Trixie and Spitfire fall in love and life is always throwing curve-balls at them around each turn. Join them as they venture through life and all the unexpected turns it has to offer. Now an Arc series.
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It's not bad but I have a bad feeling about Fleetfoot for some reason.
5589292 Thanks. I wasn't sure how it would turn out. Glad you liked it. What do mean you have a bad feeling about Fleet?
Like how she'd knew about solarflare without Trixie even mentioning her name. I mean that does raise a few questions.
yeeaaaaahhhh Changeling Babys, or just adoption is pretty cool in a story, at least for me.
Okay ehm....the sex part was not bad, even if i donĀ“t write my own storys, i think you could add something there.
What i mean is, because it should just be a little scene, it is really not bad.
Somehow it was very funny as StarsptribeĀ“s did the Spell.
edit : Now i know what was bugging me, i think i was confused because of their position, i mean for a second it looked like this and then that, but even if i write to much nonsense right now, i honestly saw something much worse elsewhere.
I hope they still get thei child, i want it to be a real part of the story, you could add a few chapters for their family.
5589926 I plan to have family as a main point in this story. As for what the end up with, you'll have to wait for the chapter with a roster on it.
5589353 Speaking of names. Did you read the whole thing in one sitting this night?
5590075 Eyup
Is that a new story image I see? Or was it always that one? Either way, I like it. ^^
Interesting choice of words there for Trixie. She knows the orphanage she liked the most has no pegasi in it.
I'm not entirely clear on why Trixie wants a flying child though. As an explanation she shows her parents, who were both pegasi, but I don't see any logical connection from this alone. I could sort of understand if Trixie wanted specifically a pegasi foal, in honor of her parents race. Like, it would be returning a kindness to pegasi in a way, but that doesn't work if it's extended to all things with wings. So, yeah, I'm confused.
Now that I think about it, this speech sounds like it got mixed up. Because it is explaining why Trixie would want to adopt in the first place, and does so quite well. As though this speech belonged in the chapter where they decided to have kids, but it doesn't make sense in this context.
Huh, that was unusual, I wonder what could have possibly prompted this change in attitude by Fleetfoot. Almost like--
Never mind, I think I see who's responsible for this.
First of all, how dare you suggest my Trixie was a bigger pervert if yours does this?
Alright, let's do this, because I'm sure this is the bit you are looking for feedback on the most.
I just want to point out that Trixie in this scene first stares at a picture of her parents for a while, then gets horny. I'm just gonna not touch that one and move on.
This may be a consequence of the hiatus, but I do not remember the spell that is being referenced here. Also, it seemed to come rather out of the blue. I do not see anything that would have provoked Trixie to say that, because it sounds like something you'd say in response, or as a callback, to something. Is there a line missing where Spitfire went "So, Trixie, how about we get some dinner and afterwards you show me that spell again?" or something?
This does a good job of making me envision what Trixie's position is. There are a lot of ways of doing this sort of thing, including the nice short and simple like here. From this I can deduce Trixie's location (On the bed) Her orientation (Standing) and her relation to Spitfire (Straddling her). Good job on this. But, what is missing is Spitfire's orientation. For the first half of the scene I assumed Spitfire was on her back, facing Trixie, but that was either not the case, or it changed at some point. It was a bit disorienting.
This line provides Spitfire's orientation well, and corrected my mistaken orienation.
After that, the rest of the scene works well. You did a good job with it, and I don't have much to say about it other than that I am not surprised they like it rough.
The only real problem with the scene is the start.
1. It is too sudden, and a bit jarring with the previous conversation. (A little bit of a lead in might help)
2. The positions aren't clear. (I would have assumed it was just me, but it looks like 5589926 had the same issue)
Notes:
Also, a couple of issues with comma usage. Mostly missing commas around names.
5590069 suprise me
Huh. I am sure this was not m-rated when I added it to my read-later-list.
5591215 I later changed it about a month ago I think. I left a blog for it for quite some time. Sorry about that.
5591258 Nothing to be sorry about. I was just confused. Is it full-explicit or soft M? Also, if you would not mind, how dark are the "darker moments" mentioned in the description? If you don't want to give away spoilers, would you mind telling me per PM? I would very much appreciate it, since I am quite interested in the pairing.
5591024
This was part of the reason it took me so long to get this out. I was having trouble connecting it to the previous conversation back in the hospital. Clearly I failed somewhat. oops.
LOL you got it! Or is that really it?
Your Trixie did this to my Trixie!
No comment. I just like incest. Wait- huh where'd that come from?
Yeah he did. I was sad about this. But hey it wasn't bad for a first try, right? I don't think it was anyway. Though I did forget to orient Spitfire. That sounded better in my head. Never mind. I'm being too perverted now.
I'm glad you liked it overall. One thing i forgot to mention is the flyer issue. Yes it should have come out during the hospital time, but I felt that they would be more concerned with each others well being than that particular thing. No, i take it back. I making this as I go on thinking.
I get what you mean is all I'm saying.
Your Trixie is still a pervert.
5591387
No, the conversation connected just fine. They decide in the hospital to adopt, have a sweet moment, and don't talk about specifics for a while. Now they are talking about going through with it and get talking about why Trixie was eager for that route.
Really, the only problem is that the conversation is about why Trixie wants to adopt flying kid, and that gets answered with a story of why Trixie wants to adopt. A small line in between like "A flying kid huh? I would have figured you wanted a unicorn. *shrug* Hey, speaking of which, how come you were so keen on adopting anyway, Trixie?" would probably do well to help with that.
It is now my head canon, you can't take it away.
Yup, not bad for a first try. I'd recommend trying to smooth those bits out though. Practice makes perfect.
That is not--
Trixie takes full credit for improving your Trixie.
... Damn it, Trixie.