The other End of Balance

by Dostoron

matters of the heart

The second you properly got that your father was having a heart attack over there you slammed the receiver and dialed up the hospital for the emergency, best thing you could do now was hope.

you knock your head onto the phone booth, this was never meant to go so wrong.
As if lightning getting hurt wasn´t bad enough, you had gotten your dad so worked up his heart gave out, and you had the dreadful feeling that wasn´t the worst of what was going to happen, a small part of you, wanted to just curl up and cry, similar to how you had in the beginning of your time in cloud haven...

No, you had to move forward, they knew who you were, which honestly made your mask rather useless,you were gonna have to ditch it before they make the dramatic reveal.

As you hear hear hooffalls behind you, you whip around.
Splicer stood there with a solemn expression, with him were two mares, one who looked in wonder at everything and which you didn´t recognize.
The other however, making an effort to hide behind your scientist you recognized without trouble

"came to rub in how your assasin did his job?" you snapped at her.

"Thunderhead, please remember your manners, she is actually here to help." Splicer was talking calmly, something you currently found rather difficult.

You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.
"how much does she know?"

"enough. I´m sorry, but Coldheart, with our Equipment, can, at best, stabilize Lightning Dust, we will have to trust her to do the right Thing."

"i admit defeat, splicer, this round´s to you, but she´s wearing a blindfold till we´re there."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You made a note to ask splicer if he drugged her, she walked almost delirious, only paying proper Attention when aiding Lightning dust.
You had stayed in the room and kept hulk around, just in case.

Lightning dust laid there, still motionless, as Coldheart assured you however she was not in danger anymore.
Twilight sparkle had saved your sister, and gotten a glimpse at what you and your base of operations looked like, this would end badly, very badly.

You are torn from your thoughts when the purple mare appears to have overcome her shyness and began talking to you.
"You are Lightning Dust´s brother, right?"

"among many other reasons we´ll never really get along, you and your friends appear to spell bad luck to our Family in bold letters."

"the wonderbolt academy was an accident-"

"that you caused, i looked at the reports, the academy is a Pegasus only Zone to begin with, aircraft of any sort are prohibited from entering in two square miles."

"and rainbow dash vouched for her."

"least she could do after pinning it on her. as a wingpony it was her duty to prevent it."

"you´re gonna hold against anything i say, aren´t you?"

"you caught me. no wait, actually we caught you."

"listen, the attack on her-"

"on me, hitting her was an accident... thanks to your pink friend, by the way."

"she probably couldn´t save you both."

"never said i blame her... i do that to myself already...
Well what´s it gonna be? you were all sent looking for me, here i am. and i owe you more than i could ever hope to repay. ask me to come along and that will be the end of me.
Of course, the Revolution is at this Point unstoppable, the assasin kicked it loose when he shot an innocent wonderbolt Trainee. I could take command and try to avoid bloodshed, that is my promise if you take it.
You could also just ask me to give you the key to luna´s collar, i heard the bad dreams in equestria increased since she stopped Stalking the sleep of others."

Author's Note:

not the most beautiful chapter i´ve written, but this is as good as i´m gonna be able to get it.

You counted the choices out to twily, what will she take?

do her Task?
take your word?
help her friend?

Comments

[operaticphantom]

I think that Twilight is the logical sort. She'd want to do her best for the princess, but she would also feel obligated to help him because he was a victim. So...: "I think that since I saved your sister, you owe me. The least you can do is give me the key to Luna's collar. Then we can be considered even.

[Dr_D]

I imagine that she will help Luna.

[Fivesilverstars]

You might need an editor. Just in reading up to chapter 7, I've noticed a LOT of misplaced/missing capital letters, some formatting issues, and few other errors as well.
In addition, your plot moves at a very fast pace, perhaps too fast for proper character introduction/development (i.e. you might need to flesh out your story a bit more; your narration feels somewhat rushed).

Other than that though, I like it! Individually, the driving themes behind your story aren't exactly new, but I don't think I've ever seen them mixed like this. It makes it easy to enjoy!

I also like the 'audience decides' mechanic you've employed here. I've seen it in two other stories and they've both turned out pretty sweet.

Good luck, Bon Chance, Happy writing, May the Force be With You, etc.,etc.
Have a mustache and a fave!
Edit: She'll definitely jump at the chance to help Luna, but Thunderhead won't give it to her for free. The price will likely be something that would grant him her support, or at least allow him to begin to earn that. It could be a promise, a favour...or, if your feeling REALLY bold, he could ask her for the Elements of Harmony (maybe not the whole set, just the tiara would do)!

[fallenpenguin]

I agree, she would definitely help Luna...

[MaruTheWonderbolt]

I'm with silverstars, give her the key in exchange for an element. Or an oath (pinkie promise) not to interfere with the revolution.