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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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2161288
I think you need to re-read, 24 is a leadup to 25. Please hold off on anything like that until you finish both, as it was meant to be.
Wow...that settles that little problem then...Or does it
Superb stuff as always. You have no idea how many times I kept refreshing the page to wait on these updates while playing Path of Exile. I had absolutely no idea how you would address all the things that have happened between Rarity and Cashmere skillfully, but you did it. I really like how Anon was used in the conversations between those two. His frequency and they way you implemented him just felt right, although the unicorn magic part had me worried ole boy might have suffered a cracked skull. I don't know how you will handle ole Flutters story arc closing out but I got faith in you!
TL;DR Excellent job, thank you for the new chapters.
And what happened then? Well, in Ponyville, they say,
Cashmere woke up in a factory, one day.
The place was abandoned; not a soul could be seen;
Her only company was a magical screen.
As her eyes fluttered open, the screen lit with power,
And from it issued words most dour...
"Hello Cashmere. I want to play a game..."
I know that guys in general approve of two pretty females getting it all on, but he is just a teeeeny tiny bit to accepting of letting other mares being to fresh with his lady.
This story.
Haven't read it in ages, no updates and whatnot.
But by the goddesses, you managed to pick up right where you left off.
Good job, mate.
i was hoping he would punch cashmere's head in oh well still an amazing two chapters no reason i just like this
2161554
He realized that this is something they've *both* had bottled up for quite some time. Not in a "ready to burst" kind of way, but in a "poison in a vial" kind of way. Besides, he knew that this was one way in which Cash was absolutely no threat to him or his relationship with Rarity.
So I read chapter 23 and then go to sleep and then I find that when I woke up you uploaded 2 chapters in the same day? This is awesome.
I think you missed this one.
But considering the amount it's impressive just how few mistakes are here.
Regardless, kudos good sir! I sense that there isn't much left to be wrapped up. Hard to believe it's almost over.
And may I applaud your understanding of the basics of drama? You really seem to get it so to speak.
So many other fics fail to have such fluidity. I honesty forget that I'm reading a piece of Mlp fanfiction.
God-DAMN the rage came out in this chapter.
I even said it IRL when I was reading.
I was like, "WOW, RAGE!" in a nerdy, completely gleeful way, of course. I enjoy rage, especially in this story. It's hilarious.
Commenting about rage now finished, I also loved the character development and the dialogue this chapter. I'm glad to see that the problems between the two businesses are finally caught up. With Slate and Cashmere out of the way, I can tell which way the story is going to go- at least, I think I can. Now, I believe that it's going to focus on the three-way relationship- but we'll have to wait and see.
Incredible two chapters!
Well, talk about a "one two punch"! You pretty much resolved that issue right there though I imagine it will still be a little difficult for Cashmere to be in town. I can't wait to see what's next.
...
I just got an idea of where this could be going but it's a pretty big stretch and would be much more satisfying as a surprise to the audience, (though I suppose that would have me as an exception). I'll send you it in a PM. Maybe you can use it, at least partially, to make for an interesting detour.
my feels for cash changed this chapter
i like this chapter lots of emotion
Wundebarr Herr Drefsab, das ist Wundebarr.
Say...You've been hinting at some Appledash throughout the story, do plan to address this?
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You guys are too kind
I know these two chapters were a long time coming, but I really wanted to get the confrontation resolved in a satisfying way. And, of course, there had to be feels. Feels are good. I think I rewrote this damn thing 3-4 times at certain parts. You shoulda seen some of the ways all of this wrapped up originally; some of them weren't exactly my best ideas. I'm just happy that everything came together in the end! Cashmere is probably my favorite character to write for, even more than Pipe (though Pipe is a cool guy), just because having her and Rarity go into full-on catfight (marefight?) mode is just so much fun.
Time to start work on the next chapter, then. Still have things to work out, characters to write for, and clop to come up with.
2161413
I believe, good sir, that you get the Rarity Seal of Approval for that.
i18.photobucket.com/albums/b142/DMapes/RarityCertifiedSpray_zps117739a1.png
2162914
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2164626
You know you love it.
2168955
i18.photobucket.com/albums/b142/DMapes/PonyFluttermedicAchievement_zps6fea7289.png
2169621
I do believe I've only hinted at it once, but it was just in passing. Unless I'm remembering things wrong, which is entirely possible. In any case, no, I'm not delving into Appledash (though I do love the ship) in this story. It's just there to get a little laugh from readers. That, and Appledash is probably the most widely-written ship out there. I'd just be adding to the pile.
Still awesome, though.
When I read the title for Chapter 24, why did I immediately think it referred to something else other than a showdown? I blame Dref for his corrupting influence!
Nicely done chapters though. Characters came across as passionate without degenerating into the kind of kicking and screaming you see far too often. It's very hard to properly write such emotional behaviour, so props for that.
2171369
I think catfight is still appropriate. After all, we don't call women fighting womenfighting. Can't wait for the next chapter, I wanna see how the proposal will work out.
2171622
Yes, but my desire -- neigh, NEED -- for pony puns is insatiable.
Dref, you are by far the best romantic pony fic writer I've seen. For what it's worth, you have my respect and jealousy.
Anyway, let's start with chapter 23. We saw the triumphant return of sex in this chapter. And, by god, it was sensual and simply amazing. I already mentioned my opinion on the progression of the clop scene's in my previous review, so I won't go any deeper into it.
I also see this as a fantastic opportunity to talk about Pipe. Pipe started out as that pony who's a friend and a boss to the protagonist. He was a well written and colorful "character" who you never got tired seeing in the story. That would have been great by itself. Instead you improved on him. Now Pipe and Dazzle are my favorite support "characters" in the story. They are amazingly well written. Not only does their banter bring smiles to every reader's face, it also gives a more realistic and lighthearted feel to the story. They serve as an excellent support for the protagonist and you can always trust them to bring a smile and relief to the protag, as well as the readers. They are my second favorite original "characters" ever.
Which in turn brings me to my favorite, Cashmere. I can't help it, I absolutely LOVE a good antagonist. And Cash is not only good, she is fantastic! When she first appeared, I didn't think much of her. "So the antagonist's gonna be a bitch of a mare that Rarity once new? Could be worse." I was so wrong. Every scene that Cash is in has served to flesh out her "character". We have seen how there's more under that sexualized-businessmare outer-core that she has. She has shown compassion. She has shown anger. She has grown so much as a character. I could sit here for hours, proverbially fellating this "character". Instead I'll just share this. When I was reading those scene's at Cashmere's house, from the opening of the front door to it being opened again, I was riveted in my seat. With a bated breath I read on through the scene's of Cash teasing Rarity, of our protag offering his support (By the way, great job on writing Rarity''s apprehension and following feelings through these parts. Cash and Rares have a long and complicated history, so Rarity's nervousness brought more depth and weight tho these scenes. Stellar job.), and then I finally reached the breakdown. As Rarity took control of the situation and as Cashmere started to falter and get angry, a bomb could have blown half of my face clean off, and I wouldn't have noticed. And when she finally broke down... I didn't know what to feel. I felt angry at Cash for attacking. I felt shocked at the sudden outcome. But ultimately, I felt sad for her. I felt remorse. I felt bad for her, on how she got heartbroken, how she went through such inner turmoil that it caused her try and mentally block out who she once was. I felt sad, because just seeing the one mare who she held closest to her heart ignited that bitter spite she tried so hard to contain. And when both Rarity and Cashmere finally got closure, I really wouldn't have not minded if the story ended right then and there.
I realize that there's enough ham and cheese in that previous paragraph to make enough reubens to solve world hunger. I just can't help it. There's nothing I appreciate most in anything, than a well done character (well, that and proper pacing). I just get too into them. Which is why I CAN'T STAND Mary-Sues.
Anyway, to close it all of, I leave you with something I noticed. You misspelled anyway as "anwyay" in chapter 24. And by the way, the reason I used quotes with the word character, is because I simply think they're much more than just that.
Keep on rocking Dref. I hope I get the chance to gush about your writing skills real soon.
2171642
I understand. sometimes it's fun to horse around. You should always try and manetain yourself however, you don't want things to become hayvic and out of hoof.
I love this!
Cashmere is well developed and rounded as are all your characters. To me, this story is more worldbuilding with some clop rather than the other way around.
I wonder if Rarity and Cashmere will ever make up or they'll continue hating each other?
Well this was very nicely done.
Bravo!
I feel like a damn idiot for not having seen this coming. About halfway through chapter 24, it all finally clicked - all of Cashmere's actions and reactions suddenly just made sense.
She was obsessed with Rarity, constantly waffling back and forth between personable and aggressive. Every time she was being reasonably accommodating and polite? The times when Rarity was either paying attention to her, or doing something Cashmere found relatable to herself. Every time she did something bitchy and aggressive? Rarity hadn't acknowledged her in a while. If Cashmere couldn't have Rarity's love, she wanted Rarity's hate instead.
And her eagerness to help with the Slate situation? Of course, it makes perfect sense. If hurting Rarity makes her pay attention to Cash, then that's fine. But if someone else threatens Rarity, that's unacceptable. It's not like, creepy stalker love or anything the way Slate was - as Rarity herself points out in this chapter, Cash herself probably doesn't even realize she's doing it. But at the end of the day, the reason she's in Ponyville is because she wants Rarity to validate her. Hence her deductions about how she was ultimately responsible for so many of the good things that had happened to Rarity; Cash spends a lot of time comparing herself to her old friend. Even if she doesn't admit it to herself.
As Oscar Wilde once said, "The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about." It was never about business for Cashmere.
I feel like an idiot for missing this for so long.
The end there, I believe you absolutely literally defined the term 'Closure'.
Slate has been handled, Cashmere had closure, only thing remaining is the whole ordeal with fluttershy. While you did promise a threesome at some point in the past I'm confident it'll be magnificent (no pressure there :)!
This easily the one of best chapter out of the story. I always enjoy redemption moments.
2172324
This story is the main inspiration for the one I'm writing.
After much thought, I don't think It's going to come out good at all.
And here I thought I was a good writer. Well, I'm wrong...yet again.
2188915
If you want an opinion about your writing, I could check it out. Everybody thinks that their story is bad at first.
Besides you'll never be as good if you don't even try. What's your story about?
2189005
It's long-winded to describe, so here's the link:
Wilted Flower
2189090
Alright. I'll PM you after I've checked it out.
2189113
Don't hold back.
2172324
Coming up with good, believable OCs was one of my big goals once I decided that I was going to extend the story past 2-3 chapters. Cash came first, of course, and then came Pipe. I needed the Protag to have a friend who wasn't, say...an immortal alicorn, or something ridiculous. The Protag is a regular Joe, so it made sense that his best buddy would also be a regular Joe. And what says 'hard working, honest guy' more than construction?
Dazzle was actually somewhat of an afterthought. I ended up adding her in chapter three, and I don't believe I ever actually fully described what she looked like until just a few chapters ago. I kinda wish I had done it sooner, but oh well. Pipe is a great character to write for, and the banter between him and "da missus" is so much fun to write. In fact, it's a tie between Pipe and Cashmere for my favorite character to write dialog for.
So the fact that you, and many others, enjoy them, and feel like they could be real, living characters is just great.
Speaking of Cashmere, now that her story arc is (mostly) done, I feel like I can talk about her a little more in-depth. Originally, when I was first panning the story out, I just needed someone to act as an antagonist to Rarity. I had all kinds of silly ideas, like someone who was obsessed with, and physically looking to harm, Rarity. That kind of idea eventually became Slate, albeit changed pretty significantly. I also had this thought that Rarity was getting involved in some kind of underground "fashion mafia" sort of thing, but that was too ridiculous to put to paper. Or screen. Whatever.
So, I decided on an antagonist who could relate to Rarity's field of work, but also prove to be a major cause for concern without resorting to physical violence. An elegant, self-assured fashion mare seemed like a good start, so I went into Pony Creator (I know, I'm terrible for using it) to try and pin down a look for Cashmere. Ultimately I settled on the one we all know and love/hate today, thanks to the ever-helpful Talon:
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And with her look in mind I set out a back story for her. In the show we haven't had an explanation for where the Carousel Boutique came from, or when it opened, so I thought maybe Cash and Rarity could have opened it together. Making Cash have some sort of love/hate relationship with Rarity was too much fun to pass up, and I just loved being able to throw in gratuitous, sexual innuendo and flirting between the two of them. Well, mostly directed at Rarity from Cashmere, but you know what I'm saying.
So yeah, she kind of just...evolved over time. Ultimately, I'm very happy with how she's turned out. Cashmere has been one hell of a great character, and though you will see her again in an upcoming chapter or two, her job as an antagonist is pretty much dealt with.
Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention: I spent SO MUCH TIME trying to make the confrontation between the two of them feel believable and genuinely emotional. Most of the reason for the two chapters taking so long was because of it. I'm utterly relieved that it worked out
2188740
Why thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it
2188915
Trust me when I say that if anyone can help your story, it's Amppi. He's been immensely helpful to me over the last year. He's a great guy, and very sensible with his advice and suggestions.
2191915
He took a look at it and essentially set it on fire and pissed it out. You're more than welcome to take my story and re-tool it as your own, as I'm sure a seasoned writer like yourself could actually do it justice.
2192171
I'm going to take a look at what he sent you, and add to it myself, via PM. Check your inbox in a bit.
Wow, the build up in this chapter is fantastic. That final confrontation was well done. Cashmere looks at the potential threesome Rarity has going on and asks to herself, "Why couldn't that be me?"
So... unless there are any more antagonists coming up. Now that the conflicts outside of the self are dealt (as much as is possible...life is pretty damn messy) with. The battles that are the hardest and most soul-shattering are to come: the conflicts within the self. I know you'll give that as much attention and care as the others. I look forward to the next installment.
Yeah, one more problem resolved…sort off, lets hoped with that she will not longer will hold on a candle for Rarity.
Je the only thing remain is the proposal, if they return to become friends, something tells me Cash, will want to go to both of the bachelor parties, and clop with the strippers on both of them, hell I will not be surprised if she will try to sleep with the protagonist
2298505
Thanks! I've always believed that conflict forms the backbone of any good story, and that's no different for pastel ponies. Makes things feel more grounded and relateable.
Thanks for the kind words
Somehow, I just knew that was the deep down reason for this. But if she has successful stores all over Equestria, why can't she just let Rarity have Ponyville?
Awesome chapter. I experienced real life arguments in this chapter between friends.
2300887 if the main character in this fic is indeed 'me', then I'll expect a foursome in the coming chapters with Rarity, Flutters and Cashmere.
And yours truly, of course.
First, wow... I really loved how things resolved here. It looks like my earlier speculation was more of a simple side-effect of the competition rather than some complicated idea that would have left things on a flatter note. What you did is far more heartfelt.
Second,
I could not resist a laugh as I was reading a decidedly non-trashy romance novel. Heh, meta-humor.