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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Awesome Chapter!
Update! ....... how did you make a cliffhanger.....that doesn't fill me with rage
Too much stuff looming on the horizon, I don't think I can stand to wait for the next chapter.
Yay for an update! This was a really good chapter and I look forward to the next one!
Well, shit got real.
I have a feeling that Rarity's gonna be playing dirty.
On a side note, I love the flashbacks. They help flesh out the world more.
Twilight apparently makes for a great roommate.
Question about to be asked soon. Things are getting exciting.
You can't end things with Cashmere! What about the bickering and backstabbing?
Can't tell you the amount of that fills me every time I see a new chapter!
Love where this is going too, perhaps a Hearth's Warming proposal? Can't wait to see what else you have in store for us.
I can't wait to see how Rarity will try to get back at her once again.
Totally not foreshadowing.
Time to do a double review once again! Or not, you'll see what I mean. First things first:
and
Now onto the chapters themselves!
[Edit]: Apparently the guy above me already decided to point those out. In my defence, I started to write this review before he made his comments, so I noticed them first. If I would have just pointed out the spelling mistakes and not written this whole thing, I would've been first. If you're wondering why I'm explaining all of this, it's because I have a huge fear of being seen as dumb, and I'm just a cornered mouse trying to protect itself.
[Edit2]: On hindsight, the above text makes no sense, please disregard it.
With the announcement of this spectacular story reaching an end in the near future, I decided to do this a tad bit differently.
Instead of just telling the good and the bad of the 2 chapters, I'm going to also go through all the ways in which you have improved during the roller-coaster of drama and passion that goes by the name of 'Sophistication & Betrayal'.
The way you do dialogue started off as pretty decent. The connections to those being spoken to and feelings of the ponies (and 1 person) doing the talking were clear and it all seemed natural. Nowadays however the dialogue is absolutely full of emotion. A lot of the characters personality used to come trough mostly by their actions, but now even the dialogue manages to convey the character's.. well.. character. It's always full of emotions, and the realism of it just jumps out at you. No line feels out of place, and every single one of them fits the situation at hand, and feels perfectly like what the character would say in that situation.
Speaking of characters, your characterization of Rarity has come a long way from the first chapter. She's just so full of life now, compared to how she was in the start where she was just Rarity from the show, not that much to truly make her something more. She was well written even then, don't get me wrong. But now she has evolved beyond that. She has evolved to being a fully fleshed character who would work even in the absence of the show, if you get what I'm saying. While still staying in character relative to the show itself. Miraculous job. The protagonist himself has experienced this same event. He's not an audience insert anymore than he is he's own character. He still holds some ambiguity to himself for the audience to put themselves into the story, but still manages to be original enough that, with the addition of some details, would make a completely fleshed out character without sacrificing almost anything if the story were to switch into a 3rd person format.
I've also noticed how the clop scenes have decreased into nearly nothing during the course of the story. This is definitely not bad, because when they do show up they manage to be sensual and romantic beyond comparison. They're a very rare treat, and an absolutely fantastic (faptastic?) treat at that!
I'd go into more detail, but I'll wait for more chapters to discuss things such as Fluttershy, Cash, Pipe, and other characters and the plot.
With the story winding down I'm gonna start winding these down too, and start considering the story as a whole as we near the end. I just decided that I'd start with the bits seen above.
Keep calm and pony on, you magnificent bastard.
P.S: I love the way you wrote my favorite pony, Twilight. The whole flashback was emotional and felt genuinely touching . I honestly got a little sad that this story really wasn't about her. There really isn't enough great human-twilight 2nd person shipsfics on this site. And nothing even near the level of greatness of your writing. I'm a little jelly that you get your Rarity fic and I don't get my Twilight one. (Albeit you wrote it yourself, but that excuse doesn't work because I can't write.)
P.P.S: I still love how immersive you make the world out to be. A perfect example of this is the fashion show in chapter 21. The whole place just felt so alive!
New chapter? Woohoo!
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Not sure how I missed those. Corrected!
That said: Amppi! Good to see you reading chapters again. Holidays are always a busy time, so don't feel bad about taking a while to drop your usual review. Better late than never!
It's funny you should go about it this way, now that the story is starting to reach its conclusion. You've been with this story of mine since, well, the very first day. Through 22 chapters and counting, your feedback and input has been an enormous source of help and inspiration, even more so than I can possibly put into words. You're a one-of-a-kind guy, and I appreciate all of the time you've taken to read this novel of mine (and let's be honest, at 265k+ words, it's a freakin' NOVEL) and even more so the time you've taken to provide feedback.
When I first started out, way back in February, I was just looking to write a clop fic with an emphasis on a decent story. Oh, how it's grown since then. The gradual shifting away from the clop stuff was really inevitable once I realized that I wanted to write a full-fledged story instead of just 2-3 chapters, and I definitely agree that it was for the better. Now whenever I have a scene of intimacy and sex, I can take my time and make it feel like it has some real impact behind it. I'd still look to chapter 8 for my favorite one; I spent a long time on it, because, well, I have a very active imagination.
I've always loved the character of Rarity, and sought to do her some small justice with this fic. So many stories have her as some stuck-up bitch, and I think that sort of characterization is just wrong. She's dramatic, sure, and entertainingly so, but she has always struck me as the sort of girl that would be a very dedicated, honest, and loving partner once she's in a relationship. It just fits who she is. I've had a few people tell me that they enjoy my characterization of Rarity even more than the show itself, and that's a huge compliment. Just goes to show why she's still the best pony
In regard to the 2nd person thing over-all, it was really an experiment more than anything. I wanted to try and make a fleshed-out character that the reader could still step into the shoes of. I've never seen a story do something similar -- the 2nd person protag is usually a completely blank slate with absolutely no dialog. The entire 2nd person narrative itself is a strange one, unique to this sort of story, and the idea of giving that narrative a personality is probably even stranger. I'm immensely relieved that it's worked! I mean, I've passed 450 likes and have very few dislikes, and I'm very close to 60,000 views. To think that this would be one of the most recommended and viewed adult fics on this site, way back when I just wanted to make a Rarity clop fic, well...I was gonna be happy with a hundred views.
Okay, I'm done tooting my own horn. Gotta give a guy a minute to do so once in a while, right? Right. It's nice to step back and feel genuinely proud about what I've created...and goodness knows I've spent many, many hours fretting over this story and trying to make it right. I'm never truly happy with what the finished product is, but then, everyone says that about their work. As long as others enjoy it, I consider that a victory. You've had a huge part in that, my friend. Thank you again.
Oh, and I'm glad you enjoyed the flashback with Twi. I really wanted to put her in the story more, but I couldn't really find a place to squeeze her in until now. Maybe she'll show up in one of the remaining chapters.
Also, lol, "faptastic". Love it.
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MAGIC. And booze.
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Thanks! Equestria is too big to not explore, I'd say.
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Oh there's a good deal of that to be had still. You'll just have to wait and see
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Oh, I went ahead and deleted those two typo comments since Amppi already posted them. They would have been redundant otherwise, so no hard feelings
1865908 No problem
I'm happy with this turn of events. I was starting to think the whole necklace subplot was forgotten and it's nice to get some closure with the rivalry thing. The passive aggressive fighting was getting a little annoying. I still love the flashbacks and that you go out out of your way to make the human character extremely likeable with just enough negative traits to keep him from feeling stagnant.
Great chapter...it's only a shame it takes so long between installments.
Cliff hangers!!!
Fucking right, time to end this... wait, that means an end to the story.... KEEP UP THE MUD-THROWING!
This chapter felt stretched out too much, yeah there was a lot of dialogue, (with the memory at the beginning), but 11k words for a man to walk home and talk to his girlfriend? The only real interesting things happened here were the finnishing of the gem, and a lengthy discussion on the Bitch- er- Cashmere.
Not saying I didn't like it, but not a hell of alot going on. This is a chapter to skim.
Nice chapter
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Well... Maybe in a few months... when he's done with this and has a little bit of time on his hands... you could ask about it.
Honestly, I'd pay money. Hell, I'd pay money for this one. Not sure it would be legal on your end but... I'd pay money. And I'd spring for the freakin Special Edition hardcover... with an autograph.
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You did justice... then you just kept going... and going... and going... and going... and going... and going... and the Energizer Bunny's job security is plummeting by the chapter.
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Actually, the flashback takes up over half of the chapter, at 7k words. Longest flashback I've had, I believe. But yeah, this is mostly a chapter to set up the events that will mark the eventual end of this story, so it's the calm before the storm, so to speak.
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Thanks!
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I'm glad you think so, it's nice to hear comments like that
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Oh, you know me. Casual fan who makes embarrassing and sometimes awkward tributes to my obsessions.
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Damnit Dref, stop getting me excited for the conclusion! It makes waiting harder!
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In a way, I'm actually a little disappointed this hasn't got even more views, especially when I see the popularity of something like Xenophilia. Both are deservedly high up the list, but there is a large disparity which I've yet to figure out the reasoning for.
I was hoping the TV Tropes recommendation would send a bit more traffic this way, though the page does have a lot of recommendations on there now. Maybe if I get around to whipping up its own page some day (though I imagine constantly referring to the protagonist as "the protagonist" in the trope entries will quickly become old).
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Fuck.... I don't want it to end...
Well, If it has to, hopefully you got another work in progress, as to not keep us ponies waiting.
I hope...
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Ah, typos. My eternal enemy.
Fixed!
The second part shouldn't be spoken.
Corrected.
"Oh man, it feels good to sit down." You forget how much standing for eight hours sucks sometimes.
Anywhoosey. I just adore your story. Please dont ever stop writing.
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Actually, the line was still being spoken to Rarity, though it could really go either way.
I will keep writing so long as it remains fun and interesting to me...and if I can come up with another sufficiently interesting story hook.
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My mistake, after re-reading my comment it seems a tad rude. i didn't mean to sound rude at all...
You sir, have written pure gold, no, Platinum! Can't wait for "me" to pop the question to Rarity! You're making most, if not all of my guilty fantasies come true!! Damn you lol
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No worries!
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It's good to know that we share a common ground in our unnatural obsession over Rarity. Did I say unnatural? I meant PERFECTLY NATURAL. Yes. Perfectly. We're completely normal.
...right?
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Oh no, you're right. We're normal, just in our own special way
I also have a guilty pleasure for Fleur De Lis too. She'll be in the HiE I'm currently writing, it's on my page titled "Wilted Flower"
this is my favorite fanfic on this website for 3 reasons 1:it has rarity my favorite pony 2:the chapters are long so I know its going to be good 3:its not action packed its ust about a human ending up in equestria no super powers or unatural abilities just a guy having a job getting a job and settling down congrats on making proboably one of the best hies on this website
I gots a feeling this fic might be endin soon.
I must say, you are great at writing scenes which elaborate upon the relationships between two characters, such as with Twilight in the beginning.
It could be a great alternate branch into a waifu story with her :hint hint:
As mentioned by another commenter, a ship fic with Twi amounting to the same caliber of what you displayed would be AMAZING.
Aaaanyway, off my tangent,, another great chapter and totally looking forward to more.
Also, f*** cliffhangers. That is all.
This is a very epic chapter, just love this story makes me sad when stories like this end
Oh wow. It took me a couple of months of free-time moments, but I've finally caught up to this chapter. You are a brilliant writer. I'd say this is now my new favorite HiE fic. Even over Xenophilia (which I love very much). There is just so much more emotional...deeper...uh...damn...je ne sais quoi to this story. If writing is truly your greatest passion, I hope you eventually find something a bit more mainstream that you love to write about, because you deserve all the success in the world. Not that I'd complain if you kept writing HiE fics...
Regardless, all I can really say now is...wow. I gave this fic the like and favorite (and you the follow) long ago, but I wish I could give it some other honorary now. I will probably type up a dl;dr review when all is said and done, but for now...just. Huh. Wow. The upcoming proposal. The impending "end" of the Cashmere drama. The satisfactory finish with Slate a few chapters back. I know this is ending sooner rather than later, but it's been a wild ride.
I've loved every second.
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All good things must come to an end, I'm afraid. But I'll be back at some point! I don't know what I'll write after I finish this story, so we'll see.
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Thank you very much for leaving such kind words! I love writing, I've been doing it for years, and writing a story that people really enjoy has been one of the highlights of my time in this fandom. I love you guys
Wrapping up S&B will be bittersweet, but I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome, so to speak. It's already longer than any other HiE or romance fic I can remember ever seeing. Whatever I write next, it most likely won't be nearly as long, or even in the same narrative style.
That said, these last chapters should advance everything nicely, and wrap them up as well. I've got some ideas in mind...
nice to see twi get a lil spotlight at the start
kinda sad all these great stories i've been following seem to be coming to an end around the same time
when this is over you still going to write fan fics dref?
this ends now?? OK (pocks up zwihander and cocks the handle which drops out a shotgun shell) yes...lets end this NOW!!
Twi needs a stallion........Soarin? Nah......if AJ and Dash are entertaining each other in the barn, then he'll have Spitfire more than likely.
Big Mac? Plausible, but if Shy gets her own stallion, it's more than likely him. Hmm, what pairing have I not seen before? (I'm going with canon ponies here) Braeburn? Flim? No, seen that one. Flam? Donut Joe? Thunderlane?
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2013/104/b/8/braetwi_by_epicoswald88-d61rv0c.png
Yeah.....we need some BraeLight on here!
I got to ask, what's wth all the 'Hmmhmm' bits?
encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSPA4FG3Aq0WWtXNVkDpuGvCW78OddpdDHV6HcDcAgjxk5c4d_c
You are most welcome.
only Hula skirts? so close to get them leid, look a them eating flowers, but there is was a garland on top of Rarity and Protagonist.
Judging from Twilight's actions in Feeling Pinkie Keen (blah) I'd say unicorn magic is scientific in the sense that it is governed by laws.
Dawww, looks like Twi was growing close as well, but it was cut short.
It's so weird feeling a shade of the excitement that a character feels in a story (when Whip-Smart delivers the good news).
I have to fall right in line with this statement here. I would love to see this level of treatment done for Twilight. Heck, you do such a great job in the flashback. I could almost feel Twi's heartbreak (however small it may have been) when she got the news of his departure.
You really are a magnificent bastard, but I love ya all the same.