Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Danmocratic Rafpublic

"What did you just do?!" Dan demanded. "Where are they?!"

The shimmering image of Vice Grip smirked. "Sorry to end your play date early but I need my assistants back."

"That was mind control magic!" Twilight exclaimed. "Or… what was that? What did you do to them?!"

"It was a different type of 'magic', little learner. The type that you and your beloved arcanist rulers have neglected for so long. There's not a single spell, not a potion, not stone, incantation or single feat of sorcery that I can't perform just as easily with science. You magicians have hoarded your secrets for too long, keeping ponies bewitched into idolizing you while you keep the nation in the dark, in the dirt, a perpetual Stone Age while-"

"We get it," Chrys said. "You don't like the princesses or the fact that Equestria's a bit low-tech."

Dan gave Vice a gruff look. "If you could make Lightning do anything you wanted, why not have him try to kill us? Kill the princesses?"

Vice Grip just scowled back. "Who's saying I didn't? At any rate, I have new plans for Equestria and they don't involve you or your little friends."

"Did they involve Cloudsdale?" Twilight asked. "Did they involve the princesses? You tell us what you've done with our friends, right now!!"

"Tsk tsk, so much rage, new princess. I think your human friend's nature is rubbing off on you. At any rate, I actually didn't do anything to Cloudsdale- the Enclave did. You all fail to realize that I'm only one part of FIST and that while you may bruise a thumb, we can still give you the finger," he smirked with the last remark. "What I did do is energize the rails around Ponyville-emm, excuse me, Bluebloodville, to keep you inside. Safe."

"So, what?" Dan asked, waving the hologram around. "We're just supposed to sit here and stay locked up while you get ready to attack something else?"

Vice looked directly at Dan, his eyes filled with cold anger. "Let me make this abundantly clear for you, Dan. This is your last chance. I've given you and your friends every opportunity to join me, which you turned down. You want to live in this backwards tyranny you call harmony? Fine, but stay out of my way. Live in your happy little arcanist paradise… cross me and you and all those close to you will be destroyed. Your world is ours now."

The projector abruptly shut off. Dan's hand shook, his face contorted into an expression of unrepentant anger. The small device vibrated in his hand until it cracked and Dan's fingers squeezed around the remains, turning it into scrap. Pieces of metal, screws and parts that had once been a communications device, hit the floor and rolled off in random directions or bounced away as if fleeing from disaster.

Twilight put a hoof on Dan's shoulder. "Dan… it's going to be all right."

"Yeah," Spike agreed, "he can't keep us locked up. He knows we'll find a way out of this."

"That's right, we will because we're resourceful. Vice knows that as a team, there's nothing we can't do."

"Exactly," Phoenix said, pointing at the remains of the projector. "He DOES know that. Which means he's probably planned for that or has something else planned."

"Blueblood," Shining Armor said, just the name but everyone knew it was enough, what he was implying. "He probably gave Blueblood that golden pony bot to distract us. I'm guessing that's why his friends took out Cloudsdale, too, maybe the princesses."

Cadence nodded. "He's trying to keep us isolated and distracted so we won't know what happens next."

Twilight tapped her hoof to her chin. "If he's trying to distract us… that means he's probably not ready for the next stage of his plans."

"Great," Dan said. "So he picked the most annoying, pompous, rich and bloated diversion in Equestria to keep us busy while he prepares for the next part of his evil scheme."

"It's not just Blueblood," the Mayor said. "It's every other pony in Ponyville, too. Without Cloudsdale, it's created a major crisis in town. Ponies rely on weather management for a lot of different things and without it, most folk around here don't know what to do."

"Wow, Ponyville really does rely on its neighbors," Chrys said. "Who knew accurate weather updates were really that important?"

Blast Fuse and Blast Powder had been abnormally quiet since Vice's call. When Chrys asked that question, they each raised a hoof, eyes to the ground.

"We did…" the twins said simultaneously.

The group turned to the sisters, who were still quiet. None of them said a word, didn't mention how guilty they looked. Neither of them raised their heads to meet the eyes of the others. Finally, they looked at each other and Fuse stepped forward.

"We're… we're with the Enclave," she admitted. "We were assigned to a special operations team as demolitions… deserted after we met you in the Crystal Empire.

Powder, the more timid sister, stepped forward. The two held each other. "But we copied the structural data for Cloudsdale and gave it to the Enclave."

"We told them where the city was weakest…" Fuse said, tears falling from her eyes. "We thought they were going to use the data to reinforce Cloudsdale, not destroy it…"

"Hey… hey," Phoenix moved to comfort the two. "It's going to be all right. You didn't know this would happen." (At least, I really hope not.)

Powder nodded. "We… we know where they're going next."

"What they're going to do with Cloudsdale…"

"What they're GOING to do with Cloudsdale?" Dan repeated. "But you just said they destroyed it."

Fuse shook her head. "We would've seen debris, the pegasi, anything, not clear skies. The Enclave might rip Cloudsdale apart but they wouldn't leave something useful behind. They probably broke it down piece by piece and took it with them."

Powder moved to the window and pointed outside. "The Enclave has hidden bases and outposts throughout Equestria all connected by railroad. They use old mining tracks and trains to move troops and supplies undetected."

"The mining rails?" Mayor Mare asked, baffled. "Those lines haven't been used in… well, over a thousand years. They were shutdown and left to degrade."

"Why's that?" Phoenix asked.

The mayor went behind her desk and opened up a drawer. "Ponies harvest the various minerals we need through ore cultivation. There's no need to go digging for stones or ores when we can just grow them on the surface."

"Ah… that makes sense."

Ore harvesting, more commonly referred to as "rock farming" was one of the primary industries of Equestria. Long ago, ponies mined for valuable resources but the process was abandoned after it was discovered they could simply grow rare ores as easily as they do plants. With a bit of magic and soil, earth ponies were able to plant magically-infused crystals called gemseeds which would grow into whatever materials they were around. While there were limits to what they could grow and how much, it effectively made mining obsolete. The original architect of the process was the first sole ruler of Equestria- Princess Quintessa Quartz and ancestor of Prince Blueblood.

While no one would question the benefits of the innovation of ore cultivation, the process placed more reliance on… and thereby gave more power to ponies that used magic, specifically Princess Quartz. Ponies like Vice Grip believed that this was a deliberate action in order to keep unicorns and alicorns in power and keep earth ponies as a cheap source of labor, dependent on magic. Most dismiss this as a conspiracy theory, a baseless notion that nopony took seriously. After all, the only ones who knew the truth were those who'd been born around that time.

Like Vice Grip.

"Makes sense," Dan said, rubbing his chin. "We'd never look for an organization trying to control the skies underground. Pretty smart… and pretty stupid, if you ask me."

Twilight shook her head. "How can something be smart AND stupid at the same time?"

"Well, smart because they're harder to find, stupid because it's harder to flee," Dan pounded his fists together. "Either way, we know where they are now. So we find these bases and take them out one by one until we find Vice Grip."

"Uh… I think revenge is going to have to wait at least a little while," Chrys said.

Twilight's face went blank. "You realize who you just told that to, right?"

Dan nodded. "She's right. I am me, after all. And as I always say, revenge is a dish best served immediately! Now it's time for… the retribution distribution."

Chrys held her hooves up defensively. "Look, I'm just saying, we're kind of trapped in the town right now. And Blueblood's out there marching through the streets in a walking, weaponized first-world problem. So maybe we should… consider serving Blueblood revenge first."

"Like a revenge appetizer," Blast Fuse said.

Her sister raised her hoof. "Oooh! Or a revenge kid's meal!"

Dan grinned. "The unhappiest meal of all. I like it."

"Er-hem," the mayor cleared her throat, "Not to interrupt, there's still the matter of pretty much every resident in Ponyville outside my office that has some kind of problem. How am I supposed to help them?"

Dan gestured outside the door. "I got an idea. Where are those two guys that are writing this story?"

"Umm… I dunno," Chrys said.

"Don't they usually show up in crowd scenes?" Twilight asked.

Dan nodded, grinning. "And we've got the biggest crowd scene so far right outside the door." He grabbed the handle and swung the door open. As luck would have it, yeah we actually were standing right in front of the door.

"Is this the line for the-"

"Yeah, we get the joke," Dan said. "Do you still have those phony raffle tickets?"

"Yes," Barro said. "He bought like eight rolls of the things."

"Great! I'm gonna need to borrow them. All of them."

Michael Hay gasped so hard his sunglasses actually fell off. "No… there's not ACTUALLY going to be a raffle, is there?"

Dan patted the story's director on the head. "Not quite, pal. But here, you two take these and start passing them back."

The two ponies looked at the rolls of raffle tickets. "You know where he's going with this?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, I think I do. Looks like we're going to get some use out of these things after all," Barro remarked, impressed.

"So it was a good thing I spent all our money on them!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

Within a few minutes, the raffle tickets had been passed out, all entirely at random. Dan rewired a digital clock and hung it above the office so everypony could see who was next while Mayor Mare used some recycled bingo cards to call out numbers. Before long, ponies were being helped and the crowd was getting smaller as satisfied residents left with solutions. Dan's team helped with every problem, every complaint, no matter how small or ridiculous.

Dan himself helped ponies by giving them free advice on security and ways to organize and prepare for various situations, regardless of likelihood. But seeing as how there had already been a zombie invasion once, at least residents would be more prepared next time. Chrys and Fluffle Puff helped with lost and found items while Twilight and Spike helped settle disputes among friends and offered guidance on what they could do to help. Phoenix provided legal consultation about zoning and regulations, a job that was actually both easy and difficult for the lawyer considering that Ponyville had literally no legal precedent for anything.

Finally, Blast Fuse and Blast Powder gave out free explosives that they assured everypony several times were strictly recreational-grade.

"Thanks for coming!" Powder said.

"Here's your bomb!"

"Wow!" Button Mash delightedly exclaimed. "This raffle gives out free bombs! Best government shutdown EVER!" The small colt was the last to leave, rolling a large bowling ball-like bomb the size of his body out the door.

"All right, that solves that for now," Dan said, wiping his hands off. "Now, where's the monarch?"

"You know, Dan…" Spike said, looking at the team around them. "I think we're all pretty worn out."

Dan looked at the group. They were all in classic poses of cartoon exhaustion, lying on their backs and panting. Phoenix's hair was slack with sweat and in much need of gel while his sport coat was in a bundle on a chair. Twilight and Chrys were propped up back-to-back, Fluffle's fluff was limp and mangy and Blast Fuse and Blast Powder were surrounded by more half-finished bombs than a Dreamworks Studios executive. Finally, the mayor was slumped at her desk, passed out in the middle of signing something.

"Okay, okay, we'll deal with Bloomers tomorrow. We'll wheelbarrow everybody back home, then I'm going to need your help scraping my chariot off the road," Dan said.

"*ZZzzzzznnnzzzz…*"

Turning back to him, Dan saw his purple dragon companion had suddenly fallen asleep as well. Or he was faking it. Either way, Dan rolled his eyes, seeing as how it was up to him yet again to get everyone home safely. He did so happily, though, one at a time, shouldering the burden with a smile on his face. He returned each of his friends to the library, rolling Fluffle Puff inside just as the sun went down. Dan crashed on the couch, making the decision to pick things up tomorrow unanimous.

Comments

[Booster Spice]

I think Dan would like me grandad. He was an SOB Heavy hitter on the underground railroad.

[The REAL Mister Pkmn]

And then there was pain in Blueblood's head all of a sudden. He thought to himself: Why do I feel a gaze of hate boring into me from everywhere and nowhere at once?

[Terabyte West]

Is it weird that I can't imagine a straight-haired Phoenix?

[Dustchu]

"Like a revenge appetizer," Blast Fuse said.
Her sister raised her hoof. "Oooh! Or a revenge kid's meal!"
Dan grinned. "The unhappiest meal of all. I like it."

ermergerdness, that was perfect hahahaha!

And wow, they were Enclave? :O I did not expect that, hmm... it is very interesting~ Awesome chapter man, awesome chapter well done! Can't wait for more :D

[Barrobroadcaster]

6951977 It explains what they were doing in the Crystal Empire and provides more about their background in explosives.

[Dustchu]

6954442 That is very true, very true... I approve of this action

[LadyLeomon]

"Like a revenge appetiser."
"Ooh! Or a revenge kid's meal!"
"The unhappiest meal of all. I like it."

So do I Dan! I swear Blast Powder and Blast Fuse are making Dan even more awesome with their own hilarity! Dan loves you and I love you too Explodey Ponies! Well tomorrow is another day, and then the buffet of revenge begins >:)

[Razzy]

Coming to think of it, this entire deal with Cloudsdale and the Enclave proves that Springer can indeed win her battles... If the opponent is a defenceless city and she has lots of backup.