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3228564
Matdat, this is one of the awesomest, most emotionally fulfilling comments it has ever been my pleasure to read.
THANK YOU.
You could have worked on this a bit longer.
Oh Rainbow, be a mare and go after him.
Well...at least Lero loves his coat of many colors.
That ending
3289373
I see it in a slightly different way.
You're supplying something which the show needed to have, but didn't, due to limitations outside the show's controls.
Like....a baker, needing to bake a cake, who's run out of a special kind of flour (1); his business is struggling, his customers look at him/er askance and then his neighbour gives her/him bags and bags of it, for no discernible reason.
(1) there are apparently exotic flours. Who knew?
Karma is a bitch isn't it Angel? I was laughing maniacally while reading that part.
And then I read the ending and ended up shedding manly tears, talk about mood whiplash and hope spots.
Huh. I was waiting for the "equilibrium" to wind up backfiring when it made setting everypony right that much harder.
I didn't expect Lero to wind up being the one needing fixing.
An extremely poignant conclusion to this chapter. If Rainbow were honest with herself, she would be taking a blue flower to him very soon.
Question for the Author, or whoever knows the answer.
The last scene of the Chapter with Rainbow, was this
Something that come up from Pre-Swap Rainbow, or are this Fluttershy feelings?
3290289
A VERY good question!
I won't give you a straight answer, (because it's fun for me, as author, to watch my readers theorize!). But I'll throw this extra possibility in there, just to see what you make of it:
Who's to say that the feelings the two halves of Swapped Dash's soul have for Lero must be mutually exclusive?
Consider this: it IS possible for both sides of a swapped soul to feel the exact same emotion about a person or thing.
After all, ALL ten parts of the Swapped Five's divided souls regard Twilight Sparkle as their dear friend. Who's to say, at this point in the story, that both the 'Fluttershy' and 'Rainbow Dash' parts of Swapped Dash are not equally enamored of Lero?
Not that that's the answer... Or is it?
That was awesome, and hilarious, and... oh god why.
3290098
Ah, here we have the big issue. The Swapped Five are their own ponies, now. They may have started off with made-up memories and half-and-half personalities, but they're distinct entities now. Changing things "back to normal" is effectively the same as killing those five mares and replacing them with others. Not to mention the fact that, if we didn't know better, it would be easier to explain things as "the individuals on the Exemption List have had their memories messed with". Of course, "fixing" them would be the same as killing them and replacing them with the "correct" versions, too.
Dammit, Mike! By Equestrian morals, I don't even know if there's a "good" solution here. Best I can come up with is keeping both versions of the Five around, and I have no freaking idea a) if that's possible, and b) how to maintain all ten's sanity if you do so. Not to mention the inevitable herd-wide breakdown and mourning surrounding the permanent loss of weather!Rarity and/or weather!Dash if you don't, combined with the survivor's "WTF?!" Unless you just mind-fuck the List's members out of existence instead, in which case this was a Twilight Zone-style shoot the shaggy dog story. I blame Tia.
Oh come on! Let RD go after him and Spike!
Situation with Spike was like kicking reader in the ass but scene with RD was smashing us with a crowbar.
Sweet Mother of Celestia That was the most heartfelt chapter since Pinkie's breakdown way back when
Damnit, I'm sobbing, why am I sobbing? It's a fanfic about Cartoon ponies!
...Oh yeah, that's why I'm sobbing
Dude, this story is TOO underminded, it should have at least 2,000 likes, it's just soooo beautiful
My feelings when reading this, chronologically went like this
-Iron Will? Might be trouble.
-Nice. At least, RD has a roof over her head. Log entry 21: Another Iron Will sighting. It is suspicious but we have not seen any problems. Waiting for the other shoe to fall.
- Shoe has dropped.
-Lyra got a point and it's not the one at the end of her horn. Lero might be unconsciously castigating Twilight, even though he might not feel that way.
-Lero's grudge against Celestia shows up. Wonder how Twilight feels about that?
-Another day of helping RD. Alrighty then.
-Yay! Applejack made Doctor Who clothing! It is good day to be Doctor Who fan.
-Discord. Why don't you wear a paper mask while you're at it.
-And you just got those duds. Le sigh.
-DA FUQ?
-This is good, but weird, bordering on creepy even
-Okay, it went over the border.
-She is back! SHE IS BACK! YES! YES! YES! YES!
-What?!
-no no. no! No. NO NO! NO! NO! NO!NO!NO!NO!
-.........it's raining
Words cannot describe how much I love this chapter. I will be so sad once this story ends. I know that's a ways off still but still. I hope you start a new story for the Lero verse or just another epic of epic scale like this one. I am tempted to say I like this story even better than the original Xenophilia. Regardless this should totally be official canon for the verse!
...
...
I feel like I just drank a Pan-Galactic Gargleblaster. I'm not sure I have anything coherent to say on this chapter while I sweep up my feels from the floor, other than Angel's suffering has only just begun, and I am GLAD! GLAD, you hear me?!
..and then I suddenly got another shot of Gargleblaster right after that.
Rainbow's rushing, turning, twisting,
Lero's helping, harried, enlisting,
Spike is succinct, but feeling guilty,
Dash is back! Lero's heart is wilting...
Rainbow's love is growing,
With no one knowing,
Nobody can see where this is going,
Can it be helped, stopped, or are we just foaling
Ourselves, as we are, cannot quite see,
The future but a good thing is a Rarity.
Lero and Applejack will see eye to eye,
And then maybe he'll see what he needs to get by.
Discord's dealing with this quite grandly,
He knows not to dress too blandly,
If he were the type to hand out candy,
Would they be nougats filled with brandy?
Mission Control to Major Tom,
You're on a roll but we found a bomb,
We need your help, what do we do?
If this thing drops, bad things may come true.
So, now that THAT is out of my system, here's what got me excited for this chapter:
>Pinkie's retained her knowledge of everypony she's ever met, and assimilated the entire Apple Family Tree into that as well, it seems
>Lero's thinking of putting Rarity in the boutique with Applejack, to get some creative Feng Shui Kung Fu going on, which could cause Rarity to 'revert' a bit*
>Rainbow's flustered around Lero, despite her outwardly "fearless" and assertive mask, which could mean some VERY interesting things, especially if she decides to give him a feather... Because think about it. Right now the Swap spell is making everypony see the feather in Lero's braid as a shaving off Rarity's horn, or something like that. What would happen if a second feather is given to him? Will it take on the same guise as the first, or will the first 'revert' to looking like a feather? Could spell disaster either way
>Twilight's not overclocking any more, thanks to Lyra and Lero, which means good things shall come to pass, hopefully sooner rather than later
*Then again... in the original episode, the Swapped!5 had no mental or emotional changes between being swapped and being 'fixed/reverted,' which could mean that everything Lero's done to "help" the 5 settle in their new roles will cause more problems than they've fixed.
3290371
I have a feeling that Fluttershy was interested in Lero before, but then he moved on and she never went after him. It's like a really nice guy that was friends with the chick, they grew apart and the girl hooked up with the jock.
3290858
Thanks! I'll spoil this much: this isn't the last we'll be seeing of Rainbow Dash! Not by far!
Heh heh heh! [Dons cool shades]
Well, I'll reveal this: I have sprinkled in foreshadowing. Here and there, through the chapters, (not so much in this latest one, though, at least not deliberately or consciously on my part!)
Question is: can any of you guess just what it is I'm foreshadowing?
Some of the "THE FEELS!" is wearing off now and I just kicked some of this chapter around in my head. I remembered the clue about other swap victims back when Starswirl made his bid for immortality like many of us readers remembers, but the new clues about it having been previous Element Bearers just made the imagined nightmare fuel factor of "Doctor Emmit Brow... uhhh Starswirl's Ultimate Spell test 1.0" jump to "extra chilling".
I dare not say more without spilling beans but I'm sure I pieced it together correctly....
Whoa, the my internet died a bit after loading this page, so without anything popping up unexpected, I read this chapter in a go, and now the net's back, what magic is this?
Anyhow.
Yeah! Stuff's going forwards, they are all reaching some state where they are not tormenting themselves. At least the Swapped, sigh.
[Reads last segment]
Retract what I just thought, things might be getting more broken than they already are, because of Lero's inteference, and this kinda epic tale.
So, I wonder what you've planned here. Rainbow getting an uneasy feeling about Fluttershy's cutie mark, when she joked. Also, that last segment, might Rainbow be breaking the curse by sheer will? I guess we'll see, as the fic goes on, still though, as I mentioned earlier, this fic is kinda thought-provoking and well thought-through. I mean, seeing how this chapter showed RD do a 180-turn in personality, to beeing back where she started, I wasn't expecting either of those, not the way they went down anyway.
So, some ramblings aside, this was another great chapter, and this universe keeps on getting more complicated by the minute.
That's good.
3289373
You're welcome, and, um, thanks for the reply!
M
3291763
Let's see, cheating death, excepcional magical skill...
Something tells me that those two lines are going to be very important.
3292207
Here's a small hint: part of it has to do with the fact that Rainbow Dash has reached equilibrium and Fluttershy hasn't.
Can't say! Spoilers!
Well... I want to make it clear to everyone: she's not QUITE 'back to where she started.' It's not as though NOTHING was changed!
For example, I can promise you all this: from here on out, Rainbow Dash will NEVER let her animals get the better of her ever again. She rules the roost. Also, you all notice how, up until now, the Swap's pretty much kept Dash under 'house arrest' at that cottage? Well, that'll change. In upcoming chapters, we'll be seeing more of Rainbow Dash 'out and about,' much like Pinkie!
In short, she genuinely HAS become a stronger person from all this, more in control of her own life!
Wow. Apparently equilibrated Dash means ruling the roost with an iron hoof. I can't say the animals didn't have it coming, but DAMN.
Also, now I'm wondering if Time Turner's worried that Lero's been raiding his closet on the TARDIS. And to make matters worse, Lero's a ginger! (I think. Pretty sure he is.)
Definitely looking forward to more, though I do have to wonder how much longer it will take. That isn't a complaint, mind you, but it has been a month in story time, and watching everyone suffer while knowing the solution is not pleasant by any stretch of the imagination. And yet, the longer it takes, the more of your writing I have to enjoy...
3292880
I actually had 'May The Best Pet Win' very FIRMLY in mind when figuring out to myself how Dash would triumph over her animal problem. Note the whistle on her.
Heh heh! Good thing they're friends!
While I DO have an ending solidly planned out... it'll be a while, yet, in-story. (And out.) It'll make sense why, though. Suffice it to say, you have quite a bit more of my writing to enjoy before all's said and done.
It almost makes you want to feel sorry for Angel. Almost being the key word here.
3289373
I definitely loved your ending. That was a great 'what if'!
3289882
Actually, there are plenty of forms of flour that aren't even considered exotic, just uncommon. Start with common wheat. If you ground the whole grain, you end with whole grain wheat flour. If you separate the endosperm from the bran and the germ and then ground the endosperm, you end with "normal flour" (refined wheat flour). Further refining can then turn this wheat flour into wheat starch. Now think that most grains have at least two of these three types of flour (like corn, which only has whole grain flour and corn starch) As it then turns out, you can find flours (or starches) made from pretty much any mayor high-starch crop, from the most common wheat, rice, corn and potato flours, up to chicken pea starch for industrial applications, and fish and chicken flours (made from slaughterhouse and cannery refuse, mostly bones and guts) as farm animal feeds. If you really want to think exotic, think banana or amaranth flour.
I love this chapter. Especially Lero reconciling with Twilight and making AJ so happy.
But wow, I'm genuinely afraid for those animals, especially Angel, despite what they've done. It just seems downright.....abusive.
And then the ending. I don't blame Lero for leaving, I would have too. But the image of poor smitten Rainbow Dash looking for Lero, my heart hurts. BAD.
So, why not finish this with a "Bad Ending"?
The Swapped Five and their Cutie Marks reconcile, the old nature vs. nurture theory applies and we can rub it in Celestia's face?
Surely, even if their destinies were put back in line, after getting a taste of prince charming Lero, Rarity would come running back to the herd anyway (after some stylish angst of course).
And I would love to hear Twily say "No" to a princess ascension.
Hmm, after that, she would reconsider and take it up anyway, but I'd love to read Celly's face when she gets her blood money thrown in her face.
Oops, come to think of it, unless Twilight can make Lero compatible with pony dna, Rarity might insist on a male addition to the herd
Yet another example of why xeno!Lyra is an awesome pony.
That was a rather epic case of hoof-in-mouth disease. Good job.
Poor Spike! Poor Rainbow!
I received a thumbs-down?
Good sir/madam, I am open minded enough to accept and discuss differences in opinion, but would at least want to hear the "why" behind your reasoning.
I can not see this ending with Rarity just walking away from the herd.
About Celestia, this is a whole story exploring the misery she inflicts on the Mane 6 and associates. All for the Greater Good.
Sure, to remain in line with canon Twilight will have to become a princess.
And I am not particulary eager to read a Male/Male sexual relationship but the conversation would be interesting. It's not about me, it's about the herd and their future. There are several ways for them to get children without a stallion.
Rarity asking for one might prompt them to hasten their research, which is a possible reason for Twilight to turn down royalty.
I hope to have explained my point of view and am ready to hear counter arguments.
I really enjoyed this chapter, Mike. I'd share my favorite bits here, but I hate leaving spoilers in the comments. But I will say that as always you have a gift for tying things together and bringing them to life in ways which I wouldn't have thought of but which work perfectly in retrospect.
And sad Dash is terribly sad! Her scene was really heart-wrenching.
The loneliest words you'll ever know, if only, if only it were so.
So was it intentional when you murdered half your readers with a heart attack from the feels?
3354431
Thank you! That particular chapter pained me greatly from my end, as well! I'm honored it was one of THE saddest fics you read!
Please keep reading; I'm excited to see what you think of the other chapters!
Congratulations, Congratufuckinglations. First story to story to bring me to fucking tears. God fucking damn how do you expect me to go to sleep with this fucking ending on my mind! Excuse me French but I fell like my heart have been stabbed by feels!
Oh and if this does not get better soon, I will fucking track you down and do something terrible that it will put all inhumane acts together to shame!
[I said something cause I did not to harm you since it will delay the updates.]
YES!!!YES!!!YES!!! Finally, Angel Bunny gets his just desserts(pun intended)! From top-dog, to bottom beeyatch!! How's the humble pie tasting down there little guy? And, after reading that ending, I think it's safe to say that you sir are an incorrigible tease. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Mostly good. Unfortunately, humans getting transported to Equestria and finding love just doesn't seem new to me.
3399936
I haven't gotten started reading this yet but it sounds like your issue is with the aspects of the story established in Xenophilia, not this spinoff.
...and you must read Xenophilia before you judge it. It's the 15th-highest rated sexually-explicit fic on the site and the 64th-highest Human fic (explicit or not), its side-stories collection is the 2nd- and 36th-highest in those two categories, respectively, and I've never seen any other story anywhere which better deserves the term "erotic romance".
Calling it a "human gets transported to Equestria and finds love" story is sort of like calling the ocean "wet". Assuming you don't disqualify it for containing explicit sex, it's the "human gets transported to Equestria and finds love" fic.
Look, dude.
You are dragging this out way too far. You're going to start loosing people from soul-crushing despair and bleakness if you don't have this wrapped up or genuinely "end in sight" wrapping up in 10 chapters or less. There is only so far you can take a concept like this.
3413432
I assure you, Richardson, I do have a very definite endpoint and endgame in mind for this story. Always have. We're getting there, gradually. Don't be impatient.
I don't promise you all a happy ending.
I don't promise you all a sad ending either.
But I'd like to remind all you readers who've been following this story faithfully from its beginning until now: if you all know ANYTHING about Lero Michealides, you know that he's not one to bow down to the bleakness and soul-crushing despair of a terrible situation. Nor will he stand idly by and allow his friends and loved ones to fall prey to it either.
So what I can promise you this: Lero Michaelides will fight with everything in his surprisingly considerable power to preserve everyone's happiness. He'll fight -- as he HAS been fighting -- until the fat lady sings. Win, lose, or draw.
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
A story like Divided Rainbow is fine for what it is, but it clearly doesn't have what it takes to go the distance, it lacks that je ne sais quoi to stand among the greats.
But I have nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, I'd say I did pretty gosh-darn A-okay, as a storyteller!
I managed to take the most hackneyed overused plot device every cartoon show EVER has used: The Swap, and give it depth and life and drama and a fresh, original spin.
Elicited a few laughs.
Touched some hearts.
Had you on the edge of your seats.
Threw a few curveballs that genuinely took you by surprise!
Got you to THINK with your brain, instead of demanding that you shut it off.
Which was a lot more than I bet any of you were expecting of any story based on Magical Mystery Cure, huh?
But at this point in Divided Rainbow, anyone can see that I simply HAVE to be running out of fresh and original ideas soon, that there's hardly any more genuine surprises I can possibly hope to offer that'll keep a reader gripped and begging for more. That I have reached a creative plateau. The meat's been completely chewed through and all that's left is fat.
The rest of the story can only be cut-and-dry cookie-cutter perfect predictability from here on out. Heck, ALL of us can see the outcome I have in mind from 10 miles away, clearly as the sequel of a Disney direct-to-video movie starring live animals.
All that's left is for me to quit while I'm ahead, wrap all up all the rest in a nice little bow and not take too long getting there. After all, who do I think I am? George R. R. Martin?
<Sigh.> Might as well get to it.
See you in ten chapters, Richardson.
3414093 Bah, don't listen to folks like him. This story is nowhere near fine tweet, as we've still got quite a lot of character interaction to get through! But to mention that Lero had only just begun making up for the fact that he was leaving Twilight high and dry while he fixated on Dash.
So I want to say something because this is not usually what fanfic does, and I need you to know this.
I don't actually like human in Equestria stories, particularly not ones with sex between humans and ponies, because in real life I am scared of horses and the idea of a human having sex with an equine repulses me. But I'm on a reading binge going after everything with Discord in it so I read this, and I am very glad I did. I don't care about the sex, but the worldbuilding with the concept that polygyny is normal and accepted and exists in a matriarchal context makes great sense both for equine biology and what we see in the show, and I like good alien culture worldbuilding. But most especially, I love this story, because you have given me a context to understand my own life.
I'm not under a magic spell, I know how I got here. But I spend every day grinding away at a job I am not good at (intermingled with a job I *am* good at, but isn't my raison d'etre), screwing everything up, abandoning my children, leaving my house a wreck, working constantly and feeling like I can never stop, and I have very little opportunity to exercise my true talent. I was born to be a writer -- I have been doing it since I was 4 -- but in my everyday life I am a data analyst who is the managing partner of a small IT consulting firm. I am good at data analysis but I don't live for it like I do the writing. I am terrible at managing the affairs of a company. I have a head full of professionally publishable story ideas and no time to write any of them because I am spending so much time doing a job I'm not good at. I write fanfic to preserve my sanity but it feels like, it's fun and I love it but it's a *hobby*, the professional writing should be my *job*, and it's not.
Your story, particularly the suffering of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, really, really spoke to me. That is my life. I wish I had a friend like Lero who knows both what I'm supposed to be doing and that, at this time in my life, there's no way that I can; I've got people who think I should keep doing what I'm doing and I've got people who know I shouldn't and nag me constantly to quit, which is not actually going to lead me to go insane and take a chainsaw to them but sometimes it gets close. I have rarely read a fanfic that expressed something *I* was suffering so well and so closely, and when I have, it's usually a common condition like heartbreak or depression, not this particular weird circumstance. I feel like you really understand what it's like to go through what I'm going through because you wrote it so well in your fic.
So. Good job, keep it up, and thank you very much. You've helped me in RL by writing this fic.
The synopsis sound so much like "Xenophilia" it hurts.
3443640
Did you click the 'More' button on the synopsis?
3444193
Yeah i did after posting the comment, total foot in mouth moment.
3446275
Did you get a chance to read the story?