The Silent Guardian

by Not_available_now

Ch 14. Those timberwolves.

Ch 14.

Ugh… my head… it hurts… I need to get up. I look up, seeing that I am still at the table, but the bottle is gone. The glass is on its side. I rub my temples, trying to relieve the pain.

I look around and see that Rainbow is no longer on the couch. She somehow managed to get up earlier than me, but I have a hangover that would knock out a bull. I hope that being an alicorn has its perks and that this is over soon.

I manage to get off the chair and walk towards the kitchen. I get a glass of water and drink as if my life depends on it. I put down the glass and grab myself some breakfast.

After I finish eating I walk upstairs, trying to find Rainbow. I check some bedrooms, but see no snoring Rainbow. I'm almost going to check Ponyville for her, but then I hear grunting coming from the last room. I walk up to room and open the doors.

I see Rainbow laying on her back, lifting some weights with her wings and looking very impressing.

“Hey Wings. Good to see that you’re not as hung over as I would’ve expected.” She says while leaving the weight fall to the ground with a loud bang. I have no idea how that is possible, the floor is made of clouds.

“I guess that I am good with alcohol.” I say smiling, hiding my headache.

“The bottle that you downed was the strongest kind of alcohol that I could find, aside from the hard cider from the Apples.” Rainbow says while wiping the sweat of her forehead. “That stuff hits as hard as a manticore.”

“At least it tasted quite well, I think. I don’t remember yesterday night very well.” I say, trying to dig up the memories. Nothing rises, just something vague about fighting.

“That’s what you get with a bottle of wine.” She cleans up her equipment. “Have you eaten any breakfast yet?”

“I grabbed a bowl of cereal so I’m not hungry anymore. I actually wanted to go to Applejack again, get some more work done.” I say, trying to lift one of her weights and failing horribly at it.

“I actually wanted to apologize for what I did yesterday. Applejack had a good long talk with me. What did you say to her? She was as as she could be.” She says as we walk down the stairs towards the kitchen.

“I told her what happened, nothing more and nothing less. Maybe it was something between you two?” I say as I grab a glass of milk.

“There have been some things between us, but she was mad. She was treating me like the worst villain there is.” She says as she made a jumbo bowl of cereal for herself. “We thankfully settled things and got a drink. ”

She takes a few large bites. “She gave me some of your pay too. Now you owe me a bit less.” She says through a mouthful of milk and crunching corn.

“That is a load off my mind,” I sigh, “How much do I owe you?” I ask her.

Paying off Rainbow is first on my list. Learning to fly is second and on the same place is learning magic. I need to think of a plan to convince Twilight to teach me magic. I think that I will make that my third priority on the list. Fourth is meeting the doctor. Not the one in the hospital, the other one.

My god, or my Celestia, I am making internal checklists. I am starting to look like Twilight. Maybe I can get Rainbow or Applejack to introduce me to the other ponies. Then there is Pinkie’s party, that will be one heap of fun for sure.

Being here is great, but I do miss my family on Earth. I don’t even know if I want to go back to Earth, being here is great. Maybe too great, no one would want to leave. I want to get a message through at least. Just to let my family know that I am alive.

I would also like to find out why Discord brought me here too; fun or another cruel plot. I really hope the first one. I wouldn’t want to plunge Equestria into eternal chaos or destroy Canterlot before I even met the rest of the main six. I would like to know Discord’s motives, but he is Discord. He is chaos, how could I even argue with him.

But that is something for another time. Now is the time for fun and other stuff, like paying Rainbow back.

“Hey… hey… Are you there?” Rainbow says as she waves her hoof in front of my face. I think that I zoned out.

“Huh… O, sorry. What were you saying?” I ask, looking as stupid as one can look.

“That you owe me around another 200 hundred bits, the hospital isn’t cheap if you haven’t got any insurance. Which you didn’t. Applejack said that you should have me paid back in about 2 weeks.” She says as she drinks the last of her milk. “So you better work on.” She smiles as she gives me a playful punch.

“Then I better get going to the orchard, buck some more trees.” I say while walking to the door.

“Say hello to Applejack for me!” Rainbow shouts as I jump off her front porch.

“Will do!” I shout back as I glide towards the ground.

Flying feels as great as it always does, the wind through my feathers and the little pressure on my body. I really have to get Rainbow to give me lessons. I have to find more excuses to learn some stuff.

I land on the path and I walk the last part towards the orchard, through the gate and towards the barn.

What I see surprises me. I see Applejack and Mac dragging some timberwolf bodies behind the barn.

I walk up to them.

“Howdy partner! Got any idea how these timberwolves here got in ta orchard? Ya were down there last night.” She asks me. I am just staring at with my mouth hanging open.

“WHAT?!”

Author's Note:

More chapters and back on schedule.
The feedback is on schedule too, i would like to keep it that way.
Next times will be kept on schedule too.

Comments

[Buckshot2825]

more preread fun ^_^
Status:Reading Giving annoying comment ProofReading Finished
AGH THE I's THEY BURRRRRNNNNN
no seriously, i think your using too many I's they kind of clog the story, i know you have to use them due to the fact that it is first person (a feat in and of itself) but don't forget to use compound inverted and irregular sentences, starting them with a verb or an preposition.
Lets start this off shall we?
"...that would even knock out a bull." *thinks* either change would to could or take out even
"...has it’s perks and that this is over soon." it's -> its don't worry, just a slip of a finger you do have pronoun problem a tense conflict, change is to will be
"I manage to get of the chair..."of -> off
"I check some bedrooms but see no snoring... bedrooms, but
"I almost am going to try Ponyville, but then I hear grunting coming out of last room." Missing words and a misused word either "I (am; 'm) almost about to go try ponyville..." change out of -> from
"“At least it tasted quite well, I think."" even though well and good are generalizations that i avoid, good is a fine substitute for well in this situation
"Nothing rises, just something vague of fighting." of -> about usage errors get us all
""I grabbed a bowl of cereal. I’m not hungry anymore. " these sound weird, it would sound better if they were combined like so. "I just grabbed a bowl of cereal so I'm not (that) hungry anymore" the that is voluntary
"“I actually wanted to apologize to you for what I did yesterday. Applejack had a good long talk with me. What did you say to her? She was as vicious as she could be.” She says to me as we walk down the stairs towards the kitchen." Some errors in this .-.
lets begin... I'm just going dismantle it, i know technical terms are really fun, i just don't know them all. I can explain this first bolded one you never actually mentioned her striking up a conversation with him before this and after her conversation with applejack so you she couldn't have "wanted" to talk about it. scratch the actually and the -ed
strike-through says it all XD
italics = .-.
i don't see a way to "fix" this you'll just have to find some other way to describe applejack as we currently dont know how "viscous" she can be therefore the description doesn't fit, i might think she is a demon while somebody else might think she is nicer.
The strike through about talking to you is because its redundant, she is already talking to you therefore there's no reason to repeat the fact
"...treating me like the worst villain there could be.”" Could be is not proper usage, is, is a better tense-usage word
"Now you own me a bit less.” seeing this after coming from a semi clop fic. own -> owe
"“That is a load of my mind.” I sigh. “How much..." of -> off "I sigh, "How much..." the reason i said put a comma is, even though I sigh is a complete thought, it flows better, say it to yourself, it helps
"Paying of Rainbow is first on my list. Learning to fly is second and on the same place is learning magic." of -> off man your getting bad with those "Learning to fly is second (while or and) IN the same place (or you can say on the same level) is learning magic."
"I think that I will make that my third one on the list. Fourth is meeting the doctor. Not the ones in the hospital, the other
one."
bold i don't know what to call this... "...will be..."
italicized one is not the proper noun for this, "priority" is a better term
underlined "doctor, not the ones in the hospital, the other one." also, one is on a different line than the previous sentence
"My god, or my Celestia, I am making internal checklists. I am starting to look like Twilight." "my god, or my Celestia(.)" usually i would capitalize God because of my religion but I'm not going to force that on you.
This is a rough re-write, feel free to improve. "I'm (i am) starting to think like Twilight, making an internal checklist like this."
"...but I do miss my family on Earth. I don’t even know if I want to go back to Earth, being here is great. Maybe too great, no one would want to leave. I want to get a message through at least. Just to let them ^ know that I am alive." WAIT, dont facepalm just yet, im just asking for a sentence move to make it flow better put the underlined portion after the part about parents
"I would like to find out why Discord brought me here too, fun or another cruel plot. I really hope the first..." Your having another thought therefore need to say as such "I would also like to find out..." your having a seperate thought that in joined with the main one therefore you need a semicolon "here too; for fun or for another cruel plot."
"... as I jump of her front porch." again? next time do me a favor, hit control f (or whatever is your language equivelant) and find of highlight all instances and see if any should be off. saves us both time
Thank God! last few sentences .-.
"...the orchard. I walk through the gate and towards..." the reason i picked this out is because you have already stated your walking, therefore you can combine any other "walking" actions after it into one using commas "...the orchard, through the gate and towards..."
LAST SENTENCE!!!!!!!!
"“Howdy partner. Have got any idea how these timberwolves here got in ta orchard? Ya were down there last night.” She asks me. I am just looking at with my mouth hanging open." Howdy partner is an interjection, therefore it should be followed by an !
More applejack slang uh ohs. Ya -> you, yes it would seem that she would say ya instead of you but in this case she would say you, directing a comment at someone.
"I am just looking at with my mouth open" Staring would be a better term as it conveys more visualization of a wide eyed individual also there is the random at which can be used by putting the bodies, applejack, or some other noun. or you can just scratch it.
also, it would be better to do away with the with, read yours then read this "I am staring at the bodies, my mouth hanging (wide) open. (or on the ground to simulate complete shock)
That's it for today/night have a good one, hope the corrections help, sorry for the wall of text again.

[King Emerald]

Now they noticed the wolfs

[Not_available_now]

2261589
And the rest shall be known tomorrow, if i feel like it.

[Not_available_now]

2257374
And i am done correcting.
I know of the 'off'. I usually don't go over any work twice, so I miss those. I usually finish these chapters around midnight, so then i am not in the mood for anything else than uploading and sleeping.
Maybe I'll try to do that this time, or not.
Anyway thanks for the help and a new grammatical error stuffed chapter will be coming your way,

[Buckshot2825]

2261589 Can you say, Discord is having fun fucking with him?
2265566 Always happy to help

[Not_available_now]

2265572
You're a lot off help.
(The wrong 'off' is just to rustle your jimmies )

[Buckshot2825]

2265845 AND I CANT EDIT IT AGH
TROLLOLFACE IS CRUEL WHY YOU BE SO MEAN!!!!!!

[Not_available_now]

2265855
Mostly because the name of my second account is in fact trolface1008
Second. My motto is 'What fun is there in making sense.'

[Buckshot2825]

2265871
To answer your retorical question
DER BE NO FUNS EN MAKIN DA CENTS :DDDDDDDD

[Not_available_now]

2265884
That makes even less sense

[booman980]

2257374
You missed the

That you owe me around another 200 hundred bits, the hospital isn’t cheap if you haven’t got any insurance. Which you didn’t. Applejack said that you should have me paid back in about 2 weeks.

"200 hundred" is awkward to read.