The Darkness in our Souls

by Black Light

Chapter 78

Chapter 78

Trixie was laying on the ground staring up at us.

"Wha-what was that?" She asked struggling to stand.

"Do not exert yourself. We showed you a piece of the one called Shadowmere's past. The day he was disowned. You may feel lightheaded, your mind is not used to the strain of another's memories." We told her.

Twilight's eyes widened slightly. "You-you showed her a part of your past?" She asked.

"A piece of Shadowmere's past yes." We told her.

"You can do that?" She continued. "Since when?"

"We have always been able. We are Erebus, we have all the knowledge of previous incarnations of darkness. Shadowmere is knowledgeable in preventing the nightmare inducement. We however know many different abilities. One of which is the transfer of dark memories and feelings from one to another." We explained.

"The...transfer of dark memories and feelings?" Twilight said quietly disbelieving.

Trixie managed to get her legs to support her with some help from Fluttershy. "You-He...that was truly what happened to him?" She asked.

"From the very beginning he felt his lift was ruined by this ability he calls a curse." Erebus told her.

"Does he not try to get rid of it?" She asked further. The rest of the girls looked away slightly.

"Many times he has sought ways of removing this ability, but he has given up on that option recently."

"What?! Why? Why would he just give up?" Trixie responded.

"Because this ability is a part of him. It is even what his cutie mark represents. To get rid of it would make him cease to be him. He still loathes this ability, but he's accepted it as part of his life. He's come close to ridding himself of it many times, but to do so would've killed him." Trixie gasped. "And for a time he considered this a valid option."

"What?!" Rainbow suddenly yelled.

Erebus turned to her. "At a time Shadowmere considered death a better option that living with this curse. The girls began to tear up.

'Be quiet. That's my past. You have no right to speak it.' I thought trying to keep him from speaking further.

"Many times he even tried to take his own life." Erebus stated calmly.

'SEPARATE US NOW!' I mentally shouted to the darkness.

'No way in Tartarus, this is getting good.' He responded.

"He-he what?" Rainbow asked her eyes wide.

"Yes, every time the darkness stopped him, or found a way to counter the attempt." Erebus told her.

I tried to block out the senses, but I was nothing more than a piece of Erebus' mind.

"He tired to kill himself?" Rainbow said quietly looking at the floor. "...What changed?" Erebus raised an eyebrow. "You said 'at a time' that means he doesn't anymore, so what changed?" She asked.

'Stop speaking!' I thought trying to push my mind through.

'No, keep going this is lovely.'

Erebus was silent. "Well?" Rainbow questioned.

"They are in disagreement."

"What?" Rainbow asked confused.

"The darkness and Shadowmere both want different things. I'm having difficulty choosing what to do. The darkness wishes to reveal more, while Shadowmere wants nothing more to be said."

Rainbow suddenly grabbed Erebus' head in her hooves and stared intently into his eyes. "Shadow, listen to me. I'm your marefriend, we're all your friends here. You need to tell us things like this, we can help." She said her intensity dying down as she spoke.

"...It changed the day he met Skies, and was further reinforced after becoming your coltfriend. Erebus told her. "But-"

"But what?" Rainbow asked worried.

"But even though he no longer considers taking his own life, he would not be upset by losing it if it was for any of you." Erebus told her.

The room was silent.

"...Give him back control." Rainbow told us.

"Pardon?"

"I need to speak to him...directly." Rainbow said.

The splitting of minds is painful and there is no guarantee that he will be conscious when it is done."

'Just do it.' I told both him and the darkness.

'Alright, the suck returns.'

"You may wish to stand back." We told Rainbow. She looked confused. "We know not what will happen."

Erebus' eyes began to glow a deep black. We grimaced and began to scream in pain. Out mane began to swirl around our body. There was a bright flash.

I felt my hooves touch the floor. My legs collapsed out from under me and I fell to the floor. My left eye opened my right remaining closed from the mental pain. My teeth were grinding trying to keep in a scream.

"Shadow!" Rainbow shouted as she knelt down next to me.

"Yeah...It's me....Oh Celestia it hurts... Why did I have to stay awake this time!" I groaned out.

Rainbow suddenly wrapped her legs around my neck and embraced me. I could feel something cold running down my neck. She was crying. I lifted my hoof as much as I could and wrapped it around her neck.

"D-don't." She said quietly.

"Huh?" I responded.

"Don't ever think about giving you life like that." she told me. "What would happen to the rest of us if you were gone?"

My body froze. What would happen if I was gone? How would it feel to lose somepony close to you? My mind drifted to Starry and Night and how terrible helpless and useless I felt after they were gone.

"I-I'm sorry. I just...It's just hard living the way I have to." I told her.

She squeezed me a bit tighter. "Shadow we're all friends here. We support each other, we don't go and try to fix everything on our own. That's why we have each other for help, so that we don't have to carry everything on out shoulders." She told me.

I managed to stand up and brought my other leg around Rainbow's neck.

Rainbow broke our embrace and gripped my shoulders tightly. Her expression changed to one that was very serious. Her tears were no more as she glared at me. "Now, we're going to have to have a long talk about trying to keep things like that from all of us." She said her tone slightly angry.

I gulped and tried to back away slightly, but her grip on my shoulders was ironclad.

"I think I should be slightly scared right now." I muttered.

"I wouldn't suggest running, you'd just be caught and tired." Rainbow told me. "So...can you tell us?" She asked her tone softened slightly.

"...I'll tell you right now. In time I'll feel comfortable revealing it to everypony." I responded. "Is- is that okay with you all?" I asked.

The other mares around us just nodded. Bittersweet smiles on their face.

I smiled and Rainbow and I walked out of the house and onto the small bridge over the stream. I laid down and slid my legs through the posts letting my hooves dip into the river.

"...Did you really try to take your own life?" Rainbow asked.

I was silent for a time. "...Yeah...three times before."

"Three times?" She asked surprised.

I nodded. "The first time was maybe a week after my family had abandoned me. I tried to get a Manticore to eat me, but the darkness just kept scaring him away." Rainbow grimaced. "The second I went a bit more conventional. A noose tied to a ceiling post, but the moment I began to lose consciousness the darkness slipped through and broke the rope." Rainbow turned away, I could hear a few tears hitting the bridge. "The last time was actually the day before I met Skies. the darkness had just broken loose and my identity was about to be revealed as soon as he woke up. I gathered a lot of pills. Three bottles of a high power pain killer. I took them all. I still don't know what the darkness did to counter that one, but I suppose I should be glad hat he did it." I told her. "Because now I'm here and I have you, and our friends.

Rainbow turned around and wrapped her legs around me a few tears staining her fur. "You won't do anything like that anymore, right?" She asked me.

I wrapped my legs around her neck and nuzzled her neck with my own. "Yeah, from now on I promise that I will never do anything to leave you all behind." I told her.

We stayed embraced for a moment more, before my pain finally caught up with me and I screamed in pain falling to the ground my vision becoming black.

Comments

[watermane2000]

All the background on Shadow, it's so rich and amazing. Me like.

[Alicon Glactistar]

Twilight's eyes widened slightly. "You-you showed him a part of your past?" She asked.

Since when was Trixie a guy?

[Black Light]

4282554
Will fix.
~Black Light

[Alicon Glactistar]

4285985