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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Two chapter updates. You write like a champ.
Lero got very, very lucky. Things are looking up.
What the...!? TWO updates!?
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Naw, I'm not gonna rag on you for giving us more pony before the princesses.
I am, however, gonna yell at Twi. Stop blaming yourself! Who came up with this bright idea, again? Oh, yeah, Princess Sunbutt. Hey, how about you ask your mentor what the hell is going on! "What was this spell supposed to do? Has it ever been used before? What were its effects then? Oh, and what the buck were you thinking?!"
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What Spinel said! In fact, thanks to the Bewitchment, all four of these unicorn mares share a closer level of friendship to Lero than in real life, (though they were all acquaintances on good terms with each other.)
They could tell stories about 'experiences' with Lero which he could only smile and nod along with.
thanks for the early x-mas present of 2 chapter.
And, this fic continues to pack a punch.
So. Much. Awesome. ... Roller-coaster!
Look, it's 4 AM now. Finding out about an update when going to sleep is kind of captivating; But 20k words.
...
Even more so.
Still, this comment is already rambling and broken because I'm getting kinda tired. Oh well.
I just wanted to say that, again, you were able to mix so much in an update (calling both chapters for "an update", by the way).
Twilight's first dream brought the emotions towards sadness. Then the scene with her and Spike in the kitchen afterwards, and ending with her havving a happier dream. Alltogether that was, well, beautiful.
On the topic of the dreams.
Both dreams had openings by "the Fashionista", and "the Party Pony". Then the rest were named. Those two are the last cutie-marks that are yet to reach equilibrium. Either I'm overthinking stuff, or there was some clue in there. Hmm.
And Dash dating the herd. As awesome as that is, it makes me wonder whether there is a cure, or a "morally correct" cure. If all the ponies got cured now, emotions would clash and new strong bonds and goals would be sliced in half.
I won't continue my rambles though, it's too late, I've got to catch some sleep, heh.
Two more great chapters, which as always leaves me wondering how in the world this can work out..
Merry Christmas to you too!
If you don't mind, I found some minor stuff - punctuation and missing letters; Assuming that the missing letters weren't supposed to be accent, if so, nevermind me
Ch. 25 (Twenty-three)
Extra quotationmark at the end.
Ch. 26 (Twenty-four)
They're*?
aren't*?
Double quoationmarks at the end.
Fantastic chapter. That prank, especially Rainbow trying to seduce Twilight, AMAZING!
I can see I'm going to be spending some time on my favorite search engine tomorrow - I only recognized nine of the mice named.
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I warn you; not all of the mice's names are shout-outs, but enough are!
Cracked up over the mice names, so many hidden jokes!! My favorite is Brisby, I loved the secret of nimh!
10 seconds in...... HAND ME THE ADVIL, THIS IS GONNA BE ONE HELL OF LONG NIGHT!
You started this chapter off with something I was hoping you'd visit and you did it amazingly
Finally seeing someone sparking a bit of the old rainbow, it was taking so long to get around to them getting a hint about what to do, it was almost starting to get boring, glad to see this may be finally going somewhere!
Here we Stand!
Worlds Apart, Hearts Broken in Two! Two...Two...
Ruh-roh. I hope they put a little more thought into those dreams before they wind up in the first one.
Who is this somepony else?! Is Rarity-Pie breaking the dream 4th wall here?
No comma required here, and it's confusing with one.
Seems like there should be an adjective before thunderhead. "Tough" to parallel "tough row to hoe"? "Hard" to parallel "hard act to follow"?
First, I think a period would work better than a semicolon here as the ideas on either side don't seem to be that closely tied together (aiming his ears in the opposite direction doesn't seem like it would help him feel how he's expressing himself).
Second, opposite direction to what? To each other ("aim my ears in opposite directions")? Opposite to the way he is facing ("aim my ears behind me")? Or just "aim my ears in any direction"? Hmm. After rereading this enough times, I can see he probably means the opposite direction from where they always used to face. Without the semicolon, I can see that "aiming" is what's important to "direction", not "hearing better". I'd still lean towards "any direction".
So, swim trunks because he has no cutie mark, or because you didn't want to decide one for him? ;)
The one thing I really dislike is the fact that humans are weaker then ponies. There were a ton of people that are very strong, my master in Hapkido got example. He can break 4 concrete bricks with a punch. Granted I know that Lero probably never practiced martial arts in his life so i can't really hate it to much.
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(smiles sheepishly)
Yeah, there is that! Practically every sapient being that lives in Equestria outclasses Lero physically. And when you go back and think about all that's happened to him in Divided Rainbow… Lero certainly does find this fact rubbed in his face a lot, doesn't he? If the world of Equestria wanted to, it could obliterate Lero Michealides in a snap.
That can't be good for the ego.
Wow! It really must be something to be next to that kind of strength in real life! I'm assuming you study Hapkido too?
For the most part, I've tried to be true to the original Lero in AnonAuthor's Xenophilia; and to the cultural expectations Equestria has placed upon him as a 'stallion.' Expectations which he has, for the most part, cooperatively gone alone with.
Granted, humans are capable of surpassing other species in raw strength. There are real-life bear wrestlers and alligator wrestlers and such, not to mention Hapkido masters! So it isn't entirely outside the realm of possibility for a human to be the last guy standing in a battle royale against a gang of ponies.
Certainly, if Lero Michealides had come to Equestria as a bear wrestler, or a Hapkido master, or an ace sharpshooter… pony kind would've had quite a different view of humanity, wouldn't it? Instead, what they got was a masseur and a handyman.
Yet I would argue Lero is demonstrating strength of a different sort. The enemy he's committed himself to beating isn't the sort to be vanquished in a melee. Triumphing over the Swap requires brains, adaptability, patience, resourcefulness, outside-the-box thinking, determination, guts and heart.
And because he's always putting these qualities to good use, Lero's earned a LOT of respect, admiration, trust, and love from the ponies who know him best.
P.S. - Love your avatar, Tesshu.
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Swim trunks because: Wait until Chapter 25.
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Concrete really isn't all that strong. There's a reason it's used as reinforcement or anchoring materiel, not primary support. It's used in martial arts demonstrations because it looks more impressive than wood, despite the fact that lumber is usually stronger.
The real advantage to the human frame is endurance and flexibility.
3638264 Probably his ass is so amazing it can cause reality disruptions or something like that. That's the reason for trunks.
I'm loving all the references in the mouse names. I'm not familiar with Templeton though.
First off, I freakin' love this story, it's totally brilliant. Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed I never thought to comment before now. I've been tracking it since I forget how long, but around chapter seven or eight. Every time it updates, it's a pleasant little bright spot in the day, like finding a 10 dollar bill on the ground.
Gotta say, however, little skeptical of this whole "Lero can turn into a pony" thing now. Part of the xenophilia appeal is the 'stranger in a strange land' thing, and while it's been played with in other stories, honestly here it feels dropped in suddenly and superfluous to the story that's being told. That said, you've done great so far, I trust you know what you're doing. Please keep up the great work!
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Templeton's from Charlotte's Web.
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Wow, thank you!
Alright, I think I can understand where you're coming from. But as you say, part of the reason I'm having Lero turn into a pony in Divided Rainbow is because that idea's been 'played with in other stories,'
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/67231/28/xenophilia-further-tales/28-with-smiles-and-clenching-jaws-part-two
And I hope you'll be patient with me if it feels 'dropped in suddenly.' After all, this is the first time I'm introducing it… gotta make an entrance somewhere!
I do. Lero becoming a pony is something I mean to weave into upcoming plot points… and probably not in the way you're thinking! Trust me when I say, I do not intend for Lero to lose his strange-in-a-strange-land-ness.
Full speed ahead!
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I just have to ask, was Matthias a reference to Redwall?
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Yep! Also Cluny, from the same series.
3651622 Nice. Oddly enough, I originally got 'Fatch' from the Bellmaker.
And, for the record, although I don't comment all that much, I'm really enjoying the story so thank you for writing it.
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Concrete is extremely strong under compressive loads, but weak under, er, expansive (?) loads. You can't crush it but you can pull it apart easily. So, yeah, it doesn't do well when struck from the side or shaken in an earthquake because half of the beam is trying to resist being pulled apart and just isn't up to the task. You can do this really cool thing called pretensioning where you run steel cables through your block of concrete and cinch the clamps at the end up tight so the block at rest is still under a couple tons of compressive force. Then if an outside force tries to expand the concrete, it's still under a net compressive load (say half a ton rather than three tons) and the concrete remains sound!
Back for more...
I think you mean "fashion with fun"; that seems to fit the parallel construction better (and makes more sense).
Typo.
It's just so funny trying to visualize RD as the reserved egghead and TS as the one with the awesomeness obsession. I admit I'm personally not having much luck actually but it's certainly keeping me entertained.
was the hot hot hottie line a Doctor who reference.
Why does the name "Bisby" sound so familiar?
This chapter was so confusing!
I would not want a long neck or ears that can twist around and shit.I not would want the speed cuz i don't like running (even though i'm faster than all my friends).i would really not want to be a quadraped because i love being taller than a lot of people,and i would not want to be stronger than usual cuz i like my muscles the way they are(again,i'm stroner than all my friends).i would like the tail and shit cuz...i don't know and i like my hands and my 'flat' face and i also like my shoulders the way they are wow this turned into a bitchy rant pretty qiuckly,huh? yah,i'mma go now *whistles* (even though he can't wisthle and probably never will)
3637699 And thanks to those abilities humans aren't bleedin all over mother nature
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I was a bit concerned about Lero being a pony at first, I admit. But then I remembered the conversation Twilight had with Lero in the original story about being able to have foals together - specifically about transmutation magic. She said she wouldn't want to turn him into a pony "just for that [making foals]".
As far as I'm concerned, this means that even canon Xenophilia has a way for Lero to become a pony, so you aren't even stretching. :)
Great story thus far!
Never realize how many mouse protagonist there are until you list them out like that!
Yes! Finally someone writes Lero's opinion about being a pony!