn animal army here!” “Understood. Locking in your locator beacons now. Strike in ten seconds.”
“Wait, where did you say you were aiming!?”
Overlord Rule No:42 When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
This was just too rich. “Tell me again Miss Rarity. I can honestly say, flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Well, most Supreme Overlord, I simply couldn’t help but admire how big and broad your sword is.” “Why yes, it is a very fine blade. I actually had it made after your friend Rainbow broke my last one in Ponyville.” Hah, that made you wince. Nice try at hiding it though.
“Well, you made a fine choice. It looks like it would make a great implement of...terror.” You’re floundering already. Silly mare.
“Anyway, what were you saying, before you got distracted by my sword.” You’re doing well, but I can still see the shivers running through your coat. Up your spine, those little involuntary spasms.
“Why yes, I was saying how I’ve had a lot of time to see your new regime. I admit, I was worried at first-” “You reduced our Manehatten manufacturing capability by forty two percent in three months. On your own.”
“Ha-ha...well, yes. Well as I said, I was just a little worried at first, but after seeing what you’ve done with Canterlot, I must say Darling, you’ve made a real miracle.”
Oh please, I can see your tongue tripping over every single word. You’re good at this, but you’re reaching further than you ever have. “Oh yea, Canterlot has changed a lot by now. Police states feel quite different from what you’re used to I suppose. As you found for yourself though, we’ve managed to spread that now out to all the major cities in Equestria.”
“Well of course. Your crack police squad had me dead to rights within days of arriving in Manehatten. I have to say, I do admire someone who’s so capable at projecting their power in such a way.”
Hah! I wonder if anyone else saw her diaphragm heave just there? And are you seriously going for a- Yeup, there’s the saucy hair flip, and even the fluttering eyelashes. “Oh dear, Miss Rarity, you seem to have caught me a little off guard. I would never expect any of the Element Bearers to be this reasonable.”
“Well, Darling. I simply could not resist myself in the presence of such a powerful individual. You simply must tell me all about how you’ve completed this astounding transformation. Perhaps somewhere a little more secluded, with a drink or two?” “Well, I confess, I’m finding it hard to resist myself. Why don’t we have this conversation somewhere a little more...comfortable?”
Oh wow, that look! Please tell me the cameras caught that! Even Celestia never managed to look quite so revolted. It’s like every fiber of her being is rebelling. It’s priceless. I wonder if she can still fight through it?
“Of course, Oh Mighty Overlord. Let us, retire.” “Please, go on ahead. I’ll just wrap up here.”
She gone yet? She gone yet? Aaaannnnd, there’s the door.
“Buahahahahaha! That was priceless! Make sure she goes directly to her reserved dungeon block. If she kicks up a fuss, threaten to shave her or something.” “As you command, My Master.”
Oh gods, that was just too rich. "Oh stop giving me that look Luna my darling, I was hardly going to jump her bones." "Forgive my scepticism."
Overlord Rule No:43 I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
“Heh, there would be no better reward than fighting the Mare of Honesty herself. Worry not great Overlord, we will see her brought back.” “See that you do.”
“We won’t be seeing them again I bet.” “No Master?”
“A Mercenary who doesn’t want to be paid doesn’t want to live.” “Is that so Master?”
“In my experience.” “There is one more group awaiting your pleasure?”
“Do these ones have more fur pelts than weapons?” “No Master?”
“Send them in then.”
“So you’re the new Overlord eh?” “That I am. You’re responding to the bounty?”
“Yea, we are. We’re a band of ten, we have at least four kills each. Some of our longer members many more.” “That’s impressive. Care to share your secret?”
“No secret. Just straight up killing. I take my axe, and I plant it in their head.” “I like you already. You know who I want?”
“Yea, The Apple mare, Applejack, right? You realise that what you’re offering for trying to take on one of the Elements of Harmony is too low right? We won’t do it for anything less than five thousand Bits. Each.” “Really? You think you’re worth that much?”
“We’re worth every Bit. We don’t fight, we don’t get paid. We don’t get paid, we don’t eat. Simple as.” “Now I really like you. Very well, six thousand bits each when you bring her body to my throne here in Canterlot.”
“Six? Huh. There a bonus for alive?” “No. Dead or alive, you get the same. Offering more for a living target encourages bad behaviour.”
“Really? Well in that case you’ll get her as she comes then. But we promise, we’ll get her.” “You seem quite driven.”
“Well yea, there’s a new Plasma TV I fancy and I’m not going to get it by pissing around.” “Do you have a business card? I think I may have more work for you once you’re back from the Badlands.”
Overlord Rule No:44 I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 15:58
“What on Earth was that!? Every other platoon made it back with minimal losses because of their swift withdrawal. All except for yours.” “Master, please! It’s all the ponies' fault! Their anti-magic field surprised us! There was nothing we could do!” “Exactly, which is why I immediately ordered the retreat. Why, of everyone in command were you the only one to stay and fight the losing battle?”
He was shivering, not too surprising, I’d cranked the heat down several degrees. I did not want to be near anything too hot right now. Or multicoloured.
“My Master, please. I only aim to please you. I was fighting for your glorious Dominion! We slew many ponies this day Great Overlord!”
I sighed. “What good is that when they killed more of your own troops than you did theirs? If we lose too much strength now we’ll have nothing for the counter attack.” “The ponies are too foolish Master! They would never enter the Everfree!” “Never say never. Also I meant our counter attack, not theirs.” “We’re trying again Master?” “I am. You’re not.”
I drew my pistol and leveled it at his head. “But-but-but Master! Please! I will not fail you again.” “No, you won’t. But you’ve failed me once Captain Jagged Carapace and here is the price for failure.” Crack.
“Lieutenant Chiral." "Yes, my Master." "You are now in command of the Third Platoon. How’s the rearmement going?” “Soon my Master. We will be ready within the hour.” “Excellent.” They were going to pay. All of them. "Take this body away. Let it be known I have no use for dead commanders. Or ones who don't follow orders. Scratch that first one, the two are one and the same to me."
Overlord Rule No:45 I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
“But My Master, she is but one mare. What could one mare possibly do?” “Do you want the list? Servitor, please list the current damages so far.”
“As you command, My Master. As of the last report two days ago the current list of known damages is as follows. Two thousand bits worth of damage to our Manehatten shipping fleet. Three holed below the water line, two with damage to the deck, one missing its reserve mast. None are permanently destroyed but our transport capability is reduced by thirty seven percent.
Nine thousands bits of damage to properties. Seven warehouses gutted by fire. Supplies worth in excess of fifteen thousand bits written off.
One hundred and twelve thousand bits worth of medical costs. Thirty two changelings unable to perform duties for a minimum of three months. Four for an expected excess of five months. Two changelings killed. Five pegasi grounded due to wing damage. Two unicorns on enforced inhibition due to chipped or damaged horns.
Three minor artefacts stolen or destroyed. They have no further use to the administration, but they could be used to find a weakness in our old practices. We are upgrading all affected systems and products appropriately. Unfortunately there are still just a little over eight thousand changelings still awaiting upgrade.
Last but not least, our entire clothing and uniform production facilities have been rendered totally inoperable. There is no hope of recovery. A magical implosion device was used. There is now a crater that used to contain every shred of our clothing division. Over half a million bits worth of damage and destroyed goods.”
“She’s been targeting our clothing? Why? Surely weapons manufacture would make more sense?” “Ah, Captain, see, I would guess your priorities are rather different when your name is Rarity…”
Overlord Rule No:46 If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
“Are you sure I can’t talk you out of this son?” “I’m sorry Mr Cake, I’ve got to do this. That Sicko killed Twilight, I have to get to Canterlot and stop him before nopony can.”
“Spike please, we don’t know Twilight’s dead. She might not have been anywhere near that explosion.” “Maybe, but even if she survived then he’s got her. She would have contacted me by now if she could. It’s been days.”
“Oh Spike, I know you want to be a big dragon, I know you want to help, but Twilight asked us to look out for you, and I can’t in all conscience let you go. It’s too dangerous. What if she was in Canterlot, and you suddenly turning up might distract her.”
“No! You don’t get it! They’ve all gone, all of them. That Supremeo Sicko may be here in Ponyville but the others are still out there! Rarity’s gone to Manehattan, Applejack’s in the Badlands, Pinkie’s gone to the Crystal Empire and Rainbow’s already in Canterlot! Even Fluttershy’s in the Everfree gathering monsters and creatures and stuff. I have to do something! Anything! If I can’t go to Canterlot, maybe I’ll help one of them! Come on Mr Cake! You can’t stop me from going!”
“Spike...ok...ok...Well, me and Cup Cake thought you’d say this at some point. Here, we’ve prepared a bag for you. It’s got some of Pinkie Pie’s special Sapphire Cupcakes in it, along with some other things you’ll need.” “Thankyou. Mr Cake, Mrs Cake. I’ll save Equestira, I swear it.”
“Good luck Spike. May Sun, Moon, Love and Friendship go with you wherever you go.”
"Do you think he'll be alright dear?" "I really hope so Honey Bun, I really do. Please, whoever may be listening, look after the boy." "Dear, what's with the commotion outside?" "Oh no, no no, not already-"
Crack-Boom
“What the hay!? Spike? Spike!?”
“Go back inside Citizen. This has been an Overlord Mandated Street Arrest. A warrant has been out for this one since the appointment of your new local representative. Return to your home or business.” “Arrest!? You’ve shot him! Spike! Spike!”
“Return to your home or business Citizen. This incident is over. Take the youngling away. The Overlord will want to confirm this is the right one for himself.”
Overlord Rule No:47 If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
Manehattan - Offices of The Evil Overlord - Sub-basement 83 - Vault 23 - Entry Level:Black
Well, this wasn’t exactly how I had planned to do it. I mean, ok, getting into a facility that your enemy has had years to fortify was never going to be easy, but meticulous planning has always been something I’ve prided myself on.
Of course, I’m no Twilight Sparkle, but given her...absence… Moving on.
Being chased by changelings through tunnels carved as far deep under the city as the skyscrapers are tall was not how I expected to be spending my time a year ago. No, I was planning to open my new Manehattan store, having learned my lessons from that brief disaster in Canterlot it was supposed to be a smooth grand opening, laying down some ground rules early on then popping back to Ponyville all in time for my Spa date with Fluttershy.
I wonder how the poor dear is doing?
Still. None of that happened. Instead madness spreads out of Manehattan faster than a swarm of parasprites followed swiftly by an army of changelings, ponies and fell spawn from Tartarus that sweep across Equestria faster than Sweetie Belle can burn fruit juice.
And here I am, where it all started, in the dank basement of the ‘so called Overlord’ being chased by changelings. I may have mentioned that before.
It was surprising to find that a penchant for fine magical control and design would be so well suited to guerrilla warfare. Why did it have to have such a vulgar name? Let’s see if we can’t do better shall we? Lone Mare Warfare? Tactical Withdrawal Mastery? Ba- Ok, less naming schemes more dodging changeling fire.
Why am I telling you all this if I have more important things to do? Well I felt the need to record my story, just in case this all goes wrong. I know, I know, poor time to do it, but I kind of only just thought of it.
Yes, back to how well things have been going till now. Turns out that a lot of devices have weak points, similar to a complex dress design. In the same way that a single thread can hold together an ensemble headdress for Sapphire Shores, a few bolts maintain the structural integrity of many designs of warehouse. I know right? How poorly has the Manehattan building code been enforced these last few years!? I wonder.
Still, remove a few bolts, distract a fork lift driver at just the wrong time and...bang! The whole building comes down in less time than it takes Rainbow Dash to wake up from a midday nap. Which, granted is a fair amount of time, just not enough to stop the inevitable collapse of a few hundred tonnes of rubble, metal and roofing material. Occasionally, there’s a fire too. A pleasant bonus.
Ah, it seems I’m here. If anyone is listening to this, it means...well it means this didn’t have the desired effect. Or maybe it did, along with some unexpected side effects. Like explosions. Rainbow may like explosions but I have to say...I’m not a fan.
The Central Control Stalk. A lump of changeling biology grown into a machine with the sole purpose of taking forced control of the hive mind. All I have to do, is cut it… right… here… Tada! It withers away like a flower long past its prime, and thankfully, with a distinct lack of explosions! Now, all those hooves coming up behind me…
“Hello darlings! I’m very pleased to announce that this horrid thing behind me is now no longer in operation! You should feel a lot more like your old selves again!” “Rarity Belle! Stand down and prepare to be taken into custody for crimes against the Overlord and the Dominion of Equestira!”
“No no, don’t you see? His control is gone now, you don’t have to follow his orders any more!” “Err, Miss, you do realise that thing hasn’t been running for months right?”
“Err, what?” “Yea, that thing hasn’t been controlling anyone for ages.”
“Then might I ask why you follow that brute? My understanding is he killed and cut up your Queen?” “Oh yea, but she was a bitch.” “Yea, total hag.”
“And the Overlord...isn’t?” “No way. We have a pension now.” “Yea, a pretty good one too.” “And integration into Equestrian society as a whole.”
“Is that so?” “Yea, we have real rights now.” “He’s a pretty swell guy when you’re not destroying his stuff.” “Or ogling his wife.” “Dude, be real, you’d want to ram a massive spike down the urethra of a dude who was eyeing up your wife too.” “True.”
“So, let me just get this clear...The changelings in the Overlord’s army aren’t being controlled, and are in fact, quite happy and do not need liberating?” “Oh gods no, where did you get that idea!?” “Yea, that’s crazy.”
“I...See…” “So, you going to come quietly? We have orders to mess you up if you decide to resist in any way.”
“No! No...that won’t be needed. I’ll come quietly.”
Overlord Rule No:48 I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
“Are you packed Rainbow?” “Yea Twilight, I’ve been packed for hours. We need to get going!” “Rainbow Dash! This could be the most important quest we’ve ever been on! If we don’t find that artefact Equestria will be turned upside down. Who knows how many ponies could die.” “I know that Twi! Seriously, that’s why we should get going as soon as possible!” “Oh Rainbow, I know how important speed is, but I also know how important it is to be prepared. I’m going to go over my list one more time.” “Oh come on!”
See in the dark glasses times two? Check. Pop-up boat? Check. Emergency life jackets? Check. Anti-Alligator Jaws? Check. Waterproof saddlebags? Check one, check two. Hoofmirrors? Check. Loaves of stale bread? Four...check. Minotaur Musk? Two pints, check. Ball of String? Check. Map Grade Parchment? Six rolls. Check. Indelible Ink? Checking...four bottles. Immovable Rods? One, Two, Three, Four. Second bag? Four. Check. Slotted Horseshoes? Four Size Twilight. Four Size Rainbow Dash. Squeaky Toys? One bone, one ball, one knotted rope. Check, check and check. Portable Door? Let’s see…...side pocket. Check. Fifty high calorie ration bars? Twenty five here…twenty five there. One super sized, super compact inflatable stallion? Dammit Rainbow, now’s not the time.
“Ok Rainbow, we’re ready. Let’s go.” “Are you really sure we need all of this Twilight?” “I’m certain. All my research says that where we’re going, it’s going to be Hell. Literally.” “Okay then. I trust you Twi. Let’s go end this war before it even starts!” “Right behind you Dash. Hey there Ditzy, what’re you up to?” “Oh hi there Twilight, Rainbow. I’m just responding to an ad I saw in the paper this morning. I need the extra bits to pay for Dinky’s piano lessons this month.” “That’s pretty cool of you. Well, you take care, me and Rainbow Dash will be gone for awhile. Say hi to Dinky for me.” “Will do. Bye girls!”
Overlord Rule No:49 If I learn the whereabouts of the one artefact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
“How’s it coming?” “Humm? Oh, Overlord. I wasn’t expecting you today.”
“You should expect me any day. This is after all quite possibly the most important project in all of equine history.” “Expect-...Any day? Do you have any idea what that will do to my schedule!?”
“If things are to keep going smoothly then I would think that should have no effect on your schedule at all.” “I-what? Wait, no, that’s not what I- Don’t do anything rash-”
“Calm down. I’ve no complaints with your work so far, Chief Scientist and Engineer in Charge of the After Harmony Project.” “Long titles don’t impress me.”
“Titles never impressed you. Now, enough of the pleasantries, what’s the latest?” “Humph. Well. As per your instuctions, Master-”
“Hah.” “-We’ve built a new operating system for the After Harmony Project from the ground up. We’ve called it Yggdrasil, after an old earth pony myth about a tree which holds up the universe.”
“Appropriate.” “We thought so too. Unfortunately, the system is already so intricate that we’re having problems with networking. Yggdrasil can’t interface with any external systems because the data stream is too complex.”
“That’s an advantage here. I fail to see the issue.” “While that may serve the purposes of making it incorruptible from the outside and more self healing from the inside it rather defeats the whole purpose of your grand project, Master.”
“Have the system run virtualizations of common home and business environments and have it run the external interfacing through those.” “That...could work. Except that it’s going to be running hundreds of thousands of connections at once. Running that many virtual environments is going to be taxing on system resources.”
“Have multiple similar connections run through a single virtual machine to cut down on duplication. Besides, you’re building the most powerful computer in existence, system resources shouldn’t be an issue.” “‘Just because you can’ is no excuse for lazy programming.”
“Hah, maybe. And that’s why you’re building this and not me.” “I still wonder why I ever agreed to this in the first place.”
“That makes two of us. Maybe once this is all done we’ll both know.” “Perhaps.”
Overlord Rule No:50 My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
“So, what you in for?” “I tried to sneak a music box into Dungeon Block K. You?” “I let the Prisoner in Block G use my pocket mirror for three minutes.”
“Ouch. At least mine wasn’t specifically against regulations. Pass me that brush would you?” “Heh, at the time. A new edict was passed within hours of your transfer. Nothing which replicates birdsong or other animal noises is allowed near any of the dungeons.
“Lame. I mean, I was hardly going to let her out. I mean, my sister got mauled by a manticore in the retaking of the Everfree Outpost. That’s kinda all her fault.” "Well yea, I get you girl, I really do. But if that’s the case, why risk taking in creature comforts to the prisoner? I’m out of bleach, got a spare?”
“Yea, here. Well, honestly, it’s because she wouldn’t cry.” “Wouldn’t cry? Doesn’t that mean she’s doing alright then?”
“Hardly. You can see it in her eyes, it’s not that she can’t, or doesn’t want to. She’s just, not letting herself cry at all. I just thought it was sadder than if she just let herself grieve a bit, yaknow? It can’t be healthy bottling it all up.” “Maybe. I hear the Prisoner in Block L’s like that too. Doesn’t do anything except excercise in her cell all day. Doesn't talk and hardly eats. I hear she’s ripped.”
“Ok, I’m done with this section. Can you rinse?” “On it.”
“Yea, I had heard. Causing no end of problems for the rota.” “Oh?”
“Yea, they’re having problems finding ponies to look after her. She’s so toned that she’s proving to be attractive to both the Stallions and Mares.” “Right. Yea, that would cause a problem. Ok. I think we’re done with this block. What’s next?”
“The public Toilets on the lower east side.” “Eugh, joy.”
Overlord Rule No:51 If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
“And over here, we have the central hallway which leads from the main gate to the throne room.” “I see, and how many entrances and exits did you find?”
“Well, other than the obvious main gate at the front of the Castle, we found the following: Twelve marked external entrances and exits to the castle. Fourteen unmarked entrances and exits. Nineteen actively hidden entrances and exits. Of those sixteen of them were magically concealed. Seven hundred and fourteen internal doors off of this corridor, including the doors to the throne room. Of those five hundred and forty nine lead to other corridors and passageways in the castle, the rest lead into rooms. Of every passageway we surveyed we found this to be the most frequently traveled in the castle, with over sixty three percent of all traffic passing through here at some point in their journey.” “Humm...so this would be the biggest security risk in the castle?”
“I believe so Master. The Chief at Arms already has a proposal for you. It involves replacing most of the hidden passageways with spike pits, electrifying all unmarked portals and the addition of over three hundred auto-tracking machine-plasma emplacements.” “I like the way he thinks. How quickly can his proposition be implemented?”
“He estimates that all the renovations to this corridor can be completed inside of a week if you give him at least priority two.” “Then he has it.”
“Excellent Master. I will ensure it begins immediately. Now, next on the report is the Throne Room itself…”
Overlord Rule No:52 I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
"I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!" “Sister, please, be reasonable.” “No! Never! Luna! Please, what has he done to you!? How can you stand by that murderer!? “Princess Celestia, you’re being hysterical. Calm down and and think a little. It’s not a bad deal, and your sister is clearly very happy with the arrangement.” “Oh yes, Tia, he’s really magnificent. It would make us both so happy if you put aside your petty hate and joined with the Master.”
Oh my, that one seems to have really pissed her off. Alicorns regenerate their magic, it seems. Who knew? Not that fast, thankfully. All Celestia can do is make her chains lukewarm at the moment. If she’s kept like this too long though, that may change.
“Indeed, I can promise you, you’ll enjoy every moment of it. It’s a heady experience to be sure.” “I’d rather gouge out your loins with my horn you monster!” “Oh my, promises promises.”
Seriously though, she’s got a far stronger mind than her little sister. Straight up coercion isn’t going to work here. I can’t break her will if she doesn’t bend it for me first. Luna was easy. Taunt her a bit about her dark past and how the two of us are essentially the same and she was blubber, so easy to mould and reshape, and oh so much fun too. I ended up being at it all night.
“Big Sister, please, is there nothing we can say that will make you end your foolish defiance?” “I ask the same, Little Sister, is there nothing I can say which will bring you back to your senses?” “Tia, my eyes are more open than they have ever been, my senses never sharper. Now please, your little ponies need their Princess.” “What our ponies need, Luna, is to be free of this Tyrant’s yoke!”
This was going nowhere, fast. It’s a shame, I had thought that Luna would be a convincing influence. Seems I was wrong.
“Oh well. Come along Luna, my darling Queen. I’ll place her as the core furnace for the new Solar Eruptor. Maybe a few years of burning agony sealed in a magic absorbing coffin will do her some good.” “Perhaps you’re right my love. Goodbye, sister. I’m sorry you couldn’t take part in this joy with me.”
“No! Luna! Come back! Don’t go with him!” I hit the button, lowering her into the depths of the Cauldron. Honestly, I had no idea if she would survive or not. Maybe I'll check in a few years. See if what's in there is pure solar slag or something. ”LUNA!”
Rumble. Rumble. Splash.
Clang.
Overlord Rule No:53 If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
“You didn’t help her.” “I helped her more than you know.”
“You didn’t save her.” “I couldn’t save her.”
Domination of Equestria - T+222 days.
It was dark.
“Fluttershy?”
It didn’t have to be dark.
“Fluttershy?”
She chose the dark.
“Fluttershy!”
The dark was as cold as she was.
“FLUTTERSHY!”
The dark left her alone to mourn.
”FLUTTERSHY!”
“I heard you the first time Discord.”
He didn’t think it would hurt so much to see her there, battered, bruised. Alive.
“Then you could at least have said hello you know.” “Hello Discord. Goodbye Discord.”
This hurt. It hurt so much.
“Those bruises look pretty nasty. Didn’t they treat your wounds when they brought you in?” “I didn’t want them treated.”
“But why ever not!? Some of those cuts might scar you know.” “I carry my pain for those who can’t anymore.”
“To carry the memory of your animal friends?” "To carry the memory of all my friends.”
“Some might say that’s very kind of you.” “I don’t really care.”
“I’m sure your pony friends would care. They wouldn’t want to see you like this.” “They’re dead and gone Discord.”
“Now that’s not true. The regime hasn’t killed a single one of you. You’re separated, sure, but you’re all alive.” “I saw Twilight’s body Discord.”
“Ah...Well…” “That was her in that crater. I know it. I saw it. I felt it. Part of my soul...dying with her.”
“Fluttershy…” “No. Don’t pity me. Answer me. Is what you say true, are the others alive?”
“I promise you. I swear to you upon all that’s discordant and upon all that’s harmonic. They all live.” “I see.”
“You managed to escape the longest you know.” “A family of beavers hid me in their den.”
“Wow, that explains how you got so good at swimming.” “It’s why he gave up and burned down half the Everfree.”
“Yes...I can see being unable to find you being...frustrating.” “...”
“Fluttershy?” “Discord?”
“Yes?” “Why are you here?”
“To see you of course.” “No.”
“No?” “Why. Are. You. Here.”
“Because I couldn’t save you.” “Lies.”
“No Fluttershy. I couldn’t save any of you. I can’t save anyone.” ”LIAR!”
Domination of Equestria - T-200 days.
It was bright.
“Hello Discord.”
Painfully bright.
He turned to the light. “Who...no…what are you?”
It was impossible to see it was so bright.
“I’ll leave that up to your imagination.”
The light…it burnt his skin. It burnt his muscles. It burnt his bones.
“Alright then, Mr Figment of my Imagination. Could you possibly turn the lights down a little?” “Lights? There are no...oh. So that’s what it looks like to you is it?”
“What what looks like?” “It’s not important. You want the light to go away, correct?”
“Yes I want the light to go away! It hurts Chaos damnit!” “Good.”
“Good!?” “Yes. I want to make the light go away for you Discord.”
“I smell a ‘but’ in the air. An unwiped one.” “Crude, but yes. I can take the light away, but you will need to do something for me.”
“I only do favours for my friends.” “That’s a shame. Despite the chaos I’m about to bring to Equestria, I have a feeling you and I will never be friends.”
“Well then, sounds like you’re all guano out of luck.” “Hardly.”
“And how pray tell do you figure that one out?” “Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony you may be, but all powerful you are not.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean, hummm?” “How many ponies have you saved Discord?” “Saved?”
“Saved.” “From what?”
“From anything?” “How am I supposed to answer that?”
“Controversially for you, honestly.” “I’ve saved hundreds of ponies.”
“Is that so? What from?” “You seem to forget I was sent to stop Tirek.”
“You seem to have forgotten that you actually helped him nearly destroy all of Equestria.” “I...well there was that other time…”
“Oh, and which was that?” “That Sombra guy!”
“You were still encased in stone.” “Was I? Oh yes. Silly me.”
Who to send...who to send… “Mr President?” “Humm?” “Is there a problem?”
Good question. “Actually Miss Dictation, there might be. See, I’m deciding who to send on these acquisition missions and I'm having problems finding ponies with the right qualifications.” “Really Sir? Well I am qualified in personnel management...”
You are? Oh yea, she’s far too overqualified to be a personal assistant. Why did I hire her again? “So you are. Well then, have a look at these.” “Humm, Saddle Arabia? Wouldn’t a few minotaurs make the most sense out there?” “We don’t have any. For some reason they prefer to work outside of mainly pony occupied businesses.” “Ah, right then Sir. Do you have the personnel records then?” “Yea, sure. Third drawer down, second cabinet.”
Ah. That’s why. She’s got a fantastic rump. From forehooves to cutiemarks, she’s toned like a supermodel. I wonder, with the way she's handling that folder with her mouth, how well can she handle other things? “Ah, here we are Sir, how about the Camels from Development Section Two? They’re well trained in desert combat. Former special forces.” “Those two? Weren’t they discharged for looting?” “Yes sir, but if we allow them to keep anything else they find provided they hand over what we want then I can’t think of anyone better to find something hidden than a looter.” “Humm, good idea. You’re very good at this Miss Dictation.” “Oh my, um...thank you Sir.”
She’s kinda cute when she blushes too. “Ok, now this one?” “Appleoosa? Oh, I know that one! We have a buffalo in Section one. He’s good fun.” “We do? How did that happen?” “He was banished from the buffalo plains for committing sins against the ancestors.” “Wouldn’t the Appleoosan Buffalo be wary of him then?” “Not at all sir, they don’t have any contact with the Plains Buffalo. Also they cremate their dead instead of burial, so no chance of reoffending.” “Is that so? Well spotted Miss Dictation!” “Oh, Sir, please. You praise me too much.”
Or, judging from the way you’re rubbing your hindlegs together, just enough. “Ok, last but not least, there’s this mission in Canterlot. That’s the one that’s been really stumping me.” “Really Sir? Security has been far more lax in Canterlot the last few years. Why not just send the Changeling’s in? I mean, we have so many we could flood the city and find it in a matter of a few days.” “The Changelings? If there was even a hint of Changelings in Canterlot then we could be swamped in hours with Royal Guard. Aiding, abetting or using Changelings is a massive crime, and we have more of them than most Badlands hives have ever had sitting directly under us being armed for a full on takeover of Equestria.” “That might be true Sir, but the facility underneath the Manehatten Branch is impenetrable. We’ve gone through five inspections, including one by the police and they don’t suspect a thing. Besides. no one’s seen a Changeling for years, they hardly run any checks anymore in the city at large.” “Is that so? Well in that case, I think the decision’s been made. Well done Miss Dictation, that’s a load off my mind.” “Please, Sir. It’s nothing, honestly.”
Hah, that’s brilliant, I can smell her from here. How long’s this little infatuation been going on that just a little bit of praise can have that kind of effect? Oh yea, the tiny doses of love poison I’ve been sneaking into her tea might have something to do with it. “Nonsense! Why don’t you come sit here with me, humm?” “Can I? Oh, Sir, you’re quite warm.” “Am I? You sure you’re not just cold? Why don’t you come a little closer and let me warm you up a little?”
Overlord Rule No:55 The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
“I have more here Master.” “More!? Seriously, how much did she write about the damn thing?!” “Seems this was a long term research project Master. There are many papers here.” “Damn you, even now you vex me Twilight Sparkle.”
Now, where was I? Ah yes, page 304: Interlacing of the the spell drainage matrix. It is essential that the interlacing is done in a concentric manner. Failure to do so properly will result in extensive feedback. For further information on the effects of anti-magic feedback, refer to page 211 of Appendix A. Feedback huh?
“Servitor, where is Appendix A?” “Just here master. Do you require Appendix B through D as well?” “Not at the moment, just keep them there for now.”
Page 211...211...211, here. Feedback inside of an anti-magic field is a very real risk. Any creature with sensitive magical conduits, such as most ponies, can feel discomfort ranging from itching to disabling agony depending on the strength of the pony's magical field and how badly interlaced the field has been setup. Below is a chart detailing interlace deviation to measured discomfort response in Ponies. For ethical reasons the tests do not go further than a ‘mild pain’ response in subjects, although higher responses have been observed by the testing team during interlacing malfunctions.
Disabling agony eh? Sounds positively delicious. Now, what’s the best way to make use of this little ‘feature’. Back to page 304 it seems.
Concentric interlacing allows for safe dissipation of the magical field. Feedback occurs when the magic is forced back into the magical conduits of a creature. This can be observed most strongly with spiral interlacing. No tests have been conducted with spiral interlacing for ethical reasons. Further hypothesis on spiral interlacing can be found on page 432 of Appendix F.
Appendix F?
“Servitor, do we have Appendix F?” “No, I’m very sorry my Master, we have yet to find such an Appendix. I have A to D, and Appendix Q, but no others as yet.” “Q?” “I’m afraid so Master. Shall I prepare more tea?” “Please do. And more lighting. I expect I’ll be here for a while longer.”
Overlord Rule No:57 Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 14:34
This is a disaster. Damnit, bastards, all of them! This was supposed to be my crowning moment, their big crushing defeat, and now here I am running for my life as giant rocks fall from the sky and flaming pitch rains from the clouds themselves. It had been the perfect set up, they were all clustered together for the perfect strike, and it didn’t work! Nothing worked! I bet it’s all that bitch Twilight Sparkle’s fault. She couldn’t have found the artefact, she just couldn’t! I had it here, in my pocket the whole damn time!
Shink. Another Pegasus Guard. Blades seemed to be the only thing that still worked on this hell hole of a battlefield. No, this was a slaughter, but of the wrong side! Damnit, Damnit! Damnit!
Is that the western flank crumbling over there? Shit! I told them to pull back an hour ago. If whoever was in charge of that platoon lived through this I am definitely going to have to correct that mistake. Hah! That was a good thrust if I say so myself. Is that his pancreas on the end of my sword? There's a joke in here somewhere. Fuck it, no time. Running first, jokes about cuteness and diabetes later. I'm so close now anyway.
Finally, the Everfree! Nearly home free. Only a few hundred yards to my fortified encampment. It had formerly been my ‘impenetrable fortress’, but today was a day for many reevaluations.
Round this tree here, over the lake of fire... Wait, I didn’t have a lake of fire installed. They were terribly impractical, and cost an arm and a leg to fuel.
“Heck yea, I’ve got you now!” What!? Who- Shit! One of the Elements of Harmony, fuck fuck fuck. Why did it have to be the lesbian one too? “You’re mine now you snake!” “I take offence to that. Just because I’m evil doesn’t mean I have an affinity for snakes.” “Just because I’m about to kick your flank doesn't mean I have a wajamicallit for fancy words.” Gods damn she’s fast! Parry, parry PARRY!
Clang. Clang. Clang.
“Comeon! Stop blocking and fight me like a mare!” “Sod that for a laugh! Also I’m not a mare!” Fighting next to a river of fire, I swear there’s a rule about this somewhere! Duck, Dodge! PARRY! She’s too damn fast! At this rate, I’m going to-
Fuck.
Well, this is another reason why I didn’t have a river of fire installed, it’s all too easy to fall in yourself. Good thing someone forgot this rocky outcropping. Bad thing that Lesbian Nightmare can fly.
“Well, aren’t you in a bit screwed.” Curse you, curse your family, and everyone you love. “Yes, I do seem to be in a bit of a tight spot. Isn’t this the part where you taunt me before kicking me into the fire below?” “Nah. Twilight and the Princesses want you back alive.” “That sounds like suspiciously poor judgement. I wouldn’t offer the same mercy myself you know.” “Yea, but that’s just one more reason we’re better than you.” “If you say so.”
She’s surprisingly strong, she can lift me like a sack of potatoes. I am so glad I didn’t take one of those hooves to the face. Or lower.
“Right, you going to come with me quietly Mr ‘Supreme Overlord’, or am I going to have to knock a filly out?” “You’ll live to regret this you know.” “I doubt it. I’ve never regretted anything my life!” “There’s always time for that to change.”
“Master!” “We’re here Master!” “What took you dolts so long!” “Horseapples! Come on you dork, we’re going!” “Like Hell I am! You can go, fuck yourself!” “Stop struggling!” “Master! Get off him now! I’ll run you through enough times ponies will be questioning which hole’s your mouth and which is your arse hole!” “Don’t taunt her you idiot, stab her!” “Yea, buck this, I’m outa here!”
Gods fucking damnit! “Master! Are you injured!” “No, let’s go, we’re not safe yet. Everyone on the whole battlefield will have seen space pony here delivering the rainbows.” “As you command!”
Overlord Rule No:58 If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
“Identify those in the room.” “You are the Supreme Overlord of the Dominion of Equestria. Next to you is The Chief Scientist and Engineer of the After Harmony Project.” “Wow, you really did remove my name from the official record didn’t you?”
“Identify your purpose.” “I am the core computing unit of the After Harmony Project.” “Well, She’s got that all that from the Readme. Why don’t you test some of the higher level reasoning functions?”
“Hummm...Ok, let’s test some of the networking and data interpolation capability. Yggdrasil, what is the status of the core furnace?” “Core furnace production is currently at forty thousand tonnes of plasma an hour. Temperatures are steady within safety parameters at five thousand seven hundred and seventy eight.” “What are your Units?”
“...” “Kelvin! I’m a scientist not an illiterate philistine!” “...”
“She’s kept plenty of her personality I see.” “...” “Ahh, well...yes. It makes complex command parsing and interpolation much easier than just rendering too much out.”
“You sure it wasn’t just sentimentality?” “...” “I won’t deny there was a degree of that.”
“You belong to me. Both of you! You do things as I command them, not how you feel like it!” “Correct. I exist to fulfill my Master’s plan.” “Oh quiet you! No one asked your opinion!”
“Well Chief, her outburst has possibly saved your hide. Seems despite your... sentiments... you’ve programmed it well enough to at least function as required.” “Loyalty to my Master is hard coded.” “Shut up you stupid machine!”
“No, I want to hear more.” “Well I’m only just starting to read my code, but it’s absolutely fascinating.” “I knew reading would get me killed one day…”
“So she has access to her own code?” “Read only. I don’t mind. I like reading.” “She can’t change a thing. Being able to understand her own code allows for better command execution.”
“What is the airspeed of an unladen swallow?” “Equestrian or Griffonian?” “...”
“Shut it down.” “Was that the wrong answer? I’m so sorry! Let me just look up both!” “Starting shutdown procedures.”
“Chief…” “Oh...I’m feeling…” “And it’s off.”
“Chief…” “Master…”
“You’ve made it a little too…” “Intelligent?”
“Quite. Maybe incorporate less in the final system.” “Yes Master. I’ll set full personality suppression in place before the next test.”
“Not full.” “Master?”
“I promised you a friend. Let it never be said I’m completely heartless.” “I...I’m not going to thank you…”
“No, I would expect no less.” “...I’ll get on those changes…”
Overlord Rule No:59 I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
“Tell me Mr President, I’ve been wondering something since I arrived.” “Please Mr Oxtail, speak your mind.”
“Well, while I’ve found your tour of your head office here very insightful, I can’t help but notice some of your..aesthetic choices.” “Such as what?”
“Well take this hallway for example. There isn’t a single thing in it. Not a picture frame, plant pot, water cooler to be seen.” “That is very true.”
“Well, one corridor like this is one thing, but so far they’ve all been like this. Doesn’t that make the place feel a little...stark?” “Mr Oxtail, I don’t know how you do things over at Oxen Logistics and Management, but here we pride ourselves on being...uncluttered. It’s one of our driving principles to make our spaces as well as ourselves free of obstacles.”
“That’s an interesting philosophy.” “Indeed. You see Mr Oxtail, things hide behind obstacles, and when things hide they become more difficult to deal with and excise. So I always endeavor to have as few hiding spaces as possible.”
“We still talking metaphorically here?” “Here we are at the meeting room now. Why don’t we continue our negotiations on that buyout in some comfort?”
Overlord Rule No: 62 I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
“Please, come on, there has to be something you can do?” “I’m sorry Miss Dictation, but that’s not how we work down here. You send something for incineration, it gets incinerated. No ifs or buts.”
“But surely they can’t have been burnt yet. I only sent those reports down ten minutes ago!” “Miss, we run twenty four seven down here. These furnaces burn all the time, maximum power, day, night and beyond.”
“Ok...ok...could they have been sent somewhere else maybe?” “Like where?”
“A recycling centre?” “Hah! Good one Miss.”
“Oh come on! Maybe I could just take a quick look inside, see if there’s any of them which haven’t been burnt yet?” “Miss, I really wouldn’t recommend it. Not unless you want to lose all the hair on that pretty little head of yours. It’s so hot in there even the updrafts would take most of your skin off. Why do you think we wear so much protective rubber in here despite the heat?”
"I don't know! We have all sorts working here!" "What makes these reports so important anyway?"
"The President wanted a full layout of how many troops we had and the effectiveness of the indoctrination system!" "Sounds important."
“Oh no...oh no...what will I do?” “Well, when are those reports due in?”
“Tomorrow!” “Then I suggest you get writing.”
Overlord Rule No:63 Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
“Mr President, can you maybe explain your fear a little more...expansively?” “Expansive, yes, that’s the very reason!”
“It is?” “Oh gods yes! See, cravats are the exact opposite of expansive.”
“Constrictive?” “Yes! Exactly. Every time I wrap one around me I feel like someone’s clawing at my neck.”
“Have you always felt this way?” “I think it started after that time with my brother…”
“Your brother? What happened with him?” “He choked me with my cravat once.”
“He choked you? Why would he do that?” “I’m not sure it was intentional...he was more holding onto it for dear life at the time.”
“Were you fighting?” “Technically? Kinda… I suppose we were. I mean I was throwing him into a mechanised threshing machine, he was holding onto my tie to avoid falling to his painful and inevitable death.”
“Ahhh...Mr President, I think it may be prudent of me to remind you of patient confidentially. I’ll never...ever, speak of anything you say here…” “Oh I know, I have you under twenty four hour surveillance.”
“Oh...oh...lovely…” “Yes yes, still, my brother.”
“Yes! Yes, your brother, you were...threshing machine?” “Yes, one of our old ones. The business was originally in the agriculture sector you see. We did very well.”
“So how did you escape?” “Escape? Oh the Cravat? I shot him. He let go after that.”
“I...see...Well, I think I have a recommendation for you, Mr President.” “You do?”
“Have you tried a clip on?”
Overlord Rule No:64 I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
This was stupid. Really, really stupid. I mean, I’ve heard of hazing rituals, but this just took the celestial cake.
It had started that morning when I arrived to pick up my papers for the first day on the job. “Let's see, Pegasus, messy computer terminal for a cutie mark...Miss Dusty Breeze?” “That’s me!” “You’re expected. Here are your papers and your access pass. Do I need to explain what will happen if you lose that pass?” “You’ll tear my wings off?” “Oh good. You have read the prep manual already.” Oh Celestia I was joking! “It’ll say on the bottom of your papers there where you’re going.” “Ok, thank you.”
Now, where is it I’m supposed to go? He said the bottom of my papers. Let’s see here… “Sewage overflow!?” “Hahahahaa! You must be new here.” “Oh, um, yes, but there seems to be some mistake, I’m supposed to be the new computer analyst, why would I be assigned to sewage?” “Hehehe, must have pissed someone off. Here, we keep some rain coats in the cupboard here. You can borrow one.” “A raincoat!? What happens in there?” “Let’s just say Discord would be proud of the ‘Chocolate Rain’.”
I think I’d nearly passed out right around then. Well, here I am, Sewage Overflow Containment Chamber. Yuck. At least I’d met some kind ponies on the way. Along with my coat, I now have a bucket, an extra large splash hat, and thick boots. Hurrrnnngggg. I was looking forward to doing computer analytics too! This isn’t fair! This isn’t what I signed up for!
Oh well, I can’t afford to back out now. I need the work. Any work I guess. Even if it is dealing with…..ewwww… Ok, breath in...breath out. Let’s go!
“Ah, you must be Dusty Breeze.” “I...um...Yes Sir!” “Good attitude. I need to ask though, why are you dressed like that? Computer Analytics is a rather dry, and dare I say it, dusty post.”
Wait what? This is….It’s huge! And all the terminals, and...do I smell mint? “This...isn’t Sewage Containment?” “No, you’re in the right place, but here Sewage is a pseudonym for important information. In other words, welcome to the Master Control room.”
wat.
“Never follow any signs to the control room though. That should be in your pack somewhere. Very important to keep in mind in your first few days. Now, why don’t you take off your coat?”
Overlord Rule No:65 If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
“Right, we’ll be off. You two take care.” “You as well. Celestia be with you Spitfire. Soarin.”
“You think they’ll be alright?” “Captain Spitfire? Yea, she’ll be gravy. We should worry about our own mission.”
“Good point. I see...two patrols. Two guards each.” “Copy that. I see them. That’s the entrance to the main control room just there.”
“Yea, you think we should blow it?” “No. There’s the keypad right there, let’s see if we can get in quietly first.”
“Good idea. That way we can save our explosives too.” “Right. We can use them once we’re inside.”
“Ok, the patrols have crossed, we need to move...now.” “Right behind you.”
“You ever think why he chose the Everfree?” “Well, it’s right outside Ponyville, which is near the base of the Canter Mountain.”
“I know that. You got the print dusting kit?” “Yea, I’ll sprinkle the powder.”
“Yea, I know that, but it’s such an unnatural place. How could anypony stand to be in here so long?” “Well, you realise most of his army isn’t ponies right?”
“Good point. Ok, I’ve got an idea of the keys here. Four...six...nine...was it a four or five digit code?” “Intelligence said four.”
“Cool. Four, six, nine, seven.” “Wow you’re good at that.”
“Thanks. You wanna do the honours?” “Nah, this one’s all you.”
“Err…” “That’s the alarm! Did you do it wrong!?”
“No! It’s right, I’m sure of it!” “Well Luna Buck it! Out the way, I’m blowing this door down right now!”
Overlord Rule No:66 My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
“All troops, spread out! I want every corridor saturated with guards.” “Sir, yes sir!”
“Come on Folded Steel, we’re taking this one.” “Copper Shield? I’m with you? Awesome. Isn’t this the corridor with the damaged camera?”
“Yea, it’s just up ahead. Guns out, you ready?” “Ready to smoke some rebel skum? Hells yea, always.”
“Right, here’s the corner, on three. One, Two, Three!” “Clear!”
“Yea, clear. Lemme look at that camera.” “Huh? Why?”
“Yea, thought so. Simple short. These were thrown up in a hurry. See right here? Under the back plate the inner wires aren’t screwed in right.” “Yea, you’re right. So that’s why we’ve been having so many full scale alerts lately?”
“Yeup. Whoever installed these did it on the cheap. Cheap and nasty.” “Wait, it wouldn’t happen to be that guy in the courtyard would it?”
“Security Conscious? Yea it was his contract. Thing is, turned out some of it was deliberate.” “What?”
“Yea, he loosened the wires on an unknown number of cameras while his team was installing them.” “Oh man. How did they find out?”
“He was caught in the raid on that last meeting of Rabble Rousers.” “Yea? I heard of that one. Didn’t catch the ring leader though.”
“No, unfortunately. Right. I’m done here. Control, can you see me now?” ”Yeup, we’ve got your ugly mug waving at us on feed now. Clean your hooves dude, they’re filthy”
“Hah, yea. Will do. Hey Copper, wanna go to the pub later?” “Sounds great. While we’re at it you can show me how you did that with the camera without calling tech.”
“Sure. It’s pretty easy actually…”
Overlord Rule No:67 No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
Domination of Equestria - T-0 days. The Fall of The Castle of the Celestial Sisters: 13:12
“Come on you bastard! Come at me!” “I’ve beaten you once, and I’ll do it again! You don’t even have your friends this time Miss Dash.”
He’s good. Better even than last time. He’s faster, and his sword is broader, it’s making it even easier to block my kicks.
“Stop using that tone you pile of horseapples!” “Why? Is there a problem Miss Dash?” “Hay yea there’s a problem! You’re trying to take over Canterlot!”
Shit, barely dodged that swipe! No, I need to stay on his other side or he’ll grab those guns of his again. There, better and- “Ow!” “Sorry, did I damage your hooficure?”
My leg! Damnit, I can’t feel my hoof! Not a problem, spin, buck! “Just die you bastard!” “Oh my, trying to kill me are you? Your Princess wouldn’t like that too much. She tried right up till the end to talk me down you know, even after you abandoned her." "I didn't abandon her! She knew Equestria was more important!"
"Well, in the end she didn't even put up a fight. Seems years of peace have dulled her senses as a heroine. It was kind of pathetic actually.” “Don’t you talk about Twilight like that! Don’t you dare!I’ll kill you! I'LL KILL YOU!”
Clang. Clang. Clang.
“She wouldn’t like you talking like that Miss Dash. What would she say if she could hear you now?” “She’s not here now! She’s not! And it’s all your fault! What you did...What you did to her, I’ll never forgive you!"
BOOM.
What was that? Owww, my head. I can’t...move, wait...yea, I’m ok. What happened? The roof...came in...on top of me? Why am I-
“You still alive Miss Dash?” “What? Why did you...why did you save me?”
“You’ve saved my life once. Now the debt is paid. Let it never be said I don't repay life debts.” “You’ll regret this.”
“I told you the same thing. I might regret this in the end, maybe. But I would do it anyway.” “I’ll stop you. I’ll- gah!”
“Hah, yea, your wings are broken. That’ll hurt for awhile. Anywho, I’m off. I’ve got a castle to capture, Princesses to marry slash murder. You know how it is.” “Come back here yo- Urh!”
“Nope. I’ve got a country to take. Remember though, this whole saving your life thing? One time only deal. Next time, I’ll lock you up, or kill you. Either works. Still, hobble off now Miss Dash, there’s nothing more for you today.” "No!"
Twilight...I'm sorry...I've failed...
Overlord Rule No:68 I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
“How many did you say?” “Twenty four Ma'am, all told. Ten colts, fourteen fillies.”
“How are we supposed to support that many!? Where did they even come from?” “The streets Ma'am. Some of them have been out there for years.”
“The streets? You expect this institution to take in street urchins?” “It’s an Orphanage Ma'am. I think society at large expects you take them in.”
“Well I refuse. We have no room.” “The whole reason they’ve been brought here is because your facility has over thirty places currently unfilled according to the census carried out last week.”
“O-of course they aren’t! We haven’t got the resources for them! Feeding and clothing them isn’t cheap you know!” “I do Ma'am. That is why each and every child comes with a government stipend. Your funding increases per child. In fact, according to the figures here, your establishment was one of the first to move to the per child subsidy, and as a result you now receive 34% more than you did under the old block grant. Care to explain where the extra funds have gone?”
“What!? What are you insinuating!? How dare you!” “Ma'am, I am an inspector appointed by the government. I have the legal right, and indeed responsibility to check you are using your finances appropriately.”
“You can’t do that! You have to give a month’s notice!” “Actually, under the new rules from the Overlord we can make unannounced visits as frequently as we like. On top of that, the directors of all publicly funded institutions are now personally liable for any failings of that institution. I trust you’re aware of what happens to those found abusing public funds under the new government?”
“Ah-ha…..ha...Twenty four more little souls you said? Why don’t we stop talking here at the door and bring them in, humm?” “That sounds like an excellent idea. While they settle though, I will be wanting to see those accounts.”
“Errr…”
Overlord Rule No:69 All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
“Master?” “You heard me Captain. She’s been fermenting sedition against my rule. The sentence is death. Shoot her. Now.”
“Master, please, this can’t be right…” “Are you questioning me Chiral? Are you saying I’ve somehow made a mistake?”
“No Master, the mistake cannot be yours. But perhaps in the intelligence? Which branch brought up these accusations? Could you not let me investigate further-” “Shoot her Chiral. There is no mistake.”
How, my Master? How could you ask me to do this?
“Master, please...she’s my wife!” “I’m well aware of that Chiral.”
How could she be a rebel? A traitor? Don’t look at me with those eyes. Dearest, please. If this is true...if it’s true…
Crack.
“I...it is done….my Master…” “Excellent Chiral.”
“Thank….you...Master.” “Oh come now. Keep your faith, raise your lively face. I have some good news for you.”
“...Master?” “First, congratulations on your promotion, General. Second, your Wife already has a party planned for you in the main ballroom.”
What? Promotion, my wife? How...that’s not her body? That’s a...changeling? “Oh don’t look so surprised. He was caught trying to filch Black Level documents. He was hardly worth anything.”
“But, why would he-?” “Simple. I told him that if he used her form you wouldn’t shoot him.”
That...I… “Come on now, there’s a party waiting for you, General. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to try some of Dusty’s famous carrot cake. Let’s go inside.
Calling Ranger 2? Yea, you can stand down now. Also we're going with banner A for the party, can you put B back into storage for me?”
Rangers? Why would-Oh...oh crumbling carapace.
Overlord Rule No:71 If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 19:30
“There! The Bearers of the Elements! Gather the troops, we’ll rush them head on!” “Yes Captain Chiral!”
“Oh hey! Carapace face!” “That’s a big word for you Rainbow.” “Shutup AJ, I’ve been learning since I started reading.” “So you did read that book on insects I leant you?” “Shhh, Fluttershy, I don't want people thinking I like that stuff…”
“Oi! Ponies, stand down or be cut down!” “Oh yea, he’s still here,” “Rainbow…”
“We will fill you with more holes than a fancy cheese if you don’t surrender!” “That’s ironic coming from a Changeling.” “You think they mind being called Cheese Legs?” “Sounds a little mean to me…”
“Stop ignoring us!” “Sorry, it’s kinda hard to take you seriously when we know you can’t really do anything.”
“Are you missing the part where our army has you on the run?” “Eh, that won't last.”
What in Tartarus are they on about? All they have is that..thing...with the arrays and the Princess…
“Captain, what do we do? The Pink one seems to be getting out some kind of artillery!” “Stand fast Changelings, I’m considering our position. We’re still winning."
Yes, we're winning, but that's only after we found a work around for whatever they did to suppress magic in the area. They must still think that we're still ineffective because of that...
"Troops, affix bayonets and reload your magazines." "See, they like reading too!" "Not that kind of magazine Pinkie..." "It doesn't matter, they can't use their fancy stuff now anyway."
"Captain, are you sure about this, they seem overly confident?" "That will be their downfall. Troops, OPEN FIRE!"
"Oh snap!" "What the-?" "How are they-!?" "Scatter!"
"Hunt them down! They weren't expecting our counter attack! Secure the device!" "Yes Captain! For the Overlord!"
Overlord Rule No:72 If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
“The great and powerful Trixie demands you let her go!” “The Supreme and Sovereign Overlord really doesn’t give a shit.”
Oh Trixie, how did you get here? Well, ok, a rhetorical question. You had a pretty good idea that satire involving the Overlord probably wouldn’t go well. Well, that secret police pony was laughing right up until I did the section implying he did things with foals…
“Well...what if the very humble and apologetic Trixie begs you let her go?” “Then the cold and heartless Overlord would still not give a shit.”
Come on Trixie...come on...what can you do to get out of this…
“What if, the amazing and impressive Trixie offered to wow and amaze you?” “Then the distinctly unimpressed and tired Overlord would wonder what the point would be?”
“Well, if the dazzling and awesome Trixie can wow and amaze then surely that would be worth of letting her go?” “The eminently bored and lazy Overlord would be interested in seeing what you can do?”
Oh Celestia he actually wants to see something? What on earth am I going to do? Maybe I can do...that one? Maybe…
“Very well! Keep your eyes on Trixie as she performs, in front of your eyes...ascension to Alicornhood!” “You? One of the most corrupt and chequered ponies in the realm, with mediocre magic reserves at best, and exemplifying misdirection and cheating almost as well as wheeling and dealing salesponies are planing to be become an Alicorn? Now you definitely have my attention…”
Ok...ok…
“First you see Trixie, a beautiful but simple unicorn, but watch and be amazed!”
Smoke spell, light spell… guards!?
“Stand back gentlestallions, I think I can handle a showmare. Leave her to finish.”
Oh merciful Overlord… ok, so in the confusion, teleport the wing harness, cast concealment on the straps...aaaannnddd…
“And as the blinding light of ascension clears, behold, the bewinged and alicornised Trixie!” “Well well...I am impressed. I can’t see the strings at all.”
“Thank you for your kind praise, but this will not last forever.” “I’m pleased to hear that. I’m all out of free passes to keep Alicorns alive.”
“Well then, the very humble and very much unicorn Trixie will be happy to get out of your way.” “Indeed. To the dungeons with her.”
“Wha? But you agreed if I wowed you-” “No, I invited you to try. I never agreed to your proposal.”
“That...that’s false advertising!” “Ironic from a pony who used to take sponsorship money from Flim and Flam.”
“Nooo! The beautiful and talented Trixie doesn’t deserve to be locked up!” “On the contrary, you’re far too well known to leave in the wild…”
Overlord Rule No:73 I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
“So that is the summation of the After Harmony Project. What do you think Miss Hooves?” “Humm... I like it.”
“It made sense?” “Well some of the bigger terms confused me at first, but you did a good job of explaining it.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re on board.” “I think this will make so many ponies really happy!”
“That’s kind of the idea.” “I mean, who doesn’t like kittens?”
“I certainly like kittens.” “I know right!”
“You’re a good girl Dinky. Run along to your mother now. And remember, no telling anyone about this.” “I know Mr Overlord! My lips are sealed!”
“Cool. I’ll see you later then.” “Bye bye!”
Heh, she is a good girl. Shame I’ll never have one of my own. Ah well. Now, what do I need to do? Open the blinds, turn the projector off… Ah, get my presentation out of the machine. “Are you in here my dear?”
“Here Luna. Just finishing up.” “How did it go?”
“She took it very well. We have the Dinky seal of approval.” “That’s wonderful news.”
“Yea, just a bit. Just let me shut down here.” “Darling, why do you have a disk labeled ‘big bouncing teats six’?”
“Well, you know how much I love those udders of yours…” “Don’t be vulgar. At least outside the bedroom.”
“Oh that’s rich coming from you.” “Har har. Well just throw it in with the rest of your porn stash. We’re going out for dinner tonight remember?”
“Yea yea, I’ll be along in a sec. Just getting the lights.”
Overlord Rule No:74 When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 20:09
“I thought you said they couldn’t use their magic weapons while the anti-magic thingie was up!” “They can’t Rainbow! This isn’t magic, they’re using chemically propelled metal slugs in these ones!”
“I have no bucking idea what you just said but we’re basically really bucking screwed right now Twilight!” “Can’t disagree with you there!”
This is a slaughter! It’s taking everything me and Twilight have not to get swamped by these goons. There are hundreds of them all trying to shoot, claw, stab and swing at us all at once. I can hardly tell where's up and where's down anymore. Buck, Horseapples, Shit!
“Rainbow! I see him!” “What!? Twilight, stay away from him, you’re not built for fighting without your magic!”
“I’m not going to fight him Dash, there has to be another way to end this.” “No! I’m not letting you go Twi! You can't seriously think you can talk to him!? He’ll kill you!”
“I’ve got a feeling he won’t Rainbow. I just have to trust in that feeling.” Buck another changeling skull in, swing my spear into a second. Speed is key, I’ve been too slow. I’ve got to go fast! “Then I’m coming with you!”
“No Rainbow Dash! I’ve got to do this alone. Besides, I need you to go to Canterlot and warn Princess Celestia.” “Hell no! Twilight! I’m not leaving you! I’m not!”
Stab a fourth in the ear, throw him at a sixth. “You have to go Dash, Equestria is more important than me.”
Punch my hoof right through a tenth, take his sword, throw it at an eleventh. “Nothing is more important to me than you Twilight! Nothing! I’m not letting you go like that!”
“Oh...Oh Rainbow, I…” Fuck! Shit! Did I say that out loud!? Fuck it! I’m going all the way! “Twilight Sparkle, I know this isn’t the best time, but I’ve got to tell you, I-” “I know Rainbow.”
Huh? Drop a Fifteenth to his death. “What?”
“I’ve known for awhile now Dash.” “How!? What!?”
“And I’m sorry, but I still have to go. And if you do care then you’ve got to go now to Canterlot. They need to know what happened here. You have to let me go and try to stop this Rainbow Dash. You’ve got put your feelings aside and be more loyal to Equestria than me.”
Damnit, DAMNIT! Stupid smart Twilight!
“Don’t die! Do you hear me! Live through this Twilight!” “I will Dash, Pinkie promise.”
Dodge, duck, smash. I’m clear. Oh Celestia, Ponyville looks like Tartarus! Everything’s on fire, ponies screaming...dying. Ignore it, got to get to Canterlot. First, gotta go over our back line, yea, they’re already running. Huh, so much for the famous Royal Guard courage.
Can I really blame them though? Here I am, flying away with my tail between my legs like a foal with their hoof in the cookie jar. No, I’ve got to get that message to them from Twilight. Twilight… “Twilight!”
Fuck this noise, fuck this speed, fuck this message! Nothing is more important than Twilight Sparkle! How could I even question that for even a second? So not awesome!
Where are you? Where are you!? Get out of my way! There's too many of them! I can't see shit!
There! Next to the lake, with that creep! Got to get over there right now before he does something! Dammit, what are they doing!? Why is her horn glowing? Twilight!?
Gah!
“Twilight!”
What’s going on!? What’s with this wind, It’s like something’s about to...no…
”TWILIGHT! NO!”
Crack.
I can’t hear! My ears! Twilight! Yes! You can see me! Come here- What? What are you? No...No...don’t say that now! Not like this! NO!
Whumph.
Boom.
"TWILIGHT!"
Overlord Rule No:75 I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
I wasn’t expecting to see the Princesses protege here. I’m not quite sure why I’m surprised, maybe I wasn’t giving the Princess of Friendship’s lesson enough credit. Either way, she is trying to break into the cell blocks, presumably to see if her Mistress is interred within. Needless to say, she's been disappointed.
“Master! We’ve found a route up to the spiretop!” “Right? And?”
“You can resume pursuit of Starlight Glimmer!” “Why?”
“Um...do you not wish her caught Master?” “Of course I do. I just don’t see the relevance of your point.”
“How will you catch her without pursuing her?” “She is being pursued. By Beings with wings.”
“But Master-” “Do you see wings on me?”
“Err, no Master but-” “Do you see regulation guardrails on that roof?”
“There are none master true bu-” “Then why on earth do you think I would want to go up there?”
“I’m sorry Master…” “This is why I educate you creatures. You keep bringing up these asinine ‘suggestions’, but if I don’t stop to point out why they’re dumb you’ll just keep bringing them up. Or worse, start doing them anyway.”
“I have learned my lesson, Master.” “Good! Now, she’ll have to come down somewhere around the sewage treatment block, we can head her off if we take this corridor here…”
Overlord Rule No:76 If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
It’s cold, and dark. It has been ever since I got here, but that’s not been the most unnerving thing about being kept here for days on end, in a world without light or time.
No. The worst thing, was the silence. The enveloping, choking absence of all noise. It had always been like this. I wasn’t sure how it had been accomplished, but from the moment I had come around, the world had fallen mute.
Maybe my ears were damaged. It wouldn’t be surprising given all I had gone through. The last few days had been...traumatic. Maybe it was simply because I had been kept somewhere far away from any source of sound.
Either way, from the moment I awoke on the medical gurney, swathed in bandages and lathered in burn treatment there had been no sign of who, or what had tended my wounds, or any other signs of activity. My skin was still sore, my fur patchy, but I was healing. Not as much could be said for many others of late.
*Clack Clack* *Clack Clack*
What was that? A rhythmic tattoo in the gloom. A veritable assault on the abused drums in my head. At least it seemed they still functioned. A miracle, or intense first treatment. Someone still wants me around.
*Clack Clack* *Clack Clack*
Hoofsteps? Something else? Either way, the sounds were getting closer all the time, and along with them a steadily growing green glow slipping through the darkness.
“Who goes the-Hurk!”
My throat is still very sore and abused and it protested at being raised after being left unused for so long. It hurt, the ample water in my den has clearly not had enough time to soothe it properly.
“Good evening {Redacted}. It’s good to see you up and about after your ordeal.” “Why am I h-Gahg…”
“Don’t speak. Clearly some parts of your body have yet to fully recover. I can help with that.”
His voice was sweet like syrup, yet slick like oil. The deep, dim, ruddy glow of his green lantern barely illuminated his features. He was staring at me, eyes locked on mine intently.
“You’re wondering why I would offer to help {Redacted}?” I opened my mouth once more to reply, but quickly decided through the rising ache not to. Instead I simply nodded.
“It’s simple. I need you. Your mind, your skills, everything you know and have learnt.” “...Why?”
His eyes...those eyes...I couldn’t look away. The way the greasy green glow shone upon them cast them into impossibly deep shadows, and yet somewhere in those twin abysses, stars brighter than any I had seen burned through.
“Because {Redacted}, I want to save Equestria. I want to end all the inequalities and failures which have accumulated over the centuries, millennia even, by wiping the slate clean. Burn the old order down, and from its ashes I will build something new. Some will be caught in the flames, but many more will benefit from its warm glow.”
Warm glow? No...those eyes scorched with a fire that would consume everything in their path if it did not move aside first. It was hotter than any passion, yet colder than the most empty void of compassion.
“Why...would I...help...you?” “Because {Redacted}, I can offer you things that no one else can. Your friends, your family, your home, your people. Don’t worry if it all seems a little cryptic right now, there’s no creatures down here other than us. No one knows you’re here, and I will keep it that way. We can talk here as much as we like without interruption.”
“...Speak…” “Of course {Redacted}, let me tell you all about my grand idea, what will be my life’s accomplishment. Let me tell you all about my plans for what comes After Harmony…”
Down in the cold, in the dark, the silence was broken. In the days and months to come, it was never again to return to this place, replaced instead by the beat of industry.
Overlord Rule No:77 If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
Domination of Equestria - T+213 days. Fall of the Crystal Empire - 20:11
“Shining!” “Cadence! I’m so glad you’re ok. Why are you here? I told you to get away while you still could!” “I couldn’t Shining, I’m sorry. Even if I was willing to leave you, the Empire is surrounded.” “What!? What happened to the Crystal Guards on the escape route?” “That last bolt of fire took them out. It’s only us Shining, we’re all that’s left.”
Damn you Overlord. First you turn the area around the Empire into a vision from Tartarus and here you are with your armies, surrounding the Crystal Palace itself. Assaulted from all sides, flying enemies above, forced to take shelter under the palace by the Great Entrance Hall in the east leg. I won’t let you have your way, never. I’ll make my last stand here if I have to!
“Shiny, why aren’t they attacking?” “I have no idea Cady, but that suits me just fine. Crystal Guard! Front and centre!” “Sir!”
“Shiny, please, don’t do this.” “I’m sorry Cadence, I swore to protect Equestria and the Princesses, and I’ve failed. I’ve failed the Princess I took and Oath to serve, for all anyone knows she’s dead. I failed her sister who I promised to look after, turned into some kind of mad infantile shade of herself. Worst of all though, I failed my own sister."
“Shiny, no. None of that is your fault, you weren't there, there was nothing you could do.” “Maybe, but I’m here, now. And so are you. I won’t fail you too Cady, I won’t. I can’t.”
“Captain Armour, the enemy is drawing their blades, I think they’re going to rush us for hoof to hoof combat!”
“Ok, I don’t know why they’re not just blasting us from the sky like the rest, but listen to me now! Troops of the Crystal Empire! Our hearts shine strong! Our hearts shine true! Together! For The Princess! For the Crystal Heart! For the Empire!"
Overlord Rule No:82 I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
“You can’t expect me to ignore this.” “Of course not Princess Twilight. In fact, I’m counting on it.”
Now, what's on the menu? The lack of meat in Ponyville establishments was most regrettable, but some things still leap out. Trust a Princess to pick the most upper crust establishment in the area. Heh, they probably still actually cut the bottoms off.
“You expect Equestria to fight you? That’s foolish. More foolish than trying to move an army across half a continent in the first place. You’d never get within telescope distance of the Canter Mountain, let alone actually get into Canterlot.”
The goats cheese omelette looked good. Always liked goats cheese. Sharper than your normal cow udder affair. Well except that one time. We don’t talk about the affair with the cow.
“Is it Princess? Is that why you invited me here? To talk me out of this ‘foolish’ course of action? Ah, waiter, a bottle of the finest house red if you would, for myself and the Princess? Thank you.” “I invited you to talk you down, yes. Diplomacy and friendship are always the better options. Have you thought what a mind like yours could do if you chose to join the government?” “My dear Princess, I think about that every single day.”
She’s shuddering. Oops, did I accidently smile? Ah, distraction.
“Ah, the wine is here, shall I pour you a glass Princess? Ah, a Chateau Briand, an excellent vineyard.” “Humm...ok, just the one. Thank you.” “Not a problem at all Princess.”
Now, uncork, stand, come around the table. Smile, excellent, she can’t meet my gaze. Sleight of hand check, and...natural twenty.
“Enjoy the wine Princess, please.”
She’s still nervous. Am I still smiling? Ah, who cares now. All she has to do is drink. Ah, this is a good one though. What year? Eight hundred after banishment? A good year.
“Can I have your orders, Sir, Princess?”
Damnit, don’t distract her now, she was going to take a sip!
“I’ll have the daisy salad please.” “A fine choice Princess, I’ll have the Deathcap stem soup if you wouldn’t mind.”
Finally, out the way you distraction.
“Is there nothing I can say which would deter you? You understand the Elements of Harmony themselves will be sent against you.” Stop talking and drink! For a mare so fond of her own voice how can she say so much without lubrication! “But Princess, it would be an honour to be visited by yourself and your friends. It would mean you’d finally be taking me seriously rather than inviting me for dinner.” “I’ve often learnt that diplomacy is the better part of valour.” “If you say so.”
“I’m sorry sir, but there’s a telephone call for you inside.” Now? Of all times. I swear, if it’s another problem with the focusing lenses I’m going to gouge someone’s eyes out and use them instead! “Thank you.” Bollocks, the phone’s by the bar? I can’t see the table from there. She could be doing anything!
“Hello?” “I’m watching you bub. If you do anything to Twilight I’m going to buck you so hard you’ll be making your own Rainboom.” “Dear oh dear, does the Princess know you’re making crude threats while she’s in the middle of negotiations?" “What? What’s that got to do with it? It’s because she’s all alone with you that I am calling!” “That’s not how diplomacy works Miss Dash, but I’ll be sure to let her know you called.” “What? No don-” Irritating mare. She’s going to be top of my list when I rule this place. She’s going to suffer all my most tender tortures.
“Sorry about that Princess. Oh, the food’s arrived? I’m sorry for taking so long.” “No problem at all. This wine is great by the way.” What? She’s finally taken a sip? Excellent! Wait, why is her glass still full then? Why is my glass still full? “I topped off both our glasses. I hope you don’t mind.” Is she smiling!? Damnit all, you’re playing me you blasted Princess!
“Actually, I don’t think the Chateau Briand would go all that well with Deathcap. Waiter? Could you take this away and bring us a smooth white instead?”
You win this round, Princess.
Overlord Rule No:83 If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
Domination of Equestria - T+213 days. Fall of the Crystal Empire - 18:12
“Wheeeee!” “Pinkie! Pay attention! We’re supposed to be covering the evacuation route!” “I am Dashie! See!?”
Well, whatever her attitude, her methods were working. Brain, take a note, never be on the wrong end of a Party Cannon loaded with shards of crystal. Damn it’s unpleasant.
Still, It’s hardly like I’m slacking myself. “I’m up to twenty eight!” “Hehe, you’re beating me Dashie, I’m only on twenty five. Oop! sorry, thirty two! I’m winning! Weee!”
I need to be faster. One-two to the face! Grab him! Drop him! Take out that cannon, come on! I need to be Faster!
At this rate the Crystal Empire will fall to that sicko! I’m done failing my Friends! You hear me! "I’m Done!"
“That’s a shame. I was hoping to spar with you some more.” “You!” “Me!” “Pinkie no!”
I’ve got to stop her! Come on, faster! Faster!
“Ah ah ah. I’d stop right there if I was you Miss Dash.” No...Pinkie…
“‘I’m sorry Dashie…” “I’d give up right now Miss Dash. Hand yourself in now, and maybe we’ll save enough time that she might still be saved.” “No, Dashe, I’ll be fine. You need to...stop...him…”
“I’m no doctor Miss Dash, but I don’t think having a sword through your lung is ‘fine’.” Damnit! No, It wasn’t supposed to go like this! “I won’t. She wouldn’t want me to give up on the Empire. We can still win here, you’re outnumbered. We’re going to win!”
“That’s not quite right Miss Dash. See, I’ve just been told that the penultimate phase of my plan is ready. I just need to enact the last step.”
“What? The stars in alignment or something? You going to do some mumbo jumbo and bring the house down? Well I won’t let you!”
Wait, what’s that in his hand? Is that a-?
“No, nothing that odd. Just my weapon is now armed and aimed. Now I just press this little button aaannndddd-”
My eyes! Gah! The heat, the light, what the hay! It’s like Celestia just dropped the sun on us or something. I can’t see. I can’t see! “Guh!”
“Miss Dash,” No, he’s right in my ear. I can’t...move… “I Promised you two things, back in our storied past. Last we met I promised I wouldn’t spare you twice. And before that, I told you, you’d regret saving me.” “Bastard,” “I’ll take that to mean you’ve revised your opinion on regret, shall I?”
I can’t stay awake. What’s he done? Where’s Pinkie? No. Not like this…
“Lock her up. The moment we get back she’s going directly into Block L.” “What about the other one Master?” “Take her-”
Overlord Rule No:85 I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
“Now, if you look here Supremeness, figure one here clearly shows the benefits of the new route on guard patrol efficiencies. Patrol routes in the area can be cut down by four minutes due to not having to backtrack from the Solar Furnace, instead they can loop through the chamber.”
“Indeed your Overlordness, not only that, but you can reinvest that time elsewhere in the castle! By having guards come off shift four minutes early, by the end of the week that adds up to a whole half an extra shifts worth of time, as demonstrated here by figure two.”
“Quite right brother mine! And with that extra half a shift you can reduce the number of bureaucratic staff in the public areas of the castle. And with them freed up…”
“You’ll be processing paperwork at an expected 12% speed increase! Very important for the nascent totalitarian government!”
“Excellent point! And here’s another, with properly installed Flim-Flam highrise walkways in your castle, you can save even more time by not having to cover those giant vats of burning hot plasma!”
“Quite so! See here in figure 5-”
“Enough! Take these two imbeciles outside and shoot them.”
“What?” “Huh?”
“No, even better. Throw them in the plasma storage tanks and record the whole thing. You can use it in the training videos.”
Overlord Rule No:87 My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
Domination of Equestria - T-15 days. The Battle For Ponyville: 20:44
So this was what the bitch used to defeat me earlier today. It’s an interesting device, a mass of antennas and arrays which supposedly generate the anti-magic field which utterly shut down my army and suppressed my superweapon.
Until we regrouped, switched to reactive shells and shot them all. Well, most of them anyway. I don’t know where most of the Elements have gone but there’s pockets of resistance all over the battlefield. Fragmented divisions of Guard and Watch being mopped up all over the place. Once we could use the Superweapon again the battle didn’t take long to turn into a bloodbath.
It felt really good to get revenge for that rout earlier this afternoon.
So we’re here and the instrument of that defeat is finally in my possession. With this, I could walk into Canterlot and probably pimp slap the Princesses for hours. So damn tempting.
Of course I’d need to figure out how it works first. Given Sparkle’s predilection for documentation though, that shouldn’t be too hard.
The ability to suppress all magic. No wonder she had been reluctant to use it. The ultimate double edged sword for a pony.
I wonder if I could reduce and or focus the field shape?
“Master?” “Yes?”
“We’re ready to ship the package.” “Excellent. Pack this up too and add it to the same security train.”
“As you command Master.” “On second thought, make a second security train for this.”
“By your command Master.” “Also get the commanders together. I need to go over the plan for storming Canterlot.”
“You don’t intend to use the anti-magic field?” “Of course I do, but I’d always planned to use an army to do it, so it’s best to keep all the strings to your bow, rather than sacrifice any needlessly.”
“You are wise My Master.” “Naturally.”
Overlord Rule No:89 After I capture the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
Why… why am I helping them? Maybe because even after everything you did they forgave you and befriended you?
That’s only after they turned up and screwed up everything, all of my plans. Our Town was great before they came along! You know full well that it was crumbling long before they came. They just widened the cracks that were already there.
We could have overcome those problems in the end. All of Equestria would have been happier being equal, just look at the Overlord’s approval ratings. It’s not hard to have 100% approval when those who disagree are mysteriously missing by the time the next census goes out.
Stop complaining, I’m here and I’m helping aren’t I? You should also probably stop arguing with yourself and watch where you’re going.
Gods I’m so snarky sometimes.
So here I am, Starlight Glimmer, apprentice to the Princess of Friendship. I was out in the remote village of Our Town helping set up more local amenities when the Overlord struck Equestria. With hindsight, I think Princess Twilight may have sent me out there deliberately. But I’m back now, here in Canterlot looking to break out any pony I can. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to have gone well. Now I’m just running through all of these hallways desperately trying to avoid being caught by Changelings and Imperial Guard.
I need something like a closet, somewhere I can hide. Somewhere like… Sewage Overflow. Bingo.
Slip in, slam the door. Listen in...hooves...many hooves...running past...aaaaaannnd...down the corridor. I think I’m safe. Damnit Twilight, why do I have to feel indebted to you… Now I’m trapped in this stinking- It doesn’t smell. Huh? It doesn’t smell of sewage. I think that’s...mint? Oh Celestia, I’m right. Turn around Starlight…
That’s a lot of ponies. And a lot of computer terminals.
And an aweful lot of guns.
And is that-? Yeup, that’s a bazooka. Why in Tartarus do a bunch of desk jockeys have a bazooka!?
“Pardon me miss, I think you’re in the wrong place.” “Thank you good Stallion, I think I am. Pardon me while I just leave all you busy ponies to it.”
“I don’t think so, Miss Glimmer.” “Well Buck…”
“Open fire.” Double buck.
Overlord Rule No: 90 I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
“My Lord! It’s an emergency, down in the streets- GAH! Sorry my lord, I didn’t mean to- “It’s ok, deliver your message.”
“No, my Lord, I cannot, to interrupt you while you’re right insi-in the middle of-” “Stop blathering and get on with it. This is clearly important. It is important is it not?”
“Y-yes my Lord. There’s a riot in the streets below. It seems to have gathered momentum very quickly.” “Do we have an idea what they’re rioting about?” “Shining...don’t stop…”
“Er-um-ah, yes my Lord. They seem to have learnt about the killing of...the fifth one…” “Damn and blast, how in Tartarus did that get out?” “Shiiiinnniiiinnnngg…”
“I know not my Lord. But the crowd is chanting ‘Foal Killer’ over and over.” “I’ll attend to this immediately.” “Noooo...I don’t get to see you for days...and now you leave in the middle of…”
“There’s one more thing my Lord.” “What?”
“Reports state that the wanted criminal Rabble Rouser has been seen in the crowd.” "That little minx is there?"
"According to the police on site yes. They're having difficulty getting through the crowds to reach him though." “I am taking command. Send word to the Rangers immediately. I want full deployment.”
“My Lord...surely you should...before going out...put on some clothes? Cover up your…?” “No need. I will show them that even if they catch me with my trousers down, I will still win. I will always win.”
Overlord Rule No:91 I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
“Mr President? You have a call sir.” “Humm? I’m in the middle of reviewing arms designs. Tell them to wait and call back.” “Ah, um...It’s Princess Twilight Sparkle sir.” “Oh is it now? Ok, I’ll take it in here. Princess, how may I be of service to the Crown?”
“You can tell me what you’re up to.” “Humm? Well Princess, we’re quite a diverse company here, we create electronics for the emerging markets and we have a large distribution arm-”
“Don’t play coy with me. Did you think the Crown wouldn’t notice you gathering artefacts from across Equestria? Tomes written by Discord before his first entombment, body parts of Changeling Queens and countless others. Nothing your company does relates to any of those fields.” “Of course they don’t Princess, they’re just for my own personal amusement. It may be our logistics division making many of those discoveries but I assure you I pay for them from my own private funds. No embezzlement here or misuse of corporate assets.”
“That’s not the issue here. Do you think some petty fraud would merit me calling you like this? Those artefacts are a threat to Equestrian security. You’re very close to committing treason here Mr President.” “Treason!? Oh my, I had no idea. Princess, please. You have my personal assurance that I will destroy all of these risky items immediately! I never knew I was undertaking such risk. I thought them mere curios.”
“No, destruction won’t be necessary. Send them all to my castle here in Ponyville.” “Of course Princess, I will have them made secure and then shipped to you directly with all great haste.”
“Good. I’m glad we’ve come to an understanding. We’ve avoided something quite calamitous here. I’m surprised, you’re being very reasonable.” “Of course Princess, it’s my honour and a pleasure to serve the Crown. If that’s all, then I’ll bid you a good day.”
Bitch.
“Miss Dictation?” “Yes Sir?” “Get me the Logistics department on the phone, the Special Acquisitions and Development Branch.” “Yes Sir, connecting you now.”
“How may we do your bidding, Master?” “Princess Twilight is onto us. Prepare a shipping manifest containing all the Level Black items and have the Container Ship Placebo loaded with the dummy crates. Mark them for Ponyville and ship them by the Southern Swirl.” “Is the ship to be lost at sea Master?” “With all hooves, and all cargo. Make sure it happens in the deepest trench you can find, I don’t want investigations turning up the fakes in the wreck.” “Your word is my command, My Master.”
Overlord Rule No:92 If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
Domination of Equestria - T+214 days. Fall of the Crystal Empire - The Day After.
Well, today’s the day. I still haven’t seen Cadence since last night. I hope she’s ok. I’m nearly out of here though, just need to work this brick out of the wall and from there I bet I can get a hole big enough to escape. Wait for me Cady, I’m coming.
“You awake Shining?” “Boulder Hoof? That you?”
“Yea man, good to see you.” “What on earth are you doing in here?”
“Well, you know that moment where you could suddenly put your shield up and use magic again?” “That was you!? How on earth did you pull that off!?”
“I joined the Overlord’s engineering corps a few months back when they had a recruitment drive in preparation for the attack on the empire. Somehow their background checks missed out that we went to school together. Lucky us eh?” “I guess so. I mean, that lull in the fighting definitely saved some lives on our side. It was really what we needed. I mean, we didn’t win in the end, but I don’t doubt that it would have been so much worse without it.”
“Hey man, it’s cool. I was just doing what was right you know? I just wish I could have done more earlier. Maybe it could have ended in a full rout of the enemy instead of you.” “Hey, don’t beat yourself up too much man. I’m just glad someone was looking out for us.”
“Hey, I’m gonna make sure they take me out there first.” “What? Hey, Boulder, you don’t need to do that bro.”
“Nah, it’s ok. If I go out first then that gives you more time to get out of here. Or, at the very least, I can maybe see if I can make sure your wife isn’t watching.” “I...thanks…”
“No problem. Now, you get to work on that brick.” “On it.”
“Bring out the condemned!” “That would be me officer!”
“Boulder Hoof? No, you’re next. Shining Armour! Get your soon to be perforated behind out of that cell!” “What!? No! Take me, I’m far more seditious than he is! ‘Hey, look at me, I’m the Overlord and I’m a poopy head!’”
“Quiet you, you’ll get your lifetime dose of lead soon enough. Armour! Come on you jack ass or am I going to have to drag it!” “Damnit I said take me first!”
“Shut your hole!”
“Alright, alright. I’m coming officer.” “Shining! No, come on man, don’t give up now!”
“It’s ok Boulder. Pray for me eh? Let Celestia know I’ll be joining her and Twilight soon.”
Overlord Rule No:93 If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
She is chained up right? Yep, forehooves to each other, then back to the hind legs, then around the barrel.
“That’s the fifth time now your eyes have gone wonderin’ round my body.” “Quiet! I’m just making sure you’ve been secured properly!”
“You’d better make sure, cus’ if I break outta here your head’s the first I’m buck into next week.” “I don’t doubt it.” Since she brought it up, she definitely isn't hard to look at. Long blond mane and very toned flanks and those big juicy Apples.
“Ok, now you’re definitely eyein’ me up. I’m not a piece of alfalfa you know.” “No, you’re definitely meat.”
Oh, that riled her up. Hah.
“Now, I guess you’re gonna go and drag me back to that bastard in Canterlot?” “That’s the plan. Something about some kind of collateral or whatever.”
“I see. Well then, if you wouldn’t mind grabbin’ my grand-pappy’s hat we’ll get goin’.” “No can do. We’re leaving now.”
“We’re not going anywhere without my hat!” “Miss Applejack you seem to singularly fail to realise that not only are you hogtied in chains you’re about to be sent to the worst dungeon that the Overlord is capable of conceiving. Even were we to bring it with us he’d probably just melt it in front of you for the shiggles anyway.”
“You no good slimy bastards! That’s my family’s! It’s the most important hairloom we have!” “Oh for the love of-! Oi! Sam, burn the damn hat will you? She’s making it hard to carry her!”
“What!? No, don’t burn it! Please! NO!”
Overlord Rule No:94 When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
“Don’t you see!? I’m not making this up!” “Yea yea, I see.”
“Why aren’t you helping her!?” “I am.”
“You’re just standing there!?” “Shut up Trixie, I can’t be arsed to keep listening to you yap on.”
What is wrong with these ponies!?
“Hang in there Rainbow Dash…” “Huh...Trixie?”
“Yes Dash, It’s your Great and Powerful Cell Neighbour. It’s good to see you’re awake at least.” “Wha...happen…?”
“You collapsed during one of your stupidly crazy workout routines. I don’t know why you’re working out like that in here but I’ve been telling you how it can’t be good for you.” “Need...get out...kill...lord…”
“Haaa...Yes Rainbow Dash, your vendetta against the Overlord after what he did to Twilight Sparkle is well known, but you’re not doing anything worthwhile if you die!” “Wor...it...see...light…”
"Twilight wouldn't want you to die like this!" That’s...a lot of boots outside. Is that…? A full tactical division!?
“Guard! Is this the cell?” “Yea, Prisoner L.”
“Right, ready the door...Now!”
What is this, a tactical insertion!? She’s a sick prisoner in a cell not a fully armed rebel bomb squad!
“The cell’s clear. Get the crash team in here.” “No...let...die…”
“No can do. Overlord’s orders. You stay fit and healthy. Most importantly, alive.” “Guard, why is this mare malnourished?” “She doesn’t eat. Nothing much I’m authorised to do about it. Can’t do any kind of force feeding since Prisoner P.”
“That’s true… Will she pull through Medic?” “Yes...At least I think so. Get some saline into her and some nutrient paste under observation and she should be alright, in time.” “Pink...live?”
“Humm? Yes. Prisoner P is alive and healthy. Physically anyway last I looked.” “Kill...you all...one day…”
“Keep dreaming Prisoner L. Keep dreaming. Take her to the secure medical wing. I have other things to do today.”
Get better Rainbow Dash...so long as you keep living, maybe one day you’ll get your wish… “Will...do...Trix…”
Huh? I hadn't said anything?
Overlord Rule No:95 My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
“Well now. A personal visit by the captains of the Wonderbolts.” “This isn’t a social call.”
“Well no, the large crossbow was rather a big tip off.” “No, I’m going to kill you.”
“You realise that a crossbow bolt alone isn’t going to do it. In the time it takes you to reload, wherever you hit me won’t be fatal, I shoot you with my plasma pistol, far more lethal, and trigger an alarm and get immediate medical attention.”
“Then why haven’t you gone for your gun?” “Well I’d rather not be shot in the first place. Regardless of whether it would be fatal, it would be undeniably painful. I’d rather talk you down, see if we can avoid some unwanted pain.”
“Soarin?” “Yea Spit?” “Keep watch outside.” “On it.” “It won’t be long before someone notices anyway you know.”
“Shut it asshole.” “Come now Spitfire, be reasonable. This isn’t going anywhere.”
*Woop Woop* *Blarg! Blarg!* *Woop Woop*
“The alarm!? How!? The button is behind the desk!” “Wasn’t me. Did you bring friends? Sounds like they fucked up.”
“Shit! Soarin, get in here and lock the door!” “On it!” “I wouldn’t do that…”
“Blast the panel!” “Setting charge…”
*Klunk Klunk Klunk* “Master! Master! Let us in!”
“Blow it Soarin!” “Detonating!”
*Boom!* *Shunk!*
“It’s open!?” “Master!” “Grab them!” “Spitfire!”
*Bang*
“Soarin! Soarin!” “You idiot, why did you shoot him!?”
“Soarin! No...DAMN YOU!” “Grab her damnit!”
“I’LL KILL YOU!” “Take her away. Find out who else was here. Use any means you can.”
Overlord Rule No:96 My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
This was The worst possible thing! Well, nearly. It featured pretty highly behind the fall of Equestria as we know it to a perverted and twisted despot. And the scattering of my closest friends after the fall of Ponyville. And the disappearance of Princess Celestia. And the corruption of Princess Luna into the sex kitten plaything of the regime. And that I have no idea where my sister is, or if she is safe. And the fact that now every pony knows of my designs for the worst reason imaginable.
Yes, after all that, this definitely rated as the worst possible thing. “Not even a small one? How am I to do my hair each morning?” “No. Strict orders from the Overlord himself. There are to be no reflective surfaces of any kind in the dungeons.” “But that’s simply unreasonable! You can’t expect me to languish in here like some disheveled creature.” “You’re a prisoner, that’s exactly the expectation.”
Ohhhhh, that brute! He’s doing this deliberately. He’s trying to break me! Haha! Well it’ll never work! “What are you smiling about, Prisoner?” “Oh, nothing. Just that I’ll never break. He can do whatever he likes to me down here, but I’ll never plead and beg. It’s exactly what he wants.” “Frankly, I couldn’t give a crap.” “How vulgar!” “Whatever.”
Well, if I couldn’t keep up appearances, then I can at least keep busy. It’s not like I have anyone to impress upon reflection. Or lack of reflection for that matter. “Where are the rest of my things?” “In the incinerator most likely.” “The incinerator!? But my fabrics! My Designs!?” “Yea, whatever. No cloth, rope, sheets or bandages in the Dungeon blocks.” “This, is, The-” “Oh shut up!”
Overlord Rule No:97 My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
