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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Discord shouldn't have gone easy but I called him appearing after Spike realized how much he messed up.
I hope the following happens...
1. Twilight doesn't find the Cure for the swap.
2. Celestia wonders why the faulty spell hasn't been cured / wonders why Twilight's not doing her "test"
3. Celly Goes to Twilight, explains everything / what was supposed to happen...
4. Cue TWILIGHT EXPLOSION...
complicating the matter is this spike angry, frustrated and sad is understandable but I do not have a chance with rarity even when everything is back to normal hope that is a match someday because I think when the exchange end and everything will return to Normal and confess his love to rarity.
she gently rejected him
I just now realized that this story has a lot of CAPITAL LETTERS.
It only took a raging dragon to make me see it.
It's not a bad thing.
Great chapter as always. I think there is a mistake in there though. I didn't think AJ had hands while sewing. I'm terrified about finding out what Rainbow Dash feels after having Lero slam the door in her face. I really want Lero and her to fall in love again. It will be cute seeing them dance around their feelings some but I just hope my heart can survive it.
Okay...first time in a while that I've felt so mad at reading something that I simply closed my laptop, went outside into the garage...and BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MY PUNCHING BAG LIKE IT WAS THAT SCALY MOTHERFUCKIN' SON OF A BITCH!!
Holy fuck, I was NOT expecting this chapter to go in the direction it did, I was really expecting more Dash in it but Applejack's segment was a nice added touch...those things the other Spike said sounded like what I would've said, 'cause, ya know, I love Applejack.
That, aside, Sweet Celestia, great bloody chapter. As soon as I saw that this was updated, I dropped everythin to read it...didn't really expect it to make my knuckles bleed though.
Hakuna Matata
The things went far milder than I expected, it's a shame Lero didn't try anything with Rainbow.
It never ceases to amaze me how well you show emotions and relationships that run Lero's herd and their firends.
Good work.
*adds "permanently damaged Lero & Spike's relationship" to Celestia's List*
3506035
Permanently? Nah. Sure, things are rough now, but they're bros. they'll be cool eventually.
3506199
I'm not too sure. Deliberate physical harm with the threat of more, emotional blackmail, "No remorse. No embarrassment. Fine." At best, there's going to be quite a bit of "scar tissue" when this heals. It doesn't feel the same, it's less sensitive, and it's less flexible. It'll get better, but it will never be quite the same.
Pretty sure Twilight and Lyra should be in on this punishment for Spike. Even if Lero is the stallion of the house he would not make these decisions by himself. Anyway, Spike's situation has finally burned up to this point. From the moment Rarity kissed Lero at the hospital in front of him things just kept escalating. He still didn't quite learn his lesson, trying to take care of one swapped pony is a full time job and he's going to find himself way over his head.
Ah Lero, one step forward, two tumbles backwards. This relationship is going to take years to mend.
Before Discord was even mentioned, I was grinning like a maniac every time Spike opened his mouth. Yes, yes, Spike is a brat, but at the same time, he's being much more mature about his feelings and regrets than a lot of adults.
I like his nonchalance, too. That's the way I've been acting about getting my eye cut open. Sure it's scary, but I might be able to SEE afterwards!
3505526
Eh, this being a Magical Mystery Cure adaptation, she'll find the cure eventually. I just hope that when she does, and goes alicorn...that she also gives Celestia a ROYAL punch to the face for all this. New alicorn princess or not, I'm not sure the turmoil the swap has put on Twi and her herd is justified, especially since Celestia darn well knew what would happen to the rest of the six.
Good chapter. I only hope that Discord will wait with punishing Spike after all this swap shit is done with. And I hope that's going to be something of sorts "Take your bag kid! It's adventure time!" and Spike will spend few weeks wiping Discord butt and so on.
Only problem with this chapter is the scene when AJ got hurt. She spontaneously growed a hand.
3506592
And then TD from the Non-Brony series would magically appear and bro-hoof him.
But yeah, seriously, there's better be a major 'What the *bleep* Celestia!?' scene when everything's said and done.
Man, I'm not sure if I want to hug Spike or punch him in the face...
That said, Discord is pure nightmare fuel in this chapter, I found the part where he starts bewitching Spike disturbing.
i kinda expected lero to let the whole burning thing go. but that would be inhumanly generous. seems he went kinda senseless, stubborn, and angry just as spike went grown up.
By following the classics, I imagine that Discord's price will be something like "You will stop crushing on the mare with the blue diamonds, regardless of what's her mane."
3507066
Why go with one-or-the-other when you could do both?
Thank you! Not THE scariest thing I've written, (or WILL write, for that matter,) but I had great fun with it, and I did mean for it to at least be a bit unsettling... although I feel it would've made for quite a side-story, if Discord had managed to complete his Bewitchment!
3506498
True, but what if - because the ponies are finding equilibrium with their new lives - said cure doesn't work? The ponies are happy in their new lives. Why would they need to be swapped back?
A very, very angry Twilight, Rarity, Lyra and Lero approach Celestia, cracking knuckles and hooves...
Lero was a hypocritical asshole in this chapter. And not just in ignoring Spike's feelings while sleeping with Rarity either; he acts like a jerkass repeatedly throughout the text. Not sure if that's what you were aiming for or not; figured I'd point it out anyway to be on the safe side.
To be sure, Spike does a lot of bad stuff too, but in my mind at least, Lero's behavior is actually worse, because he's supposed to be the parent here.
3507682 Discord still has to keep the bewitchment up then. That is undoubtedly taking a lot of concentration and power. He doesn't seem too keen on keeping it up either. Manipulating the minds of every pony, griffon, minotaur, and dragon that had even caught the merest whisper of gossip on borderline national heroes has got to be taking it's toll on his psyche.
Sorry I'm rambling aren't I? I'll stop now.
3507881
3507356
I actually noticed Lero being a bit of an ass while editing, too. I tried to shift as much of it around until after he got burned... at which point I felt it was kinda reasonable.
I've seen that your logic for the swap taking longer than in the show to be dealt with is based on how things fell apart at SAA and Carousel Boutique. How do you deal with how quickly they were restored at the end?
3510305
As far as Sweet Apple Acres goes... at this point in Divided Rainbow, it's pretty much already fixed. Between Pinkie having equilibrium, Apple Bloom being allowed to WORK on SAA again, and Big Macintosh being back in action... you can consider the farm 'back in business!'
With regards to Carousel Boutique... well, you'll see when the story reaches that point!
3508295
It's a tricky balance, since Xenophilia stories often paint Lero as a perfect saint who never gets angry and always knows exactly what to say, and he should be allowed to make mistakes. But he seemed to blow up at Spike and try to be Angry Dad at every opportunity in this chapter, which seems a bit out of line for him.
3511167
Well, Reginaldg, I understand your concern. As you say, it is a tricky balance. But in writing Lero for this chapter, what I sought to do was put myself in Lero's shoes.
I imagined that a wrathful child had subjected one of my hands to painful first-degree burns, threatened me with worse, locked me up in a bathroom, vilified me from his side of the door, and then ran away from home towards a dangerous forest.
I remembered the real-life experience of burning a spot on my fingertip with a lit match, and imagined feeling that across all of my hand.
I imagined myself trying (and failing) to break down the bathroom door, hurting my shoulder and arm in the process. In addition to my burns.
I imagined myself sprinting towards the dangerous forest, too focused on the child's safety to treat my own agonizing burns. I imagined myself yelling for the child for the better part of an hour, frantic with worry, (while also being somewhat fearful of attracting wild animals AND being attacked again by the very child I was trying to save,) not knowing where to START to look in this wilderness... only to learn that the the child never entered this forest to begin with.
I also recalled how easy it was for an average parent/caretaker to lose their temper over a child's regular brattiness. (I've taken care of children before.)
And from there, I had Lero treat Spike with all the kindness, patience, and goodwill he would've had left to spare.
3511709
Lero has been pretty tone-deaf about Spike to let their relationship get so far out of hand. Shouting at Spike in the kitchen before he flips out is just the last straw. In calmer times, Lero picks up on his family's feelings very quickly (sometimes too quickly), but here he only has eyes for the ponies. I'm struggling with whether the stress is enough to explain that away, since I can't recall him unloading on someone so quickly in other stories. But everybody makes mistakes, and hopefully he learns from them.
(And I apologize for just dropping a complaint and running; I promise it's only because the rest of the story has me hooked!)
Good gravy, this stuff is intense. Awesome. Intensely awesome.
I am always impressed at how clear and expressive you are when conveying the characters' emotions. The complexity of their responses really raises the level of the story. Nothing is easy, which makes this story draw me in all the more.
Im gonna wait till Saturday to read chapter 21 witch will make Saturday the 23rd of November the best day ever. Mlp season 4, chapter 21 of divided rainbow ANNND doctor who. Saturday is going to be a good day indeed
The picture makes me laugh... a lot. Every time I see Lero in that pose; I think of him screaming 'ahhh there's not much I can do!'
I'll be frank, I've hated this chapter, and nearly made me drop the entire history.
So, Everyone can Suffer for a dreadful situation, and the protagonist will grin, and try to help, Even including Twilight.
Spike is suffering? Try to help him like he did with the rest of the cast? even apologize? of course not, you are grounded little boy, and don't do it again. The clincher is that they don't even bother trying to help Spike deal with it, They proceed to downright ignoring his feelings, with a barely "I'm Sorry" and Ground him and punish him. That Surely would help him feeling appreciated! Which was the whole point of his breakdown, feeling neglected.
Also, Nice for Lero to point everyone who Helped Rainbow dash, except forgotting to mention Spike. So nice of you. Very appreciative of his help.
Hell, Leto is more angry about Spike make him feeling like a scumbag (That he has been) Than actually worryng about Spike hurt Feelings.
Golden opportunity to man up, calm yourself (at least externally), drop down to Spike's eye level, and say something like:
"If you're going to do something, do it then!
Before you do though, know this:
I forgive you..."
-pause for a moment to let this set in, but not long enough for him to begin to form a response-
"...But.
When we get Rainbow back..., do you think she will?
Or Lyra?
And what of Twilight? Your sister. The mare that hatched you.
Will you burn down your sister's home.
Destroy the books here, her most valued of possessions.
And top it all off with killing the one she loves?
Will she forgive you?
Could she?
If you know, tell me, because I honestly don't!
I don't know if she would ever forgive you for intentionally doing any of those things, let alone all of them!
So think long and hard... before you chose your next words, because I will hold you to them.
And the consequences will effect you for the rest of your life.
So, I'll ask you one more time. PLEASE. Calm. Down."
(Obviously it doesn't have to be exactly this, but he clearly hasn't considered how this will effect the others, and if Lero wants to help spike, he needs to point this out.)
But does Lero do it...?
PUSSED OUT LIKE A SNIVELING BITCH!
++++Edit++++
Who has a bathroom door that locks from the outside?!
Every locking bathroom door EVER since the dawn of time has always locked from the inside, and inside alone!
(God that was disappointing to read. -_- )
5109481 This comment. Both points. As an older brother, arguments are going to happen. Sometimes, even when you're at a disadvantage (sick, twisted ankle, my worse was a cold and drop foot, muscular paralysis of the foot ankle down) you have to step up to those shoves by your younger brother. Even if it ends with pain. Do you become a bully? No. However, Lero comes across as a limp-dick here. Seriously, is he certain there's a penis in those pants?
Bashing aside, if you're going to take someone as a sibling, you need to know how you're expected to act. Is an angry spike scary? Fuck yea he is. Depending on the severity of the burns, I may even be willing to forgive his passiveness. But big brothers need to garner some respect. Some superficial burns, or even a blister? Get the sand outa' your vagina, Lero.
P.S. Yes it's late, related to when these were posted, but this bothers me.
5492679
You know, I am actually a bit surprised right now. Not about what happened before this chapter; that was pretty much exactly in line with my prediction that something would come up to make the whole thing justified and acceptable to everyone. For all that it's compelling to read as a story it's still a clopfic, and setting the cast up emotionally for further sex scenes is just how those go. I wish you marked those a bit more clearly, by the way.
I absolutely did not expect for Spike to be the one to finally have the natural emotional reaction that I was waiting for from Lero, though. This chapter was everything I wanted the other one I commented on to be. Real anger, real hurtful words being said and mistakes being made that need fixing or forgiving. Something stupid is done, feelings are hurt by everyone out of thoughtlessness and inconsideration and now there are actual changes to the character dynamic because of it. Them working through that, to whatever result, is really just what I wanted to see... if it weren't happening between the wrong characters.
That Lero, in a show of realism, needed a month's worth of soul-searching (and like five different characters assuring him it's okay) to get over his reluctance and inner turmoil, in the way Twilight inexplicably didn't, really doesn't help. You clearly understand what the natural feelings of someone in that situation are and can make a well-written conflict out of it without derailing your story, so why address one but not the other?
Also, consider yourself smacked on the back of your head for that awful Optimus Prime joke.
5109481
Here. Used the bathroom also as a the room for the cats.[so they could be kept locked somewhere on occasion] One of the cats learned how to open the door so there was need to lock the door from the outside. So the key was on the outside and once locked there was no way to open it from the inside.
P.S.
Necroposting FTW