Princess Celestia
Dear Princess Celestia,
What the hell? I found my insult letter writing pen in your secret drawer; you know, the one with the bondage gear, the whips, the various toys and the 'emergency numbers', one being a doctor in Manehattan and the other being an orphanage in Ponyville. Hey, have you ever met Scootaloo?
Anyway, I've been looking for this thing for ages! Now I'm way behind on all of my lovely writing antics!
I suppose that I should write you a report on friendship now that I can. Ahem...
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned you're a dirty slut.
Yours sincerely, Discord.
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Damn, it's been a while.
...
What.
5731102
Edited it for great justice.
Wow, what a letter to wake up to.
Can you imagine Celestia's face when she reads this?
5731106
So, Celly has been scrapped more than a fisherman's knuckle? Scoots is damned lucky to be around.
5731132
Can't imagine an orphanage would be required if that was the case.
Sometimes, you just need a doctor who is far enough away to not raise suspicion and who can keep a secret, what?
5731153
I have zero idea how well ponydom has progressed in the arena of managed parenthood. Maybe they just missed Scoots with the, and here is where I get a billion red votes, coat hanger.
5731159
Hm, well, I suppose how you choose to interpret it is up to you then.
Can't argue with Discord on this one.
Oh Discord... Can't troll well without proper spelling.
5731562
Discord:
Not at all! It was guarded by a dragon, and they say 'rawr'! It was quite the cunning defense!
... Given, it would have been far superior had the dragon not been two inches tall, made of glass, or easily destroyed upon accidentally bumping into said drawr (the PROPER way of spelling it when it's a drawer guarded by a ferocious two inches tall glass dragon, thank you very much). Still, I must commend Celestia on her ingenuity! It was no where near as difficult to get into her diary!
Juicy read, by the by. It should be arriving to you by toaster soon.
Dear Discord,
I had received the diary insteadd.
Or at least it think I did..
If its red with a leather strap, how the ponies don't know what leather is made of is beyond me. Griffon merchants are kind of messed up.
Anyway if its red with leather and a has a toasty smell to it then I'd like to let you know that its currently being burned by the toaster.
Then again toaster are kinda toasty so it should be a warm diary.
If you'd like it back I'll leave it the back of the fridge. I hear it's the newest way to send thing!
...and lose stuff, maybe it sent itself...
Oh well!
how dare you,
Arachnix
P.S.
This LemonGrab fellow sure know how to end a letter. "How dare you" I like it!