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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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"Crook" should be capitalized here.
Same here, "Carrot Top" is a proper name and should be capitalized.
Wow, I sometimes forget how awesome this story is. It seems to be the only story I've read in this site where I actually care about the character, the dude just seems so believable.
Whoa. So much awesome. A story like this could have been so pale and boring, with scene after scene of nothing but clop with no story.
You truly make it come alive with the CHARACTERS. And so much interesting plot, and everything matches perfectly. Thank you so much for this. Truly entertaining. Keep it up as you can. You don't rush quality like this.
Im curious have Guilty and Crook done it to each other? Like full blown gay sex?
I was wary at first of Crook but he's alright
Again awesome story keep it up man
Um, something a little concerning. Maybe an oversight but....
Did Guilty chug a birth control potion before getting busy with Junebug? If not, I sense....complications are about to crop up....
I like this story, but I really have a hard time feeling anything for this guy mainly because of his profession.
I bet most let this one fly right over their head.
2614877
"I guzzled a blue flask down and began my act."
Nope, he totally did.
Awesome!! Great chapter, can't wait for more
2614910
But... but he LOVES you.
2614683
Thanks Vizzini.
2614910 ...
2614877 That thought actually came to me as well...
2614816 Guilty says they didn't. So no?
2615006
Whew.
Good. Cause I was REALLY not looking forward to Guilty having some kind of secret love child.
I think i like this story more for its story...than the actual sex...da fuq is wrong with me
...Are you sure this is your first fic?
There really is nothing that brings people closer than sharing a prolonged ordeal. I wonder how the "Crook" from my childhood is doing...
Wonderful story, by the way. Easily my favorite on the site. Looking forward to reading the next chapter.
Thanks, great chapter.
So having now gone through all ten chapters in one sitting I can safely have one critique.
Your sex scenes are rushed.
Like, really rushed. It's difficult to really get into the clop bits because they zoom past so fast. Chapter 9 was especially egregorious, with one-paragraph scenes that, while well-written, were simply too fast to enjoy.
Besides that, though, this story is hella good. Guilty is a wonderful character. This is how an OC is done- he's a flawed character, and not only that, he has multitudes of weaknesses. The way you sneak in the various references to both current events and other literature is fantastic. Your portrayal of Derpy is a bit odd, at least initially- perhaps it would be better if, again, the scenes were longer, but it's evident that that's not the focus of this story.
I look forward to Guilty reconcieling with his past, which I think we all know will happen. But oddly I expect Applejack to find at least begrudging acceptance of him and Carrot Top to trust him more. This is, unfortunately, in the ideal Poniville, not the one portrayed here.
That's one of my favorite bits- Poniville here is a lot like the town I live in. It's a crapfest underneath a coat of nice, cherry-red paint. Very tasty.
Looking forward to seeing how this develops.
the ponies have to deal with Bloomberg too? thats not right
Well, just shotgunned this and wasn't expecting much. Just thought it was going to be a harem style clop story.
Pleasantly surprised. Really, really nice and the main character has really great depth. Kinda makes the sex scenes unnecessary.
The thing I like most about this story is the mystery about Guilty's past that makes him so...paranoid. I mean, without the the constant tease of that, I wouldn't even read this because it would be so hollow.
Awesome story. Quite frankly, if you'd skip the sex part completely, the story wouldn't suffer one bit. Doesn't make it worse, don't get me wrong, but for me the characters have all gained way too much depth to be clop material. I mean that would be like being briefed about the porn actressess daddy issues or whatnot, just .. impossible.
But yes, you want the sex in there you keep it in... definitely doesn't make the story worse. Or better. Yes, I believe I said that before.
Good job anyway, highly enjoyable read.
2616466
ur from north cal aren't you?
Once more, the sex is secondary to the story and characters. Great job. I love this story.
2618517 Illinois, actually. Chicagoland. I'm in the Home-Alone esque suburbias.
I hate it here.
Well, what else can I say that I haven't said already in almost every other update? The characters are amazing, the sex is, though a bit rushed at times, really interesting to read, mostly because of how much time is spent inside Guilty's head. Being more about how he is reacting and feeling about the session then the sex itself. That really is the only thing I could suggest working on that isn't damn near perfect, slowing down a bit on the sex scenes and not rushing them so much. Though this one was pretty good, better then the last few have been.
At least objective criticism, on a more personal turn, I really am both liking and disliking the backstory bits. I love learning more about Guilty and his past, seeing what he's gone through and overcome, and the more I learn, the more I hope he gets a happy ending But on the other hoof, the setting, all that happened to him, it just feels so non-pony. I know Equestria isn't some perfect utopia, but the backstory bits just go to far for me. It doesn't feel like Equestria, it feels like the real world, just with ponies in place of people. And I just am really not a fan of that sort of thing.
Don't get me wrong they are amazing to read and very well done, it's just a bit of a personal pet-peeve when it comes to Pony-fics. Though I do think the soda line was bit much even then.
Anyway, like I said it's just some personal prefrence, and as odd and out of place as those parts feel to me, they are well done, and the story as a whole is still freaking amazing, can't wait for the next chapter.
2616466
Re: rushed sex scenes. I agree to some extent, but for this story, the sex is more a tasty side dish than the main course, so I don't think it's necessarily a shortcoming. Guilty is an escort; he has sex with paying clients, not a lover (though perhaps that will change? ). It makes sense that the sex scenes would be rather brisk and businesslike.
2618972 I suppose so.
I also notice that sessions that Guilty enjoys tend to have longer scenes, while ones he doesn't tend to be more curt and businesslike. This is, after all, a journal.
2618675
oh common, chicago land is great. I mean sure the weather is as consistent as a random number generator, but still.
2618675 i'm sorry that sucks :(
2619692 There's no taste here. There's nothing.
2620610 i dont know when the taste is. But if your bored take a train into town and see a show. Thats what i do.
2623722 I don't mean the Taste of Chicago, I mean just the general... Air. It's stale. It's stagnant. It's hopelessly artificial. It's choking me to death on it's lacking creativity, on it's complete and total inability to go beyond the norm. It's in the people, the politics, the buildings. Everything is the same bullshit. Every day is the same, every attempt to inject some sort of newness is stamped out by the superconservatives that have decided to hide out in their little hovels.
In short, I'm just bored as hell here. I despise being surrounded by all of these white, middle-class cuntbags who have never known hardship or horror or hard work, who dig into their daddy's pocket for fucking everything while my parents struggle to get by in life, raising five kids in a miniscule rental house.
...
I've said too much. But at the very least got some bitterness out, amiright?
lol am I the only one who thinks the sex being very brief is ok? I mean if it's your job you wouldn't really be writing about it in journals.. I mean how would it sound if a waiter talked about everything to do with his job with so much detail? I am totally ok besides the focus is more on the story than the sex part....
Always a welcome surprise when this is updated.
2616944 At first I thought you meant images.wikia.com/mlp/images/archive/2/2f/20120328034328!Applejack_and_Bloomberg_S1E21.png
2631263
I lol'd.
This story is freaking amazing, you even made sex scenes integral part of it. The bittersweet feeling and plain good writing makes this one a helluva doozy.
I'm gonna watch you like a hawk from now.
2640397
It's not a bonus to perception checks, it's a bonus to insight checks. He's basically a 4e Half-elf, he gets insight and diplomacy, and a bonus to Charisma and constitution.
I was a DM for a 3 year game (that sadly never got to finish); I'm plenty nerd too.
2640946
I've heard good things about pathfinder, I've never given it a shot. I have the M&M core books, but I've never had a chance to run it. Also, I've been looking a LOT at Cthulhutech. (To the point where I've been tempted to write a crossover fic.)
I honestly enjoy the shit out of 4e for two primary reasons:
It's easy to run. As a DM, I've run a few things but the mechanics of 4e are just super conducive to quick but complicated combat, with plenty of room for RP. This also makes the game very accessible to new players, I was president of the D&D club at my college for a time, and i found that it's VERY welcoming for people who have never play a tabletop.
The other reason is the character builder. I've got access to CBLoader, which means making characters is SUPER easy and fun.
As for Shadowrun, I've always wanted to play, but I've never had the chance. I think I've made a couple characters for the system, but I never got to use them.
Nerd Power
2616944 I'm picturing a cutie mark with a flower atop an iceberg.
2646242
Fuckin' lol!
Another fantastic chapter!!! Honestly your story is the only reason I still come back here. I am almost DYING to see how this all ends... And i'm curious if those two (Guilty and Crook) have a not-so-bromance moment hehehe ;)
2707662
And here I thought you weren't going to stop until you'd commented on every chapter.
Well I'm glad you like it, even if it makes you "leery."
I hope you continue to enjoy.
2711091
I lol'd. It totally does XD
Hey, brother! Random note, but I talked about your story in a recent blog. just had to do my part to advertise one of the best in the fandom.
2750199
I actually noticed that. Someone mentioned that you had referred them, and I checked out your blog. Thanks all the same, I really appreciate people spreading the word.
Fell free to sing my praises whenever you like.
Looks like the domming mask really isn't one Guilty should be wearing.
Excellent real-name reveal. Striking and intimate, as something like that should be.
2966089
Hey, looks like someone else is reading this for the first time as I am. And he just made a relevant comment;
Excellent. Time to shoehorn in my unwanted and unwarranted personal opinions etc!
In serious though; This chapter struck a peculiarly, and specific, chord with me, and I couldn't help but empathize with Sir Pleasure more than ever, and I don't know whether it's your tone setter or you just getting better.
Rhymes!
Did I say I'd be serious before? Well, apparently I made a liar of myself, but I suppose I'm just putting this off.
I like writing... Gasp, I know.
I like writing and I'm incredibly socially stunted in a lot of regards. I have a lot of empathy, but no... Shame or impulse control in a few regards, I suppose would be a way to put it. Ecchem.
Well, as a result, I tend to gravitate towards people who are also socially stunted, in one way or another, typically seen as the geeky, nerdy kids. Nothing, I suppose, the majority of you aren't familiar with, so forgive me for not feigning ignorance if you aren't with me so far.
Where this becomes uncanny is how, as a result, quite a few girls ended up seeking me out. Too nervous to seek boyfriends out, or just too displeased or nervous or curious or embarrassed or whatever their reason was, I started commissioning out... A little roleplaying. Usually online, because there's safety in the distance provided by a computer screen, sometimes webcam if they felt particularly brave or adventurous, but essentially I was that one refuge where they didn't have to feel ashamed about their sexualiy, an aspect of themselves that terrified them.
Well, I like writing, and I loved the challenge, creating a make-your-own fantasy for the people who needed it. It was rewarding, and my own personal thing is for getting my partner off, knowing they've enjoyed themselves.
So, it always sort of... Grinds on me how often these girls shared this same unspoken love of domination or, specifically, being dominated. Now, this was incredibly conflicting; On the one hand I honestly did enjoy helping them through their issues, or repressions, and it wasn't like it was a massive turn off or a weird kink (as fifty shades of grey's success has conclusively hammered home, it's fairly popular (I refuse to honour its title with capitalization, as that would validate it), but on the other hand... Well...
You're completely right. The Dom is in control. It's fascinating practicing walking that line between 'too far' and 'not far enough' with something so delicate... But Guilty perfectly encapsulated that feeling for me. That 'I love my job, but somehow this cheapens me, and it, for some reason'.
It's just... What kept Pleasure going was payment. You don't say no to the client. You need the money.
What kept me going was payment. You don't say no to the client. I wasn't being paid money, though, I was reassuring these people that what they liked was normal, natural and could be very fun, if they could work around their insecurities.
Those words ring hollow if you immediately follow up that sentence with 'but it honestly makes me feel cheapened when you ask that of me'. Doubt is a horrible, horrible thing.
Well, yes, I hope I didn't bore you to tears, but I thought the pure, unadulterated empathy I had with Guilty Pleasure this chapter was something I had to bring up.
You wrote this perfectly. Perfectly, as if reading my own mind as I did something uncannily similar. It might not have been as physical as his job but, then again, in the end he was just written himself.
Truly, truly inspired.
I loved this chapter as well.
I think I'll stop here and come back in a few days. Weeks. Months... sometime later. It's not that it's gotten boring or anything, but I'm close to the 15th chapter and there's only 15 out right now. I'll lose it if I reach the end without the series being complete.