My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S2E9: Sweet and Elite

Season 2 Episode 9 – Sweet and Elite

Mane Street, Ponyville

The Agenda:

1. Make Ponyville gain benefit from Ms. Rarity’s Canterlot fame. [ ]

2. LONG TERM - Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]

Mayor Mare glanced furtively around her bustling surroundings, making sure nopony around was spying on her plans. Especially not a certain somepony.

“Mayor!” Lyra Heartstrings trotted up to the bespectacled mare. “So nice of you to let me join your greeting session!”

“So nice of you to come as well,” the tan pony lied, scrunching up her piece of paper. “Shows to Ponyville that we’re a unified governing body, you know.”

“Of course,” the semi-opposition leader nodded deviously. “And we’ll prove it to them once again today, by joining together in praise of our very own fashionista!”

“We will, Ms. Heartstrings; we will,” the Mayor agreed as she tossed the paper ball into a nearby bin.

*

Carousel Boutique, Ponyville

A brief respite from Rarity’s unending squeals of delight these days, as she firmly warded off yet another dress-related offer.

“ …no, Mr. Rich… I assure you, I will be able to make all the dresses without your help… well you see, they are very simple dresses… barely need a minute to assemble… I do know that, Mr. Rich, but material prices were never that high to begin with… apologies again, Mr. Rich, I do hope you understand!... Thank you, Mr. Rich. Goodbye.”

The fashionista put down the receiver, yet another wave of glee surging over her as she did so. Oh, to think that so many ponies now knew her name! Oh, to think that so many ponies were now angling for her custom! She couldn’t help but giggle like a little schoolfilly at the thought...

A knock on the door wrested the white unicorn out of her fantasies. “Who’s the-ere?” she warbled, dancing towards the door in anticipation of her newest guest.

They weren’t fashion ponies, but Mayor Mare and Lyra Heartstrings were hardly inappropriate guests for this festive occasion. “Oh, welcome, welcome!” Rarity hastily ushered them into a nearby settee. “What an honor to receive the both of you!”

“No no!” the bespectacled mare got in the first response. “How honored I am to be able to greet you! Ms. Rarity, you surely have done Ponyville proud again!”

“Indeed, Rarity!” Lyra Heartstrings cast a slightly irked look at her political companion. “Never before has the Legislative Council been so happy for one of its citizens!”

The fashionista’s face blushed red with the praise. “Oh, it was just a simple yellow dress… it was hardly worth such praise… ”

“But it really does!” Mayor Mare exclaimed, trotting over to the mannequin where a copy of Twilight’s birthday dress hung. “Look at it! It’s so… so…!” Words failed the tan pony, though probably because of her sparse fashion vocabulary than to any aesthetic appreciation on her part.

The lime-green pony saw her chance, magically draping the fabric over her own figure without asking. “Oh, it’s so soft and lovely!” she swooned with emotion. “It’s perfect in every way! Rarity, you certainly have made a masterpiece here! I’m definitely ordering one!”

The gray-maned mare decided to up the stakes. “I’ll be ordering two, Ms. Rarity! And I think this calls for a special Awards Ceremony in Market Square!”

Lyra wasn’t willing to back down either. “Actually, Rarity, we at LegCo think having a fashion week dedicated to you would be the best token of our- “

Rarity chuckled knowingly. “Oh, Mesdames, I do very much appreciate what you plan to do for me,” she began. “But, really, the real prize is the knowledge that I’ve helped put Ponyville firmly on the map of Equestrian fashion. The prestige, the income, the tourists… ”

Both the political ponies nodded sagely. “Very true, Ms. Rarity.”

The fashionista continued to recite her speech. “ …and really, that is the only reward I need.”

“Oh,” Mayor Mare gasped admiringly. “How humble you are, Ms. Rarity!”

“So humble!” Lyra chimed in. “And so generous!”

Rarity smiled silently in response. “Thank you, Mesdames,” she curtsied.

“No, thank you, Ms. Rarity,” the Mayor replied.

“Thank you so much, Rarity,” Lyra Heartstrings added.

The fashionista managed to stifle all but the slightest of giggles. I must make a mental note, she thought, to make Twilight my future Public Relations pony.

*

Fancy Pants Stores Headquarters, Canterlot

Less jovial was the concurrent atmosphere at Fancy Pants Headquarters (ESEY: FPS).

Vice-President of Marketing Ad Sense rushed into the cavernous Chairman’s Room. “Mr. Chairman! Mr. Pants!” he strode in hurriedly while waving a piece of paper. “The results from the focus group!”

“So it is,” the aristocratic stallion quipped as he donned his monocle and received the thin sheet of writing. “Now, you know I am most interested as to what they said about the name of Ms. Rarity's new product line.”

Ad Sense shook his head. “As I predicted, the group thought that ‘Ponyville Designs’ reminded them too much of our backwoods neighbor.”

“I see.” Fancy Pants sighed. “Ah well. Guess the weekend’s golf is on me, then.”

“If you wish, Mr. Chairman.”

“It is ungentlecoltly to break an agreed-to bond, Mr. Sense,” the blue-maned unicorn declared, reclining back in his seat without bothering to read the rest of the report. “In any case: we need to discuss alternatives.”

“Yes. I still believe ‘Canterlot Designs’ strikes the right chord, Mr. Chairman.”

Fancy Pants closed his eyes in contemplation. “But Ms. Rarity, if I recall- “

“Well,” Ad Sense winked. “Ms. Rarity did create the initial designs here in Canterlot.”

A little frown from the boss of Fancy Pants Stores. “So she did,” he concurred at last. “And I dare not disagree with your opinion once again. ‘Canterlot Designs’ it is: do prepare the application to the Trademark Office.”

*

Filthy Rich Industries Headquarters, Ponyville

Filthy Rich was still very much in a big sulk. On the one hand, his super-ego was trying its best to reassure him that Rarity’s response didn’t matter much, that he still had plenty of contracts to keep him busy for the rest of the season, that he was in no danger of even underperforming compared with last year’s results.

On the other hand, however, his id was raging and spitting near-unmentionable bile at the fashion pony. How dare that unicorn reject his offer! How dare she decline his help! Did she not know how rare it was for Filthy Rich Industries (ESEY: FRI) to offer somepony their services? Was she so arrogant as to think that her friendship with Twilight Sparkle would save her from his wrath? Was she-

Riing!

Filthy Rich picked up the phone. “Yes?” he greeted gruffly.

“Oh, Mr. Rich!” a timid voice responded from the other side of the line. “Musk Raker here? Editor of the Express- “

“I know.” Of course the industrial magnate knew who Ms. Raker was – he owned the Express, after all. “What?”

“Well,” the editor continued sheepishly. “You wanted updates on Mr. Fancy Pants, right?”

“Cut the chit-chat and let’s get to the point.”

“Yes, Mr. Rich. Anyway, the Trademark Office has just confirmed that FPS’ve submitted a name for a new product line based on Ms. Rarity’s work: ‘Canterlot Designs’.”

The rotund boss frowned. “’Canterlot Designs’? But surely they know where Rarity’s fr- “

The frown turned upside down in an instant. Heh, let’s give her a taste of my power. “Ms. Raker?”

“Yes, Mr. Pants.”

“Take a note. I want something like this to be the Express’ headlines for a week.”

The pause of a resigned newspony wondering why she ever got into the business. “As you wish, Mr. Rich- “

“Actually, stay on the line a while,” Filthy Rich commanded as he took out his cell and began pressing relevant numbers. “First, I need a talk with some LegCo members.”

*

Legislative Council Meeting Room, Ponyville

The Express’ headline was largely the same as it had been these past few days: FANCY PANTS STORES INSULTS ALL PONYVILLIANS YET AGAIN, it roared in belligerent indignation.

Mayor Mare exhaled long and loud as she put down the broadsheet. “Well, I can’t say I’m complaining,” she admitted to the room. “After all, Ms. Rarity is clearly our dressmaker – and so, if anything, they should have called it ‘Ponyville Designs’. It's not like Canterlot needs the extra fame and cash.”

“E-xactly!” Lyra, even more animated than usual, knocked on the table to emphasize her point. “FPS here is being totally unjust and unfair!”

“But then again,” the tan pony commented, “I didn’t think LegCo would be so worked up over it… ”

“What!” the lime-green pony’s mouth gaped open in shock. “Of course we would! We’re the defenders of Ponyville’s honor here!”

Whatever, the bespectacled mare sneered. “At least all this warmongering has spooked Fancy Pants into negotiating with us- “

The double doors abruptly burst open, revealing a sandy, red-maned unicorn, magically holding her sizable portfolios in tow. “Under Hoof, Ma’am Mayor,” she introduced herself as she strode in.

“Glad to see you, Ms. Hoof. I am Mayor Mare; this here is Councilor Lyra Heartstrings.”

Both sides took a few moments to settle in. “You doubtless understand that all agreements signed by the Ponyville Government have to be approved by our Legislative Council, Ms. Hoof,” Mayor Mare elaborated. “Ms. Heartstrings here is LegCo’s representative – obviously, what she says carries the weight of the government behind her.” Also known as the government having to follow her every diktat.

“Right.” The sandy pony cleared her throat. “Now, we at FPS understand that a recent choice of name for one of our new product lines may have inadvertently caused insult to Ponyville.”

“Indeed it has,” the gray-maned mare nodded.

Under Hoof slid over two sheets of paper. “We hope for a settlement without going to court over such a trivial matter. We do have certain limits, set by the results of our focus-testing. But we are willing to countenance changes to the name.”

“Let’s hear it,” the lime-green unicorn growled grimly.

“Good. We propose the name: ‘Canterlot-Ponyville Designs. I’m sure that you will find this change acceptable…?”

Settle for any name that mentions Ponyville in it, Mayor Mare remembered her Secretary for Administration remind her beforehand. “Ms. Hoof, I do believe that this is a fair- “

The bespectacled mare had not counted on Lyra Heartstrings jumping up so abruptly, hoof shaking in unparalleled fervor. “No, it is NOT fair!” she screeched.

Even Mayor Mare leapt up at this sudden burst of ire. “L-lyra!” she relapsed. “What’s the m-matter?”

The lime-green pony pointed an accusing hoof at her negotiating ally. “You, of all ponies, should know better,” she scolded. “You’re selling away our rights!”

The tan pony rolled her eyes. “Ms. Heartstrings, we need to compromise… ”

Lyra cut off any further justification with a thump of her hooves. “LegCo will not accept such an insulting name as ‘Canterlot-Ponyville’!”

“Well, what’s your suggestion, then,” Under Hoof asked pointedly.

The lime-green unicorn had a prepared answer ready. “Since our Ms. Rarity created the dress, clearly the only acceptable name should be ‘Ponyville-Canterlot Designs’.”

The sandy pony shook her head virulently. “Focus testing forbids us to start the product name with ‘Ponyville’, Ms. Heartstrings. Surely you want Ms. Rarity’s products to sell?”

The answer was obvious to the Mayor. “Well, yes- “

The answer was obvious to Lyra, too. “Well, no if it means surrendering our rights to Canterlot!”

Under Hoof’s eye twitched slightly. “May I remind you,” she enunciated, “that Ms. Rarity created these products in Canterlot!”

“Yeah, but without Ponyville,” Lyra slammed her hoof on the table, “Ms. Rarity would never have been able to make dresses in the first place!”

A tense standoff as both Lyra Heartstrings and Under Hoof ignored Mayor Mare.

Under Hoof made her ultimatum, never once breaking her gaze at the lime-green unicorn. “Ms. Heartstrings, I guess FPS will be seeing Ponyville in the Supreme Court, then.”

Lyra Heartstrings returned the favor, steel in her voice. “Bring it on, Ms. Hoof. Bring. It. On.”

Somewhere in a distant part of the room, Mayor Mare was still struggling to have her voice heard? “Somepony? Anypony?” she whined. “Can’t we arrive at a compromise somewhere?”

*

Hall of Justice, Canterlot

== SUPREME COURT OF EQUESTRIA ==

Canterlot v. Ponyville

40 EQ 12

“Please sit, fillies and gentlecolts,” the Princess Celestia stood stiff and ready to deliver her final verdict. “The Supreme Court has reviewed the arguments for both the defendant, Canterlot; and the plaintiff, Ponyville – and we have decided on a resolution that, we think, will solve this issue once and for all.”

“Canterlot argued that their new product line should be called ‘Canterlot Designs’, because Ms. Rarity made her creations in Canterlot – and had she not been in said city, she would never have created this particular design.”

“Ponyville, on the other hand, argued that the product line should be called ‘Ponyville Designs’, because Ms. Rarity was a citizen of Ponyville – and had she not been in said town, she would never have created this particular design.”

“The Princesses Luna and I agreed that the basic question here was this: what was the root cause of Ms. Rarity’s inspiration? And given this re-formulation, the answer was evident.”

“Our verdict is thus: the ultimate root cause of Ms. Rarity’s creations – the sine qua non of her inspiration – must be that which earned Ms. Rarity her cutie mark in the first place. And, as such, the Court orders FPS to rename their new line of products to ‘Rock Designs’. For clearly, without the inspirational Rock, Ms, Rarity here would not have delved so deeply into dressmaking in the first place.”

A stunned murmur throughout the Supreme Court.

“That is all. Court is adjourned.”

*

The murmur grew louder and louder. “Well,” Crimson Ribbon remarked to his superior, “at least nopony won. Guess that was the real intention of Her Highnesses. You know, ‘no favoritism’ and all that.”

Mayor Mare’s eyes were still twitching. “That doesn’t help me, Mr. Ribbon. I’ve taken political flak for no result here.”

The bureaucrat was unsympathetic. “Well, you should have pressed harder for a compromise.”

“I had no choice in the matter, as you well know.” The tan pony glanced one last time at the horrid little rag of an Express that she was holding – headline: MAYOR MARE ATTEMPTS NEGOTIATION WITH THE ENEMY – before tossing it into a nearby bin.

The gray stallion finally got to his point. “Then you shouldn’t have curtailed your power by creating LegCo.”

“Alright, alright,” the Mayor gasped in exasperation. “Democracy stinks. You win.”

Author's Note:

ESEY: Equestria Stock Exchange sYmbol (What reporters do on finance websites to remind readers of the stock code.)

[Particular Inspiration: 1) Politicians one-upping each other with praise for talented individuals, e.g. David Cameron suggesting knighthoods for UK Olympic gold medallists. 2) Focus testing, the bane of all creative ideas. 3) Disputes over names can be both vicious and ridiculous, e.g. the Czechoslovak 'Hyphen War'. 4) Over-zealous legislatures derailing executive attempts at compromise, such as the US Senate's 2013 rejection of the UN Disability Convention. 5) I was skeptical as to whether any human Supreme Court has the power to hand down a ruling that wasn't initially suggested by either legal party, but Another Nopony gave a good counter-example in the case of Citizens United (US Supreme Court, 2010).]

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

Um Filthy Rich you do realize that by demoninzing The Mayor you run the risk of making her turn on you right? If you betray her then I'm sure she'll be all too happy to bury you for good. Think about your options.

And Lyra would you care to explain why you ruined a perfect attempt at compromise in favor of your own agenda. (Just take a look at our current Congress and the GOP Tea Party. They won't compromise at all. Either they get what they want or nobody gets what they want. Guess no one ever told them politics is about compromise.)

And of course focus groups are in general just a bad idea. No one can truly know what's best for everyone. Oh well at least now the focus groups aren't the bread and butter of companies like Hasbro.

[Seether00]

Damn it, Lyra! Well that would explain why Rarity went back into obscurity after that episode.

[Another Nopony]

"I'm skeptical as to whether any human supreme court has the power to hand down a ruling that wasn't initially suggested by either legal party" Two words, Citizens United. Never underestimate how horribly wrong so-called "democracy" can go.

[swirlstar]

2943768 Damn, forgot about that one Changed.