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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Alright, there's no better way to cheer up a semi-shitty day than another chapter to an amazing story.
Now, onto the chapter!
First off, I want to mention that I liked your more detailed explanation of the boutique. Adds more depth.
I also enjoyed the conversation between Fluttershy and our protagonist (I'm gonna keep calling him that, mostly because I like the word). It clarified what they are feeling really well, making him, and especially Fluttershy (since we haven't gotten much detail on the machinations of her mind until now), a lot deeper and more natural feeling characters. Also the "Hold her down and force her to drink more coffee!" made me laugh. I'm enjoying the comedy. The time Rarity, Fluttershy, and protagonist had together was also well written and the interaction brings out their feelings for each other nicely. Rarity's dialogue with the protagonist bursts with their love for each other, which is always a, hard to successfully write, plus.
Not much new to say here aside from that. As always, my original points stand, and I'd like to point out that they always seem to improve after every chapter.
Keep on writing, Dref. Always looking forward to it.
EDIT: Oh, shit! Almost forgot! I also like how Fluttershy get's her money. I always wondered about that.
itsapoptropicablog.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/screen-shot-2011-06-27-at-8-31-35-pm.png?w=584
MOAR!
Yet another wonderful chapter
However, teasing me with "possible" fluttershy intimacy is driving me crazy!
Another amazing chapter! Keep up the awesome work!
I don't mind waiting on for intimate moments with 'shy, the added story elements and out of bedroom details give this story a lot of solid emotion and weight.
Nice.....very nice....
New chapter!
awesome
482366
Hello once again, Amppi! Writing something between our protagonist (I, too, like that word) and Fluttershy was a real challenge for me. I'd say most of my time spent writing was in relation to that scene. I swear, I rewrote it a good 2-3 times before I was satisfied with it. The feathery part of this triangle has presented quite a few challenges, mostly in how I've wanted to progress the protagonist's and Rarity's relationship with her. Doing it too quickly didn't feel right. At one point, I had their little chat while Rarity was out end with some not-so-light kissing and such, but I thought it would be too much of a stretch to go from "I want to talk with her" to "I'm making out with her for ten minutes", lol. If I'm honest, I'm still deciding where the entire sub-plot with Fluttershy will end up, as my goals tend to change from chapter to chapter.
That said, I'm glad you thought it felt like a good bit of writing. I wanted to make all of the characters' stances on that relationship very clear, while trying to give some more depth as to why Fluttershy chose how she did and the protagonist's last bit of lingering concerns. Now that those feelings are known, I can focus more on Cashmere for the next chapter. I haven't begun to write the next one yet (I usually take a two days break after a chapter release), but I think I've got some good ideas in mind.
Like she said, the kid gloves are off
482440
BUT MY FINGERS, THEY BLEED!
...okay, maybe I can do that.
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This slow, ever so slow buildup must be killing you, Nutty. To see that Flutterintimacy so close, yet so far. Soooo cloooose.
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Thanks! I'm building up to it, just wanna take my time.
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Welp, that fulfills my quota for emoticons for the day.
...maybe one more.
I enjoyed this chapter quite a bit, I was able to read it while on my porch after a long day at work. The mood of the story lent itself well to sunny afternoon reading outdoors deep in South Texas. First off, I wanted to say your current style of flashbacking at the start of each chapter is taking on more importance for me as I the main storyline develops and provides us the needed background into the main characters motivations. At the start of the series this part simply felt more like a placeholder to give us something to anchor the start of the story in our minds. At this point I could not imagine starting a new chapter without this level of exposition your providing, although I did feel the chapter introducing Princess Celestia appeared rushed, I wanted to know more about her viewpoint once she noticed Rarity's feelings.
I do have one area that is starting to make me wonder where you are going with the Fluttershy relationship. Specificly you mentioned several times to callbacks to events in the series that helped shape Fluttershy's character - such as the pegasus race and falling down to the ground. Up to this point I had the impression in my mind this was more of an offshoot world that allowed you to explore the characters in areas you would not see them in the main series, but these flashbacks bring it more in line to cannon. Personal kudos on providing backstory on how she eventually returned home!
Because of this I am starting to wonder if you are going to bring in Fluttershy's darker side into the story that has been shown in the series. Now that Rarity, the main character and Fluttershy are exploring new emotional grounds together what would happen to her if that suddenly was taken away or threatened by an outside force? Ahh, speculation at it worst I know, but what else is a reader supposed to do? I know - Look forward to new chapters!
In this pony society that's often interpreted to have more of a herd mentality and higher disproportion of the number of females over males, I don't know if polygamy would be that frowned upon. They got the traditional marriage system, sure, but how much relationship liberties do they have I wonder? For the story I think it's not so much the practice itself, but the characters involved that concerns it.
And suppose our man does go polygamy, would the other colts suddenly find offense in that? What was the public reaction when the relationship with Rarity got intimate? Between this particular flashback, where you really acknowledged his isolation, to the present when gradually pays the jeweler, it seems he has gained a bit more acceptance despite having a blossomed relationship with Rarity. I mean, Rarity would no doubt be a prized mare in Ponyville and to lose it to a foreigner would be a blow to me if I was a local.
Don't know if you haven't fully realized this or that you're saving it for the next 'phase' in their relationship that you have coming up.
As for the Fluttershy subplot, you're handling her addition to the love circle just great. Your struggle you suggest is her external conflict it seems with finding her other half. The circumstances of her living at the Carousel Boutique would now put her in the spotlight of not just the rivalry between Cashmere and Rarity but having close encounters of the most exotic couple in Equestria. As for the polygamy issue you brought up, the colts would now feel a touch of jealousy towards our human having more plot than most now it would seem. They feel they're loosing claim and be more competitive to gain her affections now more than ever.
Maybe this is a chance to advance the Macintosh/Fluttershy ship, though Macintosh by his easy-going nature, he would be more accepting of the man than the usual colt probably and not so confronted. Perhaps be of some comfort for Fluttershy when she will be put under the pressured spotlight suddenly, and any given by Rarity or the human would only make it worse and deepen the controversy.
Excellent story. I don't doubt your treatment of characters and attention to detail. But if your struggling with plot as you say you are, do not worry, your care and efforts will not bring a bad choice too easily.
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I do intend to cover the jealousy of other ponies more with this chapter, yes. Rarity is quite the prize, as ponies go. There would no-doubt be some resentment towards him, at least by those who considered Rarity to be a potential match. It's something I'll be addressing as the plot (story plot, that is) advances, but for now there will be some touching upon the subject.
YAY for a new chapter in an awesome story!
"A beautiful mare on each arm. Twice the eye candy for parties."
Swag. lol!
Yet another well done chapter.
616911 ...
WHERE IS SPIKE WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!!?
Awesome chapter, loved the " force her down and feed her coffe " bit hahaha! As I said before this is the best fic I have read and even though it may be taking a while for the intimate scenes between fluttershy main character / rarity, I like how you putting it off to build their relationship as a group and not rushing it. Sort of sad to see that some of the other users commenting just want you to hurry up rather than realizing your talent by looking at how you proceed with the relationship without taking it way to fast like some fic writers I know. Keep up the good work!
"Hell, you'd give your right arm for a working computer and a copy of TF2." XD j-just just /)
"time is money,friend."
i see what you did there.
fc02.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2011/051/b/1/time_is_money__friend_by_gadwah-d3a0svs.png
So...something like this? Just without Fluttershy.
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTMvMDIvMjMvMjBfMzNfMTBfNTU3XzI1MzA5MV9fVU5PUFRfX3NhZmVfcmFyaXR5X2FydGlzdF9jb25yaWUuanBlZy5qcGVnIl1d/253091__fluttershy_rarity_shipping_suggestive_lesbian_panties_stockings_lingerie_flarity_artist-conrie.jpeg
Wonder how long it will be till the inevitable, but temporary, human to pony or pony to human spell.
derpicdn.net/thumbs/800/600/2013/02/05/21_58_07_470_234534__UNOPT__rarity_humanized_suggestive_condom.jpg.jpg
Or even anthro.
th05.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2012/333/f/c/lingerie_rarity_by_conrie-d5mjosi.jpg
derpicdn.net/thumbs/1300/600/2013/04/30/17_30_30_5_312483__UNOPT__rarity_anthro_questionable_panties_stockings_wet_see_through_artist_lonelycross.jpg
Or till "I" come home and find this...
derpicdn.net/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTAvMzEvMjJfMDFfMTJfMjJfMTM4MDkyX19VTk9QVF9fZmx1dHRlcnNoeV9yYXJpdHlfc3VnZ2VzdGl2ZV9wbG90X2JlZHJvb21fZXllc19saW5nZXJpZV9mbGFyaXR5X2FydGlzdF90d2ludGFpbHNpbmMiXV0/138092__fluttershy_rarity_suggestive_plot_panties_bedroom-eyes_stockings_lingerie_flarity_artist-twintailsinc.jpg
I need a cold shower now, No, not the "me" in this story....
2605254 onthe bright side you gave most of us nose bleeds so good job... going to get some tissues now...
935036 woot someone understands !
Hold her down and force her to drink more coffee! (made me laugh and then choke on my coffee) and sit and spin on it? was that not used in happy days a lot? (only time I ever remember hearing it)
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I thought the exact same thing! WoW nerds
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This response makes me quite happy! It feels like a natural progression (which you excel at presenting). There are still some relationship challenges to overcome at this point and there is nothing better than to see bonds tested time and again. It makes the end result all the more powerful.
I love how the dialogue wanders, but not at all in a distracting way. It just causes bits of the characters habits and mannerisms to be casually exposed. There is no wasted motion, everything I have read has had a purpose or exposed some new or extra insight into the many facets of the characters and world around them. It's (for lack of a better phrase), "Simply divine!"
I almost forgot to review this particular gem of a chapter.
Yay! I'm not the only one who does that to their dog/s!
I think there was something else but I completely forgot about it, it was this part that made me laugh the hardest.