The Silent Guardian

by Not_available_now

Ch 12. Two muddy fillies.

Ch 12. Two muddy fillies.

The two little fillies go flying through the air and over the heads of Applebloom and the rest. They scream all the way during their few seconds of air time. And I am just standing here, rubbing my throat a bit from the hard yell.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders just stare at me with their mouths hanging open. I hear a splash and see that the fillies landed in a large pool of mud. Silver Spoon is crying, making me feel a little bad, but Diamond Tiara on the other hand is just yelling and getting mud all over her. “My father will hear about this and they you will be ruined.” I just see empty threats and turn my attention over to the gaping fillies in front of me.

“Wow.” Sweetie Belle says.

“That was awesome!” Applebloom yells.

“How can you yell that loud?” Scootaloo asks.

I think that the heart attacks will keep coming, because these ponies are as cute as one can be. “Heh… heh.” I stupidly grin, rubbing the back of my head. “I don’t know my own power?” I half ask/say.

“Hey, wait a minute. Yer that new stallion that ma sister hired. Why are ya here?” Applebloom asks while looking at the bullies in the mud.

“Applejack has to chase Rainbow, so I was ordered by Big Mac to pick you up from school.” I say while grinning a bit as Diamond Tiara fails to come out of the mud bath.

“But ah want ta go crusadin’ with Scootaloo ‘n Sweetie Belle!” She yells while looking at me with begging eyes one shouldn’t be able to resist, but I am special so I am able to resist.

“Sorry, but Big Mac said that you could go crusading when you’re done with all your chores.” I say with pain in my heart. Denying something to such a cute face is near impossible.

A collective sigh of disappointment goes through the fillies in front of me. They say their goodbyes. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo take their time saying goodbye during which a take a good look around. I see many colts and fillies from the show, but also plenty of new ones. I see Dinky, but no cross-eyed pegasus is anywhere to be found.

I hear some crashing and cracking of branches and see the grey pegasus fly through some trees and land next to Dinky. She nuzzles her and they look generally cute.

Applebloom is next to me and starts pushing me towards the barn. “Come on. Ah want ta finish ma chores so ah can go crusadin’.”

“Sure, let’s go.” I say as I step beside her. She falls to the ground and just lays there. I help her up and walk silently besides her as I go towards the orchard with miss Grumpy Pants.

We make the orchard without other Rainbows crashing from the sky. “Come on, your chores can’t be that bad.” I say while thinking of what kind of chores could be so bad.

“But ah want ta get mah Cutie Mark and not have ta do som’ stupid chores.” She says while pulling an grumpy face and walking a bit slumped.

“You just have to wait for it. It will come in due time.” I say, having absolutely no experience with Cutie Marks. I don’t even know what mine will be or what Applebloom sees on my flank. I hope that it isn’t something stupid, like a simple cloud or a nail. You can never know with Discord, it wouldn’t surprise me if it was a picture of him.

We arrive at the orchard and Applebloom immediately rushes off to Big Mac, probably to finish up her chores.

I slowly trot behind her and see that Big Mac is bucking some trees while talking to Applebloom. I also see that there a no more apples underneath the apple trees. Big Mac works fast, this guy could break records.

I see Applebloom walk past me towards the barn with an happier face than when we were walking.

I walk up to Mac. “What kind of chore does she needs to do?”

“She can go and clean ta plates in ta barn, then bring in ta apples to Granny ta make some apple jam. Then she can go.” He says while bucking more trees with an incredible control.

“That is nice of you.” I say. “but I noticed at the school that two fillies were bullying her and her friend.”

His expression turn from neutral to annoyed in a few milliseconds. “Did one a them have a tiara?”

Of course she did. “Yes, I think so.”

He grumbles . “Ah’m goin’ ta have ta talk to her parent’s. Can ya buck the rest?” Mac asks me as he picks up the apples from the tree.

“Sure. I just have to finish up this row, right?” I ask while looking how long the line is. Not that long.

“Eeyup.” He says. My mind cheers after finally hearing that.

“Do I have to do anything else?” I ask.

“Eenope, just make sure Applebloom does her chores. ” He says before trotting towards the gate.

“See ya, Mac.” I yell after him before starting to buck the trees.

He gave me a questioning look before giving his trademark ‘Eeyup’ and walking out of sight.

I turn back to myself and buck on. As I reach the last amount of trees I am already spent. So when I am finally done with the trees I walk into the barn for a reviving glass of water.

I see Applebloom finishing up her chores, putting the last of the plates back into the cupboard.

“Are you done?” I ask while grabbing a glass of water.

“Ah sure am.” She says, wiping the water of the sink’s edge.

“Good to hear. Are you going crusading now?” I ask before downing the glass.

“Ah am. I hope ah will get mah Cutie Mark this time.” She says cheerily.

“Good luck.” I say as she rushes out of the barn, probably towards the CMC clubhouse.

I still feel pretty tired and decide to take a nap under one of the large trees. I close my eyes and doze off.

I shoot up, waking up suddenly. I hear a howl.

Uh-oh. The sky is black and I see nopony. Then I hear that sound again and I smell something similar to piles of leaves and branches. Then I hear the sound again, the howl of a wolf. Timberwolves!

Author's Note:

Another chapter.
Another chapter that needs feedback.
Another chapter in which i repeat everything from previous A/N.
Till next time

Comments

[Buckshot2825]

I think im getting pretty good at this , anyways, double kill! i get to read some more and help you at the same time. WIN! so without further ado, some things i found.
"What happens is that two little fillies soar through the air and over the heads of Applebloom and the rest." I would say rewrite this to be more of a continue from what just happened. something like "The two fillies (or you can state their names) go soaring into the air over Applebloom and her friends." Again, not necessary but i think it sounds better
"...the few second..." Either "their few seconds" or "the few seconds" the their doesn't matter that much
"...their mouth hanging..." mouth(s)
"...making me feel a little bad..." A little is one of those filler phrases, I'd advise you not to use it.
"My father will hear about this and they you..." they -> then
"...yelling and getting dirt all over her." Shouldnt it be mud not dirt? since they are in a MUD puddle XD
"I say while grinning a bit as..." the while should be removed.
"I help her up and walk silently besides her as I go towards the orchard with miss. Grumpy Pants." besides -> beside; miss doesnt require a . after it, thats just Mr. and Mrs. Remove as i go, it restates the verb
Purely cosmetic "He grumbles some." some is not needed and sounds silly
“did one a them..." capital D
"...with an happier..." an -> a
"... her and her friend." friend(s)
"Nnope, just make..." i believe proper Mac lingo is Enope or Eenope
"He looks at me with a questioning face before giving his trademark..." this sentence sounds weird the way you wrote it, better usage would be
"He gives me a questioning look then his trademark..."
"As I reach the last amount of trees I am pretty spent. So when I am finally done with the trees I walk into the barn for a reviving glass of water." Should put already spent. it tells the reader that you are getting tired AS your finishing up, so when you do you go in for a glass of water. Speaking of which (completely off topic) how do ponies drink out of glasses?
"“Are you done?” I ask while grabbing a glass of water."
"“I sure am.” She says while wiping the water of the sink’s edge." i put these together because they contain the same problem, while. in both sentences the while can be replaced with a (,) using the same word a lot doesn't work too well. also Applebloom lingo, "Ah sure am."
" She says cheery." cheery -> cheerily
"“Good luck.” I say while she rushes..." tut tut another while, this one should be replaced with as
Purely cosmetic "to take a nap at one of the large trees." at one -> under one
"I wake up because I think that I heard a noise." no offense but when your sleeping you don't have any real brain activity, therefore you cant "wake yourself" up if you "think" you heard something. "... because i hear a noise."
"That I hear the sound again"; "Then I hear the sound again," repetition, pick one you want to keep and if you keep the first one, that -> then
All around good conversation chapter, nice setup too. you put the protagonist in the middle of a giant apple field far from any help. BigMac is gone somewhere, Applebloom is out crusading, and grannyapple is of no help in the current situation. Now we get into the guardian part of the story
I would like to point out that I'm not a professional editor, i do have flaws, feel free to contradict any one of these suggestions, i enjoy feedback almost, if not more than most people
Also some things i didn't mention due to the fact that they were small and the brain would immediately fill them in. you did have some comma issues in the beginning of the story. If you have time you should probably read your chapters out loud to yourself in order to find some of the mistakes.
And now, i bid you ado

[Not_available_now]

2231522
Thanks for the help, again.
Maybe you can pre-read it?
And ponies drink with their hooves and... uhm... magic?

FYI: most of the mistakes can be chalked up to me not being a native and being so lazy that i almost never go over a written word twice once it is on the pc.
I'll to catch some things, but things always slip through.

EDIT: finished your list of things that i need to do.

[Buckshot2825]

2232956I would love to be able to pre read it for you but my schedule is not set and sometimes i may not be able to access the computer for a couple days, im just about to take my SAT tests (if you dont know its a test that takes 4 hours and has a big impact on college) im about to take some classes in college and just now got a job. if you still want to try it out, i can send you my email and then i might be able to do it in the mornings, it doesnt take me that long to read the 1000 words you write
Completely off topic: HA HA i finally fixed my posting problem,noscript can be useful at sometimes and others... it can be a pain in the ass.

[Not_available_now]

2233644
I would love it if you can pre-read, but our schedule probably aren't parallel, so that will cause some problems.
Just keep the comments with corrections coming.

[Buckshot2825]

2234022 will do

[Not_available_now]

2234147
you have many thanks and a mustache and one mustache shaped like gummy.