Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1)

by Barrobroadcaster

Central: Serving Breakfast

They stayed close to the train tracks as they headed out of town. Knight rolled on a quartet of oversized roller skates, allowing them to make quick progress through the now-unknown Equestrian wilds. So, Knight can launch nukes, do giant robot karate(possibly the most lethal of all karates), deploy cannons, missiles, mines, EMP, has lasers, can use shields AND she comes with her own accessories. And it's a giant metal robot pony. This would make the most awesome toy ever made, essentially and both boys AND girls would pay through the nose to get one. Is this marketable enough yet, Hasbro?!

The narrator's goals aside, they were making good time to their destination- the train tunnel that collapsed in Episode 4.

They passed a train traveling to Ponyville on the way coming from Manehattan. The city was beginning to rebuild with the help of the zebras. As part of the new peace agreement, Zen Zeal and his forces were ordered to aid in the reconstruction under the supervision of the new mayor, Plum Plenty. The ponies on the train waved at Knight as she rolled by, knowing that Dan was onboard. News traveled fast when it involved people working to literally save the kingdom.

"At least the railroads are working again. No need for any more supply convoys," Blast Fuse commented.

"Eeyep. And with Cloudsdale back and the griffons working for us, we've got control of the skies," Dan said, pretty satisfied with himself.

Phoenix leaned forward in the copilot's seat behind Knight's left eye. "This never was a war about controlling territory. Land, sea, air- it doesn't matter who has what. This is a war of shadows and light... and we are marching into the shadows."

Dan grinned, "Which is why we're marching with a five-hundred ton flashlight."

"Six-hundred tons," Knight corrected. "And Phoenix's metaphoric analysis is accurate, as was yours. Vice Grip operates within the realm of the unknown. An optimal solution is to make the unknown known, to chase away the "darkness" with the "light" before our bastion is consumed by the terror tactics of a war criminal."

Knight's words silenced them for a moment. "We're really going to have to work on your bedside manner," Dan said.

"Advisement for software improvement recorded."

"I think she means "noted," Blast Powder said.

As they started to ascend the mountain, Knight transitioned back to walking mode. They were now following the same train tracks they had when they'd transported Pinkie's YESSSSS to the anniversary in Canterlot. A trio of flutterbirds flew overhead as they made their ascent. Dan had ordered them repainted so they were less creepy. It wasn't too long ago, though that they had belonged to the enemy.

"This is High Marshal Aegis of Delta Flight to Magic Gear Knight- good luck down there, Captain. The hopes of the whole country are at your back."

Dan smiled and picked up the radio speaker. "Hey, thanks Al. You be careful yourself, make sure Blueblood doesn't try anything funny."

"You can be sure of that," Aegis said back. "Delta Flight out."

"Nice guy," Phoenix commented.

"Nice to know we can leave Canterlot alone without worrying of some idiot taking over," Dan added, to which Phoenix had no objection. High Marshal Aegis "Al" Ally was the highest-ranking member of the royal guard, military advisor to Princess Celestia and one of the few royal guards who had not gone with her and Luna to Saddle Arabia. As the acting commander of the guard, he supervised the defense of Canterlot and also had performed a few other operations against Vice Grip. He was one of the white royal guard ponies often seen in Celestia's throne room. His counterpart, Vice Marshal Block "Bol" Bolster was one of the gray ponies.

Both of these royal guards, along with Dan, his friends and about half a legion's worth of royal guard ponies were all that was left of Equestria's original forces, minus the scant few in the Crystal Imperial Guards. They were still very much a ragtag army, even with the extra griffons and the Enclave's repatriating. They had been forced to deal with the zebras and now they were finally getting the recuperation they desperately needed, time to regroup and coordinate a counterattack. This excursion to retrieve the CMC was a risk, albeit a necessary one, that made them vulnerable. Hopefully, they could make it back to the safety of Ponyville with Apple Bloom and the others soon.

Knight lowered herself down to enter a train tunnel. Dan recalled having to remind Twilight that she could teleport while they were on the outside of the train. He smiled, thinking of it as a happier moment even though they were safer now than they had been. It was a bit odd feeling less-safe while in a giant robot, but that was the nature of war, including wars of shadow and light.

Speaking of Shadow, he was on the train coming down the tunnel. Right at them.

"HO SHIT!"

Knight Inspector Gadgeted her legs inside the train tunnel to let the train pass underneath them.

"We're not taking the tunnel on the way back," Dan said, panting.

"Good... good idea," Phoenix added, also panting.

"Do it again! Do it again!" the Blasties chanted. They were having a good time, unlike their human friends.

"The next train that comes through directly at us, we're blowing up," Dan growled.

"That is not advisable. My programming prohibits me from attacking friendlies."

"I'm guessing the hippies were an exception?" Dan asked.

Knight answered without hesitation. "Yes."

"The end of the tunnel's ahead and the end of the line after that," Phoenix said, noting their position on the controls at his station. "I'm surprised the CMC made it this far on their own. They're quite resourceful, but this is incredibly bold for a trio of fillies."

"Ahhh, that's nothing," Blast Fuse batted the notion away. "Back when me and Fusey were filled, we'd already fought in two wars over breakfast."

Dan looked back over his shoulder at them. "You fought in two wars before breakfast?"

"OVER breakfast," Fusey said.

Powdy nodded. "The Breakfast Wars. Not to be confused with the Breakfast Club. They were a series of battles between dragon clans over the best breakfast foods."

"Pancake versus waffle was a huuuuge one," Fusey explained. "So much syrup and butter... the carnage was unbelievable."

"They say there are dishes with syrup still stuck on them to this day."

"Mostly at Denny's."

"But not the good Denny's."

Phoenix shook his head. (The only thing that's unbelievable is their story!) "You fought... dragons?! Over breakfast?!"

The two sisters nodded. "We were with the 420th Tactical Air Sausage Cavalry. It was a volunteer unit- we actually only joined the war for... breakfast."

Dan nodded, still watching the road. "Alright, I think it's time to ask the question the readers want to know."

"Are we gonna continue with the plot any time soon?"

"Ha. I meant, who won? Pancakes or waffles?"

"Pancakes," the sisters answered simultaneously.

"What?!" Dan and Phoenix both spun around.

"Pancakes won the breakfast wars, actually," Powdy said. "Even with help from the French Toast at the last second, pancakes still beat the waffles."

"How?" Knight asked.

Fusey shrugged. "Even though waffles are more organized with their little compartment imprints on both sides, pancakes were easier to make. Waffles require a waffle iron while pancakes just require the batter and a hot skillet. Flip once and done."

"Wow..." Dan said, now his turn for disbelief. "I was actually expecting you guys to say it was a tie or something. I mean, you just destroyed a lot of headcanons about... breakfast."

"Waffle fans will not be happy," Phoenix added. (I'm more of a breakfast sandwich guy myself... when I can afford breakfast.)

"We're almost there!" Dan announced. "And thanks to you clowns, I'm hungry now, so once we find the CMC, we get breakfast!"

"It's two-thirty."

"SHUDDUP!"

Knight came up to the train tunnel where Samule L. Jackson had crashed the butterfly security weapon. The mountainside had caved-in after the locomotive exploded, burying the entrance to the final tunnel to Canterlot. Nature hadn't done much in the following months to obscure the site and the railroad engineers had ultimately decided that it was easier to make a second railroad around the mountain than try to dig out a tunnel. Pieces of the Mechbeth had been moved to the base of the mountain, still visible as refuses beside the tracks.

They approached the caved-in entrance. "No sign of the CMC yet."

"Vice Grip."

"Or Vice Grip," Dan said.

"No," Knight corrected. Her eyes magnified a section of what she was seeing; an alcove next to the tunnel. Laying on his back in the shade of the rocks was... "Vice Grip."

Dan leaned forward, eyes wide. "IT'S HIM! IT'S HIM! GET HIM, GET HIM NOW!"

"Oh, crap, how do I fire the guns on this thing?!"

"KNIGHT!!!" Dan yelled, practically standing in his seat. "TARGET VICE GRIP! DESTROY, NOW!! MISSILES, GUNS, ANYTHING!!"

"Bombs?!" the Blasties suggested.

"ANYTHING!!!!" Dan yelled.

"Unable to comply."

And those three words broke Dan. He threw his hands up and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGH!!!!!!"

"Um... why are you unable to comply, Knight?" Phoenix asked after Dan's moment.

"Target still registered as a friendly. Also, the potential for this being a trap is high. It's rating on hella-obvious on the Ackbar Trap Scale."

"Yeah, you're right," Phoenix nodded. "Dan, it could be a trap. Look at him. It's too obvious."

To his credit, Dan did cast a second glance at Vice Grip's image. He looked passed out in front of a small cave, like he was sleeping off a hangover. That was when Dan made his decision. "I'm willing to risk it. Blasties? Bombs."

The two shrugged bashfully. "Wellllll..."

Dan shook his head. "No."

"We kinda..."

"No no no."

"We kinda gave 'em all away."

"NO."

"We're out of bombs."

Steam blew out of Knight's ears, but not from the robot herself. Dan jumped out of Knight with his pain cane in hand and began a very long charge at Vice Grip, roaring a war cry the entire way.

"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLGGGGGGGGGGGUUUUGHHHHHHHHRRRRR!!!!"

Dan swung angrily with the cane, chopping the air, foaming at the mouth like a rabid cerberus.

"Well..." Phoenix said, watching Dan running, "at least he gets good exercise."

"Indeed." Knight began walking on her own. As Dan ran, swinging and shouting the entire way, Knight easily caught up with him. The pony mech's larger size and strides made her a bit faster than Dan at a full charge and she quickly passed him, not that he noticed. She arrived at the alcove where Vice was and sat down obediently. Phoenix and the Blasties were disembarking by the time Dan caught up to them.

"-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAA-"

Phoenix stood in front of him. "Dan."

"Ha... ha... ha... hi, Nicky."

"Hi, Dan. You wanna take a break?"

Dan nodded, sweating and panting. "Yeah... break sounds great."

"Here, Dan. We packed a canteen," Powdy said, handing him a bomb-shaped canteen.

"Thanks," Dan took a swig, dosed his hair with it and then fell over, collapsing in the shade.

Phoenix stepped over his friend to the equally-incapacitated form of their foe. (Wow... these two really are a lot alike. I have to wonder if Vice ran all this way and wound up here because of exhaustion.)

"Uh... excuse me? Vice?"

"Blah! Uhh... oh," Vice muttered, starting to wake up. "The lawyer. Ah, and my prototype," he said, noticing Knight behind him. "SEE?! SOME OF MY INVENTIONS WORK!!" He yelled, sitting up.

Phoenix helped him up, noticing that his gauntlets were missing something- fingers. In fact, his right hand gauntlet had been broken off, or sliced off by something and his left hand gauntlet was missing its digits. As Phoenix continued looking over the scientist, he noticed his lab coat was tattered and the pockets had been ripped out. Finally, the metal boots he wore had been broken off so they more resembled thimbles on his hindlegs. On top of all this, Vice smelled like he'd been close to an explosion already- meaning there had either been an accident or he'd suffered a betrayal. Or, knowing him, both.

Blast Fuse was less subtle in her evaluation. "The hell happened to you?"

Vice rubbed his neck, forgetting for a moment his fingers were gone. "Ow! Oh, me? I'm fine, fine, thanks for asking. Waa-woooah!" he fell over. Without the front part of his boots, he was unable to balance himself between the heavy gloves and his hooves. "Those ungrateful buffoons! How? HOW CAN THEY VOTE ME OUT??!!" Vice raged.

"They voted you out???" Dan asked, picking his head up. "Ha! HAHAHAHA! Your own evil organization votes YOU out! HAHAHAHAHAHA, THAT'S PRICELESS!!!"

Vice fumed at Dan's gloating. "It's more complicated than that, you simpleton. More complicated than I realized, admittedly, if something like this can happen. But FIST obviously cares more about democracy if even I can get outvoted."

"What are you planning on doing now?" Phoenix asked.

Vice shrugged. "I have a genius intellect... an I.Q larger than all four of yours put together... and I'm a brilliant inventor that's smarter than everyone on two different planets," he said. "So, I might try to get a job in fast food."

"There's a combination Burger King and KFC just opened on fifth avenue," Blast Fuse said.

Vice scratched his neck again. "I guess I'll have to get my resume ready. Would you put "almost world dictator" on your application?"

"Depends on the application," Phoenix replied. "Burger King no, KFC definitely."

"Ah. Good to know."

"I wouldn't worry about your career, Vice," Dan said, raising the cane. "Hold still and I'll put you out of your misery and mine at the same time, pal."

"Dan," Phoenix stepped in front of the two. "Stop."

"Mmmmm wHHHYYYYYY?" Dan whimpered. "He has to get a fair trial, doesn't he?" Phoenix nodded. "I can't execute him right now, can I?" Phoenix shook his head. The smaller human lowered his bludgeoning weapon and retreated, grumbling. "Fine. But if you have to be his defense attorney, you better lose."

Phoenix's psyche-gauge took another hit at that very moment. (Thanks for that, Dan...) He turned around. "Vice Grip, as a member of the Sparkle Guard, I hereby place you under-"

"Ha," Vice laughed.

Dan shook his head. "No "ha." You don't get to "ha."

"Ha."

"Grrrrr..."

Vice grinned. "Despite this setback, it's cute that you think I'd come with you. Did you forget that I can teleport?"

Dan shook with rage and then admitted, "Yes."

"Well, let me remind you," Vice said, clicking a still-working button on his gauntlet. "Hahahahahaha. HAHAHAHA!" He laughed, and disappeared in a flash of light.

"Nicky? Remind me that I owe Twilight an apology when we get home."

"Noted."

Comments

[Booster Spice]

Someone really needs to sell Vice Grip some anti teleporting exploding cereal.

[Razzy]

I'd buy that toy in a heartbeat.

Dammit, Dan.

[LadyLeomon]

A new chapter means it must be ~Sunday~ my Favourite Day of the Week

Hasbro? On behalf of our great author and the entire Brony Community I demand you make a Knight toy to BarroBroadcaster's exact specifications! If you can ponify Justin Bieber (by Luna's glorious booty I felt dirty saying that )! Moving on:

Oookay so Dan and friends are on the (rail) road again ... Wait who is that? ... What-what-WHAT?! Kill him Dan! Blast him taller than the sky and deeper than Hell! (Simpsons reference!)

A fair trial?! After everything he's done?! I know you'r a lawyer Phoenix but come on!

A hologram, of course ... Knighty was right, dammit

Now for my favourite quotes so:

"Advisement for software improvements recorded."

Aww don't change Knighty, you're perfect! Except for not having Vice Grip recorded as an enemy ... fix that then you'll be perfect!

"Fine. But if you have to be his defense attorney, you better lose."

Well Mr Fair-Trial, you heard the Dan-man! ... Wait how many hits has Phoenix had to the psych gauge so far?

Wait, Vice was outvoted? Dan's right that is is bucking hilarious Hologram ... Still hate that he was a bucking hologram! Wait again, why apologise? Seriously maybe I'm lacking caffeine because I am, for the first time in forever, (HAH!) without a cuppa while reading, so did I miss something?

Oh well, onwards and upwards Dan! You will get him eventually and it'll be oh-so sweet, sweeter than Pinkie's YESSS!

Well I shalt return next week, thanks for another hilarious chapter and I'll see you next time.

Your Eternal Fan ^_^

[Dustchu]

Mmmm... I'm hungry now, thanks Blasties heheheh

Good show man! This was a good chapter well done, haha.

[Barrobroadcaster]

8179042 Thanks for reading, as always And don't worry about Knight; she doesn't change that much... despite the fact that she actually is able to transform.

8178844 For ages 10+ :pinkie happy:

8178656 Does it come with a prize inside?

8179392 You will see more of them shortly, my friend...

[Dustchu]

8179449
Yeeeeeeee~

[Warrior Kitten]

Wait what? But then who's in charge..?

Don't tell me it's the CMC...

Wait, but what about Lightning? Wasn't Vice the one that kept him under control?

[The REAL Mister Pkmn]

Vice will get what he deserves. I hope.

[JakeAndDollars]

Poor Vice, I should have sent him more chocolate coins...

~$