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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Just in case you were wondering about the shipping pair in this, I think this chapter should clear things up.
(Hint: Its all about the Cross Stitch x Rarity)
Alright, before I read past that first little bit I have to get this out of the way...
You bastards! That was cruel hahaha Okay it wasn't as cruel as it was hilarious. I give you mad props for that bit of toying! Well done! Well done!
[Edit] Alright so after reading this through all have to say is Thank you. That was awesomely hilarious! As well as the Twiluna shipping has started! yay!
WOW!!!! I just finished the previous chapter, and you all post this...
You all are chock full of Win and Pie and the blessings of Luna tonight!
Meep.
But, yay...
Heek!!!!
I don't... what?
That came on SO quickly. I'm sorry, but you need to build to that much more slowly and give the reader more time to come to terms with it. You should also consider if this is supposed to be about Twilight being the Archmage or if it's about Twilight and Luna, because you're story has taken a significant turn for the romance and thrown the usefulness of previous chapters about Twilight's growing magical prowess into question.
You've been doing a good job writing dialogue, conveying emotion, creating characterization, and generally making the characters work in a space. But the plot structure is your most important underpinning, and I'm concerned that you're structure is becoming unnecessarily chaotic.
Bravo.
Please tell me they are drinking Foalichnaya, distilled and bottled in Stalliongrad?
1759380
As for your first point, you are right, and I probably should have thought of that. I'll discuss it with Loyal, chances are we won't be seeing two chapters a day anymore. As for the second, I'm not sure how to answer it without any spoilers, anyway I would rather let the story talk for itself.
1759400
Are you kidding?! This is royal vodka, where it is distilled and bottled is top secret.
1759400
Stolichnaya vodka is actually rather pleasant. I would totally buy Foalichnaya though. PunWin.
1759471
Eh, it's up to you. Not part of the editing team, am I, so do what you feel is right. Personally, I'd prefer to read about Twilight's journey as she learns about her own strength rather than about how she and Luna got together, but that's personal preference.
REGARDLESS: You definitely know what you're doing, so keep it up!
1759471 guessing that it must be Старка (Starka), Which happens to be the only amber colored vodka, and is considered to be the world's finest, especially the 50 Year stuff. (virtually impossible to find here in the U.S. from what I understand, though Stoli is pretty damn good in itself)
1759501 I enjoy Stoli... a lot!
WOW! What the fuck was that disapproving stare from Cross Stitch for?
1759652
I wondered the same.
Additionally, this story is updated quickly! I love it!
I like your update pace and approve of twiluna
1759871
Well, perhaps he doesn't approve of mare-mare relationships? He did only mention how twilight should find a stallion-not a pony, a stallion, specifically.
Let me guess, ether he...
1. Hates homosexuals
2. Hates Luna
3. Hates that it is a student-teacher realtionship
My money is on number 1.
1760176
Hmm... I didn't want to make any comment about the Cross Stitch glaring thing, but I don't want you to get the wrong idea about him. It is not about it being a mare on mare relationship, but for now that's all I'm saying.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
YES!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png
*groan* what now?!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Twilight_Sparkle.png
is twiluna going to be the only twi-romance in the story or are there going to be other situations? it's one or the other, and for once im not sure
"Open yourself to me." Ok, I see that and I think Mass Effect; Asari: "Embrace Eternity."
1759380
I'll only say this:
The relationship between Twilight and Luna is moving fast, and is unfortunately the focal point of the story for a reason.
Come next chapter, all will be made clear.
1760540
Neither of us play Mass Effect, so I assure you it was unintentional.
1760572
'Kay then. As is my place as reader, I trust your judgment. Lead me not astray, noble Author.
1760681
Dude...
Misdirection and corruption are an author's two greatest tools.
Don't place your trust in me. I'll dash it upon the rocks.
1760688
No no, you misunderstand.
Midirection and corruption are like the powers of the night. Used well, they bring infinite joy and infinite despair, but the reader emerges from the experience bettered from it. I am the Twilight to your Luna, in the sense that I must embrace the complexities and intricacies of the story and trust in you to guide me through it without letting me fall into the shadow.
However, no sexitiems. Thanks.
1760718
>Mature fic
>Submitted to EQAD
No promises.
1760731
No, for ME. No sexitiems for ME. I don't like you that way. Willing to watch Twilight and Luna go at it, however.
1760756
OH
Oh okay.
Yeh.
1760763
So.
How 'bout that tea? Darjeeling Black is good for concentration and stuff....
Excellent. I love it when I successfully predict something.
I wonder how powerfull Twilight will become considering the 'night' can give Twilight her full power now. This is becoming a top notch story in my eyes. Now we are only waiting until Celestia has the talk with Twilight :D
I LOVE the Twiluna and really hope to see more of it, but I hope the focus doesn't shift too far from Twilight's archmage studies.
great, just great
1763152
I'm hoping for Ali twi to be honest, gotta love that Ali twi.
1768638
Starting with alicorn Twilight this early will only diminish the various situations you can put Twilight in at the moment.
It would be better for her to actually learn all the different kinds of magic and perhaps afterwards transform into the essence of the night.
But we'll just wait. :)
1768687
I get where your coming from, starting this early can limit the story. What I mean is she gets so OP she ascends, or even better/original she is gifted the gift of alicornness from the night. then she's like a willing servant of the night.
Personally this idea sounds better, not to mention awesome.
Quick comment before i finish reading chapter.
I read this and my first thought was "HOLY SHIT, she cloned herself and is now pleasuring herself." second thought was "o, shes having a wet dream about Luna. Got it."
YES. The SS Twiluna has set sail. It's about time, I was beginning to get worried.
Hmm a disapproving glare eh? Not a glance, nor look, nor stare but a glare.
Of all the signs that could point to I really hope it's not homophobic in nature. It wouldn't do well to have that kind of attitude regarding the best friend of ones fiancé.
That being said, great character work going on here. I think I'm more hooked now than i was six chapters ago.
Personally I'm not much of a fan of Twilight/Luna, I prefer Twilight/Dash or Twilight/Trixie. However, I can honestly say that the relationship you've created is beautiful. The characters are strong, realistic, and the pace is quite satisfying, not too slow or too fast. All in all, I'd have to say this is turning out to be one of the better ship/clop fics.
Twilight nearly gets raped, then decides she's in love.
Lol
Everything about Luna in this story so far has made me hate her guts, she's manipulating twilight on every chance she can get, not even her dreams are going unmolested.
Can't read any further, too mad.
2111108
Stockholm syndrome is what I'm saying.
Gratulations, you just created a endless chapter:
Imagine the End is the beginning of the beginning of this chapter?
[Edit] Possibly because you forget what you dream etc.
20 bits says Luna has been playing with Twilight's dreams without her consent.
Starting a chapter with a dream, and ending the chapter with the start of what was in the dream? Incredible! Sex must arrive next chapter. And that glare from Stitch... it will play a heavy part at some point, I can feel it. Maybe he doesn't approve of lesbians.
~SolidFire
I mean, after all that all I can say is...I BE A PEGASUS!
I hope Celstia was being 100% honest when she claimed she didn't think of Twilight that way. Otherwise this chapter will have... consequences
Wait, I just realised something.
1) Twilight's 'mom' doesn't give a shit about her. Almost like she isn't her daughter...
2) Twilight's timid and shy with a tendency to whimper.
3) This story has an AU tag.
4) Fluttershy's mom is an unknown and doesn't seem to give a shit about her.
5) Fluttershy is timid and shy with a tendency to whimper.
What if...they're related!
4000220 Earth pony ftw.
4204269 I'm calling in the writing team. "Here"