Rad: Unavoidable
Dan was aware of Boba Fett behind him and the Doctor to his left. They walked out of the kitchen and into the main floor of the building and that's when Dan realized he was. He wasn't in a Tesco or a Sainsbury's; Dan knew exactly where he was. He was inside Pone Depot. They really were in a Pone Depot.
Originally, Pone Depot had started out as Ponyville Neighborhood Hardware, a parts, tools and repair store local to Ponyville. As the store grew, it eventually became a chain of hardware and appliance retail stores that were popular around Equestria. Ponies and beings all across Equestria came to for their various home and hardware needs. Quickly, it became the most popular chain of stores in Equestria. Recently, it began a partnership with Vinyl Scratch and Octavia to open convenience-sized WubWays inside certain Pone Depot stores to offer customers music and sandwiches while they shop.
Unofficially, Pone Depot became a front for the GenoHaradan assassin's guild shortly after its rebranding as a chain. When ponies found random machine things they couldn't explain, they took them to Pone Depot. Not all UFOs fall out of the sky- some are dug up or just found lying around. Without any other options, ponies took these random mechanical-looking pieces of technology to Pone Depot and soon, the stores became warehouses for high-tech extra-dimensional junk. Soon, extra-dimensional travelers arrived quietly, discreetly to find things they could not otherwise find.
So that's basically why you see weird people at Wal-Mart and Home Depot and places like that. And part of the reason to shop there.
"You got a ride?" Dan asked. "We taking your ship or-"
"We're taking a train," Boba Fett stated.
"Why not your ship?" Dan asked, looking at him over his shoulder. "You didn't come here with it?"
"All ships are grounded. No travel off the surface is permitted." They began walking down one of the long Pone Depot aisles.
Dan looked over his shoulder again. "Including yours?"
The bounty hunter was silent for a moment as they walked. Finally, he said, "For now."
"That ship your boss was talking about... it shot you down, didn't it?"
Again, there was silence from Boba Fett. Finally, he said, "He's your friend."
Dan spun around. "What?"
"Barro the Broadcaster, the news anchor. He's piloting the ship."
"Huh," Dan rubbed his chin.
"What?" Boba asked, a bit uncharacteristic for him.
Dan shrugged. "I was just thinking it kinda brings a new meaning to the term 'worldwide coverage' when you think about it."
"Funny," Boba replied, tone indicating he only recognized it as a pun.
"I've heard funnier," the Doctor said.
Dan smirked at him. "He shot you down, didn't he?"
"Not recently," Boba responded, just a little too quickly. Which in itself gave Dan some information.
"So how many times have you fought him?"
Another pause, briefer this time. "Enough times."
They stopped walking. Dan leaned against one of the shelves. "I hear you're something of a hotshot yourself. So why all the trouble with the newsman?"
"He has a very powerful long-range weapon, an unrestricted field of fire and a nearly-unassailable vantage point. He can shoot anything before it has a chance to take off. Those are very difficult things to overcome," Boba said.
"Eh, I like a challenge," Dan remarked.
"How would you handle it?"
"Hmm?"
"How would you handle such a... challenge? Theoretically?" Boba asked.
"That depends- you still have your ship?"
Boba paused again. "Perhaps."
Dan folded his arms. "Then perhaps I have a way to break the news. Theoretically."
Boba could have pressed him for more information, but it was clear they both were holding a bit back they didn't want to divulge. It was a game and they were both playing it similarly, the way they talked. Dan was lucky enough he knew something Boba wanted to know so that he was able to turn things around on him. Now, Dan knew the bounty hunter had history with Barro and that his ship was likely still intact. Both of those things he could use to his advantage.
All Boba got from talking to Dan was that the cocky captain had a plan of his own. To his credit, Dan had not been entirely making it up, either. He did have an idea of how to shoot Barro down when the time came. And now, he was beginning to form a plan to that effect. But first, he would have to deal with something more immediate: Boba Fett.
"Hey! Hey look-" the Doctor pointed, "Big Toblerpones!" In one of the shelves was a stack of long, pyramidal boxes labeled TOBLERPONE, the ponified version of the similar Swiss chocolate, Toblerone.
"Yeap, they stock the huge ones here," Dan remarked.
"Why do they make them so big?" Doctor asked.
"For parties and special occasions," Dan answered. "Like those giant party subs. They make them that big because it's easier than just making dozens of smaller sandwiches, makes less mess. With the big candy bars, it can be easier than a cake because people can eat what they want and just wrap up the rest for later. Also, there's the novelty and fun of eating a gigantic Toblerpone or Flutterfinger."
Doctor Whooves cast a glance at him. "You seem to be well-versed on the subject of colossal confections."
Dan shrugged and nodded. "I ask about things when I'm here. You can learn a lot about stuff just by asking people. And you can learn a lot at your local Pone Depot."
"Clearly."
Even if that Visor creep said the GenoHaradan secretly ran Pone Depot, it didn't stop Dan from reminiscing a bit about his times in the store. Pone Depot, like Home Depot, was always fun for Dan. He'd often shop there with Chris and Elise to stock up on revenge materials. There was no telling when something or someone would piss him off in the near future, so he often bought supplies and hardware for revenge plans in advance and in bulk. He usually stored his revenge equipment in Chris's house, much to Elise's displeasure, but it made sense since he usually enlisted Chris in his schemes anyway.
"Can we get something to eat first? If we're actually going to attempt this mission, would it not be wise to stock up on supplies beforehoof?"
"That's a good point, Doctor," Dan agreed, "Let's gather some essentials and lunch." They walked over to the candies.
"They do have more than just chocolate here, don't they?" The Doctor asked. "Haven't been much for chocolate lately. Not since the chocolate Daleks..."
"Well, we can go to the Sainsbury's again after this. Not like we're in a hurry." Dan looked back over his shoulder at their armored escort. Boba Fett said nothing, but seemed perpetually on edge. The rifle was still in his arms. They were roughly the same height if Boba hadn't been wearing boots. And they both knew that.
Boba and Dan were a lot alike. Both men admitted that, somewhere privately deep within. And they knew the other did the same. Dan looked at Boba Fett's expressionless but somehow still-menacing black visor, the face of the strange space man, the feared intergalactic bounty hunter known for his peerless fighting skills and array of deadly weapons, and knew exactly what he was looking at: himself. A thug, an enforcer, a bully and hitman for hire, the kind that let their reputation speak for them.
Within the space of a second, the pair silently sized the other up and were aware the other was doing exactly the same. Dan held the smallest of grins, the tiniest of smirks as he simply looked at the armored man holding a gun on him. That was when Dan of all people made the connection that no one else did, that no one in the multiverse or in any form of existence ever made. Dan understood why Boba Fett did what he did.
Boba Fett was a household name. Famous and infamous beyond recognition, his name inspired fear and respect wherever and whenever it was spoke. Everyone knew it, everyone knew him. He had enough money to retire a thousand times, buy planets, he was insanely rich. He could take any job, go anywhere, do anything he wanted. Yet he was here. Still doing what he had always done. Only Dan in that very moment knew why. The simplest reason of all: he liked it. Dan knew this because they had something in common- Dan liked it, too.
"You want anything?"
"No thanks," Boba replied, nothing but ice. Dan's fiery temper and Boba's icy demeanor were a good match.
Dan walked over to the Toblerpone. "Wait, are you actually planning on getting that?" Whooves asked.
"It's a decent price. I'm sure the Genie-Hadouken would appreciate us trying to limit expenditures."
"Limit expenditures? Wait, how do you know they'll pay for our expenditures?"
Dan shrugged. "Didn't say they wouldn't."
"They didn't say they would either."
"Well, let me put it this way: we're leaving and taking all the crap we can carry. If they don't like that, they can take one of their ropes from aisle twenty-six and piss up on it. Now help me get this Toblerpone on a cart," Dan said, grabbing the giant candy bar.
"But you LIKE Pone Depot. Why would you steal from them?" Whooves asked.
"I steal from people I like all the time! Not like important stuff. Little things they don't miss," Dan explained. "Things I can resell. Twilight pays for it anyway. On top of that, the world ended, Equestria's gone, our friends are gone, we're broke and Pone Depot is run by assassins. Take your pick, doc."
"But do really need a giant Toblerpone? Is there somepony you're trying to impress?"
"Just help me get into a- hey, watch it!" The two dropped the bar. "Great going, Whooves. You broke it."
"It's not that bad- look, it's fine," Whooves said, examining it. The fall bent the candy and broke open the front end of the box it came in. "I'm sure it's still- wait. What's this?"
"What?"
The Doctor glared at the end of the bar. "Dan, I don't think this is a candy bar at all. No, this is quite a different sort of treat."
"What are you talking about?"
The Doctor opened it up fully. He reached in, but instead of finding chocolate, he pulled out something else: an RPG. A rocket-propelled grenade launcher.
Dan watched as he unsheathed the weapon. "I officially love Toblerpones now."
"I'm willing to bet they're all stuffed with assorted explosive weapons," Whooves said. "Honestly, I don't want to meet the person who would consider these to be candy." And then he looked over to Dan who had his arms full of them. "Or perhaps I already have. Dan, we can't take all of them."
"Why not? You have a bazooka allergy?"
"Put the weapons down."
The two looked over to see Boba Fett aiming the gun at them. Not holding it at the hip any more, he was actually threatening them with it. "Put the weapons down slowly. Now."
Dan dropped them instantly, letting them fall and clatter to the floor. The Doctor almost jumped out of his pony skin. "Can you POSSIBLY do something without threatening our lives every other time?!"
"Put them back on the rack."
"What's wrong, Fett?" Dan asked. "We're going some place dangerous. We might need some firepower."
"Not for this job. Too risky. Put them back," Boba instructed.
"Dan, do what the bounty hunter says, please." Doctor Whooves didn't want to admit it, but he wasn't actually in his element. Something had shaken him; the usually-daring Doctor wasn't acting quite like himself. He gathered the Toblerpones obediently and put them back on the aisle shelf, all of them save the last one that still lay opened.
"That one, too. Put it back slowly."
Dan looked down at the empty box. The rocket launcher for it was laying next to it, but that wasn't what Dan was thinking about. It was too obvious.
Maybe it had been a long time in coming. In a way, they both knew what was going to happen next and neither of them could avoid it. The tension between them could be almost felt in the air, like water reaching a boiling point. This was going to be a showdown. Equestria could only have one top jerk. The Doctor could do nothing but watch. He then realized he was not the only one watching. The Mare Do Well was watching them as well.
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Who got the salsa and tortilla chips? Cos this go to Mexican stand off.
Wonder whats in the giant Aero bars? Solid fuel rocket motors?
9461818
I know the feeling, believe me. Your reset button for this week is ready as always! And coming soon, something special I believe you've been expecting... or should I say somepony.
9462004
But with fists.
Man this story is growing in word count every day it feels like, I approve.
Good shit, Barro, good shit.
Left it a little late this week but here I am! So I feel I must say;
A new chapter means it's ~Sunday~
now lemme see n'ere *dons reading glasses*
Boba Fett still got his gun on the Doc (and Dan too technically I suppose) ... the more I read of these most recent chapters (and some much earlier chapters mentioning it too) I'm feeling the strangest urge to go find a Home Depot just to get a mental image of what Pone Depot is like but I'm almost certain it's an American thing though (it is right?) so I can scratch that idea
Omaigawd ... Toblerpones??? If it has that same yummy Swiss chocolate then may I steal a piece? ... Ooh there's a surprise in inside! Now I know where Dan gets (most) of his wonderful toys from!
What?!
Sweet Celestua we have to rescue me Barro NOW Michael too! Then just cos I'm a (mostly) nice gal I'll send all these fools on a one-way trip to Painville 
And the ending and-wait ... ah buck me! I cannot stand this chick! If that is indeed a she under that cowl I mean! C'mon that had to be one of the most messed up "lessons" of the whole series. I still think Dashy didn't deserve any of that but I guess I'm just a Lioness and not the "Princess of the Friendship" (is that still Twilight's deal in this universe?)
Phew and that I loved (most) about this week's chapter. Whelp, I'm off out tomorrow so I better go hit some hay (bales)!
Like always thank you for my newest Weekly Reset and I'll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan
=^_^=
9463385
Thank you as always, fellow ongoing author /)
It's crazy how word count can just creep up on you. Start writing with barely a hundred and next when you look at it, it's almost 2000.
Also, apologies for this chapter, I wanted to do the boss fight this time but we're going to have to move it because it's going to be one heck of a brawl.
I am a very patient being, Barro.
*Leans back in seat.*
I'll wait...
~Dollars
9462004
Yes, to go with the javelin missiles in the Three Musketeers bars and the grenades in the Rollos.
~Dollars
P.S. don't ask what's in the big hunk bars...
An upcoming, inevitable battle between ‘Our Favorite Jerk’ Vs. ‘Our Favorite Bounty Hunter’.
Just how alike are they? Will their fight be one of Yin and Yang, or ‘The Unstoppable Force’ versus ‘The Unmoveable Object’.
In the next chapter, we shall see. 😲
Things are gonna go down!
... I wonder if there are grenades in chocolate eggs.