Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Rad: Red Dots

Dan and Doctor Whooves stepped outside of the Pone Depot and back into the snow, the winter wasterland that used to be Ponyville. Boba Fett's armor would have fit Dan almost perfectly if not for the damage the human had inflicted upon it. Still, it wasn't uncomfortable and he knew the weapons and tools and gadgets might come in handy. These reasons alone, along with the cold, were still not the main reason Dan had chosen specifically to don Boba Fett's armor. He wore the gear as a final insult/tribute to the defeated hunter, a trophy signifying his triumph and a testament of his strength to anyone else who would dare challenge him. Mostly though, as an insult.

"I'd like to make a rule that we pursue peaceful options before resorting to violence," Doctor Whooves said. "Diplomacy before demolition, if you like."

"I like demolition," Dan stated flatly. "Yeah... I don't like that rule. We're gonna do the uh... the opposite. Demolishing stuff will be first, I mean." He sipped loudly from a soda he'd procured, the straw close to the bottom of the cup so it made a scraping-slurp sound with every guzzle even though it was mostly full.

"Lovely," Whooves said in a scathing tone. Like Dan, the Doctor's emotions also ran close to the surface, albeit more Britishly than Dan. Most Brits were absolute masters of inflection, Doctor Whooves being no exception.

"Look, *sip* doc, *sip* I have a certain way of doing things. And I can tell you do, too. *long sip* So we'll just do whatever we can to get our friends back and- *sip-sip-sip* see how that works. Sound good?"

The Doctor sighed. "I've worked with..." he held his tongue, "people like you before. You're not exactly the easiest sort to work with, but you clearly get results. It's just a question of how many explosions there are before we get those results."

Dan finished his drink, crushed it and tossed it over his shoulder. "First, you've never worked with ANYONE like me before. Second, I ALWAYS get results. And finally, to answer that question Doctor, it's going to be a lot."

The Doctor grinned cloyingly at Dan. "Again, lovely."

"FREEZE!"
"Don't move, both of you."
"Get your hands and hooves up!"

Distorted voices, mechanical-sounding voices ordered them to surrender. With the snow still falling and it still being apparently night, they couldn't see whoever was shouting at them. The pair looked around but there was nothing but emptiness and snow in every direction.

"What is this? Who-" Dan asked, but then stopped mid-question. A red light flashed over his eyes for an instant and when he moved his hand to shield them, the light focused to a single dot on his hand. Looking downward, he realized the armor he was wearing was now covered in tiny red dots. Sparing a glance at the Doctor, it was clear the pony/Time Lord was in a similar situation. Red laser lights covered his face, neck and a single dot on his trademark bow tie.

Their hands/hooves went up slowly and at the same time. Out of the snow, figures approached them, some walking on two legs and others on four legs. A mixed bunch, indicating local support and likely betrayal. They were all armed with guns of some kind, aimed directly at Dan and the Doctor. Their uniforms were mostly steel-grey with black zebra-pattern stripes, both on the bipeds and quadrupeds, indicating uniformity. The uniforms were full-body, as Dan had expected ever since encountering Enclave goons, only tiny indents on their masks to indicate they had faces.

"Oh good. The discount Cybermen are here, I was wondering when they'd show up," Whooves said through a half-snarl, half-sneer. "Really, now? You have... sixteen agents for just two of us? Do you start out with overkill in mind or is there really nothing better you all have to do?"

"Are you mocking them? They have guns pointed at us and you're mocking them?" Dan asked.

"Yes," Whooves replied. "In fact, I tend to do this quite often. If I'm imperiled or beset upon by danger, I often find making light of the situation to be quite remedial. Levity can even be diffusive, or lead to a solution in its own way," the Doctor explained.

"I do the exact same thing!" Dan exclaimed as the GenoHaradan approached. The Doctor and Dan were almost having a bonding moment when the agents began searching them. They started by removing Boba's helmet from Dan's head. "Hey! I was wearing that; get your own!"

"Silence!" the GenoHaradan responded by slamming Dan with the side of the rifle. "Where is the bounty hunter?"

"Inside," Dan pointed behind them, holding his knees. Without being told, two of the other agents entered the Pone Depot. Coordinated, calculated, cold and efficient, these were not simply hired goons, Dan realized that. The GenoHaradan were professionals, not like the usual lackeys and cronies he tended to deal with. Solar Empire, Enclave, the hippies, most salesmen, assassins were another thing entirely. They did not respond to his threats, they did not respond to his taunts, the GenoHaradan did not respond at all.

The multiverse was something Equestria's most powerful sorcerers had known about. The highest level unicorns knew of summoning, knew of the potential risks, and they knew they were not the only ones capable of such feats. The only governance they found was their own, but that was only part of a larger truth: the only connection they found was the one they made.

There had been many attempts by groups like the United Federation or the Galactic Alliance to create a union among realities. Ambitious tyrannical groups like the Terran Empire and the Dark Axis occasionally made efforts to conquer neighboring dimensions. And space-borne plagues like the Flood or cults like the Unitologists would try to spread their power and influence to infect other universes. They all had one thing in common: they all failed.

Whether by random happenstance or hand of providence, the various realms remained separate. Unable to be united by pen or sword, the only groups that were capable of traveling between dimensions were those that either wanted to keep it a secret or those that could not divulge it, either the most devious or the most innocent, the darkest or purest of heart and intent.

And so, when ponies gazed into the Great Fountain and saw the various worlds and various possibilities, they saw only the countless faces staring back at them. In the same way man looked up at the stars, searching for brethren and finding nothing, so did ponies stare into reality and find mostly disappointment. The multiverse held many things... but too few friends.

Part of a crowd, one of many faces in the grand tapestry of life... and yet you feel no less alone. But there are far, far worse things than being alone.

With that in mind, groups like the GenoHaradan operated in absolute secrecy. Because if you can't control absolutely everything, might as well do what you can and make money doing it. The GenoHaradan were absolutely fine with that. Absolutely fine. Which made them direct enemies of Time Lords.

"They're clean," one of the agents announced.

One of the pony agents stepped forward. "Get rid of them."

"Now, wait a minute-" Dan started to argue. "I'm still with you guys! I just didn't get along with Fetty back in there, we can still be friends!" The two slowly raised their hands and hooves again.

"Really?" the Doctor asked. "Now you want to try diplomacy? I thought you didn't like that rule."

"I'm not with him- can you shoot him first?" Dan asked. "He mocked you, too, I was there!"

Doctor Whooves face-hoofed. "I will NEVER understand Americans."

"My cousin Fran is from Scotland," Dan said.

"That explains so very... nothing, nothing at all, it explains nothing. Stop talking, please."

"I've met important British people before," Dan continued against Whooves' protests. "Like Prime Minister Bean. And James Bond. That uh... the magic kid with the glasses."

The Doctor nodded sourly. "Of course. The classics. I changed my mind- I would like to be shot first."

"And TomSka."

"That's great, Dan, really. Maybe when I visit the 'states' you could introduce me to Barrack Obama or Donald Trump," Whooves said sarcastically.

Which Dan did not get. "Yeah, sure. Who are those guys?"

"You get that I'm not even FROM Earth, right?"

While they were arguing, the GenoHaradan set up a firing line. Swarms of red dots formed one giant red dot on both of their corresponding heads.

"Ready!"
"Ready."

But not a single shot was fired at them.

Comments

[JakeAndDollars]

Hah! Beat Lady Leomon! Not in the literal sense mind you... Keeping on top of things for once!

~Dollars

[Booster Spice]

And then, her little nose tickled by a snow flake, Flurry Heart sneezed.

Vapourising him and the rest of his battalion.

Flurry Heart gurgled happily.

YES.

[Dustchu]

Their uniforms were mostly steel-grey with black zebra-pattern stripes, both on the bipeds and quadrupeds, indicating uniformity.

>Stripes
[Insert Aryanne emote here]

Wheeew, not a single shot? Curious... I wonder why.

Good show, Barro.

[LadyLeomon]

Whoopsy I was nearly late, but have no fear the Lioness is here! Now I can happily say:

A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now lemme see n’ere *dons reading glasses*

Both Dan and Doc Whooves have had their inventories restocked (though how much of it is actually useful hence worthy of keeping for the next Obstacle/Boss Battle or to just be sold for extra cash for better items later is yet to be seen) ...

Oh for buck sake! I was hoping the red dots meant the Yauja would show up! But nah, it’s jut the GeneHardy bunch ... I got the name right, right?

Uh ... that’s a Marker talking isn’t it? Ohhhh ... buckerations ... but this could mean Marksaline is around here somewhere right?! Holding out for a Queen Necropony here!

HAH! Good one Dan! Mr Bean and James Bond are some of the best known ENGLISH actors! But if it’s Scottish you’re after there’s Billy Connelly or Robbie Coltrane (pretty sure the latter is Scottish)! ... I think Sean Connery is Irish ... and I honestly have no bloody idea if there are any famous Welsh actors worth mentioning right now (seriously I don’t know!)

Now for my favourite quotes:
(BRB Pinkie Promise!)

Phew and that is everything I love (most) about this week’s chapter! Like always I thank you for my weekly reset, this past week has been stressful but I know that’s mainly due to my anxieties so being able to chill with Dan’s very real coolness is great.

Also just gotta say: Thank you for always writing a chapter a week, no matter how long or short, that you do so every week no matter your own troubles means a lot and I appreciate this so much as your chapters always cheer me up and let me face the week ahead with Dan’s influence as an example (now I know he’s part Scottish he makes a lot more sense!)

Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~

Your Eternal Fan =^_^=

[Barrobroadcaster]

9486702
It's not a race, it's a marathon, Mr. Dollars. Remember to pace yourself, my friend!

9486902
Not sure Flurry Heart is going to be canon in this story yet.

9486961
This chapter was supposed to get us out of the "interdimensional market layover" section but other business has my attention this week, had to cut it short. Next one will get us to the next act. And more fun!

9487106
Updating weekly is about the only thing I'm able to do... consistently. And it is my pleasure to do so for both you, myself and everyone else who enjoys this story and these characters, who I assert as always belong to themselves first. There should be more to please you especially coming up shortly, at least I hope so. An old friend is about to make a comeback...

As far as Dan goes, he represents the audience and himself simultaneously. I enjoy using him to illustrate how the negative parts of us can lead to positive things, the necessity of every part to make things better. Dan is you and me and himself simultaneously, both an every man and a nevery-man at the same time. He's not a role model and yet, he is. Everything about him is right and wrong rolled into one- a living contradiction. And despite me saying all of that, he is the first person who would disagree, agree and then disagree again with that.

Fran, Dan's cousin in Scotland was an excuse to let me write a scene where Dan, Chris and Elise visit some relatives of his in Scotland. Dan calls her Franny and is happy to see her, she kicks him in the crotch and is basically a female version of Dan mixed with Merida from Brave. Nadine, or Nad is R63 Dan; the difference is that Fran wears skirts/kilts and Nad does not.

[JakeAndDollars]

9492394
I'll rest when I'm dead! My flipflops and capri-sun hat are ready for anything!

Also the little shopping rascal I sto-, 'borrowed,' from the Ponyville Pone Depot before it blew up...

~Dollars

[Razzy]

Huh, just realised they left Cadance frozen behind..

Good.