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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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3765617
I do what I can.
This has been one of the most compelling stories I've read. Guilty is one of the best OCs I've seen, and you've successfully created something that's plot with porn, instead of just porn with plot.
Very well done, and I look forward to more.
This chapter was awesome! The nervousness about Derpy's question and Big Mac's arrival was fun to read.
Though I feel kinda jipped about the lack of muffin description...
This sentence and the paragraph before it.
I laughed. So hard I cried. And then I cried so much I laughed again. It's a vicious cycle.
Happy Derpy is very happy, Big Mac is very big, and annoyed Applejack is going to be even more annoyed when she finds out what Big Macs been doing, especally if its durng Derpys date.
Wonder if Guilty will ever end up servicing Big Mac, or given the years, being retained by the Apple family, and so Ponyville in general, BSG Classic style?
So basically this is the weaver's ice pack, except less cool?
Faaaaantastic~ Shipping incoming.
3765650
I just looked that up, and it's weird because I came very close to making Guilty a Zebra at one point. 0_o
The writing is as awesome as always, keep it up
ANd Another awesome chapter :)
Awww man, tough break Guilty.
Going on that pretend date is going to suck.
Fantastic as always.
Fantastic chapter, I imagine Applejack will become at the least neutral towards Guilty by the end of the story, but for now I shall enjoy her pain, it is delicious.
Thanks for being a good author. Cheers~
inersting...................................
.....................oooooooooh FUCK guilty's friend is FUUUUCKED. rainbow dash is gonna murder him................. i would not be surprised if she was flying for manhatten right now. probably less that he had sex with the person that messed with her friend....... its that someone messed with her friend. rainbow dash is Loyalty. she is protective of others.
would be a intersting chapter. Guilty learning that his pal Crook got his ass pulverized by rainbow dash. i have to wonder how he would react to that............... and Crook would totally deserve that. much as a bitch applejack has been towards Guilty, she is an honest pony all in all; she is less doing it to be spiteful and trully believes he is dangerous and unwholesome. Crook, i think, had too much god damn spite when he did it.
Oh yea! I remember this story, congrats on being featured!
The feels!
I can really emphasize with Guilty here. I've been in that situation where you want to be as close as you can to someone, but you already feel the impending failure if you were to ever take that step. That strange desire to be close even though it hurts because it hurts when your away as well. Well done sir!
Also, definitely looking forward to possible developments with Applejack.
3765772 i would have to disagree. Crook was a total bastard. true aj was b eing a royal bitch, but she was being a completely honest royal bitch. and by th end of the day everyone knows that if guilty saw someone being chased by timber wolves, he might go for help. But AJ is gonna charge down those timberwolves and distract them no matter what harm befalls her.
Hoping that RAinbow Dash figures out where Crook is. Rainbow dash strikes me as somewhat similar to Crook. she is not gonna tolerate her friends being attacked. though in rainbow's case it will be with her leaving Crook a blooded and beaten mess on the streets of manehatten.
Crook is a deceitful, conniving bastard who has only loyalty to a few. Applejack is being a royal bitch to one solitary stallion, and while largely undeserved and prejducie, applejack has loyalty to everyone who seeks her aid and guidance, and even those who don't.
Look here dear Derpy
A fake date should work we
meet at yours tomorrow
No I'm not lying
So long as you're buying
My heart you can borrow
Why can't you see what I see
The beauty that's in your eyes?
Why do I feel like crying? Maybe I realize
My disguise is slipping, Guilty you're slipping...
Now that we're dating
Though it's still quite grating you'll
soon be with me
Though Crook made me wonder
Just how much I've blundered
Since you won't be with me
I'll bring you pain, the kind I gave Sunny long ago
You're not to blame, I'm just not that strong you know
So please don't go I'm, slipping, everything's slipping away, so
Go ahead! Make a date!
It won't be horrible
Spread the word, tell your friends
I'll craft a tale
I'm not thick, Guilty's log:
Derpy I'm over with
Look at these damning words
My heart's not for sale!
So I'm done, and you've won
everything I ever-
You're the mare that I love
but can't be loved
Nowhere left, left to run
It's Guilty Pleasures concern
That his heart you've already earned
It feels like it's going to burn, burn (Yeah, Guilty, not Sour Dough, got that?) burn!
No sign of AJ, good,
I would give anything not to hear her say-
"You're that kind of pony, deep down you're so lonely"
Buck you, I've got Derpy.
Or no, not Derpy...
I hope Derpy was just too nervous to ask him on a date, proper, and Guilty was too paranoid to pick up on the subtle hints because, well, you start reading people wrong when bias gets in the way.
3766042
I suppose that since AJ honestly believes the things she says, you're right that she's being completely honest when she calls Guilty a "stud", and when she tries to convince everyone in Ponyville that he's a blight on the community who strives for nothing more than to ruin the lives of those around him. She probably also honestly believes that Derpy isn't smart enough to make her own decisions and would be led into a life of debauchery as she was used and thrown away by a monster like Guilty. After all, we all know that AJ can't lie to save her life.
But the fact that she believes it just makes her attitude all that much worse. She's actively attempting to ruin the life of an innocent pony because of her own personal biases, and she honestly doesn't care what consequences it has on him or the ponies who don't hate him the way that she does.
As Guilty has said, on numerous occasions, Crook is like a brother to him. You're going to honestly sit there and say that Crook is the one in the wrong for trying to protect his brother from someone like that? Crook never lied to her, he never took advantage of her, and he never led her on. I have no doubt that his offer in Sugarcube Corner was a genuine one. But his point was to show that AJ is a hypocrite. To show that she was perfectly fine with jumping in bed with a random stallion she had just met, but nonetheless treated Guilty like something worse than trash because he made a living that way.
And RD wouldn't go after Crook, not after hearing what had triggered Crook's actions. She's the Element of Loyalty, and that means she can appreciate that loyalty in others. And sometimes being loyal means you've gotta tell your friend that they're wrong. This is one of those times. AJ's reputation took a bit of a hit, sure, but nothing that would make her a social pariah like she's done to Guilty. Nothing that would force her to live miles outside of town like she's done to Guilty. Nothing that would make her second guess her every decision to be seen near someone just because of her reputation like she's done to Guilty. RD might not always think things through, but in the time it would take her to find Crook, if she even tried in the first place, that initial steam would have worn off and she would realise the truth of the situation.
But the worst part, the absolute worst part of it all is that AJ is going to be proven right before all of this is over. Guilty has done the exact opposite of what AJ has accused him of at every turn. He's helped more ponies in town than she ever has, her own friends chief among them. But he can't ever say any of that. All of that is only ever between him and them. The only story that everyone will see is the fallout that'll happen when Carrot Top and Lily finally hit the rocks and it comes out that CT was seeing Guilty the whole time. And to make it worse, Derpy will be caught in the crossfire.
3766042 If that is what you think then you do not understand Crook.
3766223
3766042
3766261
I'm just gonna way in on this, slightly.
One of the things I strive for in this story, is the realism of the key players.
Each and every one of them is not a "good person" (or pony as the case may be.) My goal is to make you side with what you believe to be the lesser of two evils. Crook, AJ, Guilty. They're all acting out of self interest, but that's sort of the nature of conflict. If you want my two cents, nopony is "in the right." They're all just bastards.
But that's why we love them.
3766133
Goodness are people still replying to my old comments on this story? I stopped reading long ago when I realized that this story's priorities and direction, not to mention characterization, were too far astray from anything I care about in a FiM setting.
3766223 ................ i highly doubt rainbow dash is gonna give two fucks and a bit about what Applejack has done compare to wht Crook did. though actually Guilty lives out there for his own reasons, and has nothing to do with Applejack's prejudice..... okay it is a part but only a part of it all.
rainbow dash is gonna be enraged that Crook manipulated her friend and hurt her. especially after having sex with the bastard who pulled that on her. Rainbow will feel she betrayed Aj, and she is not gonna tolerate that kind of slander. and it is a far more truer slander than what Applejack is spouting. she is simply convinced he is dangerous and guilty has done nothing to stop it, and if anything has ensured its continutation by humiliating her about her parentage.
............also i am crying five flavors of bullshit over tht statment. True guilty has helped several ponies yes, but he is nothing compared to Aj, who is willing to even abandon her own life and limb for another pony. There is a reason why ponies tend to side with her; she is honest to the core. She's the pony who swore to harvest the entire crop of apples on her own and sitll felt driven to fufill her obligations to others. she is the pony that not only abandoned her life when she filed to live up to the expectations of her family and home, but went out to earn the money she never even promised to win.
guilty has helped a handful of ponies yet asked for something in return; not evil nor immoral. Aj will do good unto others for the sake of doing it unto others. Her prejudice over one pony and believing a Common Presumption about Derpy is far from enough to make her deserve anything from Crook.
It kills me that there isn't more of the story. I love this fic so bloody much.
3766369
Don't worry the next chapter is already written. Will be out after 3 phases of editing.
3766310 Oh I'm not saying Crook is necessarily a good guy, I really appreciate how realistically you portray everyone. But you should really pat yourself on the back for making the guy above me rant like that, emotionally investing the readers is something I wish happened more often.
"Nobody is ever against you, what they are is for themselves"
C'mon Guilty! You know how to deal with this if you'll only take the chance.
Derpy is nothing like Sunny and views Guilty as a friend first and an escort second. If only he can get over the anxiety and just tell her that he wants it to be a real date, not just for practice...
Then again, that wouldn't create more tension, so it's not what will happen <shakes his hoof in Magus' general direction> Damn you for making me care about your characters and wanting them to be happy.
3766310
Well......I had a response all typed out about how I really enjoyed the characterization you've given all of the ponies in the story and the different ways that they overcome or are bound by the scars of their past adds depth and such...... But then that guy I'm antagonizing responded and, instead of refreshing the comments like an intelligent person, I refreshed the whole page......
So yeah....that happened......
3766335
Guilty lives out there because AJ threw a hissy fit when he moved to town and got him to live out there because she convinced the rest of the town that it would degrade public morals and be unhealthy for any foals that would happen to walk by if he were so close in town running that kind of business. He's not out there because he wants to be.
Crook didn't manipulate her at all. He made it clear from the beginning that he was just looking for a roll in the hay. He didn't tell her he's an escort, but he made his intent perfectly clear from the very beginning.
And claiming that AJ is a better pony just because she's gotten famous by helping people is ridiculous. Yeah, she tried to harvest the whole orchard herself, but that was a massively stupid decision she made because of her pride and stubbornness, not because of any kind of redeeming traits she may possess. The same thing with her stay in Dodge Junction. She was there because of her stubbornness and pride, not because she was making a noble sacrifice to help someone. The whole point of both of those episodes was that, in the end, AJ was in the wrong and learned to better herself by admitting that.
And how do you figure that just because AJ has helped people in the past that it makes what she's done to Derpy and Guilty ok? If AJ wasn't so hypocritical about this whole situation, what Crook said to her wouldn't have mattered at all. The only reason anyone even cared is because she's spent so much time trying to make the only escort in town look like a soulless monster. A large percentage of the mares in that town are on Guilty's client list. Do you think they would care that she's doing the same thing they are? The only reason AJ being seen with an escort has any kind of damaging impact on her reputation at all is because she's spent so much time telling everyone that will listen how horrible they are.
3766444
There are no words for this. The fact that you honestly believe that the fact that AJ is "a good pony" in any way excuses her behavior baffles me. Just because someone has done good things in the past does NOT make them some sort of saint, excused from scrutiny or ridicule just because of those past actions. And by the same token, just because someone has done bad things in the past does NOT make them some sort of irredeemable villain.
Present actions are just as important, if not more important, than the past. No matter what AJ may have done in the past, it doesn't change the fact that RIGHT NOW her actions are cruel, hurtful, and inexcusable. Just because Guilty has done bad things in the past doesn't change the fact that RIGHT NOW he does his best to not only be good at his job, but to go above and beyond to help not only the ponies that are close to him, but those that need him as well. Yes he gets paid for it, but that doesn't change the fact that he does much, much more for the ponies that come to him than is required by his job as an escort.
As for Crook, you better believe he enjoyed what he did. I enjoyed what he did. I enjoyed what Derpy did even more. And the rest of the Elements are on Guilty's side already. Crook doing his job won't make them turn on him. If he had pulled his little stunt after sleeping with her, then he would have crossed the line. But as it is, the only reason it "hurt" AJ at all was because she created the situation where those words could be damaging. And even then it was a minor blow to her pride and nothing more.
3766078
ok dude i just sang the whole thing without listening to the video... I am such a nerd...
now i wanna make a cover of this...
nuts
Ps
That bit with was the scariest thing ever, but that comeback reminded me how much it hurts to laugh with broken ribs (I broke my ribs over New Years)
Fantastic...you know just what to write and how to write it so well...I am loving this as it shows that even in such 'unusual' jobs for stallions...at the end of the day they are still living and deserve feelings...well done
3766377
He's sorry about that night in Sugarcube Corner when he tore AJ a new one? I wouldn't be sorry since she deserved it.
3766310 first comment on fimfic!!
hmmmm.......... hard to say really. with Guilty, i am on his side. he has had a rough life and doesn't deserve the amount of shit applejack is giving him......... then again its not like her prejudice has no origin or meaning behind it. she actually DID have her family broken by an escort after all, and when she was a kid. childhood traumas are very painful little things. that and i am pretyt sure if guilty and her talked applejack would be the one apologizing the most. applejack is having a hard time seeing guilty when she sees him. she is seeing the bastard who stole her mother away.
Crook on the other hoof........... yeesh. i can acknowledge that he was trying to get one back for his friend, but he also probably REALLY hurt applejack diong that. and i mean hurt her in a way that makes her calling guilty a Stud seem calling him some playground slur. that may seem to guilty and even crook that they made her a hypocrite. however in her point of view, she would ahve become just like the mother that abandoned her family for a male whore............ for her it may well go beyond merely having her reputation smeared and having some part of her psychology harmed.
way too damn hard to think it is basically they are all bastards. aj and guilty fit the bill without a doubt. Crook majorly crossed the line for me. not intentionally, of course, but i have a hard time figuring if he would have cared if he did. for a crooked arrow her sent a bolt right into applejacks childhood trauma, and who knows if he caused damage.
just my two bits. now to go and comment on all the OTHER stories i have been meaning to do so with.
3766335 maybe be slightly less aggressive about it dude?
though a part of me agrees, for a different reason. basically what crook did might have hurt applejack a lot more deeply than just making her ashamed. a whore stole her mother. now she hs slept with one............. that could easily mess her up considering how deeply rooted her prejudice and insecurity is.
So, so good. I love this story!
3767197 ......... cannot either agre or disagree there. she was being a bitch to him. then again he took a stab at a deep rooted trauma. its kinda hard to say she deserves that when it made such an old scar bleed you know. no one deserves that.
will say this. if Aj became aware of even a single detil of old guilty's past, such as the abusive father or ruined love, or that exploitation, her reaction would be far from what guilty did when he found out that detail. She would apologize for all she had said and done and start treating him proper. all one needs to do to stop this feud is to make aj realize that guilty is not the stallion that ruined her family.
its very refreshing to see a smart writer, im starting to realize that the better stories ive read here are immersive because the writers just have an ability to take their genius and put it on paper. you definitely had me hooked from the beginning and I look forward to more surprises! also I have to constantly look up some words you use, which I personally enjoy because it makes me feel less derpy
3768359 ........... fair point.
also did not think of that. was wondering why i wanted Crook beaten black and blue, but that is probably why. this is far worse than a smudged up reputation; she has caused trouble accidentally before. considering how ingrained her pain and prejudice is this prank could truly hurt her.
Ahhh, my old friend Magus. Just as I tuck your story in the far areas of my mind, you surprise me with a chapter! Also... why did I just hear Christopher Walken narrate my sentence?
Odd...
Anyway, marvelous chapter, marvelous story as always man. I just really hope you actually have an ending written out, or atleast will finish the story rather than end up dumping it from writers block or something. This story has developed way too much for that man.
Cough No pressure bro. Just sayin'.
the last part speaks with just wow
Nice chapter...If there's one thing I adore about this story, it's how you make all the characters seem so real. Guilty is one of the few OCs I see in fics that actually seems as genuine and complex as any real person. It's...Really impressive. I usually don't read fics like this (as in, OC fics based in 'canon' Equestria), but you make such an interesting story and characters that I couldn't tear myself away. Have a mustache, kind sir
Regarding Applejack, I suspect that at some point there will be some form of reconciliation. I doubt they'll ever be best friends, but I think eventually she'll stop trying to be the alpha bitch around Guilty. I'm wondering if, at some point, she actually pays him for service as sort of a peace offering. Though that might just be wishful thinking on my part
Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, though I have to question just how 'fake' this date is...I suspect Derpy only said that because she thought it was the only way she could get Guilty to say yes, but, again, might just be wishful thinking.
Either way, Derpy seems really casual about sex in general. I'm kind of hoping that by the end of this Derpy and Guilty are 'together' but Guilty still has his job. I think that would be a nice indication of just how well suited he and Derpy are for each other - Guilty doesn't have to change his life to find someone that can love him. Just a nice thought, though it seems pretty obvious that he's having doubts about his job in general. Still, I gotta cast my vote for "Guilty shouldn't retire, even if he and Derpy hook up."
i just love derpy
need to find a good derpy picture to put on my wall ( ordering few custom posters)
well.. this part
as for myself i don't have anything against M/M
could spice things up
magus, how do you do it? Your storytelling it's just.... Derpylike.
(see what I did there?)
can we get an alterante version chapter where mac and crook have an epic mountainleveling battle?
3769590
Sometimes I'm against m/m…but I agree. That could spice things up a bit.
You know this "pretend" date with Derpy might just be her way of going on a date with Guilty, she's probably as worried about ruining things as he is... Or he really is just her friend, in which case welcome to my life (minus getting paid to do the girl with the awesome body... or getting to do her at all)
3770086 Me three! I think Guilty needs to sort of let himself go a bit. Poor fella is so repressed and pent up and he's clearly had so many bad experiences... He needs somepony who sort of gets the whole "I don't like being a guy toy" thing.
I think a good round of M/M, a good discussion with Applejack's sibling, would be very healthy for the both of them. But knowing Guilty, he unfortunately won't bite.