My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S1E13: Fall Weather Friends

Season 1 Episode 13 - Fall Weather Friends

Finishing Line of the 'Running of the Leaves' Competition, Ponyville

The Agenda:

1. Reviewing Procedures for the 'Running of the Leaves'. [ ]

2. LONG TERM - Break the Power of the Apple Family [ ]

With her star pupil now trotting away back to Ponyville, Princess Celestia turned to the Mayor of Ponyville. "Now, Mayor Mare, it is my opinion that this year's 'Running of the Leaves' has remained sub-par."

The tan mare bowed her head in apology. "I'm sorry, Your Highness. We have tried our utmost to safeguard this year's competition, considering the circumstances." Those 'circumstances' being your refusal to fund our post-Parasprite reconstruction! "At least, the San Palomino Ambulance stall has reported zero injuries so far."

"That is not sufficient, Mayor," the Ruler of Equestria admonished sternly. "The route today was filled with potential hazards. There were stumps and rocks, low overhanging branches - some even containing beehives - buckets of syrup just lying around, unstable slopes... you understand what I mean. Indeed, you must consider yourself fortunate that no injuries occurred, despite the odds."

"I apologize again for this, Your Highness," Mayor Mare groveled, hoping not to be saddled with another thankless task-

"Mayor Mare, I want to see a plan on how Ponyville can clean this competition up," the alicorn ordered. "Your constituents will not like it one iota, when I ban this tradition due to this Government's continued negligence."

The tan mare cursed under her breath. "Yes, Your Highness."

*

The Cabinet Office, Ponyville

"Sell the rights to Chase Manehattan?!" Mayor Mare exclaimed in disgust. "This is a Ponyville tradition! We can't just be giving the rights away to some big-city bank!"

"Ma'am," Crimson Ribbon replied smoothly. "It's the best way of solving all our problems. We give the rights for the 'Running of the Leaves' to them, they run the competition, all this trouble is their responsibility."

"But what if they don't improve the route?" the Mayor thought aloud. "We wouldn't be able to force them to, and then the Princess will shut the whole thing down!"

"Ah," the bureaucrat gave a knowing smile. "Then we just blame it all on the bankers. It's a good tactic. Goes well with the voters."

The tan mare crossed her forelegs. "I can't agree with this, Mr. Ribbon. Ponyville is my home, and I will not be the one who trades away our heritage to some distant company. Why, if Chase Manehattan gets the rights, they could, one day, move the 'Running of the Leaves' to Fillydelphia or to Vanhoover. What would we be left with, then?"

"Well, as you wish, Mayor Mare," the gray stallion gave a sly smile. "But perhaps you will find, later, that this plan is worthy of consideration."

*

Ranger Fluttershy's House, Ponyville

"So now, Ranger Fluttershy, we need to clear the route of all beehives and burrows. Can you do that?" Mayor Mare concluded her brief overview.

"Oh... er... um... sorry," the yellow pegasus whispered apologetically. "I don't want to say this, but it will be difficult... "

When has anything in this town ever been easy? "Why would it be difficult? I don't recall the animals having any rights over the land," the perplexed Mayor inquired. "and even if they do, I'll just invoke 'national security'... "

Fluttershy shook her head. "I'm sorry, Mayor, but... it's not that easy. If you want the critters to stay in their new homes, you need to persuade them," the kind pegasus closed her eyes in thought. "You'll need the food to coax all the bunnies and squirrels out, you'll need to build new burrows and nests and hives, you'll need to make sure there aren't any mean creatures around to hurt them... and, oh! You'll need to make sure all the families and friends can still find each other in their new places... "

"So do that then," Mayor Mare commented, hoping that this was the extent of the Ranger's problems.

The yellow pegasus shook her head again. "I would do it if I could, Mayor, you know I would; it's just that I'm just one pony, and there are so many different critters out there on the path... I'm sorry, I just don't have the food or the resources to do all of that! Oh, I'm so sorry... "

Well okay, so this isn't unsolvable. "I understand, Ranger Fluttershy. Why don't you just send a cost estimate over to Town Hall, and we'll give you the money needed to buy all this stuff?"

*

Syrup Treacle Farm, Ponyville

"Mayor, are you telling me to abandon my livelihood in order for some ponies to run without trouble?" Sun Streak eyed the tan mare suspiciously. "Rumors are swirlin' 'round that you're gettin' awfully close with them Apples- "

"No, Mrs. Streak, I am simply asking you if you could move your buckets away from the route for the duration of the 'Running of the Leaves'," Mayor Mare tread carefully. "just one day, out of a whole year."

The azure mare shook her head. "Ma'am, I get the feelin' you have no idea how syrup is extracted. I can only get syrup when the weather's cold at night and warm durin' the day. So spring and fall's the only times I can do this - and the 'Runnin' of the Leaves' occurs slap bang in the middle of that fall flow!"

"Great," Mayor Mare muttered under her breath.

"If I don't put them buckets there, you ponies are gettin' nothin' on your pancakes over the winter. Except maybe honey, but everypony knows that's just not as good," the golden-maned pony stressed.

"Look, Mrs. Streak. Are you sure you can't move the trees further away from the route?"

"Well... " the mare considered the proposition. "there is a good patch of land quite a ways in, but it's part of the Whitetail Forest Park- "

"I'll tell Canterlot to redesignate that part as soon as possible," Mayor Mare reassured her.

" -and it'll cost some to make sure them trees don't get hurt- "

"Submit your cost request to Town Hall and we'll grant your proposal," the tan mare instinctively answered.

Sun Streak's face broke out into a sweet smile. "Deal, Ma'am."

*

Foot of Whitetail Mountain, Whitetail Forest National Park

"So you see," the engineer pony gestured with his construction hat. "slope here's very dangerous. I'd say it's around a, uh, 4 on the Scale."

"Right," Mayor Mare considered the assessment. "Funding's not a problem. Let's get a team here then and blow that slope up!"

"Uh, you mean secure the slope, Ma'am," the engineer corrected her uneasily. "And in any case, it will not be as easy as you make it out to be."

Not this again! "Why?" an exasperated Mayor asked.

"Well, you see Ma'am, this slope is not Ponyville jurisdiction. The path and the area surrounding it is, but not the slope. We need permission from the National Parks Authority before we can operate, and even then we wouldn't be able to do the large-scale fixing needed to keep this slope safe. Aesthetic reasons."

Sheesh, can't anypony here co-operate for once? "Look, who's in ultimate charge of the NPA?"

"Well... Princess Celestia, I guess," the engineer replied.

"And guess what? Princess Celestia wants us to do this," the tan mare smirked. "So she'll definitely have to agree with us. So you just go on and give me the cost estimate."

The engineer shrugged, knowing now that he had someone to blame. "If you wish, Ma'am."

*

The Mayor's Office, Ponyville

Finance Secretary Bit Coin slid over a folder. "I have to tell you, Ma'am, that I strongly oppose allowing any of these cost estimates to go through."

The Mayor opened the folder, wondering what all the fuss was about. "This is not about the money, Ms. Coin. This is about Ponyville tradition, and our fight to preserve our cultural heri-tage?!" her mouth leapt open in shock.

Ms. Coin beamed. Now Delta owes me fifty bits! "The cost estimates are, perhaps, what we could call 'exaggerated'."

The tan mare's face sunk into a frown. "Look, this is unbelievable - a sixth of our income just to fix Whitetail Mountain? And a thousand bits to replant each syrup tree? That's ridiculous!" She looked back up at the chestnut pony. "No! Tell them to submit a more reasonable estimate!"

"Well they'll just write in the same figures," Ms. Coin shrugged nonchalantly.

"They can't!" Mayor Mare's face flushed slightly red, irked at being played for a fool.

"Put it this way, Mayor: do you know what the effect TNT has on mountain slopes, compared with C-4 explosive?"

"Ms. Coin, I failed chemistry," the tan mare pointed out.

"Do you know how much feed is required to sustain an Equestrian Tapir over the course of three months?"

"I failed biology as well."

"Me neither," responded Ms. Coin, making a mental note to look up the aforementioned facts. "And I bet nopony else knows either for the moment. So, basically, you don't know if the cost estimates were really padded. They could be giving you the lowest possible price."

"Somepony in Ponyville must know," the Mayor huffed.

"Sure. The people who made the cost estimates," Bit Coin retorted.

"Well, we still have to do it," the tan mare pressed onwards. "This is about our cultural heritage."

The chestnut pony was unimpressed. "So you're going to have us go into irreversible debt, and also basically destroy Whitetail National Park, all because you want to preserve our cultural heritage. I will remind you that few tourists come for this event."

Mayor Mare raised an eyebrow. "Are you going to disobey my orders, Ms. Coin- ?"

"No, no, Ma'am," the chestnut pony assuaged her boss' fears. "I'm just telling you what your voters are going to say."

"But the 'Running of the Leaves' is a Ponyville tradition- " the tan pony appealed.

"Ma'am, sure the competition is a Ponyville tradition, and let me tell you this: I'll be the first to jump onto the streets - should I be allowed, of course - and protest if it ever disappeared from our annual calendar. But voters, in general, really don't know the value of something until it's gone. I guarantee you, right now, that all this talk about 'culture' and 'tradition' won't mean a darn thing if it means higher taxes, debt and a ruined National Park. The latter stuff they can see; the former stuff they can't. That's the point I'm making, and that's the point Lyra will be making."

"Well... " Bit Coin sure made some sense today. "If nothing else, I don't want to be the pony who destroyed the competition!" Mayor Mare retreated to her last justification.

"Well I guess you could always... erm... privatize," Bit Coin hinted.

"Priva- wait, privatize?" the tan mare's eyes narrowed. "Have you been talking to Mr. Ribbon, by any chance?"

"What, me?" the chestnut pony drew back in pretend horror. "I haven't seen Mr. Ribbon over the past few days!"

This trick again. Mayor Mare let out a bitter laugh. "I mean, have you been contacting Mr. Ribbon, by any chance."

"I have not talked to Mr. Ribbon over the past few days," Bit Coin stuck to her guns.

The tan mare stared, narrow-eyed, at her subordinate for a few seconds. "Oh well," she withdrew. "Your points are still valid. I guess voters won't appreciate whichever way this goes. Call Mr. Ribbon in, please. "

*

The Gentlecolt's Club, Canterlot

"How was your meeting with the Princess Celestia then, Little One?" Crimson Ribbon teased his university pal.

The head of Chase Manehattan Bank, One Percent POSM GSS OB HP poured out a glass of cognac. "Never been better. She agreed to let us lower interest rates by 2%. Stimulate borrowing, you know, all that."

"Good, good!" Crimson Ribbon enthused, slowly stirring the spirit in his hands. "Cheers!"

Both ponies clinked their glasses together, slowly savoring the alcohol.

"Ahh... " One Percent finished his drink first. "Just like old days, my friend! The boating, the fraternities, the nights out - those were the times!"

"Indeed, those were the times... " the bureaucrat reminisced. "Oh, before I forget, I have managed to... persuade the Mayor to sell you the rights to the 'Running of the Leaves'. It's a moderate sum, but doubtlessly you will think that it was worth it."

"Aha! Oh, Crimmy, you never fail me!" the banker pony clapped his hooves in delight. "Now, do you mind if we call it the 'Ponyville Chase Manehattan Running of the Leaves Competition'? I daresay that would add a tinge of pizzazz to the event!"

"You buy it, you name it, I guess," the gray stallion shrugged.

"Ah, Crimmy old chap, you are definitely going to be CM's newest board member when you finally leave that place!" One Percent patted his best mate's shoulder.

"I should tell you beforehand that taking it will require you to shoulder the... many obligations involved," Crimson Ribbon warned.

The banker waved those concerns away. "Of course it's going to require some capital input at first, Crimmy. But it'll be worth it, just to see Chase Manehattan expand into this untapped market!"

The bureaucrat smiled. "Well, do you think this calls for another round, Little One?"

Author's Note:

Abbreviations:
Scale: Rockslide Danger Scale. 4 is "High Risk" [From the US Avalanche Scale].
GSS: Gold Solar Star (Honors)
OB: Most Noble Order of the Bridle (Honors)
HP: Honored Pony (Honors)

[Particular Inspiration: 1) Marathon sponsorships by corporations such as Bank of America (Chicago). 2) Mayor Mare's fears were inspired by the fate of US baseball/football teams (LA Dodgers, Cleveland Browns) who were simply moved to different cities at their owner's whim. 3) Syrup tapping was taken from maple syrup tapping in the real world, although in the latter maple syrup is only tapped in the spring, if I read the internet correctly.]

Comments

[SuperPinkBrony12]

This time around Celestia's being a jerk. She refuses to fund Ponyville to repay the damages caused by the parasprite invasion and then she tells them to try and make "The Running of The Leaves" safer no matter the cost. Talk about a two faced backstabber, and of course since she holds absolute power only someone like Luna could overrule her and we all know that will never happen.

Geez Celestia and here I thought you knew better than anyone. Maybe Equestria would be better off without you.

[Seether00]

More fuel to my argument that Celestia secretly hates Ponyville. In season 3 she basically frees the spirit of chaos in the middle of it.