Trixie and Spitfire fall in love and life is always throwing curve-balls at them around each turn. Join them as they venture through life and all the unexpected turns it has to offer. Now an Arc series.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh my, the plot thickens.
Seems Fleetfoot has some history that makes her even more eager to protect Spitfire from insane ponies like Trixie. Of course we're only teased with this and have to wait to find out more, curses!
I rather like short chapters so hurray. ^^
Some notes:
Here*
The {} make a comeback, though only half of them this time. ^^
Pony's
Strangely, Fimfic is not displaying the line break here, but it does show up if i copy+paste it.
{" where I think you meant to use Italics.
Are you using some kind of program that changes {} to italics? Or is it something you do during writing to remind yourself to change it later?
YOUR*
Fleetfoot
I lack the ability to explain why, but this sentence seems off.
I understand what it is meant to say, yet I do not think it is correct.
Were*
You change the meaning of "her" in this sentence.
I suggest changing the first "her" to "Spitfire's".
She*
Did* (past tense)
This would need a "with" in the middle.
Also, while I'm here. You could use a comma before "trying"
Other than that. The same thing about names/nicknames from the last chapter still applies, but considering you had both chapters out before I had time to read and reply that's kinda Obvious. xD
You're doing pretty well on the whole really.
My abstract suggestion is to learn more about punctuation. In particular the usage of comma's. Through out the story you tend not to use them systematicly like:
Good luck on your interviews!
Or, if they've already happened, erm, good luck with getting calls? I dunno what to say. >.>
5078058
Thanks for the tips friend. I'll try to put them to good use. Also The first interview went well still got ten or so to go. Also Thanks again for being my go to proof reader. It helps me greatly improve my writing. I'm sad to say that as art is my specialty, I was severely lacking in grammar in school, but I try to raise the bar if I can!
5078058
One other thing, yes I do use the {} as a reminder to use italics later. Sometimes I miss them though, so yeah. Embarrassing for realsies.
Also I'm glad you liked the feelings Fleetfoot has for Trixie and Spitfire. Honestly, I feel sibling bonds are wonderful. I never had any, so I take pride in putting such elements into my stories when I can. I'm also surprised by you friend. Most comments I read, and I do READ them, yo're surprisingly insightful and have a keen eye for details. Lot's of people would probably have wondered where Trixie got the wagon and/or say "continuity error" or something. Don't worry all will be explained in time until then, keep watching!
5078247
Heck, you are already better than I was when I started, so I have no doubt you will improve quickly. xD
About your {} system. Personally I like to type out the italics command "[ i ] words [ /i ]"(without spaces) while I'm writing, but I can imagine you might not like to do so. In your case you could also use the search/replace function to replace all {'s with [ i ] and all }'s with [ /i ] to ensure you hit them all. ^.~
What I can hearthily recommend, as it really helped me, is the school-for-new-writers group. Heck, who am I kidding, it still really helps me. ^.~
They have excellent lectures that are really worth reading through and bookmarking for reference. I learned many things that I didn't even realize I didn't know.
(An added bonus is that since they are a fimfiction group, I found it much easier to pay attention to the lectures since the examples were about ponies instead of abstract boring things like two laywers or whatever that other sources tend to use for their examples. ^^)
Upon rereading the above, it kinda sounds like an advertisement. >.>
I'm just trying to say, give it a try.
Enough about this boring stuff.
I'm excited to see that you will be elaborating on the wagon, because I suspect it will be part of us finding out more about how Trixie's week has been after she was chased out of Ponyville. So I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter and the Fleetfoot/Trixie showdown. :D
Um...well! Something that makes my feelings perfectly clear after reading this has finally returned, after BBC blocked it for the longest time!
6677951 I'm guessing you hated the chapter then?
I will buck fleet in the face if she doesn't stop being one tracked
11162004
I admit I did not do poor Fleet justice in this story. But then again this was not my best work. But I did enjoy writing it. Hope you're enjoying the read. ^^