To Dan, it seemed as though he was somewhere high above the planet watching events unfold. Such was the potion's power that he experienced a vision of what exactly he wanted to see. Every event in history, everything that happens is written somewhere. One moment to the next is etched into the stone, carried on the winds and woven into the fabric of reality itself. Magic, in this case, was simply a replay button able to share a bit of that raw footage with Dan. He experienced it in a trance-like stat, a thousand years of history in but a few seconds.
But to the rest of Dan's friends, it looked like he was having a seizure.
"Sh... should we move him?" Doctor Whooves asked.
"Give him a minute," Phoenix said.
"You said that three minutes ago. And again two minutes again. And then now."
"Give him ANOTHER minute," Phoenix said, swallowing. (He's... probably fine, I'm sure. I don't think he's blinked in the past ten minutes, but I'm sure that's normal... for him. We'll wait another minute just in case. And because I really don't want to touch him.)
"I, uh, would rather not touch him at any rate."
"He hates being touched more than you do," Phoenix added.
The Doctor shuddered. "I highly doubt that."
"And I don't."
Captain America and Chris walked in. "So, we were out taking a look at the-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"
"I see Dan's awake."
"-AAaahhhhhh. Hey."
"Hi, uh, so, Chris and I were checking out the rails outside and we think the bathrobe ninja might be heading that direction, too," Cap said.
Dan got up. "Good work investigating. This is a strong indication that we're not the only ones going to prison." Silence for one whole second. "...Wow, that sounded terrible. Okay, we're not the only ones planning a break-in. Err... not the only ones going to jail. Crap, none of that sounds even remotely good."
"We're not the only ones going to rescue our friends from prison," Doctor Whooves said.
"There we go, good job, Doc-o."
"At least there's one thing I'm still good for," he said, rubbing his neck.
Dan nodded. "And it reminds me there's probably at least one annoyance in our immediate future. Alright gang, grab what you need, we're heading out again."
"Wait a minute. Dan, Darling," Rarity stopped him, "did you... were you able to learn anything from... uh, well, the-uh..."
"OH, the pink stuff. Yeah, I saw a vision," he said, holding up the bottle. "But I'm not doing that again. One of you can drink this garbage the next time we need a hint."
"Duly noted," Phoenix said. "Also, not it."
"What did the vision tell you?" Rarity asked. The only girl in the group and also apparently the only one focused on their goals. Most of the time, anyway.
"I saw the cannon," Dan said. He pointed downward. "We're basically standing on it. The donkeys built the whole gun under their country itself. Parts and pieces of it are exposed and that's the railroads that run across the kingdom. They called it the Spiral Staircase and uh... Luna helped them build it."
"Wow..."
"Impressive."
"And we're standing on it? As in, right now?" Phoenix asked, looking around.
"We're not standing on the barrel, Nicky, don't worry."
"Oh. Well, that's a relief."
"We'll be there in a few hours," Dan said.
"What?" Phoenix asked, initiating his nervous sweaty mode.
"The prison we're heading towards was built on top of the cannon. Some kind of tribute to Luna for helping them," Dan said.
"The prison is a gift to Princess Luna?" Rarity asked.
"Yeah yeah, I'll explain on the way. C'mon, let's get there before something else goes wrong."
Doctor Whooves stopped as the others were leaving. "But what about the gun club? Isn't the key to the cannon supposed to be here?"
Dan shrugged. "The vision left that part out, I guess. You wanna drink some of this crap and wind up on the floor?"
Whooves wince-smiled. "I'll uh, refrain, thank you."
"Well, just remember you wanted to be useful," Dan said.
Tuxley and Reginald rejoined them in the street. They left the bodies of the Rocket goons tied up inside the gun club. Together, they set out for the prison complex and to rescue their friends. They reached the city limits and began trekking across the desert.
The sun beat down on them. Hot, dry desert air around them, providing no relief. Dan felt himself panting. Still, he forced himself to walk on. On and on and on they walked, one heavy foot step after the other with only the railroad to point them in the right direction.
Dan looked up towards the sky. Swirling clouds of sand and dust ahead and around them made it hard to see. Only the giant orange hot glowing ball of the sun stood imperceptibly still in the sky, hanging and smoldering above them like a cinder in the afternoon sky.
"This... sucks," Dan said. "How far out are we?"
"We made it out two feet past the city limits," Cap said.
Dan turned around. New Troy and the gun club were right behind them. "OH FOR squee'S SAKE!"
"I have an idea," Chris said. "If anyone is actually going to listen to it."
"What is it Redfield?" Dan asked without pausing.
He threw his thumb over his shoulder. "We could go and get the cars we came here in, see if they're still working or..." he trailed off.
"Or what?" Dan asked. He turned around.
Coming towards them on the green line appeared to be... a train. Which made sense, since they were following a railroad. To make it even better, the train stopped right in front of them.
"Verdant Line- next stop, Bursavis Prison Complex. Please stand clear of the doors." A pleasant-sounding female voice announced the train's arrival. Steam shot from the top of it as pressurized doors on the side folded outward.
"Well... that's oddly convenient," Phoenix said. "Too convenient, even."
"I'm not in a position to complain," Doctor Whooves said. He stepped forward and Dan stopped him.
"No."
"No?"
"No. No trains," Dan said.
"But Dan-"
"No!" Dan stomped off past the train and into the desert. His friends protested but reluctantly, followed him.
"Dan-"
"No."
"Seriously, Dan."
"NO."
"Daaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnn~" Rarity whines after pleading from the rest of them. To which Dan replies,
"NO. And none of that, either."
Dan continued walking into the desert, followed by his friends. He distinctly heard something, the chhh-chhh sound of something he knew would end up irritating him. He turned around.
Yes, the train was following them.
"Dan," Whoovesa said, "I think the train is following us."
"I know. I can SEE that." The train slowly backed up and stopped next to them like some sort of obedient puppy. Dan glared at it; to him, it could not have been more obvious it was a trap if it had the words REALLY REALLY OBVIOUSLY A TRAP plastered on the side of it. Or as the title of this chapter.
"No. And you," he pointed at the train, "Beat it. Scram. Vamoose!" But the train just sat there, innocently. Conveniently. Taunting them with its comparative comfort and convenience to continuing their on-foot journey through the desert.
Dan continued onward. There was no way they were getting him on a train, nope. It wasn't worth it. Walking may have been more difficult, but it was the smart thing to do. No, nope, nada, not at all, there was NO chance Dan was taking that train. Even if all his friends got on it and rode off without him, even if he watched them pass him in comfort and convenience, even if he saw all this played out as I'm describing it, there was no way Dan would- oh who am I kidding?
"HEY! WAAIIT!!" Dan's friends rode by him on the train, it slowly picking up speed as he broke into a run.
This was how you overruled Dan; you basically did whatever you were going to do and he just has to go along with it. To be honest, it saves time. And you have the same amount of odds of him yelling either way, so you might as well go with your gut. He does.
"GET BACK HERE!! IT'S A TRAP YOU IDIOTS!! AND STOP LEAVING ME!!" Dan yelled. Just as the train departed, Rarity's magic lifted Dan up and carried him onto the train. The pressurized doors closed behind him.
"Please stand clear of the doors."
"Oh, it has air conditioning. That's nice," Dan remarked. The interior of the train was surprisingly luxurious. Dan poured himself a cup of the complimentary cucumber water while the others got situated.
"So we've established this is obviously a trap and I hate you all, right?"
"Yes," everyone said.
"Good, good. I'm glad we got that out of the way. So I'm going to blame ALL of you when this goes wrong and Twilight will give me authority over your butts. I'm glad we understand that," Dan said. He sipped the cucumber water. "I hate cucumber water." He continued drinking, despite the fact there was also non-cucumber water right next to it. Sometimes, he liked to hate things.
"Now departing New Troy. Next stop: Bursavis Prison Complex. Please have proper identification available."
This is not a nasty comment! I But! hate Dan so much.
Vamoose, Caboose?
Atleast it wasnt the Rose Water.
Oh darn it all I actually forgot to read this week’s chapter! Forgive me Mr Barro!!! I honestly don’t know what to say other than the Christmas Crazies got to me, still I feel horrible missing it on its day of publication! Please forgive me Dan, Nicky, Chryssy, Fluffle (wherever she is right now) ... everyone! With that in mind, I know this is a few days late but still:
A new chapter means it’s ~Sunday~ now let me see n’ere *dons reading glasses*
Oy vey, when will these people learn that if Dan says it’s a trap then it’s a trap? (Especially when it’s one of those “obviously made by Team Rocket but Ash still manages to get tricked by it” traps) ... I seriously don’t remember Cap being this dense in Avengers, nor Redfield ... well there was that one incident back in Resident a Evil 5 when he stupidly disregarded the laws of physics but we don’t talk about that anymore) ... Nicky can be forgiven cos he’s been having a rough time of it! With that in mind, the trap is sprung so it’s time to boat this bass!
And my quote of the week, brought to us by our own One True Dan is:
This comment comes LadyLeomon Approved for 100% Rightness!
Also now that it’s getting closer I can’t help thinking: this is gonna get hella confusing once Elise and Chris join up with Team Dan! There’s Dan best bro Chris, his hot girlfriend Chrys and the other Chris ... we need 1000ccs of new nicknames stat!
Haha and that is everything I loved (most) about this week’s chapter.
Again I am so sorry for being late this week Dan-tasting Author, you made the effort to update as usual even with the Christmas rush and I feel like I dishonoured that. Just know I appreciate it and please give Dan my grovelling apologies again!
Thanks so much for this newest chapter, I hope Santa manages to dodge Vice-Rice so he can give you everything you wish for, because you brighten my week every Sunday (plus the occasional extra chapter) and help me face the week ahead like Dan does (silently angry and plotting revenge)!
Awesome as always and I’ll see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan 🎁🎄💙🐱💙🎄🎁
I don't know Barro, I've seen a few obvious traps that might 'Trump' this one, usually involving seemingly isolated space stations with absolutely no star destroyers in sight whatsoever...
Just saying...
~Dollars
Nah, seems perfectly innocent and safe.