Trixie and Spitfire fall in love and life is always throwing curve-balls at them around each turn. Join them as they venture through life and all the unexpected turns it has to offer. Now an Arc series.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I am back again, this time it worked. Well i really thought there would be a bigger problem.
Thx for the PM, it looks like you and i think alike about things like the quick pairing in the most fanfictions.
If i know something i will make a few suggestions, at the moment i canĀ“t think of something that would be wrong here or much to make it better.
I think you do a great job so far. Is this your first fanfiction or have you more soemwhere else?
5217684 Actually my first story was this one. But I do creative writing for tabletop role playing games such as Dungeons and Dragons. Sometimes I delve into Pathfinder, World of Darkness, but I write as a Game Guide for role playing games with my friends. That's why I I'm actually writing these two stories. I write for a good story with things I feel aren't in others and as a creative outlet for my role playing games.
Sadly aside from my other story Adventures across space, I don't have anymore stories.
I wish I could write more, but I hate doing one shots, and I refuse to write out right clop fics, but that's just me.
PS It took me a while to get you avatar reference, it's Fire Emblem correct?
5217981 yes it is from Fire emblem, i like Tharja somehow, but i like the Taguel Palne more, those are two of my favourite Characters.
That's quite the dirty mind you've got there Trixie.
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Interesting actually that Soarin's version of events differs from Spitfire's. Since Spitfire remembered it as a fight over lunch money. I wonder which is the real story.
I like that you had Trixie lampshading Soarin's seemingly unrelated story. Honestly, I am still not sure what his point was for sharing that story. I'm sure it will be clear later.
Notes:
I'm gonna try something new, I'll just underline the errors and if you do not see what is wrong with it, ask me. I have a feeling that you will be able to spot it when I call attention to it though. ^^ (Except if I have a comment to make, or it's something trickier.)
If different characters are speaking, you generally want to give them their own paragraphs.
You usually do this, so I assume you just forgot to hit enter, or fim is not displaying it right.
A*
Let's take this chance to talk about comma's... Actually, I just spend two hours trying to justify my objection with a link, but I cannot find it. So, erm, never mind? I was going to say there should be a comma before 'continuing'.
Maybe someone can help me out here. >.>
This sentence seems off. It might benefit from a rewrite.
Also, Spitfire beating Vector and breaking her wings was not why Vector left? Vector is even more hardcore than I thought. O.o
1. Recovery
2. Parallel structure, also known as "Yay I did not entirely waste those two hours earlier!" ^^
Basically, the sentence is wonky because it reads like this:
She: called her names
She: threatend her
She: blamed her for her leg and recovery
She: how ponies made fun of her limp
One way you could fix this is to make the blame part it's own sentence, like "She called her names, threatened her. She blamed her for her leg and recovery, how ponies made fun of her limp, then she hit Spitfire right where it hurt."
Which reads like:
She blamed her for: her leg and recovery
She blamed her for: how ponies made fun of her limp
5222417
Of course it wouldn't be interesting without a little clean fun now and then. Besides Spoilers Trixie is as straight as a door knob.
Lampshading? Is that like career shadowing? Hmm. You learn something new everyday I guess.
Yes Scootaloo you called it, yet you still don't have a cutie mark. Take solace that you are best chicken!
Well you know me. I like to leave you guessing! Don't worry you like what I'm planning. I guarantee it.
Vector is best pegasus in the world and most hardcore you'll ever meet!
So, I take you liked the chapter then?