Opening Theme:
As you'er about to begin the "trial" you pause as you suddenly get a weird feeling as you think,
Strange, it feels like there are 186 ponies are watching me and are deciding how I will go about this situation.
Shaking off the strange feeling you look down at Strong Head and Bluebal-blood and say,
The Rutherford's Comment
"The Disciplinary Hearing of Sargent Strong Head will now commence. Now then, do you care to tell me what the Tartarus happened in Vanhoover?!"
The bruised stallion looks up at you, gulps and simply says, "Well, Prince Blueblood told me that the Hooded Offender attacked him and ordered me to bring him to justice...sir."
"It's true! He attacked me for no reason! And then he had to audacity to take Saph-"
Celestia cuts him off with glare that turns both him and Strong Head's blood to ice.
"Blueblood! You will be silent unless spoken to by either myself or Captain Armor. Is that clear?"
"Y-yes Auntie," he says defeated, although you see him glancing at his watch nervously as he fidgets.
"Good. Proceed Sergent," the Solar Princess says plainly.
"Y-yes Your Highness. Well as you know, I met with the Prince in the city, and while waiting for any reports on Offender activity, chaos happened. We both thought that it was the Offender, so I was dispatched. Instead of finding him though, there was a giant fat earth pony with glasses wrecking up the place. And if that wasn't enough, there was this giant magical dragon spell or something being projected by a blue unicorn with magical tomes. I saw the destruction they were waging and I wasted no time. I used the special anti-magic cannon to remove the dragon and attack the two criminals who turned out to be Crimson Knights. It was then that I saw two pathetic bounty hunters complaining about how the two Crimson Knights were their bounty. I told them to scram and not impede justice, but they wouldn't listen so I-"
"OK. Stop there Sargent. I know how that fight proceeded after you got there," you interrupt.
"Y-you do? How? What did you hear?" he fidgets.
Your glare becomes harsh as you say, "There were many witnesses and reporters there, some with recorders. Everything you said and did, we have seen."
His face takes on a nervous look as you relay this information.
"Do you realize how many problems you have caused the Royal Guard as a whole? Vanhoover is now in a state of unrest, the locals, including the local law enforcement do not trust us. The police were even hesitant to give ME the evidence to look over. Princess Celestia herself had to step in and personally promise that we would handle the ponies responsible!" you growl, before closing your eyes, taking a few moments to calm yourself down. You then look back to the shrinking pathetic excuse for a guard and continue your berating a more level voice.
"Do you realize the charges you face? Between you and Prince Blueblood, you stole a Top Secret battle-suit prototype that was not ready for field testing, resulting in not only a few million bits worth of damage to it, and the loss of several key components, but you also made it known to the public and, therefore, the world at large. There is also the problem of you willingly endangering the public by collapsing the Town Hall with ponies inside, and then insulting them when one of those Bounty Hunters called you out on it," you say with a sneer, before continuing.
"Which brings us to another problem. As I said before, the citizens of Vanhoover no longer trust the Royal Guard. I saw several mercenaries now working along side the police force, being paid by the police because they feel that having more Guards there will result in civilians getting hurt or extorted. And they only feel that way because of YOUR actions!"
"B-but they were powerful criminals! I had to go all out to-"
"What's more is the way you talked about the civilians, which was recorded! You insulted bystanders who were hiding in the town hall, which was built as a shelter for attacks I might add, After you went and demolished it. You were then recorded saying you would kill the Knights in a gleeful manner. What happened to the guard's oath of Lethal Force Only When Necessary?!"
"I-I-I-" he fumbles, but you don't let him finish his thought.
"Well I guess it didn't occur to you over the Knight you had beaten. It's reported that you beat this sorcerer within an inch of his life, if you did not kill him all together, and sent him flying off to Tartarus knows where! We're supposed to be setting an image of protection Sargent, not slaughter! We are better than that!" you then sigh as you rub the scar over your stomach. Flash and Celestia give you a worried look, but you just shake your head and look back down at him.
"Do you remember those idealists in the paper theorizing that perhaps the Changelings should have a public trial? Well now there are those wondering whether the Knight leaders themselves should have one, just to prove they're all still alive. And that's all because of you. What's next? Princess Luna on stand for her actions as Nightmare Moon? Discord being released to plead his case? Ridiculous notions like that are a powder keg of chaos Sargent, just waiting to go off. Nopony can control that."
He lowers his head at the shaming. Out of the corner of you eye though, you see Princess Celestia get a thoughtful look upon her face. You think you hear her whisper
"Control Chaos...hmm..." but you continue on.
"And then there's the matter of the two bounty hunters. This Crimson Vengeance and his Partner Aqua's fame has only increased due to your actions. Many of the local police chapters in several cities speak of them since they are responsible for the capture of the changeling, the timber-wolf, wyvern members of the Crimson Knights. Now they have this giant under their belts after they made him revert to normal size. Your treatment of them, along with both yours, and their subsequent actions has propelled their notoriety."
"But that bounty hunter was using dark magic! The suit identified the fire he was using as such!" Strong Head suddenly speaks up with pleading eyes.
"We have a few problems with that claim. First off, you are the only one pointing blame at the bounty hunter for using dark magic. Nopony else claims to have seen him do anything like that. Secondly, even if he did, the suit HUD recorder was knocked off line after you demolished the Town Hall, So anything you supposedly saw or heard after that fact cannot verified. Thirdly, the mechanical sensors are still not fully functional or accurate. The scientists have reported to me that something as simple as a levitation spell can be misidentified as dangerous or dark, so it is not a reliable sensor. And lastly, if anypony was using dark magic, it would have likely been the work of the Knight with the books that you brutalized. We heard about how he suddenly sprouted shadowy skeleton claws that were able to strike the giant down, luckily the gauntlets were able to nullify that power."
"Y-yeah they were, I went to town on that arrogant little..." he begins a little haughtily.
"That was not a compliment to you Sargent, rather to the tech boys that developed this gear," you clench your teeth, causing him to lose the gleam in his eyes.
"And that Sargent, is the very, very long list of verified claims against you. Not to mention your several other discipline charges in the past such as your demotion after the Ponyville Diamond Dog fiasco," you say bluntly as Flash gives his own sneer.
You see Strong look up at this and give a tiny glare at Flash, before looking back down.
"Now," you continue, "with these charges presented, is their anything you'd like to say?"
As you take a moment to breathe after that very, very long list of crimes, Strong Head has nothing to say to rebuke any of the claims, he just continues to hold his head in defeat.
Alright good, now we can end this and get back to important wor... you then notice Blueblood raising to hoof. You can't help but think in dread, Oh sweet Celestia please don't let...er...yourself notice his hoof. For the love of you don-
BrownDog's Comment
“Yes Blueblood? If you have something to say, you may now speak.”
Celstia dang you!
“Th-thank you auntie, he says a he glances at his watch and nervously stands up. "Look, I know things got bad back there, but the Sargent here was only following my orders.”
“That still doesn’t excuse him for his reckless behavior Blueblood,” you sneer.
“Y-y-yes…of course not. But really, he was facing two extraordinary foes. Surely the same damage would have been done had The Offender showed up?”
“That’s neither here, nor there. He DIDN’T show up. In fact, other than your claim during that Sapphire Shores publicity stunt, there’s no proof.”
“But it WAS him. I saw the eyes! My bodyguards were whipped unconscious and I was thrown through a floor just because that little brat was crying and wouldn’t get out of my way and…”
“What were you doing to the crying child?” you interrupt.
He pales at this.
“I mean, what crying child…I didn’t say anything about…”
“Can it Blueblood! If you were being a jerk to a child, I’d say anypony would try to beat you down. I know I would. ”
“Alright, forget the child, the fact is, I Swear it was him! You all didn’t come to my requests, and I hadn’t heard anything from you Auntie! I made a decision! I wanted The Offender to be brought down!”
“Well your decision cost quite a pretty penny Blueblood,” you remark.
“Oh come now, the money recovered from the Knight’s fund was given back to the city enough to repair the damage tenfold.”
“That still doesn’t excuse…”
“And another thing, I know Sergeant Strong is brash and reckless, but that’s why I chose him. He’s willing to fight with all he’s got. Even as the suit broke and he was in his bare coat, he kept going. He is still my candidate, and I will continue to support him. I’ll contribute to helping the repair fund or whatever else, but I still want him in the program.”
You sigh and facehoof and think,
Heck of a time for Blueblood to give a rat's behind about anypony. Guess he likes those that are just as rash and big headed as himself.
“Alright Blueblood, let’s get one thing straight here. He’s still getting punished for his actions, but we will take into account your share of the fault in this matter. And another thing, after today, I don’t want any more flak for Lt. Sentry,” you say pointing to Flash.
Flash looks and flashes (pun intended) you a quick smile, before returning his glare to Strong Head and Blueblood.
“You fought tooth and hoof to try to get him disbarred due to his…outbursts, but after today, no more. Your candidate has done far worse.”
“I-I-But…”
“End your smear campaign Blueblood, and perhaps this might reflect a tad more favorably on your candidate’s judgement.”
Blueblood looks defeated at that, and gives a sad look to Strong Head who seems equally displeased.
With another sigh at their foal-like behavior you say,
"Very well then, with that out of the way, we will adjourn to discuss judgement and...
SnapeDrake's Comment
You, Flash, Celestia, Blueblood and Strong Head all jump and look back at the shout as the courtroom door is blasted open. In walks a tan earth pony with blue suit and a really spikey mane. "Hold the judgement, your honor! There is critical information missing from this case!"
You give pause, before asking, "We haven't discussed it yet...And just who in Tartarus are you supposed to be? This is a classified location!"
Blueblood gives a smug grin as the pony sits down. "Why, he's only Sirin Wright, the greatest defense attorney in Equestria."
"That's right," Wright replies. "And I'm about to blow this whole case wide open," he says as he stands next to Blueblood and Strong Head.
"Wait, wait, wait," you interrupt. "This isn't a trial, this is a Top Secret National Security Hearing. Nopony is supposed to know about this place Blueblood! How'd he even get in here?"
"Well I gave him my access pass to get in," he explains.
"That's only supposed to be for..." you start before sighing, "You know what, to heck with it, he's already here. You'll be debriefed later Mr. Wright."
"Thank you your honor," the lawyer says.
Blueblood then looks to spikey haired stallion and asks, "Why didn't you show up earlier?"
Wright adopts a nervous grin and Puts a foreleg behind his head. "Well, uh, my last case involved bringing in a parrot for witness and the dry cleaner apparently takes a long time to get feathers out of a suit, plus this place isn't technically on a map... But regardless-" he slams both of his hooves on the bench with a loud bang- "I assure you the judge will have to deliver a Not Guilty verdict by the end of this case!"
"Is that so?" Celestia speaks up. "Mr. Wright, are you saying that you can submit evidence proving that Strong Head is not guilty of his alleged crimes?"
With a grin, Wright thrusts out his foreleg and yells,
Clutched in his hoof is a letter with a royal seal still attached. For whatever reason, Celestia's eyes shoot wide in shock and Flash and you flinch away from the evidence.
"Ahem," Wright calls as he opens the letter and begins to read. "Urgent! Come to Vanhoover Immediately Auntie! The Hooded Offender Really Is Here!" He pauses a moment, before turning to Blueblood. "You know that you didn't have to start every word with a capital letter in order to convey urgency, right? And there should be a comma after 'Immediately.'"
"Shut up and do your job," Blueblood hisses.
You recover a little and say, "Well, how does that change anything?"
"It changes a very specific thing, your honor," Wright says. "The Narrative. Look at the date on this letter. It was sent long before the actual fight. That means Blueblood knew that the Hooded Offender was in town when the Crimson Knight leader first started the attack. Strong Head wasn't sent out so he could abuse a stolen suit of armor. He was just a brave guard using what he had on him to respond to a possible Hooded Offender attack."
"Yes, we already know that part. That doesn't change the fact that Strong Head helped cause extensive property damage and set the Exosuit program back by years," you point out.
"Be that as it may, the presence of the Hooded Offender changes everything. I think we all remember his nightmareish showing at the Grand Galloping Gala. His alliance with the Chaos Spirit Discord. His devastating attacks on Fillydelphia and the Crystal Empire. The fanatical terrorists he's inspired. Everypony knows that if the Hooded Offender shows up, the best chance for survival is to run away and hide. Strong Head was doing the opposite- responding to an attack so that he could hold off the Offender long enough for ponies to get away. That he encountered a different threat means nothing, as he responded in the same way."
"Objection!" you cry. "If you'll remember, there were multiple occasions during the battle when Strong Head actively endangered citizens, chose to fight rather than defend them, and even openly insulted them. How can you claim that he had the citizens' best interests at heart?
"HOLD IT!" Wright screams, causing everyone to flinch back. "You're forgetting the Offender again, my good General. As Blueblood has explained, we know for sure that the Offender was in the area, and, as we know, the Offender is a well-known practitioner of mind-controlling magic. Who's to say he didn't subtly influence Strong Head to focus more on the fight, to the point where he couldn't be held accountable for his actions, in order to cripple a program designed to hunt and exterminate him?"
"Subtle? The Offender?" you scoff.
"Subtle enough that its been months since he last appeared. Even with the entire nation on the lookout." Sirin Wright slammed his hooves down on the bench. "I rest my case."
"Would you stop hitting the table?" Flash interjects. "We get your points, you don't need to punctuate them like that. And besides, you're forgetting the fact that Blueblood stole the untested suit in the first place."
"Also the fact that, 'We Know For Sure The Offender was there' nonsense"
"Come again? Wright says with sweat coming off his forehead."
"There's no proof other than your client's word that he was even there, and this is the same stallion who claimed the Element of Generosity was poisoning him with cake. Sapphire Shore's publicity stunt with the so called "Offender" has skyrocketed her album sales, which is precisely what she wanted."
"Hold it! Why would my client willingly be thrown through a stage as a publicity stunt?"
"He wouldn't. Apparently someone found it distasteful that he was harassing a crying child with 8 security guards," you declare.
Wright gives a sigh, and then a guilty grin. "Well, look, I'm a lawyer, not a miracle worker. Can't save my clients from their own stupidity."
"Hey!" Blueblood interrupts. "What the buck? You're my lawyer, defend me!"
"Technically, I'm Strong Head's lawyer," Wright responds. "If you want me to be your lawyer as well, I'll get out the contract and we can discuss pricing."
Blueblood narrows his eyes. "Do you think I'm going to pay some scammer who insults me?"
Wright just grins in reply. "Do you really want to try to get away with not paying a lawyer?" Blueblood pales at this, backing off. Wright gives a sharp laugh. "Thought so. You know where to send the check."
The lawyer then walks out of the doors he came in from, not looking back.
You give a sigh. "Flash, please alert the guards in the hall to detain the lawyer. He still needs to be questioned over barging into a classified area."
Flash nods and flies out the doors, returning less than 10 seconds later with a nod.
"Alright, after that entirely pointless interruption, let's get back to what I was saying before," you say as you rub at a migraine forming.
The Rutherford's Comment
"The Princess and I shall discuss your sentence now. We will be back soon. Don't leave Sargent. That's and order, that goes for you too Blueblood," you warn.
You, Flash Sentry, and Princess Celestia then walk into a chamber, where Luna sits at a round table.
You see her glance at you, before sharply looking away.
Sigh, I've never been able to figure her out. She absconded from the vote for the program in the first place, but still insists on witnessing matters like this, but not directly. It's like she's going out of her way to be neutral on everything. Also, why does she keep looking away from me like that, my scar's not that bad, you think as you and the others sit at the table.
"Sister, why is your niece...or rather OUR niece not here for this discussion?"
"Cadance wants nothing to do with this program Luna. She has expressed her personal objections again and again, and I will not force her into this."
Luna nods then asks, "So sister, what do you think of this predicament? The Sargent was in the wrong, but what if his words have some merit? He seemed certain that this bounty hunter was wielding dark magic."
"I know what you mean. Shining Armor, your thoughts?"
You sigh for like the hundredth time today and say "I honestly do not believe much he has to say. As I told him in the hearing, I have received no reports to back up his claim from anypony who would talk with me, and the equipment is not reliable." You then look to the orange pegasus beside you, and luckily the angry voices don't beset you. "Flash, you fought along side this bounty hunter and his partner in Applewood correct?"
"Yes Sir, although I seriously doubt that CV would be using Dark Magic. It sounds more like it was the work of the Crimson Knight Sorcerer if anything."
"CV?" Celestia asks.
Flash chuckles and says, "Yeah, you know, short for Crimson Vengeance? He said all his best friends call him that..." you and the two alicorns smirk at his dorky behavior before he coughs into hoof and continues, "Anyway, yeah, I never saw either him nor Aqua using dark magic. They are very skilled and tough fighters though."
You nod at this, "They'd have to be after taking down so many Knights. Still it's maddening trying to figure out how he keeps finding them so quickly..."
"I think he may have gotten the location of Kersey from the wyvern and timberwolf Knights we fought together sir."
"What makes you say that?" Luna asks.
"Well, I was helping the one known as Aqua to get defeathered...read the report it makes sense in context. Anyway, while I helped her, He was alone with them for at least 5 minutes. When we came back in, he had a pep to his step and the two Knights said they can't wait to see their old "Friend" again, before he knocked them out. They may have revealed his location, but for what purpose, I don't know."
"So this bounty hunter is in it for the bits then? Just looking for the next big bounty, and getting the next location from his targets?" Celestia inquires.
"I'm not so sure your highness. It seemed personal for him. I know that he has a personal vendetta against Changelings for what they did to his brother and niece, maybe he hunts the Knights too for employing them?" he guesses.
This peaks your interest, "Flash, I don't remember reading that fact in your report. Did you catch their names? It might help us in learning this bounty hunter's true names.
"I didn't put it on the report? Oh, well yeah, I know their names it's Baaaaaa..." he suddenly seizes up as a look of horror comes over his face.
"Lt. Sentry?" Celestia asks in concern.
"Um...sorry everypony, but I can't reveal that information."
"What? Come on Flash, quit kidding around, tell us."
"N-no I can't sir. I really can't."
"What insubbordination is this? We are your diarchs and this striking stallion is your superior officer, you will answer-"
"I MADE A PINKIE PROMISE!!!" he shouts.
You and the Princesses eyes shrink at that declaration.
"Sorry, but I promised in her name that I wouldn't tell anypony."
You and the princesses look at each other and nod.
"Well that's understanding," Celestia says.
"Quite true," Luna adds.
"Sorry Flash, didn't know it was that serious."
"Thank you all, I mean I already have enough murderous voices after me, I don't want to have hers. Besides, if I were to break that promise, I would also lose CV's trust and friendship..."
"FOREVER!!!" Pinkie shouts as her head pops out of Celestia's mane before retreating, leaving you all slack jawed.
"Did...did she just..." a flabbergasted Luna stammers
"Don't question it Luna...we don't need that headache."
"Too late," you say as your rub your head again while Flash shudders.
Celestia sighs and says "Let's ignore the bounty hunter for now and get back to the point of the matter. Sargent Strong Head. He has racked quite a few crimes against himself, and this not being the first set of charges he has had before. Captain Armor, as a military mind, What do you suggest?"
"Well, he was not the one responsible for taking the Exo-suit prototype, that falls onto Prince Blueblood, but he willingly used it without proper authorization, causing damage to both the suit and to the city, and revealing a suit built for war that the public was not supposed to know about until the time was right. Luckily no one knows exactly where the suit came from, but still. Then there is the danger he placed the local population in, hurting quite a few in the process of taking down the Crimson Knights. He has all but ruined the Royal Guard's image to the city's populace and to many others around Equestria. The other problem is that he brutally attacked the Crimson Knight sorcerer and likely killed this Spartan/Changer when he was already beaten."
You take a breath then say,
"If this were a normal situation I would have him stripped of his rank, and place him in a prison for at least 10 years. And that would be letting him off very lightly your Highness." You then look to her and reluctantly say, "Unfortunately, this isn't a normal situation. We can't sentence him to prison without revealing exactly what his crimes were, and we can't reveal the Exxo Program so flagrantly. We can't let anymore information leak out lest the program be cancelled."
The princesses seem to mull this over before they nod their heads before Princess Celestia says,
"You are correct in that regard. And as much as a pain as my nephew is, his funding is critical and we still need to keep him in check."
"I agree, and as much as I hate to admit it, this arrogant moron IS a fierce fighter, and he did handle the equipment well. He needs to be taken down a peg and have a swift kick in the butt for what he's done, but he is an asset, and Blueblood won't let him go so easily. I will say this though, he is not getting away scott free, and he doesn't deserve to be in any leadership role."
"You won't hear any argument from me. Thankfully we still have options when it comes to candidates," Celestia says as she looks over to Flash.
SnapDrakeGames Comment
"Lt. Flash Sentry, despite your recent negative press over your...outbursts, your role in helping capture the Knights Rutherford and Solarkness have helped improve your image. Are you still willing to accept a role in this program even after all the set backs and controversy?"
"It would be an honer, your majesty," Flash says, with a quick salute.
"Even knowing the hardships and public backlash you'll face?"
"I'll just have to prove them wrong, your majesty," Flash grins. For a moment his confidence wavers. "Err... somehow. But I'll get it done!"
"There's no other stallion who I'd be willing to trust with the job, your highness," you reply. Flash beams at this, then quickly hides his appreciation, hoping nopony saw it.
"Please, Armor, we're both royals now. You can call me Celestia. As for you, Flash Sentry, congratulations, you are officially inducted into the program as it stands now."
"Thank you ma'am."
"And as such, you may express your opinion on Strong Head."
"He is a self serving, arrogant piece of subequine garbage your majesty," he replies quickly causing Luna to snicker, "But the Captain is right. We don't need any more coverage on the Exxo program till it's ready, and he is an asset, so whatever his punishment, it must be secretive, appropriate, and a bit humiliating for him if I may say so."
She and Celstia nod at this then look back to you.
"Captain, what is your decision?"
Back in the Room
Sitting before Blueblood and Strong Head again, you pass judgement.
"Strong Head, we have decided on your punishment. You shall be stripped from your rank and put on "probation" for the next year."
You see his face start to light up at this, before you continue.
"For your 'Probation' You are not aloud to leave Canterlot unless told to by me or the princesses, or your superior officer, or if a emergency of code red or higher happens. Furthermore, you will report to your superior, Lt. Sentry every day."
Strong Head's face falls at this while Flash Smirks.
"As of right now, you are neither military, nor civilian and will have neither the rights afforded to their status. You are in limbo. At the end of a year, your behavior will be judged, and you will either retain the right of Private, or Dishonorably Discharged. It's up to Lt. Sentry's word."
"Wait, what about me?" Blueblood interupts. "He's my candidate, don't I at least get to speak with..."
"And as for you Blueblood, your sentence is to pay the hospital bills of those that were injured, including your own bodyguards. Furthermore, you will pay reparations to the family of the Filly you harassed. You will no longer be smearing Lt. Sentry's name and none of this conversation will be made known to the public. Also according to your aunt, you are grounded for the next 6 months, the details of which are up to her to."
"B-but I..."
"Sentencing has been passed. This hearing is adjourned."
SOMETIME LATER
BrownDog's Comment
Kersey's Comment
SnapDrakeGames Comment
You sit with Flash in your office in canterlot, both of you with a bottle of Apple Family Hard Cider in your hooves.
"Drink up Flash. I've all but made your former asshat of a boss your slave for a year," you chuckle.
"Thank you sir. I can't tell you how much he's going to hate it. He'll wish he could go to jail."
"Very good Flash...very good," you taper off as you look at the list of Knight Leaders on your desk with four names crossed off.
"Sir, is everything OK?"
“Not particularly. We've had four leaders, plus several subordinates brought in so far...but these Knights clam up and won’t reveal anything. They’ve taken credit for several events, but it appears the majority of them act separately from one another. How has that Bounty Hunter gotten them to rat out their peers, but not us?”
“Perhaps it’s like the opinion in Vanhoover. Perhaps these criminals respect Bounty Hunters over guards?” Flash adds.
You give out a sigh.
"Who knows...I mean, they're all so random, but this is the one thing they're similar on. At least this Kersey has an excuse being comatose and all.
"Still after two weeks?" Flash asks.
"Yeah, The doctors say that is more due to whatever experimental formula he took than the beating. They're flabbergasted about it too. There was a researcher who dabbled in such things, but he's been in an insane asylum for 20 years, so we have no idea where it came from."
"I see. Is he being held with the rest?"
"Well once he was stable they transferred him to his own little cell. Apparently he's not very popular."
When Kersey Was Wheeled To His Cell
Kersey's hospital bed is wheeled to a special cell where medical equipment is hooked up. The other Knights watch from their cells and upon seeing him begin laughing.
"Thank Goodness!" they all laugh out in happiness.
"I was really worried he'd be awake," the Timberwolf says with a toothy smile.
"I know right? Thank goodness for small pleasures," comes the voice of the Wyvern. "Think he'll be like this for awhile?"
"I really hope so!" Kichi declares. "I never like thaaaaa...Whoah! Who's that?!" he declares as the Changeling Messenger is walked past.
She is then put into a cell across from Silver.
"Oh Come on! You're gonna put the female next to that turd?!"
"Shut up and show the lady respect Kichi! Hi I'm Silver Strange," comes the other changeling down the hall.
"H-hello..." the messenger greets from her cell.
"What's the matter, you jelly?" Rutherford taunts.
"Yes I am Jelly!"
Back In Your Office
“Either way Flash, we’re nowhere near to figuring out this problem, and two random ponies who's real names we don't know are solving a national crisis. Heck, they’re bringing them in so fast, we’ll probably eventually need better accommodations for our Knight friends." You then take a drink to calm yourself.
“Don’t worry sir. There’s five names left on that list Cadance got. I’m sure we’ll find at least one of them," Flash adds.
“Ha, if we’re lucky. If only these names came with a description for crying out loud, I mean look at these names. Mindseye, Grey Rebl Brown...”
POV CHANGE: BUGZE (AKA YOU)
"...Dog and Snap Drake, you had better freaking be here!" You say as you finally, FINALLY stand in front of the hippie commune that produces Goops and Stuff
It's been two weeks since you all left Vanhoover, and in that time, you've been travelling from town to town, looking to see if anyling knew where the heck this place was.
"I mean, this is just bad business practice! I know they have traveling wagons and stuff, but it shouldn't take you this long to find the distributor!" you snarl.
"Calm down CV, you're upsetting the locals," Aqua says as she points to three ponies sitting under a porch with red eyes with goofy looks on their faces.
"How can you even tell?"
"Daddy, what's that weird smell coming off of them?" asks Nightshade as she holds her nose closed.
"Something you should Just Say No to sweetheart. Just, Say, No..."
Oh you're one to talk with how we're sedating the caged beast
That's different! I need the drugs and you know it!
I know, I just like poking fun at your hypocrisy, she giggles.
"Anyway," you say getting back on track, "these knights had better be here. Being flat broke out here in the middle of nowhere isn't going to get you far."
"Well there is a simple way to find out rather than just angrily ranting," Aqua says as she rolls her eyes and walks into the building with Goops and Stuff tacked on the top.
Inside, you see a green mare with red dreadlocks sitting behind the counter with a chill look on her face.
"Hello, and welcome to Goops and Stuff travelers. The Universe sends it's good tidings to you."
"Uh-huh," you say rolling your eyes, "Listen, I ain't got time for the dope talk, are you the one in charge here?"
"Whoah man, no need to harsh the mellow. No, I just work here, Wheat Grass and Flax Seed own this place, along with the wellness center. My name is Tree Hugger," she says with a spacey voice.
"I see..." Aqua says. "Well have you or anyone seen two guys in dark hooded cloaks named Brown Dog and Snap Drake or been asked for a big shipment of money?"
"I don't think so...I'm sure big money would make waves...And there's no need to wear cloaks out here, just let mother nature touch you all over."
"You're toasted aren't you?" you say bluntly.
"A little bit, but yeah like...you'd have to like ask Flax and Wheat if they've heard anything, when they get back from the travelling shop that is."
"And when will that be?" you ask.
"Dude, like...shouldn't be too much longer. Tomorrow maybe? They've been gone like...three and half weeks I think..."
"Ugh, I gotta spend a day waiting surrounded by hippies?!" you say as you look around the commune and see bongo drums, tie dyed shirts, and a plenty of haze and brownies.
"Why me?" you moan.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
Outro:
The best Hippie of course is Shaggy. If you really think about it, all of Scooby Doo is in his (and the rest of the gang's) drugged mind. He lives out of a van with his dog, always has the munchies, and him and his "friends" the prom royalty and the nerdy girl go on "Adventures" and solve "Mysteries"
How else do you explain them thinking the dog can talk?
My yoga instructor says she was once an extra in a movie, does that count?
Other than Tree Hugger, I haven't seen any TV or movies that had hippies.
Best Hippie is definitely Shaggy from Scooby Doo, with Cheech and Chong taking second place.
You wander around until you find a stage. After talking for a bit, you find out that they are recreating the Woodstalk Concert (instead of Woodstock) from 69, doing covers of the original songs. With your ability to sing rock and roll, you end up singing covers of quite a few artists, like the Grateful Dead, Hendrix, CCR, ect (names changed to pony versions). When you finish your final song, you see a wagon pull into the compound.
Tree Hugger: "oh richous man, like Wheat Grass and Flax Seed are back.
You take that as you cue to leave and talk to them.
After being told that Brown dog and Snap drake would likely be coming tomorrow, You try to find a place to rest. Unfortunately all of the inn's are completely filled with ponies toasted out of their minds so you decide to sleep outside. you find a nice place and you Nightshade and Aqua set up camp. Just when you are about to go to sleep a raindrop hit you in the snout. after a couple more times you get up to see a storm cloud hanging directly above you. When you try to move it follows you and only rains on you. After a quick curse to lady luck you decide to go to bed even with the rain.
When you wake up Nightshade and Aqua ask what happened and you just say "Lady Bucking Luck."
Best Hippie would be shaggy as at one point (Can't remember when) the mystery machine's doors open and smoke comes flooding out while Shaggy and Scooby are still inside NOT rushing to get out.
Bugzee decides to check around for information to see if maybe some clients know something so he decides to enter. Finding the inside full of smoke making hard to navigate as if they were in a mist.
"Daddy... It smells funny around here" Comment Nightshade
"Nightshade honey, maybe it could be best if you wait in the door, you know, to alert us if you see them" Say Bugzee
"But why daddy? It's very funny" Nightshade giggles
"Err...." Begin to comment Bugzee
"Hi uncle dizzy! What are you doing with that pink elephant?" Ask Nightshade suddenly to a empty space
"Okay... Now I'm begining to get worried..." Say Aqua
"What do you say mister pink elephant? That you want the world cleaned and the best way is to use the moon? Not a problem" Say Nightshade giggling as her horn begin to glow.
Is then that they begin to feel a big quake, Bugzee and Aqua look at each other.
Meanwhile somewhere in Canterlot
"Ummm... Lulu, is that the moon approaching with a scary face?" Ask Celestia worried as she see the moon coming
"It's not me, I swear!" Say Luna as she light her horn slowing the moon
"Is still coming..." Say Celestia
"I know, I'm doing what I can but someone hijacked my moon" Say Luna
"Gasp... Could it be Nightmare Moon that managed to enter in the body of one of the most stupid changelings with the worst luck, only to get in love with him and have a daughter, and after many adventures he become the number 1 enemy of the land thanks to Discord and the number 1 hero at the same time but somehow as they try to find the evil knights they found a clue somewhere that ponies like to get weed and now is trying to use the moon to end Equestria because that?" Say suddenly a bubbly voice
Luna and Celestia look at Pinkie Pie that was in there suddenly, two guards in the door rub their eyes trying to understand how did the pink pony managed to enter.
"A cupcake?" Asked smiling Pinkie as she give one to Celestia
"Uhhh... Thank you" Say Celestia as she take the cupcake.
"Don't worry" Say smiling Pinkie as she just go to the back of the throne and open the wall revealing a secret passage and dissapearing inside.
"Did that happen?" Asked Luna
"Not a question Luna" Say Celestia
"But... How... why... Since when is there a secret passage in there?" Ask Luna
"I say not a question... And no, there is and never was a secret passage in there" Groan Celestia
Meanwhile with Bugzee
"Okay... We need to get her out before she destroy all Equestria" Say Bugzee
"But what if they flee meanwhile? And they are two versus one, we can't separate, and I doubt even in the inventory Nightshade could be unnafected by the smoke" Say Aqua
"Gah... We need a foalsitter for her then, someone that could distract her and make sure that she don't follow us to the danger but where can we get one?" Ask Bugzee a little angry
Just then a earth pony with a dress holding a umbrella appear suddenly
"Hi, I'm Trotty Poppins and..." Begin to talk the pony when suddenly a hole form in the room, smashing the pony with the rumble and from the hole appear Garble
"At last! I found you! My nemesis!" Shout Garble looking at Nightshade
Nightshade stop glowing her horn and giggling look to Garble
"Oh! A lizard with wings!" Say Nightshade as she giggle again
Meanwhile Garble look a little surprised and confused to Nightshade and then to Bugzee and Aqua that look at each other as they seem to have the same idea
"So... What is happening to her?" Ask Garble pointing
"The weed smoke from around, don't worry, but maybe you could get her outside and look at her for a time" Say Bugzee
"Yay! Let's go play" Say Nightshade a little hyperactive as she hug Garble, but as he was going to look to Aqua and Bugzee, Nightshade hit him between the legs
"Ouch, damn kid... I will show you how strong I am after training" Groan Garble as he take Nightshade and fly away a little
"I'm not sure if it was a good to let her go... But better that being in here, and we stopped the end of the world again. Now let's check if those knights are around or if someone know anything about them" Say Bugzee.
"What about you... Are you going to have problems?" Asked Aqua
"I... I'm not sure if changelings could get high with weed really" Say Bugzee
"Ummm... I think I know the answer" Say Aqua as she pointed to the door of one private room that have in bright letters 'Queen Chrysalis'
----------------
The best hippy... I don't know much hippy, but I liked the one that appear in a couple of scenes in Kamuth
Like, Zoinks!
img.ifcdn.com/images/cef12e4574dd370761695b258914a3ee7c5ca247798a132cdee1d221149697c3_1.jpg
Oh, dear. Please, tell me drugs are not involved.
Continue your search for the knights... and don't take anything from anybody; you have more than enough drugs to keep Sombra playing silly for weeks as it is.
I don't really have an answer for this one, so... yeah. Sorry.
Fortunately, you are immune to all the hippie drug fumes due to Selena channeling them into Sombra
=======================
Time for the return of a few classic running gags;
See a yellow quilt with some butterflies on it and get reminded of Fluttershy. Then get sad at the thought that the last time she saw you, you devoured a pony alive in front of her.
Fortunately, you being you, you get snapped out of it by remembering that one time you found that copy of her shoot for Vanner's Secr- NO! BAD BUG!
========================
FLASHBACK
"Now *&^%#$, I know I already told you about 'slapping-hippies-until-they-get-a-haircut-and-a-real-job', but that only applies to the stallions. Hippie MARES are another more sensual creature entirely. Don't even need a disguise thanks to that whole 'free love' thing they spout. Heck, I remember one time I banged 5 at once, and let me tell you the things these mares coul-"
"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" you yell covering your ears.
FLASHBACK OVER
Need for brain bleach aside you think with a shudder, The fact that I could openly be a changeling here could come in hoofy.
=================
You later come across on old hippie mare who suddenly says to you,
"Hey man, do I know you?"
"I... doubt it." you respond warily.
"I ask cause you got this really familiar vibe." the old mare says.
"Yeah, there sure are a LOT of vibes here." you snark.
"No no, this is like a really specific vibe. Like the last time I felt it was me and 4 of my sisters getting it on with this one duct tape-savvy dude-"
"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!" you exclaim, covering your ears as you quickly move along in a futile attempt to prevent that image from getting into your head.
....
Too late.
"MY EEEEEEEEEEYES!!! SOMEPONY BUCKING GOUGE THEM!!! SO MANY HEAVING WRINKLES! WHHHHHYYYYYY?!!!"
Que Aqua giving you a "Snap Out Of It!" slap with her waterbending.
7509289 And suddenly I can imagine somepony trying to read their chakras and the auras
bugze: hmm maybe learning some dark magic from ol sombrero would help if i get in a tight spot, when he finally stops being dru-
sombrero: AAAH you drugged me (or something liked that i dont know how he speaks)
bugze: well.. yeah.. only cause you kept trying to tell me to kill everybody
sombrero: because you should, they are all annoying
bugze: why have you lost your formal voice?
sombrero: because........
bugze:....
somby:...
bugze: anyways i need your help on learning how to use dark magic more
somby: why would i help you
bugze: you get to do something other than watch terrible movies and be drugged
You decide to check out the resort…and yeah, it’s not for you. Even if you wanted to waste another potion to jump in mud, it smells funny. Goops and Stuff may be selling well, but you aren’t touching it.
Dinner is also kind of reprehensible and disgusting. Nightshade especially takes it badly.
“HOW CAN YOU EAT THIS GARBAGE?!!! WHERE’S ALL THE DESERT?!!!”
“Calm down little missy, sugar’s like really bad for you and…” Tree Hugger gets Nightshade’s plate of “Food” thrown right in her face.
“CHOKE ON MY HATRED!!!” she roars as she runs across the different picnic tables, kicking everyling’s plate into the dirt.
The hippies all give you a glare and you just chuckle and rub the back of your head.
Her little tirade is later pacified though by a shaggy looking pony with a brown Great Dane, which she pets relentlessly.
You aren’t sure…but you swear you hear Nightshade talking to the dog and getting answered back…
“Oh great, I’m getting a proximity high!”
No you’re not. If you were, I’d be siphoning it as usually.
“Oh right…but still…”
And, as much as you hate the noise yourself, when put on a bongo drum it’s addicting and you play for what feels like hours as everyone dances around the bonfire.
Meanwhile…Between the Two Weeks and Now
The former Knight Changer feels the sensation of moving and blinks his eyes open. He sees the inside of a wagon and bottles and bottles of…shampoo?
He groans as he sits up from his resting spot, apparently it’s a bean bag chair.
What happened? The building collapsed…that Bounty Hunter was there and… he then winces in pain at his left foreleg which is in a cast.
“What the buck happened?!” he growls out.
“Spartan! You’re awake comes the happy cries of some idiot who glomps the injured unicorn, causing him to wince at the bruises all over his body.
“AAGGGHHH!!! I’m injured you idiot!”
“Well yeah,” comes another voice, “you kind of fell out of the sky for some reason. We figured you fell out of the afterlife so we bandaged you up.”
“And boy are we glad you’re not dead Spartan.”
“My names not Spartan! Get off me! Who are you?!” he yells as he tries to push them off.
The two glomping figures get off of him and pull their hoods down, revealing a pony and a diamond dog (who’s wearing sunglasses).
“Heya buddy, it’s your old pals Snap Drake and Brown Dog,” says the diamond dog with a smile.
“Yeah, I mean it seems you’ve forgotten your name, but how could you’ve forgotten about us?” asks Snap.
Changer’s eyes widen in surprise before they squint in anger as he suddenly lunges forward and starts choking Brown Dog with his magic, landing on top of him.
“GRRAAAGGHHH!!!” he yells.
“Oh- Hey-Loos-en-Up-On-The-Throat-Hugs-Spart-An,” the Brown Dog gasps out as he is being throttled.
“I don’t think he’s giving you a throat hug, I think he’s trying to kill you,” Snap says nonchalantly as he witnesses the scene.
“What?-Nah-He-Would-n’t-do-that,”
“DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH DIE!” roars out the angry unicorn.
“Are you sure about that?” asks Snap Drake as he watches on.
“I’m-Gack-Sure-“ he says as he pries wraps his paw around Spartan’s horn and squeezes, cutting off the magic pressure allowing him to breathe.
“I guess you’re right, he always did joke around. And your mom is a bitch, so it’s funny,” Snap says as he and Brown Dog start chuckling.
Changer looks at their laughing faces and says, “The Buck’s the Matter With You Two?”
“Here, grab more brownies, he needs to mellow out after coming back from the dead,” the diamond dog says.
“Get that crap away from me!”
“Oh man, this is just like the old times!” Snap says as he’s kicked in the face.
The other hippies in the cart just watch on with amusement.
Later During Those Weeks.
Changer, Brown Dog, and Snap Drake are all sitting in bean bag chairs listening to Bob Cartley.
“So Kersey turned into a freaking Kaiju?” asks the Brown Dog.
“Yes. I had him where I wanted him, but that stupid guard got in the way. I have no idea how I ended up in the sky, but I’m willing to bet he had something to do with it.”
“Oh, well there goes my theory that I had the ability to ironically wish people back from the dead,” pouts the diamond dog.
“Dang, that was kind of my theory on how you got so powerful, afterlife powers and all,” exposits Snap.
“I was never dead! I’ve been over this! I got power and was hunting you guys down, but two Hunters kept getting in my way” Changer says with a facehoof.
“So wait…you’re telling us, that Kichi, Solarkness, Rutherford and Kersey are now all in custody…and that they all got taken in by the same bounty hunter?” asks Snap as he drinks a cider.
“Yes!” Changer hisses, still holding his leg in a sling. “The Crimson Vengeance and that waterbender Aqua have been getting in my way of revenge over and over again, and I have no idea where they’ve taken them!”
“Holy Balls. That’s why we haven’t heard from Silver Strange!” Brown Dog says as he slaps both paws to his cheeks.
“You’d think this kind of thing would make news,” says Snap.
“It has made news. How have you two not heard of this? It’s been going on for like 2 months.”
“We uh…don’t really read the papers…” Brown Dog says as he sips his cider.
“That and we’ve been practically partying the whole time,” Snap adds.
“That too.”
Changer facehooves again. “I can’t believe I thought you two were threats…”
“Hey now, don’t knock it. You used to party with us Spartan.”
“CHANGER!!! My name is Changer! You’re all the ones who gave me that name!”
“Well duh! It was a nickname. It meant you were tough like the old warriors. Don’t you remember us giving it to you after you chugged that entire bottle of Jack Spaniels and fought that Minotaur mugger,” Brown Dog admonishes.
“I…actually don’t remember that,” Changer reflects.
“Well I’m not surprised, that dude messed all of us up. Luckily, the lady that was getting mugged bashed him over the head with that bottle,” chuckles Snap.
“I…” he shakes his head.
“Yeah, good times.”
“If they were good times, then why did you all leave me to die?”
“Leave you to…Hey, we didn’t leave you bro,” Brown Dog says.
“Yes you did, all of you!”
“Nuh-uh. After the accident, we tried looking for your body, but there’s not much we can do when everything is on fire,” Snap adds.
“I…”
“Yeah, and then the cops showed up to see why there was so much fire and whatnot, and the others said we had to skedaddle.”
“We thought you were dead man. We didn’t know. There was no way we could. After that, none of us got together in big groups anymore. We kind of just did our own thing,” explains Snap.
“…” Changer just looks down in thought.
“Hey, we all got shook up…well most of us anyway, Kersey is Kersey, and Grey and Erised are just insane, so yeah…”
Changer still looks like he’s in contemplation, so Brown Dog and Snap Drake hold up their drinks to him.
“Now come on bro, if there’s one thing these hippie chicks have taught us, it’s to just ride the waves of life, right Wheat Grass?”
“You got it Dawg…” said mare says.
“Yeah, cheers to the destruction of our once great fan club,” Brown Dog toasts.
Changer rolls his eyes as they drink, but there is a slight smirk at the corner of his mouth.
Suddenly, Snap Drake spits out his drink.
“OH CRUD!”
“What?” asks the diamond dog.
“If Kersey’s in jail…how the buck are we getting paid?!”
The dog’s eyes widen and can be seen even under the glasses as the realization hits him.
“Ohhhhhh…Balls…” he then turns to Changer. “Did you at least hit him really hard?”
“You’re damn right I did,” Changer says with a dark chuckle.
“Well…guess it’s worth it then…” contemplates Snap Drake.
“Yeah…Flax! More Brownies please!” orders Brown Dog.
“You guys are insane…” says a more relaxed Changer.
“Nah, we’re just having fun. Grey and Erised are the insane ones remember?”
7509897
Nightshade is pissed because the "dinner" consists of "burrito" (just a thick roll of lettuce) and "pizza" (lettuce leaf with tomatoes and mushrooms on it)
Get embarrassed by Nightshade's behavior and have Aqua use her waterbending to grab Nightshade back and then you ground her by confining her to her room (The Inventory)
=========
"Wait, I just remembered something!" BrownDog says as he starts looking through his pockets, "Lint... string... crowbar... fireworks launcher-"
"How did you fit a-" Changer asks in confusion before BrownDog interrupts,
"Got it!" he proclaims before taking out a sheet of paper that looks pretty messy.
"A tissue?" Changer snarks.
"No, don't you guys remember? Kersey gave us all maps to a 'Secret Emergency Funds Stash'."
"Eh, it was probably during one of his rants about 'not keeping up with paperwork' so I probably used mine as toilet paper." Snap Drake shrugs
7505390
Given how fiercely protective Bugze and Selena are of Nightshade, how about we NOT entrust her to a dragon teen who swore to beat her
7509897
(When he's choking)
"I'll make this quick so NO ONE can interfere!"
Changer crosses his forelegs in front of him. "You two are idiots. But... you did save my life."
"So... are we friends?" Brown Dog asks.
"Idiotic friends you two are... but friends nonetheless."
I don't know why but whenever I read Changer's dialogue I imagine his voice being Madara's, Itachi's, Obito's or Sasuke's Japanese voice. Same in fighting scenes with Bugze and Nightshade.
7513522 They need a babysitter, and they know that in theory she defeated him, I used Garble mainly as a joke character, even a drugged Nightshade could defeat him. Seriously, do you really think Garble could really think of hurting a drugged Nightshade even after she kicked him in the balls. He is a teenager but not really a monster, and if he think try something, Bugzee could send him to the moon without needing the EoH