The path forked as the tram entered the core. A red arrow accompanied by a sign on the wall pointed right, indicating in bold letters: REACTOR MAINTENANCE. On the opposite side was a similar sign and a green arrow pointing left that read in friendly letters: Emergency Exit. And underneath both those signs were two warning placards with Dan and Phoenix's faces with giant, red circles with lines through them. Those both read: No Shirt, No Shoes, No Jerks or Lawyers.
Dan tapped his chin. "Is it weird that I completely understand why that's there?"
Phoenix shook his head. "No. Is it weird that I'm alright with us violating a posted warning?"
"Nope. It means we're both learning, Nicky," Dan said, giving him a hearty pat on the back.
"Hooray for possible improvement." (At least we have a quick way out if we need it. Possibly.) The tram turned right and headed deeper into the core complex.
"Are we going to start wrecking the vulnerable stuff before or after we find Silver Spoon?" Phoenix asked.
Dan shrugged. "Depends on which one we find first." The door to the reactor maintenance section opened and behind it was a bunch of incredibly vulnerable-looking gadgetry, most with red labels or warning signs attached, and another tram with Silver Spoon in it. "THERE SHE IS!!!" Dan exclaimed. He immediately slammed the shift forward.
Silver Spoon rolled her eyes and the oncoming hate party. "You actually found out how to use the conveyor car. Boy, are we in trouble now." Her own tram began moving away from them.
"You're gonna be in a second! Nicky, gun! Bomb ponies, bomb!"
"Outta bombs again."
"Unwilling to comply; building in progress," Fusey replied.
"GNNNRRRRR," Dan took the gun anyway. "EAT WHATEVER THIS IS, UTENSIL FILLY!" He steadied one of the Pulse Rifles on his shoulder, balanced the weapon, prepared to compensate for the recoil, took careful aim and fired. The rifle's staccato filled the chamber, echoing off the walls as the blazing light from the barrel outshone the glowing electronics and lamps above. Dan's shots cut through the air, burned and tore through everything they hit. But not a single shot even came close to hitting Silver Spoon.
"HAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA!!" Dan laughed, the rife bucking in his hands as his shots blasted wildly.
Silver Spoon sighed and raised an eyebrow at the display. "Really?" Dan's shots flew around the chamber and rebounded off the walls and machines, destroying displays and obliterating random bits of technology. Energy bullets ricocheted off the walls and some hit the lights overhead, destroying them and sending sparks cascading down. That was the only time Silver Spoon actually ducked to avoid getting hit by the sparks.
"Dan?" Phoenix asked, his voice raised over the sound of gunfire.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" Dan continued firing. A few shots actually hit the floor, scorching the gray-blue metal. The interior hall they were in actually resembled the inside of the Technodrome, though only the Director would have recognized it. It was abundantly clear to Phoenix that Dan was no marksman. Finally, a single round pinged off Silver Spoon's clear face mask she had added to her armor, but was about as effective as if he'd hit her with a spitball. "THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM!!"
"Dan is no Heavy," Powdy said.
"He'd make a good... err..."
"He'd be himself in TF2. As would I," Phoenix said. "Dan?" he grabbed the shorter human by the shoulder.
"What?! Nicky, you should know it's very dangerous to interact with someone while they're using a firearm."
"Did... did you just make a gun safety message while firing almost blindly... in the middle of a hazardous area... at a little girl?" (My head hurt a little having to ask that.)
"Yes," Dan said. "Safety first, Nicky. You know that."
"Yeah, but... you're not making any progress. You're clearly not accurate with that weapon and it doesn't seem to be very effective in the first place against our target," Phoenix said.
Dan turned around in a huff. "Well, I'm sorry. My usual weapon of choice is either this cane, my fists or Twilight. I used Chrys as a chainsaw once, pretty fun."
"You can use me!" Powdy said, mounting the control console.
"For what?" Phoenix asked.
"Anything~" she teased the lawyer with her tail but he blocked it.
"I'm assuming you mean as a minigun like Twilight," Phoenix said.
She nodded. "Eeyup. Costs four-hundred thousand dollars," she said in a faux Russian voice.
Bashfully, Phoenix declined. "Thanks but, I'm more used to using words."
"I'll give it a shot," Dan said, grabbing the small horse.
She meeped and blushed. "Oh-oohh-kay, we're doing this now."
Behind them, Fusey pouted and folded her hooves. "Horny privilege strikes again."
Dan spun up Blast Powder's tail just like she was Twilight Sparkle. Her horn began to glow in response.
Ahead of them, Silver Spoon was confused by this action. "The heck are you idiots doing? If you're going to hang off those things, then we're not responsible for-" A bomb exploded in her face. "AAIIEE!"
Dan turned around Powdy. "Your horn fires bombs?!?!"
She blushed. "Y-yeah? Lightning does lightning, Firedance does fire, and we-"
"We are keeping you. And possibly cloning you," Dan said, spinning her around again.
"Yay more sisters?" Her horn glowed again as Dan spun up her tail.
"STOP THIS! STOP THIS, YOU FOO-WOAH!!" More bombs exploded, rocking Silver Spoon's tram. Her armor, now scorched was still intact though she couldn't know for how long. Unlike Twilight who essentially could function like a gatling gun, Blast Powder's magic was bomb-based and so spinning her tail recharged her explosive energy. So she had a charge-up function while Twilight had more of a spool-up before firing.
"We've got her now! Just have to get close enough!"
Holding on for dear life at the back of the tram, Phoenix picked up Fusey. "If I spin your tail around, can you do something to help us?! Save us?! ANYTHING?!!"
The Pegasus sister blushed. "I can purr like a kitty and nuzzle you." And she did so.
"That's... adorable, but not really helpful," he sighed, putting her down. And then he picked up both Pulse Rifles. "Welp, if I'm gonna be in danger, I might as well be the danger."
Dan beamed. "That's the spirit, Nicky!"
"Alright, scoot over! Let's tear this spoon a new one!" Phoenix combined his guns to the sides of Blast Fuse. Standing on opposite sides, the humans fired their respective weapons, unleashing a barrage of bullets and bombs at Silver Spoon.
"AAAHHH! AAAAAAHHHH!!" Spoon screamed. Explosions and shots blasted around her, destroying the entire hallway as the trams traveled down it. A wall of fire was now following Silver Spoon, engulfing every piece of sensitive machinery as they passed.
"Haha! We got her now! Only a matter of time before she gets happa-blasted!" Dan exclaimed.
Phoenix nodded with maniacal glee. "I don't know what that word means! We're all gonna die!"
"But we're gonna take her down with us!" Dan pointed out. "Which is the goal!"
"Yayyyy!" Fusey clapped behind them.
"Hey guys?" Powdy turned around. "I think she's-" A bomb launched out of her horn and exploded on the ceiling above. "Oh, woopsie! But yeah, I think Spooner's doing something."
"What's she doing?" Dan asked. Both he and Phoenix looked around Powdy to see their target.
Although Silver Spoon's tram was dented, it was apparently no worse for wear. The artificially aged-up filly pulled out something from inside her own cart and aimed it back at them. She, too began cranking something, spinning it up.
"Is that an egg beater?"
"No."
"Didn't think so. Duck!" Dan yelled. He pulled down Powdy as a hail fire of silver was spewed at them. A torrent of pings rebounded off the hood of the tram, sending vibrations through it.
Both Phoenix and Dan continued ducking, letting the cart absorb the fire. Phoenix was about to ask what she was shooting at them when something landed on the floor in front of them. Dan grabbed it and held it up briefly, but it was so hot it burned his hand. Powdy then lifted it with her magic: a superheated piece of silverware.
Phoenix, Dan, Blast Fuse and Blast Powder both looked at the object and at the same time said, "Sporks?"
At a guess: Command & Conquer reference?
Look out, shes trying to kill ya.
I will never, be your freind. :Spork:
Of course Dan is best as a Demo
That... is that another C&C reference? If so, I approve!
omg, all my yes XD
Awesome update man!
Kaboom? :D
The fool, sporks match her element only in half, so she won't get the full boost.
This series will never stop being funny.
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Mayyyybeeee... as if the Kierovs weren't a big enough give away. But why exactly are they doing this? Why, if they're planning on building a new world, would they be planning on conquering another one?
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She does that, Spice. She does that. With sporks.
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I actually kind of thought of him as Soldier But I think he makes best Dan of all. Demo Dan is a pretty interesting suggestion, especially considering this episode.
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Kaboom soon :D
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I'm so happy you think so. But it's also going to have its serious moments... most of which will be intentionally ruined by more comedy And I have so many ideas for Dan and Phoenix, the comedy just is endless.
Thank you all, as always, for the support, it means the world to me. My only desire is to give you what you love and make it so awesome and satisfying and stuff that you'll love and enjoy it forever. And maybe use it to build and give the same thing to others. This story is as much all of yours as it is mine.
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I approve of these references to my childhood so much <3
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I'm familiar with the Kirovs, but it's been a few years since I last played RA2, so it didn't sink in right away.
No complaints here.
A new chapter means it's ~Sunday~ sorry I'm a touch late today too!
No need for apologies Dan-tastic author! Less is more when it comes to a true piece of art such as this, thus well worth the wait now on with the review:
Okay so from a Donkey Kong setting to a ... StarFox setting I guess from the weapons? And a Teenage Mutant Ninja Reptile reference too, nice! Finally we get to the shooting! Too bad Dan isn't the best shot, Phoenix seems to be doing okay though
Ooh so everypony can be used like an awesome interchangeable weapon? I this! Aww but now I have to wait to see the Spork Princess get demolished, so not fair ... just kidding!
Now for my favourite quotes:
Hmm ... pretty sure Dan would end up chucking the whole Fortress at the other Team just to get the technical win (if that's how the game works I have no idea)! Then Phoenix would devise a clever way to still make the other team liable for damages
Oookay, you just know you're bucked when the Team Psychotic (sorry Dan!) is the one preaching gun safety
I agree with proto20! Furthermore I have no objections to this being a power-up! Or just a cute idling animation
It finally happened: Phoenix finally Dan's Crazies! ... I like this very much
Wait, what-the-what?! *re-reads final line again* Oh puh-lease tell me they are not going to waste a Continue fighting the Duchess of Spork?! If that's the case heads will roll!!!
Phew, think that's everything I loved (most) about this chapter! Thank you for yet another explosive chapter, irregardless of word count it is worth it! I'll be back next week so see you ~next time~
Your Eternal Fan ^_^
P.S Can Fusey's 'gun power' be user her like a crossbow and she fires feather dart at her enemies (they would restock right after the battle too)?
P.P.S Also where did Marksy run off to? Or is this one of those 'choose team-mates between battles' deals?
I once saw a comic where these two people were dating and they were getting mugged. The girl grabbed the first thing she could - a spork - and utterly decimated the muggers. The boyfriend commented to his friend later on that she was scary and could turn literally anything into a weapon.
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Yeah but this is a chick using a minigun that fires sporks.
Oh no, not the mighty spork! Such a weapon combines the speed and penetration of the fork with the mass and howitzer like force of the spoon!
Careful dan, this ones crazy!
God forbid she have any of those hyper deadly serrated sporks... saw one of those cut clean through a potato, raw....
~Dollars.
I love how cute the Bomber twins are in this chapter.
Shadow: Oh god, that TF2 reference...
Heavy: It's my new weapon. She costs four hundred thousand dollars.