My Little Pony: Bureaucracy is Politic

by swirlstar

S2E7: May the Best Pet Win

Season 2 Episode 7 – May the Best Pet Win

The Mayor’s Office, Ponyville

The Agenda

1. Dealing with Complaints. [ ]

2. LONG TERM - Secure political control of the Legislative Council. [ ]

Mayor Mare looked up inquisitively at Secretary for Administration Crimson Ribbon. She had only one word in mind.

“Why?” the tan mare wondered, perplexed.

The bureaucrat was caught off-guard. “What do you mean, why?”

“We get complaints all the time, Mr. Ribbon.”

“Ah.” The official shook his head. “This time it’s different, Ma’am.”

“How so?”

The aging stallion dropped under the table horizon. “Well, Ma’am,” he strained as he hauled a thick dossier of paper onto the desk. “Volume.”

The tan mare gawped in awe at the mountain of foolscap in front of her, her voice temporarily stolen.

“Apparently, there was supposed to be a carnival at the Ponyville Athletic Park yesterday,” the Secretary for Administration explained. “But the grounds were apparently double-booked. By that I mean that somepony took it over for her own use.”

The politician snorted in disbelief. “And who was that inconsiderate?”

Crimson Ribbon took a deep breath. “Well, it was… ”

*

“Ms. Dash,” the gray-maned mare was deadly serious. “You better have a good explanation for doing this.”

Ponyville’s weathermare squirmed uneasily in her seat, trying to remember her alibi. “You know about my plan to improve the Weather Service, right? You do? Well, I was just doing some tests with a few flying animals, and we just overran a little.”

Silence from her boss.

The ace pegasus rolled her eyes. “Okay, we overran a lot.”

Still more silence.

Rainbow Dash folded her forelegs. “It’s not my fault the other ponies outside were so impatient!”

A moment’s pause before Mayor Mare sighed. “Ms. Dash, I don’t see how anypony– pegasus or otherwise – needs to pass an obstacle course in order to help the team manage weather.”

“Uhh… ” the cyan pegasus looked at the ceiling for inspiration. “You know, they might have to dodge trees and buildings in the, uh, sky!“ Her complexion and visage betrayed her. “I mean, you know they have to carry the fog from the ground up into the air to, uh, make the clouds! Yes, that’s a new way of making clouds now… ”

Not even the best liar could have managed that blatant untruth. The bespectacled earth pony sighed. “Ms. Dash, please give me the real story.”

“That is the real story!” the pegasus flailed her arms about in a bid to seem more convincing. “I swear!”

“Ms. Dash,” the Mayor chose her words carefully. “Don’t dig yourself into a bigger hole.”

“Mayor, I promise that’s the real story!” Rainbow Dash stuck to her guns, fearing the unknown more than her eminently sorry lie. “You gotta believe me, Mayor; you gotta!”

*

Ultimately, perhaps it was for the best that Rainbow Dash stuck to her guns; for Mayor Mare’s room for maneuver turned out to be rather limited.

“The Legislative Council recommends, once weathermare Rainbow Dash is found guilty of misfeasance, that the Mayor take immediate steps to dismiss her from the Civil Service.”

The tan pony put down the Legislative Council’s recommendations, unsure of what to think about the whole affair. On one hand, this was bordering on the unconstitutional – clearly, it was the purview of the executive to hire and fire. On the other hand, Lyra and her ilk were undoubtedly under a lot of pressure to do something, and Rainbow Dash was clearly in the wrong here.

“P-p-please, Mayor… ” the shaky voice of the prismatic mare, a world away from her bluster the day before, dragged the politician out of her thoughts.

The bespectacled mare turned to the task in front of her. Rainbow Dash’s eyes were fast tearing up as she faced her doom, a scene Mayor Mare had never thought physically possible. She put her trembling hooves together with a desperate earnestness. “I… I’ll never do this again! Please!”

Mayor Mare couldn’t resist rubbing it in. “I told you not to dig yourself further into this hole,” she mentioned triumphantly.

“Alright, alright!” the pegasus’ voice cracked under the fear and stress. “I overran because I did a competition to find the perfect pet! I’m sorry! I’ll never, ever do it again, Mayor! Please, Mayor, help me!”

The gray-maned mare, hoof on head, closed her eyes and nodded sagely all the while. It was pointless to ask her now: the time for sweeping the whole thing under the rug ended when Lyra sent that recommendation. Mayor Mare wasn’t so charitable as to lay down her own career for the weathermare’s sake.

At long last, she opened her mouth. “Ms. Dash… ”

She didn’t need her eyes to feel the pegasus suddenly spring into an anticipatory light. “Oh, Mayor! Please, I’ll do anything for this job! I’ll do half a year free! I’ll take a permanent pay cut! I’ll- “

Best not excite her further. “Go home.”

All the heat drained out of the weathermare in a second. “M-mayor… “ she breathed, gulping and swallowing in a vain attempt to drive her tears away.

But there was nothing that the Mayor could do for Rainbow Dash. “Go home, Ms. Dash. You’re dismissed.”

*

Mayor Mare assumed that her firing of Rainbow Dash was the end of things. She was wrong.

The tan pony groaned again as the duo gingerly took their seats in front of her. As was to be expected, Rainbow Dash had had a bad night. Her mane was ruffled, there were bags under her eyes, and her expression was limp and gaunt. Twilight Sparkle, caught between the need to teach her friend a lesson and the need to cheer her up, shuffled around uneasily. Mayor Mare was a bit ruffled to see the lavender mare siding with the enemy, though she grudgingly recognized it as a noble and reasonable thing to do.

The politician started off by dispelling all illusions. “I can do nothing for both of you. Ms. Dash is clearly at fault here- “

“No I’m not,” the prismatic mare interrupted, voice regaining its normal strength, eyes glaring fiercely at her ex-boss.

A terse pause. “You admitted it yester- “

“Well… no. I didn’t,” Rainbow Dash started.

Mayor Mare narrowed her eyes.

“I was out of my mind. I said stupid things.” The pegasus was trying very hard to keep eye contact.

The tan pony tried to trick her subject into submission. “Stupid but true- “

“No,” the prismatic mare cut her off. “Stupid and untrue.”

Another terse pause at both ponies faced each other across the desk.

“Ms. Dash,” the bespectacled mare played her last card. “If you want to fight this through the courts, you’re just going to end up losing even more.”

Twilight meekly turned to her friend, silently demanding re-confirmation of the pegasus’ mettle.

Rainbow Dash took a deep breath. “Yes, Mayor,” she threw down the gauntlet. “I’m going to reverse what you did to me, and put myself back in as Ponyville’s weathermare!”

The gray-maned mare was unmoved. “We’ll await your letter, Ms. Dash.”

The Mayor didn’t bother bidding them farewell as the cyan pegasus marched, head held high, out of the room. Twilight Sparkle was more circumspect, turning worriedly back at the door. “I hope you don’t think I’m being disloyal, Mayor,” she commented.

The tan pony flashed a small smile. “It’s fine, Ms. Sparkle. I understand.”

Of course, with such powerful backing in the form of Her Highness, Twilight could have been as disloyal as she dared be, without suffering the slightest consequence.

*

The Cabinet Room, Ponyville

“What I don’t understand,” Mayor Mare remarked as she reviewed Rainbow Dash’s file in front of her, “is why Ms. Dash is making such a suicidal move. Surely she knows that she’s in the wrong.”

Crimson Ribbon shrugged nonchalantly. “Her Highness?”

“Doubtful.” The mare surveyed recent pictures of the Athletic Park, proving beyond a doubt that Rainbow Dash had indeed used the grounds for some animal-related competition. “Her Highness is paranoid about this stuff. You know, favoritism.”

“Maybe they thought it was worth a try. Haven’t seen the two in Ponyville these past few days.”

The tan pony lowered her head in contemplation. “That’s not how Ms. Sparkle thinks, Mr. Ribbon. She must have thought of something.”

The bureaucrat leant back in his chair, folding his forelegs as he joined Mayor Mare in thought. “Well, no point in thinking about it,” he concluded fruitlessly after a while. “Might as well think about presenting the best possible case.”

“I guess.” The politician reached over for a nearby phone. “We’ll just get Linkneighers, as usual.”

Crimson Ribbon punched in the number. The speakerphone came to life, beeping with a monotonous regularity. At least no muzak, the politician thought approvingly.

The line cleared up. “Linkneighers speaking, how may I help you?” the receptionist intoned, feeling anything but cheerful.

“It’s the Ponyville Government. We’d like to talk to a partner, please.”

“One moment.”

The resurgent beeping was rudely halted before it had even completed one cycle. “Ah, Mayor Mare,” a voice on the other end of the line answered. “How can I help you today?”

“Right. We have a pending case regarding alleged unfair dismissal by- ”

“ -Ms. Rainbow Dash?”

Crimson Ribbon’s heart skipped a beat.

“Uh… yes,” Mayor Mare unwillingly started at the unusually prompt information. “So we were wondering… ”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Mayor,” the voice on the other end apologized immediately. “I’m afraid we have to decline. Conflict of interest- “

“You’re representing them?!” No way does Twilight Sparkle have that much cash!

“Oh, no no, Mayor,” the partner reassured. “But we were, uh, brought to a dinner with them. Thus the conflict of interest, you see.”

“Just great,” the bespectacled mare groaned. “Who else was there?”

“Well, let me see… ” A brief pause. “Most of the Canterlot, Manehattan and Baltimare law firms, I guess. You know Celestia. She doesn’t like to show favoritism.”

The guttural groan emerging from Mayor Mare’s throat was the only response the politician could muster.

*

The Legislative Council Committee Room, Ponyville

--- SELECT COMMITTEE ON DISCIPLINARY PROCEEDINGS CONCERNING THE WEATHER DEPARTMENT ---

Committee Chairman Filly Buster was, predictably, not amused. “We clearly recommended the correct course of action to you, Mayor,” he grinned in anticipation. “And that was to fire Ms. Rainbow Dash from her position, after she had abused said position to the detriment of Ponyvillians.”

Mayor Mare sighed and nodded some more. She, sure as Tartaros, wasn’t going to buy tomorrow’s copy of the Express. “Yes, Committee Chairman.”

“And instead of that,” Councilor Lyra Heartstrings chimed in, “you’ve decided to revoke all disciplinary action on Ms. Dash and restate her to her original position of weathermare. Is that correct?”

The tan pony ground her teeth in impotent frustration. “Yes.”

“But Mayor,” Councilor Sparkle tried her best to limit the damage she had wrought on the administration. “If I read your opening statement correctly, this was because you couldn’t find any lawyers to represent the Ponyville Government in court, is that correct?”

“Indeed. They all cited a conflict of interest.” The magical pony was going to have to try harder if she was to placate her political mentor.

“But surely that’s incompetence on your part.” The white stallion saw his opening. “Any government would have had an attorney-general on hoof for these things.”

Mayor Mare rolled her eyes. “If I recall, the Council rejected our request for fund- “

“Don’t blame the Council for everything, Mayor,” the lime-green pony snapped. “You need to take the initiative on these things.”

The bespectacled mare’s jaw slackened at Lyra’s brazen illogic. “But we did take the initi- “

Rap, rap as the gavel came down on wood. Councilor Buster’s mind had already been made up before the panel assembled. “Alright, I think we’ve had enough questions. Mayor,” he proclaimed, his hungry eyes flashing at his prey, “your failure to procure Ms. Dash’s dismissal has set a very bad precedent for the Civil Service. This is clear and utter incompetence on your part. I recommend declaring the Mayor ‘incompetent’ under the terms of the Insanity and Incompetency Act 323.”

Electricity coursed through the turgid atmosphere. The crowd began to murmur. Everypony knew what incompetency meant. It meant censure and dismissal. It wasn’t a secret that Mr. Buster had been finding a way to do just that.

The Mayor finally let a crumb of a thought eke its way into her brain. Here we go again-

“Under the terms of the Insanity and Incompetency Act,” Filly Buster continued, his heartbeat pacing faster and faster every second, “a simple majority is required to have an official declared ‘incompetent’, and therefore unfit for service.”

Another murmur. The aging stallion smiled evilly. Now, he was definitely going to become Mayor. He didn’t need Lyra’s votes any more to secure the Mayor’s impeachment.

Lyra saw immediately that the political winds had turned. No point in fighting a futile battle any more. “I agree wholly with the Chairman,” she declaimed. “The Mayor should be declared unfit for service!”

Councilor Sparkle realized what she had done. She anxiously tried to repair the damage. “Councilor!” she exclaimed. “Surely, given the circumstances, Mayor Mare did all she- “

Rap. “Committee dismissed,” Filly Buster overrode the bookish mare’s arguments. “We therefore recommend censuring Mayor Mare for incompetency. In two weeks, we shall submit our recommendations to the Council for the first reading.”

Much too early for her liking, Mayor Mare stared once more into the political abyss.

Author's Note:

[Particular inspiration: 1) Intense pressure on the legislature to dismiss unpopular cabinet members, even if it's not actually a constitutional right (at least, not in the US). 2) What rich people (at least, in Hong Kong) do to win lawsuits: literally employ hundreds of lawyers, for a comparatively paltry sum, as 'retainers' and thus generate conflicts of interests that remove said lawyers from the picture. Works best against government. 3) The Framers expressedly chose to limit Congress' powers of impeachment to criminal acts, rather than incompetence. However, it is not impossible to imagine that a legislature can 'create' ways to remove insane or incompetent members of the executive (such as through the mechanism of 'censure'.)]

Comments

[IridiumHoof]

Wow. I'm impressed. Only just discovered this fic but now you've got my attention.

[SuperPinkBrony12]

This is what happens when we don't mend the consitution to keep Congress in line. A perfect example is the current Congress, if there was any support for laws about fillbustering and vacations they've proved it.

And of course it seems Princess Celestia decided yet again to screw Mayor Mare just so she can continue to control the Elements of Harmony bearers. Wow Celestia you are so two faced.

And of course because Twilight is blindly loyal to you she'll never question your authority.

[Seether00]

Celestia you bitch!

If you want to keep the Elements employed why don't you hire them?
Wonder how the Mayor is going to get out of this, because she obviously does.

[Shogoki]

Brilliant chapter, can't wait to see how this turns up.

[Hypastpist]

i almost think with all this red taping and shit

the mayor isn't than far from resigning or worse

Twi, dash, celly that was a dick move on your part hell dash can easily get another job especially with her credentials but not necessarily on weather duty

[housedoc]

I finally caught up with this fic today. And it's really, really interesting. This is the first time I post a comment on fimfic but this one deserves more attention.