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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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i love you. keep doing what your doing.. and still the BEST BDAY PRESENT EVER!!!!!
887949
That's exactly it, lol. I needed a name for a pony who's good at spotting things and correcting them, and Quick Fix seemed to work, so yeah. Also, the buffed Quick Fix is really good.
887950
Right again! It's my favorite Spy hat, even though I don't actually own one. One day...
935036
SOMEONE FINALLY NOTICED IT!
I was a WoW addict for just short of two years. Needless to say, it had to get a little reference in my story.
969235
It's your birthday?! Holy crap, mine's tomorrow! Happy Birthday! Doing anything interesting to celebrate?
969308
pfft. na. i dont do much for my b-days. mom got me an iron man mark 2 armor unleashed from hottoys to add to my collection..
happy early birthday to you and many more to come.. hope you get somthing just as awsome. ^_^
Sweet candy coated JESUS! I forgot how long these can be!
cache.wists.com/thumbnails/9/78/9788214c9623d753ebd4c7937c8aba10-orig
Anyway, where to begin...
Once again, it's great to see more development with the relationship that the protagonist and Fluttershy share. It's always fun to get more details on the character of Fluttershy.
The memory scene was also very touching and heartfelt.It demonstrated the connection the reader has with the protagonist quite nicely, with how the sadness that the main character felt, was very easily reciprocated by the reader. 'Twas also nice to see more of Pipes missus, and get more character out of her. I even liked the little touch of worry I got with the protagonist when he heard of the gossip.
I also HAVE to say this. I simply adore how you writer Cashmere! She's the kind of antagonist that's an asshole and a bitch, but also KNOWS that they're an asshole and a bitch, and aren't afraid to be proud of it. Combine that with the fact that she's still sensible and can have a heart when needed, and you get an absolutely lovable asshole. Fantastic job!
The sex scene was as great and well written as ever. Sexy and pouring with character and emotion.
Overall, simply beautiful work. It warms my heart to see you back on your feet, and to see that your writing isn't even a bit rusty from the absence. Might actually be better.
I missed you Dref. You're my favorite artist on this site and it's great to see that you're back.
Oh Fluttershy...I'll love you if no one else will...
nice and easy chapter after that last one. also bonus at the end
I would say two chapters have a nearly two month hiatus is good enough but... it isn't. More. Now.
Well written as always. I was wondering how long it would take the rumor mill to pick up on Fluttershy's change in living arrangements, and eventually they're going to put two and two together....
shouldnt have read the new chapters because now i realise its back to waiting for new ones again.. ah well
sweet new chapters wonderfully written nice and long aww yeah............ didnt pace my reading now i have wait for more new chapters.....shit
Glad to have you back.
The dinner date was rather enjoyable. Has Fluttershy been around when he has had one of his nightmares?
You know, as nice as it is to know a "sober Equestria" fanfic, with adult content but not focused in it more than enough for it to play the plot point sometimes, with a nice cast of OCs and interpretations... I have a minor gripe with this story.
And that is the 2nd person perspective.
I'll explain why in few words: the MC is too characterized. 2nd person is supposed to be a bit bland in the level of detail so the reader can insert itself into the story and fill the blanks as they prefer, both regarding the "avatar" and its actions. When you have a dude with as much personality as this MC, that idea is thrown in the trash, and the POV feels forced.
I'm far from saying this is a bad fanfic, much like i stated above, just that it would GREATLY benefit from being re-written in either first or (preferably, IMO) third person perspective. That way, the MC becomes a character we can relate to, instead of feeling like we've been shoved in a cockpit and made to watch everything from behind a visor that constantly displays THIS IS YOU as a faint glow in the glass.
I ship Fluttermere.
971997
Well I think it's a bit too late to rewrite the entire thing, don't you?
2nd person is a divisive writing style, and I knew it would be from the start. It's inherently strange to read someone saying "you are doing this", but it's also a style that is rather popular for this kind of fic.
Now, normally, a 2nd person narrative is going to have a character who is a complete and total blank slate. No personal experiences, no biases, no personality. And that's fine, if what you're going for is a main character that can't be described at all.
However, I find that really, really boring. Not only that, but it makes for bad storytelling. How are you supposed to become emotionally involved, not just with the protagonist himself, but those around him, when he never speaks or has a personality? What I wanted to do was try my hand at the 2nd person narrative style while still giving the reader a sense that this person whose mind they're occupying is a unique individual, with a life and a thought process all his own.
Judging by the overwhelmingly positive response I've received thus far, I'd say I've done a pretty decent job at it. With a 2nd person style, it's usually "this person is you," but with this story I feel it's more of "you are this person". A small difference, but a necessary one.
Ultimately, no, nothing about my narrative writing style -- at least for this story -- is going to change.
972369 Your points are exactly why 2nd person POV stories don't usually rocket off like yours did – because it's worth three times its virtual weight in jewelry. To be fair, I'd say S&B didn't take off because it was 2nd person, but despite of it. And let me ask: from all the positive feedback, how many readers actually SAID they felt like they were the character? 'coz honestly, I don't, even though I love the MC.
And I wasn't talking about doing it right away; I know myself how hard it is for the author to go back and make a redux mid-story. I was talking about maaaaaybe a future project, something done as a "side dish" to a future main course. Maybe an "alternate read" for those who dismiss 2nd person fics right off the bat, which, as we both know, is common.
And finally, why so defensive? Relax, take a chill pill. I'm not looking for a fight; are you?
972475
Enough that I don't regret trying 2nd person. And really, when you go back to the very start of this fic, way back in February, that's exactly what I was doing: trying it out. I've never written a 2nd person narrative before. Or a romance fic. Or a pony fic. So far, I'd say all of those things have worked out pretty well. For future stories, I will definitely be trying different narrative styles, however. More traditional 3rd and 1st person stuff.
Also: Defensive because I've answered this exact kind of concern more than once. I know it's unusual to have a fleshed-out character while still maintaining 2nd person. I realize this. But I wouldn't change it in the least. Apologies if I come off as too defensive.
969879
After being gone for nearly a month, I just had to throw in a little clop there at the end
970021
It was one month, but close enough
More will come, trust me!
970091
Not an intentional one, though I'm curious as to what it could be.
971168
Not yet, no. Might be interesting to see how that works, though.
973498
Huh. Didn't even realize it! I'll go in and edit that. Though I suppose "hoofcuffs" would be the exact same design, now wouldn't they? Haha.
973421 Apology accepted
969535
Hey, Amppi! I missed you, too. Feels good to be back. Glad you liked the two-part chapter, I spent a loooong time typing it out. Really wanted to give Fluttershy some more screen time, as well as Cashmere. Speaking of her, she's my favorite character to write for, no doubt about it. Cashmere just straight doesn't give a fuck. I can be crass and vulgar with her, and it's completely expected of her to be that way. Yet despite her flirty, crude demeanor, she's still a pretty decent pony way down inside.
I'd type something longer but if I stare at this monitor for another second I'm going to explode.
Good to see ya again
Oh, and I had to add a little clop at the end. I think it was a good way to make up for 4 weeks of no updates.
Very nice and touching as usually of course then there is your extensive clop writing skills as well which match into the story perfectly. You've captured the HiE theme in perfect form once again!
Since Sweete Bell was already mentioned.
1. Does she already know of Rarity and... well... my "you"?
2. Where is she right now?
3. When will she show up?
Personally, I quite like the second person perspective. I don't think this story is really set for reader-insert for the reasons 972475 mentioned, but the writing still feels very natural. I understand that some people hate reading in the second person, but those who dislike reader-insert fiction and have generalised that to all second person fiction should be pleasantly surprised. Perhaps not the best marketing move, but this is an experiment.
I'd like to see a study on whether the second person perspective increases identification and/or sympathy with the protagonist as compared to first person, actually.
976899
You raise interesting questions. I don't recall Sweetie Belle's absence being explained in previous chapters, although this has been a long enough ride that my memory isn't an accurate guide.
Alright, I'm something of a "long-time reader, first-time commentator" here. I've been following this since sometime around when you added Chapter 14--you're on TVTropes' fanfic recommendations, FYI!--and while I'm usually not big on the whole second-person perspective thing and even less so on "clop"...
...I just feel compelled to say, I absotively love this story. It's one of the few long fics that has really, strongly held my attention. And I'll be frank, usually you need some epic adventure material to pull that off with me. I love your characterization, I love how you handle the past sequences (part of my reason for voraciously reading was anxiously hoping to get to the next flashback, even!) and I love your ability to take a story about the characters' everyday lives, even in chapters where no major drama or twists thrown into the mix, so absolutely riveting. No lie, no exaggeration. I feel actively engaged in this story.
The only thing I was less enthused about was...well, the Fluttershy angle. It always felt somewhat awkward to me, on some level, and a bit unnecessary. However...with this chapter? I do believe you've gone and sold me on that, too.
Good show, man. Good show. Glad to see things are looking back up for you again, and here's hoping for more of the same!
If you give us at least one clop scene with Fluttershy, and another with both Fluttershy and Rarity I will worship you like a god. Idol and everything.
986896
Thank you! You're correct in saying that this is really an experiment when you boil it down to its base goals. I wanted to try writing 2nd person, but still have the audience-insert feel like a real, fleshed-out person. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Sweetie's apparent absence will be discussed soon enough. Probably next chapter, actually. Should be fun.
986960
Wait, wait...I'm recommended on the TV Tropes page for FiM fics?! SERIOUSLY?!
*runs off to check*
...well I'll be damned. That's great! Who woulda thought my little (not so little) story would get rec'd on TV Tropes? Crazy.
I do what I can. Trying to keep people excited about a story after 225k+ words (thus far) is always something I have to consider after every chapter. Hearing that I've kept you engaged in the story feels pretty good! Even with chapters that aren't full of drama or action, I try to at least make them entertaining.
The Fluttershy angle has been something I've been very iffy about since I introduced it, but as the chapters have progressed I think I've done an 'okay' job of giving justification for it. If I had gone straight to Flutterclop after two chapters, that would have probably been the death of my story. What I've tried to do thus far is make such an 'unnatural' relationship element feel more welcome and, well, natural, mostly through slow character building between the Protagonist and the shy pegasus. I sold you on that, too? Well hell, that's even better
This was a very hot and spicy chapter!
Yay! Dref is back and BETTER THEN EVER!
saw this picture and first thing coming to mind was cashmere
i49.tinypic.com/4vjv6e.png
would be funny if rarity posted this on her door or something
1035868
I'm going by the assumption that Equestrian law is different from ours.
*shrug*
Awesome!
Cashmere at the restaurant?
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133088493438.jpg
So...........is this Rarity's ensemble?
derpicdn.net/thumbs/1300/600/2012/08/13/15_49_24_200_73654__UNOPT__rarity_suggestive_stockings_skirt_artist_talon274
Somepony's being a naughty little schoolfilly.....
972369
Dref, you've done waaaaay more than 'a pretty decent job' and you are exactly on point with your reasoning for making the protagonist as he stands. From my personal perspective, I've never been in the military, so theoretically, I should not be able to identify with him in that realm on some level... but that hasn't stopped me one bit from becoming invested in him or the story in any way. I relish the interactions he has with the characters, specifically because it isn't a boring blank slate that just tries to nail anything that moves. I can identify with him on many levels and on some levels I'd dare say I could stand to emulate him a bit. He's a very sincere and charming character that has a lot of thought and weight behind his actions.
I know this story is completed and I can't wait to reach the conclusion, but I do ever so look forward to reading future stories from you.