Trixie and Spitfire fall in love and life is always throwing curve-balls at them around each turn. Join them as they venture through life and all the unexpected turns it has to offer. Now an Arc series.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I want to be honest, at the moment i don´t need an evil being in every adoption or romance story, i think i had to many storys which went this way. On the other hoof, i start to like your organization, but i am not sure if i would like it if the new Enemy turned out to be "Queen Fire storm or something, i mean a new Alicorn. I say i am not sure, but maybe you make it good too.
Right now i think there is maybe a fight in the end with Trixie, Spitfire and maybe Fleetfoot Versus the new Enemy, and i think i would like it, i just hope Trixie is not the damsel in distress again, i would really like them to go together against them. I trust my first reaction and it was that i like the story how it is right now. Probably i just don´t like Villians in such storys, because the story usually end if the Enemy is beaten, but i hope they have their nice moments, maybe you can let the end be an open one? I mean i would like if you are still able to do a seuel if the story is really going to be as good as it looks now.
PS: You probably want a opinion to the voilent in the chapter, ....for me it was more than okay, i am fine with it.
Just when I was beginning to worry, suddenly you update.^^
I can see why it took a while, there's two of em, and one chapter is massive. xD
Trixie and Link playing is pretty cute. I hope nothing goes wrong. (Oh who am I kidding?)
I was going to make a joke about how this sounded so wrong, like there was some kind of incest as the prize, but then I read the next sentence and holy hay I was right! O.o
Suddenly the change to sex and adult rating is explained. xD
I learned a new word today, pretty cool. Also, they sure didn’t stay stealthy for any longer than strictly nessisary. xD
I notice that the story went from strictly Trixie’s PoV to including Ruby’s (and later also Blaze’s). Which, together with the ‘meanwhile inside the pie bar’ and ‘Links pov’ thing, is a little puzzling if this is the story Trixie is telling.
I’m sure Blaze will kiss it better. ~.^
Seriously though, Ouch. O.o
While we’re on the fight scene, why is Blaze completely blind now? Trixie only poked her in one eye, right?
Thus Link dies, or so Trixie thinks. It seems like in reality he was teleported by Ruby. His reward was getting stabbed in the dick, heh.
I wonder if the big unicorn is a horse from Sadle Arabia. That would explain the size difference, and since it’s probably a hot country, it may also explain the focus on fire magic.
Notes. I should mention I am currently at the start, and I'm kind of scared by the prospect of how much time this will take. xD
(Maybe we'll get Lucky and I won't have much to comment on.)
1. This can be it's own sentence.
2. "cared for, and protected him"
3. quite
acted like one*
how*
returned*
Either 'Journal' is a pony that was skipped during introduction, or it's Scribble by a different(possibly early draft) name?
If his full name is Journal Scribble, I'd suggest writing his full name at the introduction.
Based on the context here, I don't think this bit quite says what you meant it to.
I could be wrong, but it seems like "If I hadn't recognized her..." is more in line with the paragraph, as her being there was not actually enough to cause her to act since she ignored the other cries for help. She did not innitially think strangers were worth helping, but seems to recognize her mistake after speaking the strangers (now friends) she rescued in the heat of the moment, everypony is worth helping. She proceeds to vow to always help, as that is what decent ponies would do.
Course, I could have completely missunderstood. ^^
You're*
When used to adress a person directly, names and substitute names are always capitalized and flanked by comma's.
Said tags use a comma rather than period.
I thought about how to say this concisely for a bit, but I think this is most effecient:
"Now, Son, don't crowd her that's rude."
"Yes, Father, sorry, Miss Trixie," he said sadly.
Keep in mind this is true for every other time they address someone in this story too, but I can't point all of them out individually. ^^;
So, based on what I just said, it may be correct to capitalize and comma this bit... but it does feel a little wierd to see it capitalized, so maybe I'm wrong. Do whichever I guess. xD
1, Needs comma's on both sides.
2, Needs to be capitalized.
hold*
Continuity error?
friend*
placed*
nothing of it, *
friend's*
dealt*
Pette* Seem's his name was changed in this chapter repeatedly.
in*
an*
outside*
"Better hold that though, sis, I fond who we're looking for."
thought*
found*
or*
an*
pony's*
lunged*
Either that melted his scalp off, which I wouldn't put past Blaze Starfall at the moment, or one of these two sentences isn't right.
too*
Link... really.. Oh mu gods....
...... LINK!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
5644006 Wow. Someone commented from an earlier chapter! Do you like the story so far? The hero of Hyrule is dead!
That pun is nowhere near as terrible as this pun!
I'm an AMAZING human being! Amazingly terrible that is!
Kindled Trinity I have a mare who would like to meet you.
Sunset: Kamehameha
The Kindled Trinity are dust in the sand.
8545827
Don’t you just love them?