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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I got to say that I liked this chapter. Guilty and Derpy have grown closer together and it was nice to see him being friendly with Shy. Fluttershy was very sexy in her pictures and it was refreshing, albeit I'm a little dissappointed, to see her having a conversation with Guilty rather than having sex. Also, I support Guilty in his guess that she's after Big Mac...though it would be awkward when she finds out that he was with RD. Many way, this chapter was great and worth the wait.
nice chapter, though....... yeah fluttershy's modeling did not have anything to do with sexy poses and such. Photo finish chose her because her shy, vulnerable nature and elegance rather than anything flamboyant. she was never a vixen, she was simply something delicate and beautiful.
Awesome new installment! Couple of spelling errors here and there but absolutely lovely encounter with Fluttershy (best pony)!
If the next chapter is going to be a big one, is that because its Big Macintosh asking how to take care of teh mare of his dreams, then shy coming round asking about appropiate, or even inappropiate toys, then both together on a date etc?
Withe Zecora, she pays in potions, Guilty repays in inches?
5536624 "tried to stand on her own hour hooves"-hour to four
There are two others like that but I can't seem to find them.
Well... I called it. I expected a Fluttershy encounter this chapter and I was pretty certain I was going to be surprised by what happened. But no sex.
Instead we get a chapter with not only ADORABLE GuiltyHooves (not only a great shipping name but a great whore name as well) but the mantle ray and Fluttershy being sexy. Great work, keep it up.
Plot Twist, Fluttershy wants to ask out Applejack!
(I'm only joking.)
(Mostly.)
Good to see you back, man.
I really want to point out something really important here. Did guilty just tell Fluttershy that Derpy was his client? It is possible that he can be more lax because he knows Derpy admits it openly, but he still revealed it to someone who likely did not know. I am curious if this will come up later. Even if it doesn't i guess this kinda marks a point where his professionalism is slipping.
Well, that was quite nice to read. Exploration of GuiltyHooves is always a plus, and I'm liking how Guilty is actually starting to open up a bit. The fact that he has to slowly 'forget' his training/instincts to do it right is a nice little struggle for this story. Keeps things interesting.
And I like how you handled Fluttershy as well. Totally in character but with the added quirk of (what seems to be) a thing for exhibitionism. Keeps things in character without being boring or predictable. I could tell that it took a lot of patience to do this right.
What struck me as odd was that Guilty was pretty obviously getting worked up by the situation, but that seems to have been totally forgotten within a few paragraphs. Now, I can see that you opted for more story rather than more sex, and that's fine, but it did seem kind of like a blind spot since it wasn't really addressed, even in passing (e.g. Fluttershy noticing, being embarrassed, and Guilty assuring her that it's okay.) For that matter, Fluttershy was kind of left hanging too except for that one 'tiny' orgasm she had. It almost seems like you intended to have them go all the way but decided at the last minute that the chapter was getting too long, so just skipped to the final conversation instead.
Either way, it was a fun read, and hey, we finally got the long-anticipated Fluttershy chapter! Definitely looking forward to seeing what you come out with next.
Was really hoping Guilty would get to do Fluttershy.
I won’t have you passing of my compliments as courtesy.
I think you meant off there.
One tiny typo. The rest is all squee.
Fluttershy! I always knew she was a goddess.
Yay this fic updated.
Yay it has the mantel ray!
YAY cute guiltyhooves momments!
YAY ITS THE FLUTTERSHY SESSION!!
Oh the roller coaster of emotion, if there could be a perfect chapter for this fic this would probably be it.
Great Chapter. Captured Fluttershy almost perfectly.
Please tell me that Applejack will find out that Guilty has been with all of her friends?
Huzzah~
Also.
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Thanks for the catches!
Probably supposed to be "four".
I really liked this chapter, it got deep into Guilty's relationship with Derpy, and now I'm wondering what's going to happen next.
I believe you have also mentioned several times that escorts aren't supposed to tell who their clients are.
I've been waiting for this story to update.
You always deliver!
I really liked this chapter, you did a good job with Fluttershy.
5536840
On one hand, Guilty is a professional, and Fluttershy wasn't asking for a normal session. The customer gets what the customer wants.
On the other hand, "It’s probably Big Macintosh" sounds like an impending twist so obvious it's blowing air horns and sending up smoke signals.
i would like to see some one draw the NFSW pics that Guilty took
and
5538018
Nope. Girlfriend works too. Girl is scene as a denominator of gender more than species. Which is why the show has them frequently greet each other as 'girls' rather than 'mares'.
Anyway!
Fantastic chapter. I would never be able to do Fluttershy the justice you did.
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The show even uses girlfriend in the hearts and hooves day song.
I love to see new chapters, but they also make me sad in a way. A new chapter to bite into, but the clock for the next one starts over... oh well.
I almost feel that something big needs to happen, something that injects a little drama into this. When a story like this goes as smooth as it has for this long, somethings bound to happen xD
Wonder if AJ is ever gonna get a session somehow... a hate fulled session... All here friends have gotten something from him now xDAs usual I always catch your chapters in the dead of night and I don't care. I fight sleep and go right for the gold. Another interesting chapter, I wasn't expecting to get Fluttershy this soon. But then at the same time when I saw her I was excited. As I got about halfway through and it became more and more obvious as that little red bar marked the end that sex wasn't going to happen I thought I was going to be disappointed but then I realized this made much more sense and overall made the idea and character better. Good show man, I continue to eagerly await your next installment.
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Naaah. Granny Smith's gonna get a session before Applejack. And poor Guilty is going to be horrified in all of the ways.
5539583
Ok...
I would actually like to read that... My sides would burst
Is it just me, or was it not mentioned anywhere Fluttershy making payment.
I got the end there and was thinking "Did she just leave without paying?"
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It didn't get written, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Guilty's writing in his journal, not every little thing gets written down.
See above: cop out.
One of the best chapters. Loved the concept of Fluttershy just wanting some hot photos. It all makes sense and it was actually really hot :)
How do I keep upvoting this?
Ya know, it could be a fun idea to do a side story chapter about Fluttershy and Big Mac...just saying!
5542211
Well yes, one understands that may be the case.
But that's an easy assumption.
Suddenly remembering she didn't pay could be a hilarious source of.....
DRAMA!DA MAGICS!So, I've decided to re read the story, and something from the first chapter caught my eye:
I can't help but wonder how much she told Celestia, and if that'll have an impact later in the story.
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Nope. You both are wrong. She paid.
Okay, had to go and update when I had a full work scheduled, didn't you? Well finaly have time to check it out.
D'awwwwwwwww
Double d'awwww.. Yeah Guilty makes one hell of a councilor.
and relax Guilty, at this point everything is on them. You have nothing to be blamed for. other then possibly that one semi-lie you told Derpy that I'm sure she'd understand since she knows you will not, under any circumstances talk about a client.
He's going to see AJ? Oh shit, this... this isn't going to end well is it? Or, has it finally gotten through C'dabaji's head that she's blowing her cover as the real AJ by being so... like she's been?
Oh wait, Fluttershy? I take that back... this might end very very well indeed.
Well she might be a bit shocked, but she's not that fragile. Maybe shy at first, but as long as you don't do anything she might take as coming onto her or something she'll get over it quickly.
Also, Guilty's whole fear about this. It does make sense for him, given the way most ponies in own treated him. Or at least the way he feels they've treated him. Mostly due to C'dabaji's (Changeling doing a bad AJ impersonation) lies and telling pony's to act that way. And he didn't help much by being so shut in. So much of a loner. It never gave ponies the chance to meet him, to get their own impression, all they had was what the few ponies who talked about him said, and since for almost anypony that did know him it would mean admitting they were a client.. yeah not many would except AJ.
But I so love that once he got out, started letting ponies get to know him, they've almost all come around and accepted him. So at this point, he really doesn't have to worry much about somepony being upset about 'The Whore'.. other then the one pony in town with a personal issue against him.. that has nothing to do with anything personal about Guilty himself. So yeah relax Guilty, Fluttershy might be a bit surprised, but not upset.
Huh, never really thought about it like that.. bu it does fit. Also love Guilty's reaction to her cottage.
Yes I admitted she would be shocked and surprised, and can't blame Derpy for being a bit tired of that reaction... you know now I can picture her just sighing every time this happens and going off on some blunt speech like "Yes he's a stallion that has sex with mare's for money. Yes I'm his marefreind and a client as well. Now get over it."
But, that's hardly a panic attack, just give her a few minutes to get over the shock.
Also, Guilty.. my turn. CALLED IT!
Yeah, that makes sense.
Hehe, well cant blame you.. it is your business after all. Also, loved the whole scene with poncho, so cute.
Yeah that would be rather awkward. But.. score. Nice going Guilty. And do like the way it worked out. He really is just so damn good at knowing exactly how to talk to ponies. Plus, this might be good for Fluttershy. Help her open up a bit. If just a little. Not so much the getting laid part being good for her, though that would likely be fun. More her actually doing something like this.
I really am eager to see their session. Not so much for the sex itself, but just how Fluttershy and Guilty interact.
Hmm you know, his habit of working out the right thing to do, so calmly deciding on his responses, calculating them. Yeah, looked at as is, they could paint a slightly worse picture of him. Make him out to be some cold, calculating pony who does everything just to get laid. Manipulating ponies to do what he wants, using them. And it is something that cold come off the wrong way.
Well at the same time, it's not really that. He's just so used to being in control of himself, at putting on the act, and being the pony others want him to be, and keeping that calculated control up for the sake of his clients, it's simpl second nature by nopw, he does it without even thinking half the time. Plus for the most part when he's doing it, it's to try and do his best to help whoever he's with relax. To try and help them be set at ease or simply not worry.
So yeah really interesting and well done aspect to him.
Squuueeeeeee.....sorry, I just love the idea of pegasi doing that.
Okay good job on the rhymes,except here, this one just sounds really awkward.
Also, I have totally forgotten what he asked her for.
Or was this a surprise gift?
Once again..... D'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
All good reasons, but I'd go with the last two. You two are just so perfect for each other.
Okay story.... show don't tell. Yeah a lot of that gets brushed aside since it's his journal, but here.. why not show us a fight, show us what they argue over and how, rather then just tell us it happens to try and make them seem not to perfect?
... Guilty.. RELAX!
Hmmmm.... yeah the jump cut was a tad to sudden there. Just, really bad flow for the transition. But on the other hoof.... EEEEEE Fluttershy is visiting Guilty!
See NOW I can see her having a panic attack. And yet, yeah I know Guilty can help her and calm her down. This, is going to be one very interesting session.
Hers... no. Somepony else, or even any critters either... you have no idea Guilty.
........ This I was not expecting. Yet... I think I can see the thought process behind it.
A Polaroid camera, even called that though, THAT is quite the stretch. Though did call it 'large' so, alright not going TO modern.
I however, did not. that was so adorably cute.
This being Flutters... yeah Guilty is right on.
yeah.. that whole thing makes.. a lot of sense. Damn he's good.
He reads all kinds of magazines to keep up with whatever any client might be into, including rarity, but he never saw one with her in it during her popularity phase?
Okay story, laying it on a bit thick to quick. I get the idea, but you are pushing it just a little to hard right now.
And/or, just stop taking so many photos of the same position.
That is one hell of an understatement. Also, good going Rarity.
Guilty, this is Derpy, the mare who outright tells ponies "yeah I paid this stallion to fuck me." (yeah not in those words but same sentiment) I don't think she'd be the least upset at you talking about your relationship to her with others.
Well, he's pretty much the default in Ponyville for any mare's secret crush.
And yet.. the idea of Fluttershy giving him those pictures is just, so hilarious...
OHHHHHH yes it should.
Well that chapter was pretty awesome.
Yeah you nailed Fluttershy. While it might have turned up her meek, shy, timid qualities a bit more then normal, the situation she's in more then explains why. And the session... I was not expecting anything like that and yet, it does work so well. And was so great seeing Guilty try to coax her out of her shell. And her responses, her losing herself in the moment and actually enjoying herself, relaxing. Seems Flutters is a bit of an exhibitionist. But yeah loved the interactions as much as I thought i would.
That said, did overdo it a bit on the whole 'She's an utter sex goddess' stuff. Yeah I get what you were going for, and it did work for the most part, just think you overplayed it a bit, pushed it just a little to hard.
But minor issue. Overall another amazing chapter. Derpy and Guilty are just so damn cute together. And a few minor issues, but the overall session was incredible, and totally not what I was expecting, in the best possible way. can't wait for more.
5536804 Yeah I noticed that too. Bit of a slip there Guilty, but it's one of the few times he was talking as himself, just relaxing, not worrying, simply saying what was on his mind, not crafting it tell the client what they want to hear. Not being careful. So yeah slip of the tongue. Yet, Derpy isn't going to care, she's outright told anypony that wondered about her being one.
5536840 Agreed all around. Felt in character for Flutters, while also surprising that things went this way. What she wanted was a twist that works for the character, yet wasn't expected. honestly, given the chapter title, and expecting something 'unexpected' I was guessing the most likely outcome for the session was that Fluttershy wanted to play dominatrix. Or at least a toned down version of one. Wanted to take charge and be dominant for their session. This was a very pleasant surprise to see it go the way it did. Loved it
Also yes on the set up not quite leading to an appropriate feeling payoff. It pushed how sexy she was, how turned on both her and guilty were. How wild and mad with desire she was making him. And then... nothing. I already said in m commentary that I think the story pushed the whole 'sex goddess' thing a tad to hard. But this might be why, not just being a bit to blatant and emphasizing it to much, but because it didn't have an payoff for that buildup either. Didn't think about that as well. But yeah minor issue overall in an otherwise amazing chapter.
5538482 Okay now I'm picturing all her friends working together to get her a session with Guilty. Them being fed up with her hatred of him and the way she acts towards him while they all know he doesn't deserve it. So they get her to have a session with him, just to force her to sit down in the same room as him and deal with her issues.
5542211 Hey one of the bonus features of this style of writing and using the journal as a framing device. Anything that doesn't make sense, just blame it on Guilty not remembering things right, or forgetting to write something down.
5547591 ...... Okay... now there NEEDS to be a chapter of Celestia showing up for a session! that would be SO AWESOME!
5547827
I see you've fucked every single one of the Elements of Harmony. I suppose that makes you the Element of...
*glasses from nowhere*
Friendship with Benefits!
5547827
That would be entertaining, but unless Celestia has some growth magic up her ethereal sleeves, it wouldn't be practical. Guilty freely admits that his equipment is a tad on the small side, and Celestia is easily twice the size of an ordinary pony to begin with.
Either that, or she could always shrink. There is that whole Sunny Days disguise that so many people say she has.
But I was thinking more along the lines of her showing up when the shit hits the fan. If Twilight sent her a letter about that session, then she also would have sent one about the other things guilty helped her with, and who knows what else. Having a princess in his corner when everything goes pear shaped would change the game entirely, particularly given who his number one persecutor is.
5547827
img0.derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/3/30432/full.png
5548080 ........
And yet, that was so terrible, it was awesome. Though technically he's only fucked half of them. But was still very intimate with two of the others.
Also,
5548152 I'm sure they could work things out, besides we Know Guilt is really good at other ways of pleasuring a mare.
5548080
You've earned these.
I love this story. The story, characters, sex, it all feels real. I love Crook and Guilty's brother relationship, tears me up. Everything else is great too, can't list them because I'ma be up all night typing.
Great story, please don't stop!
if there is an issue i do have is that, despite it being weeks, none of the mane six have asked about Crook. it is very unlikely they did not hear about it.
more so....... in a normaly realtionship people would want to mind their own business. the mane six do not have a normal relationship. they are all but family to one another, bound by love and magic equally. there is a certain level of platonic intimacy between them.
by all means somepony would have tried to talk with aj about her abnormal levels of anger towards what is basically an innoccent bystander. and also want answers to why crook humiliated aj.
especially considering two of the mane six fucked crook to begin with. they ain't gonna be happy that they slept with a guy who hurt their friend, their sister in all but blood.
its been weeks since the incident. there is no way they would not have learned nor tried to get to the bottom of this. especially pinkie pie.
I have been meaning to congratulate you on on the genius of the Fluttershy chapter.
You had a very fine line to dance. Please half of your audience, by letting Fluttershy and Guilty go at it, and in the process offend the other half, or leave half your audience teased, and waiting. The easy out, would have been to avoid Fluttershy altogether, but in the world you've built, she's a prime candidate for his services.
Instead, you found an amazing middle ground. Let her have a session, but Guilty never touches her. I don't know if I would have thought of that.
My next question, is when is Guilty going to tell Derpy his real name.
Great chapter can't wait for more :D
I've posted a review if this story on my blog! Link!
Please read and give me your feedback.
Such a sweet story
love it
Eat your heart out Nondis. And you thought your love life was Complicated.
Still though, this was a pretty nice chapter. And it's good to see Guilty (and Derpy) enjoying their new relationship, though from the moment Guilty asked her to go hiking with him their status as lovers was pretty much already in all but name.
On a sidenote, does estrus season exist in this story? (if it was mentioned in the chapters I didn't see it) And moreover, are you going to be doing a chapter (or several) about it? It'll probably be good business for Guilty, incredibly sore member pains aside.
Ooh! maybe you could get Applejack alone with Guilty in a place neither of them can get out of while she's in heat or something. Now THAT would be interesting to read about.