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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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That's a lot longer than I expected! How wonderful. More reading material this time.
Anyway, once again it's great seeing you expand upon the world they're in. With the characterization of Canterlot you've given, the world has a lot more depth. I also like the ever expanding character of Pipe, with us this time seeing more detail on his relationship with his missus. Not much else to say here, the same good points I have mentioned earlier being either as good or better in this. Although I must say that I like how you did the argument. Very well written. You're gonna start getting more detailed comments when the heat and drama increases, giving me more things to work with. Keep up the stellar work! Always looking forward to it!
I love long chapters! I actually really really like the flashbacks to his arrival. They're like a tease because I want to know the whole story.
Ooooh. I like it.
More flashback background info and some hot, steamy Human x Pony love.
Also, yay for cursing ponies!
once again an amazing Chapter and what a good chapter it is. I love this story, not because of the clop, but because of the expert writing. Well done and I can only hope to Read another chapter soon.
Edit:I have just seen the word count, I did not even realise how many words were in that chapter, it did not feel like there was that many. Again well done such an entertaining story.
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Hello once again, Amppi! I'm glad you've enjoyed this chapter, and I'm glad you mentioned Canterlot. Part of my goal with this story is making the world "you" and Rarity live in feel like it's a real place. Too many stories focus on just one place, or, with clopfics, the bedroom. I've always found that boring. There's a whole world out there, might as well explore it. Also, I'm happy to see that the argument was well-written. Like all writers, I am my own worst critic, and I'm always thinking "I don't know if this is good enough", so it's nice to see things play out like I was hoping.
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Thank you! Deciding whether or not to just "exposition dump" the protagonist's back story has been a recurring question, but I like doling it out piecemeal like this. Just another thing to keep people hooked.
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Fuck yeah, cursing ponies! Always fun to write, and read.
Steamy pony love is the best kind of pony love. Always wanted to try my hand at writing spur-of-the-moment stuff like that, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out.
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Thanks, Shadow. I try to make every chapter accomplish something and progress the story. I'll be taking a day off from writing, but I intend to start back up on Monday. Hopefully with a chapter that's just a wee bit shorter. They're fun to read, but good Celestia, they take FOREVER to write.
You guys are awesome, thanks for reading my story! I appreciate each and every reader I get, believe me.
been waiting for this great chapter
take that cash ya bitch
"So tell me...Cashmere..."
She has her mouth achingly close, teasingly hovering just above her cheek.
"...how many ponies here tonight are wearing your designs?"
---
Game, set, match: Rarity.
Daww, that was beautiful Your characterization in this chapter (even moreso than the previous two) is top notch :D Everyone feels alive and relatable. I particularly loved his reaction to waking up in the hospital, since many of the fics glass over the "OHSHIT" moment that would go through someones head in that situation. You're right, doing it in pieces is the best way to go, no matter how antagonizing it is to wait for the update for more. Their take down of Cashmere was absolutely brilliant. I'm a bit surprised Rarity didn't mention the "elements of harmony, took down two Gods, held her own with two dragons, friends with the princesses, might actually design something for them at some point" aspects of her recent life. Seems that being on a regular talking basis with Celestia would be a nice blow to strike. Anyway, Well structured, hints of psychological warfare, even a bit of understanding Cash's mind. Write on good sir, we all await more
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You have no idea how long I was sitting here trying to come up with a good line for that, lol. And it worked out! Hooray! Writing the dialog between Rarity and Cashmere is a ton of fun, it's become my favorite thing to try and come up with. Writing two women in a catfight, while still maintaining their air of civility (more or less) is great fun.
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Howdy, Bridge. I actually rewrote that opening a few times, because I wanted to convey that "oh shit!" kind of moment. I mean, really...if you woke up in a hospital surrounded by talking, brightly-colored ponies, wouldn't you be a little freaked out? I know I sure would.
I didn't mention the elements or their adventures or what-not because, so far, the drama between the two of them has been business-related. Doesn't mean I can't keep it stored away for later use, though
Heh, I think you nailed it pretty well :)
Gotcha :) I can see it now: "Oh, you've got a nice bit of business I see Cashmere. I'll leave you to it then, Princess Celestia is waiting for me to design something for her, and you just can't keep royalty waiting... too long."
Cashmere: @_@
As always, very good...
(Anyone else hate the word 'babe' as much as I do?)
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Well, it's a pretty common word when used between couples, and I think it adds a bit of realism to the relationship. As is, I try to vary the little pet-names as much as possible, but there's only so many you can use. I end up using pet names more than I usually would for a story, mostly because I'm avoiding using a name for the audience-insert protagonist.
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Yeah, I know. I still really enjoyed it. That's just a little quirk of mine.
What about darling?
It's a TRAGEDY how little darling has been used! How un-lady-like!
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Ha, funny you should mention it, I always feel like I'm using "darling" too much, since it is kinda Rarity's signature word in the show. Again, I try to vary the usage, because reading the same thing over and over would get boring.
Glad you enjoyed the story, though!
You cant imagine how hard it is to read fanfic, let alone a clopfic, with your loved ones very close by. I squee'd twice quite loudly which almost tipped them off. I think I made it worse when I tried to hide it...
Anyway the first was the FO:E reference with the Sparkle~Cola and the second was that little exchange with 'Cash'. I've long since gotten over the whole "feeling feelings from smutfics is wrong" stage and I really hope to see this continue. Not a lot of critisizms either just keep it up!
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Hahaha, I'm glad someone caught the FO:E Reference! I freakin' love that fanfic so much, it's unbelievable. Thanks for the encouragement, I'm gonna start on chapter four tomorrow!
I made an account just to comment on this story. This story is outright AWESOME, and I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Keep up the great work!
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I appreciate that, Kip. I know I'm filling up the comments section with my own, uh, comments, but I only do so because I'm absolutely overjoyed any time I get a comment on my story. I'm starting work on chapter 4 tonight, should be a good one. Hopefully!
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Well, that's part of the narrative. The backstory is revealed a bit at a time. If the opening memory went straight into the protagonist lying on the beach (or rather, near the edge of the Everfree Forest), then that would defeat the purpose. Besides, at this point in the story, the protagonist's story has passed the initial incident and has moved to the start of his life in Equestria.
Which will, of course, be expanded upon in this chapter.
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Give it time, it's only been out a few days, and the initial chapter has been out about three weeks now. There's always the people who read the first chapter and don't read the others, no big deal. I mean, you like the new chapter, right? I keep writing this story for the people who enjoy it, so no worries.
I just realized I forgot to indent the third chapter. Derp.
Quick fix, at least.
318971 I love this story, the clop almost seems like a bonus, definitely interested in the backstory in the later chapters considering I just finished the first 3 chapters and am hooked on this story to the end
♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪
i liked the story enough to throw a dress on rarity and ask you if this was kinda what she was wearing meh i threw on a random pic i found off google
<script src='http://img831.imageshack.us/shareable/?i=throwntogetherv1.png&p=tl' type='text/javascript'></script><noscript>img831.imageshack.us/img831/9690/throwntogetherv1.png </noscript>
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You know, I actually had an image of it in my head when I was coming up with it, and that's a pretty good guess, lol. I may just try and create it from that image...
This is just amazing! Its times like this when I wish I could write my thoughts. Sadly I'm not very good at that. You are now my 3rd favorite author! I nearly jizzed when I noticed the FOE reference! I love that story so much! Keep it up I'm hooked!
That was simply AWESOME. I need MOAR. Keep up the fantastic work.
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Thanks, guys! I'm half way through chapter 4 right now, and it's going to be heavy on the Cashmere/Rarity interactions, so you can look forward to that. I wonder how many times I can say "I'm glad you're enjoying my story" before someone tells me to stop saying that...
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Heya, Razz. I featured you in a blog post! Woo!
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133185383208.png
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awesome really like the ribbons (took me about 30 minutes to vector this as i read this... at 4AM ) sex aside this is a really awesome story keep it going!
I am really enjoying this story. Keep up the good work
I just read the last chapter and it was simply amazing. Excellent work!
Now I need moar. MOAR!
Quality writing there, like the previous chapters. Haven't got myself into the next chapters yet, but I bet they're going to be as good as the previous ones.
Also, I have to mention this. The sex part, while it was quite intense for my tastes, it still brought up that both of these characters really love each other, the thing which I seem to always either forget or miss in other these kind of fics. I pondered this scene through after I finished reading, and I had that "funny" feeling while doing so.
I seriously hope that you're going to write more after you've finished this one
So it seems our human insert was a engineer bridge crew member back in his Army days... he many complain about it not preparing him for his construction job, but at least he learned some useful skills. Good thing he wasn't a Combat Engineer, where the only thing you learn is how to find (and get blown up by) IEDs.
I have read several Rarity waifu fics, and this is the first one that deals with the Spike issue. Seems reasonable that he would get over it, but I don't see him completely letting go, not that I care about his feelings, since every time I see him in the show getting kisses and attention from Rarity I become incredibly jealous, and it's great to see him in the same spot. I hope he has a cameo in later chapters though.
Good job with the character expositions and building up the romance, it really made the sex scene (human x pony YAY!) in the end more poignant, in spite of its brevity. I don't see why so many people have complained about the sex being "graphic" or "intense", surely anyone remotely familiar with clopfics would know that this is fairly tame when compared to most of what's out there.
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I play FAR too much TF2 to not think about the jackass engie running around with the Widowmaker or whatever and not building a sentry or dispenser when I read "combat engineer".
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When you think about it like that it is funny, but I am afraid the "combat engineer" I refer to is of a completely different variety. More like the type where you travel up and down the highways of Afghanistan at 3 mph in heavily armored vehicles for 14 hours a day, searching for IEDs and other explosive hazards before they blow some poor sucker up. It is about as exciting it sounds, and is a skill with absolute zero real world application.
I just started reading this. It's fantastic. It's three in the morning and I have to be at work at eight. No regrets. I'm only on chap 4 and it's filling me with dread to see that there is 23 of them. It's gonna be rough isn't it? I'm looking forward to it. Great story.
Go Rarity!!! Oh, and somepony else saw....
cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/W1siZiIsIjIwMTIvMTIvMDEvMDdfNDJfMjBfMzkyXzE2ODc3MF9fVU5PUFRfXyJdLFsicCIsInRodW1iIiwiMjUweDI1MCJdXQ/168770__princess-luna_princess-celestia_suggestive_tumblr_artist-johnjoseco_princess-molestia_ask-princess-molestia_broken-horn_i-came.png.png
She was very pleased with the show.
Nothing says "I love you" like arson
t.qkme.me/3shkxw.jpg
OHHHHHHHHH! OH!
WOMBO COMBO! WOMBO COMBO! OH!
Another successful chapter read.
Feels: Stable
emotional status: *ahem* 'she got the d'
How bad Cashmere got owned (WARNING: LATINO LEVELS RISING):
whatscookingamerica.net/CynthiaPineda/ChickenTortillaSoup/Sazon.JPG
SAZON!
This is Captain WAAwee giving the go ahead for the next chapter:
Rarity got wet
Cashmere got fried
Get ready Drefsab cause we going in dry!
In Xenophilia is the female that proposes to you, by giving to the stallion a flower on the same color as her.
2999258
Actualy it's not a marrage proposal but it's expresing interest in a dateing relationship that uses flower the color of her coat.The actual proposal is
suppose to to be something more permenent is what Rainbow Dash said.
2999258 I know this comment's from a long time ago, but it doesn't look to be in reply to anything, and, as this is not xenophilia, I'm curious as to how your comment is relevant.
I swear I'm not trying to be a jerk or anything. I really am just curious.
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apparently this fanfic is well liked among my ps1 memories.
Brilliant chapter! I was able to get an amazing image of Rarity's dress in my mind and it was stunning... and that finish... such hotness
Thanks for the great read!
Somepony got served.