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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Commence read.
Now Twilight, commence reading so I can read what you do.
Remember when every chapter ended in a painful cliffhanger? Welcome back.
This chapter has enough cliffhanger to wipe the Grand Canyon off the tourist board, seriously.......
DAMN YOU CLIFFHANGER!
Lol this chapter had my dream in it, i feel special!
Oh the brooding! Oh the melancholy! Oh the gloom! I hate to be a sadist but I love it! Hell I kinda hope Twilight does another lash out...but successful this time
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1870280 publishersearch.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/cliffhanger.jpg
Hello, did you miss me?
Oh wow, you keep piling and piling up hurt on Twilight and she will blow Equestria instead of protecting it...
EDIT: Nope, no dark tag... so it's going to hurt a lot but she will find peace...
wow talk about cliff hanger. can't wait to see what happens.
no more Twi-Luna?!
Well I figured the relationship was done, but it's still pretty sad to see happen. Hope they can just be friends. The inclusion of the prophecy book surprised me, as well as the retirement of Shining Armor. Though the retirement makes sense. I did think his "I won't take Cadence" from you comment was weird though. Cause he kinda can't.
Edited some stuff out. Don't really remember what though. probably about how this will be slight hiccup in the Twiluna train.
The prophecy mechanics are fairly nice so far, with the strange allowance of free will. With the threat of explosions. I wonder exactly how much of this prophecy is going to be self fulfilled by a neurotic Twilight, again, working with the threat of explosions. Heh, I bet there's a passage in there about Twiluna and how it'll need to continue or something. Or explosions.
Three in existence and one gets stolen? how did Celestia and Luna know the book was in Orion's place? Hell, a prophecy book might just be important enough that one of the two should have gone to get it.
Also about the timeframe, Luna would have been sealed in the moon when it was stolen, and since everyone kinda forgot about it, I don't think she'd comment on where it was. “Amazing.” Luna said. “So this is where it was… All along, Orion had it.” This is assuming the sealing spell makes people forget about it magically, if its just human error, well, nothing that can be really done about it. Hell, for Luna to know about the book would mean the book would have to be over a thousand years old (which comes with special, this book is super fragile, problems that I assume MAGIC! would take care of.)
Nice to see Celestia not getting off the hook for the parent thing too. I would almost expect her to muse on the falliablity of Celestia, but the Canterlot Wedding probably caused that a long time ago.
1870774 This also concerns me! I want more twiluna!
Oh the cliffhanger! I can't sit still!
ouch, well, at least they figured out they made a mistake, although; the reason kinda annoys me as well; they realize that they might have delayed her studies more by doing what they did and that it might have set twilight down a destructive path, then they admit their mistake! sure; everyone makes mistakes, but that decision, those priorities...celestia and luna really are cold.
i almost be disappointed if the twiluna continued now, even if i want to see more of it. if the prophesy did say that twi and luna would be together for a long time; i wonder what twilight would say then?
that book might not be entirely correct either, or rather; the information might have been tampered with by several, celestia and luna included, i can't see why else they would just up and show the book to twilight, they might just use it to manipulate her even more.
awesome chapter!
1870233 There can only be one response to this transgression.
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1870907 Shining could take Cadence from the princesses (Not permanently of course.). Say he were to tell his wife about how the princesses had been so calloused when it comes to the family matters of who are apparently the two most important ponies(Non-alicorns.) in Equestria. Who's to say Cadence wouldn't then distance herself from them in order to prevent the same issues happening to her family, again. I would imagine Cadence would be pretty pissed at them.
Also, I couldn't care less about twi-luna shipping. Seems there are some folks who are more into that than the actual story. Personally I think this is/has been a great story...Even if I'm not so into the clop (Thankfully it's not a focal point.) Everything has been well written and I hope this story is seen through to the end. I'll definitely be keeping up.
1871097
I really meant politically. Cadence is a princess, nothing Shining's gonna do can really change that... Poltically she will HAVE to interact with the leaders of Equestria and she still NEEDS to train Twilight, plus there's the fact that she's immortal and will be dealing with the princesses for literally forever.
Part of me is extremely "eeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh?!" about the princesses bouncing so readily between "oh shit", "For the greater good", and "we're sorry". The other part of me says "shut up, the story isn't about the princesses". Another part of me is going "Prophecy? Again?". The last part of me is going "OH MY GOD MOAR".
So, I have mixed feelings. I think that given the plot and the type of story we're reading, you've got this nailed down pretty well, but I also think that I would personally have pulled this series of revelations out over several chapters.
1871115 True enough. I was just meaning Cadence might treat them the same way Twi has.
Also. Is it odd that catching the combination of the last two chapters title's along with the sex tag as I scrolled up made me read it as prison sex?
Yeah... I suddenly find myself hating the Princesses. Yes, I know that they were doing what they felt at the time to be necessary, but it is Twilight who has suffered the worse.
Maybe I am guilty myself of the misconception of infallibility of the two Princesses. Still, the fact that the two of them have committed such personal breaches of trust towards her, especially Luna, is not something that can easily be forgiven.
I hate to say it after so long but, your depiction of the raising of the sun/moon is flawed, i didn't see a shield around celestia at the summer sun celebration.
1870907
I'm not going to say it right here, to prevent spoilers, but just remember that PM Loyal sent you... Yeah...
Also, if it wasn't clear enough in the chapter, let me explain now. the spell shield that the book was behind prevented anypony from knowing about the book's existence, Celestia knew about the book and had a pretty good idea of where it was, but the shield prevented that. When Orion and Glimmer died, there was no one left to maintain the shield, so it fizzled. And Luna does know about the book because it is thousands of years old, when she got the memory back about it, she might as well have been missing it for sevenish years.
Oh, and since everyone keeps commenting for/against the continuation of Twiluna, I feel that I should tell everyone again, this is a Twidash fic. I don't know why you people keep forgetting that...
1871593
yeah... Good to know about the memory sealing spell though. That answers pretty much my only questions about this chapter. That damn Twidash though, there's literally nowhere else it can go now, I don't see how it could be anything but...
can't wait for the next chapter! this story is SO good! when do you think the next one will be up?
This chapter....where do I start? Twilight's emotional state throughout the chapter was quite powerful, especially to anyone who has ever lost family. I must say also that I found your portrayal of Celestia and Luna very appropriate here, ageless beings with godlike powers does not make them incapable of mistakes. No matter how long one has lived and regardless of how much one has learned there is always something more out there.
I have to wonder, was Cadence aware of Glimmer and Orion's condition and if so how will Twilight and Shining Armor react should they discover. You certainly weren't kidding about the projected length of this project were you Loyal?
Can't wait to see what else you have in store for us on this amazing ride.
Great chapter once again, BUT. You should look into the text;
The word 'prophesy' is used often. The word 'prophesy' references the action of predicting the future. As on the other hand the term 'prophecy' references the KNOWLEDGE of the future.
And I might have seen a mistyped 'prophesy' along the way...
Other than that little misconception with the usage of word 'prophesy', great job.
Have fun hunting down all the prophesi-es that should be prophesy-s!
1872410
That's a nice little factoid.
However, I think both would be relevant, if memory serves, since I don't think there is a part where both couldn't be used. After all, knowlage of an action is knowlage; and both are a priori.
But I get the distinction.
Woah, that was awesome. It's chapters like this that keep me interested, that allow me to power through the badly written clop. (No offense :P)
Ugh, why do all the good fic updates have to be cliffhangers D:
Am I the only one who feels the alicorns are getting off pretty damn lightly here? What with the focus of the chapter shifting towards the book it's a bit hard to say whether or not their apology will be the end of it or not, but I have to say if it had been me I'd have caved in a pair of immortal skulls before the day was over.
How has Twi not gone to see her friends about this yet? It's not like the whole reason they moved to canterlot was to stay close with her or anything #totallythenextchapter
...... Oh god , did I really just ...... Kill me. Damneable hash tags
Cliffhangers make me a cranky reader. But i will continue reading because this is a great story. Just please, stop with all of these cliffhangers.
1874552
O.O
Offense taken!
I am, primarily, a clop author. To hear my clop is bad is nothing short of...
Well, offensive.
XD
I understand it's not everybody's cup of tea, so I actually don't take any offense to critique on said cloppy bits.
1875614
o i c
first, i didn't aware that you were a clop author. i thought this was supposed to be a story with clop, not clop with a story (yes, there is a difference). i usually don't mind me some clop.
but if you want some actual critique, i suppose i could do that
so my major critique is that it feels like a story with some clop thrown in last minute. some lines appear to be forced (i'd actually quote some, but i'm too damn lazy to go back and find them xD. i'll probably do it later) or just not well written.
i also can't tell whether this is supposed to be a clopfic or not. it does have parts that are clop (but like i said, some feel hastily added), but it also has a good story to go along with it.
sorry if i offended you, didn't realize that you're a clop author.
edit: on that note there were many things i did like
what you did with the sun raising and lowering was pretty cool. i also liked the character Bastion. the most recent chapter (#13 on fimfiction) was well written, and you characterized shining armor quite well.
Twilight will burn the book.
GAK!
*Grabs throat*
I CAN'T BREATHE! THE CLIFFHANGER-
ACK
*Dies*
That's great, it starts with an earthquake, booms and shakes,
an explosion - Luna should be quite afraid
Rise Captain Bastion, leading, now, it's your turn,
World serves its own needs, Shining serve your own needs.
Need to take some shore leave, grunt, no, squad, none
Luna starts to chatter with not bright hindsight.
Liar in a fire, representing Celestia, a government's desire and a long dark night.
Left his post and Cadance is a mummy with two princess breathing down her neck.
See,Twilight, prophecies baffled, mourned, scheming cropped.
Look at that low playing!
Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, emotional, common flaw, but it won't do.
Save yourself, serve yourself. World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed Twily with the rapture and the revered but not right? - right.
You catatonic, patriotic, smart, bright, Night Light, feeling pretty psyched.
It's the end of their world as they know it.
It's the end of their world as they know it.
It's the end of their world as they know it, and Twi's heart dies.
Celestia - Twily's sour. Don't misjudge her godly powers.
Slash and burn, in turn, listen to her hurt churn.
Levia' in, unicorning, book burning, bloodspilling.
Situation escalates. Authority incinerate.
Shinging Armour, brighter motives. Step down, step down.
Watch your heart crush, crushed. Uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear! A turncoat knight, a turncoat knight, a turnabout of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.
It's the end of their world as they know it.
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home)
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home) and I resign.
(I resign)
It's the end of their world as they know it.
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home)
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home) and I resign.
The other night I dreamt of Pie, company of friends aside. Mountain range, burn a line
Rarity, Fluttershy. Rainbow Dash, Spike Applejack and Pinkie Pie.
Throw a party, cheesecake, jelly bean, soon!
You sympathetic, patriotic, big book nerd, right? Right.
It's the end of their world as they know it.
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home)
It's the end of their world as they know it. (It's time Shine had some time at home) and I resign.
(I resign)
1890148
My... My God...
I have no words.
Aside from Thank you.
Thank you so much.
1890148
You probably put more time into this comment than I did into this chapter.
1870232
I like this guy. Really. I do. Brilliant wit.
...This story is starting to develop a case of schizophrenic character development.
This was the biggest bullshit of an apology i ever readed.
If i would be her i had already quit the job.
It is a great story really but there a things that buging me, for the most part this so called Shadow magic or rater the hole thing with the night. I mean seriesly at the way it works, twilight could easely get the Alicron amulet and would have the same effect and that is it. she dosent get stronger NO sir, she just rent power from another one, this goes aktual against her hole charakter and everyting she ever learned. Wich aktuel means that luna is a weakling and can´t get anyting done by her self not even the Moon raising, I don´t even want to her Celestias side of this Story.
I have to note here in this chapter, that you continually used the wrong spelling of 'prophesy'. You are using the verbal spelling of the word. The spelling of the noun is spelled with a 'c', as in 'prophecy'.
Also, I noticed a continual misuse of it's/its throughout the story. You might want to look that over.
I apologise for sounding too brusque or off-putting, but as much as I enjoyed this chapter, seeing the spelling errors threw the chapter off a little for me, and I want to help by noting any spelling/grammar errors where I can.
2210033 I could say the same about your criticism, and your improper use of grammar and spelling.
Okay... I've been reading this story for thirteen chapters, hoping and hoping that things would start making sense. I like the general premise of the story. I like the idea of this Light and Shadow magic. I even like (most of) the characterization. But it's getting more than a little tiresome to have the princesses constantly, and I mean constantly making really bad mistakes. I think this chapter alone is the third (or maybe fourth?) time which Luna admits she made a really big mistake. I don't mean that the princesses don't make mistakes, I just mean that the mistakes they've made so far have been easily avoidable--and should have been avoided by these immortal goddess princesses. For instance: why didn't they tell Twilight that she was going to be the archmage? Was there really any need to surprise her like that on the day of the former archmage's funeral? What did it prove?
The clop... well, it seems shoehorned into the story. I find myself skipping it. And when I pick up the story after clop sections, I don't feel like I missed anything. So I believe that the clop could have been completely deleted from this work without any ill effects. It's unnecessary and actual derails the narrative in quite a few places. The relationships described so far--that is, the only relationship described so far--started out as a bit of a stretch, but I willingly suspended disbelief for the sake of the story. But then both parties acted so bizarrely toward each other that I felt my disbelief strained to the breaking point. At this point, the relationship doesn't seem natural, it seems like a plot device. And that kind of breaks the fourth wall.
I really want to like this story. It has tons of potential! I love the idea of Twilight as the archmage of Equestria. I love reading about her training (most of the time) but I find Twilight increasingly unlikeable. She alienates and makes poor judgements. She loses her temper and acts self-righteously. I don't know, it's just very difficult for me to root for Twilight--or really anyone in this story--and that's hard for me, because for me, Twilight Sparkle is best pony! I know that, according to the story, her time as a student of the Magic of Friendship is done, but the only times she's sought out her friends during these very stressful times, she's ended up primarily speaking to Rarity's fiance. That seems...off to me.
So that leads me to this conclusion: this story is not for me. I think I've given it a pretty fair shake. I'm not going to thumbs-down it, because I don't do that to any story. I'm going to give it a thumbs-up because the author has worked extremely hard on this and it has potential. But it's with disappointment and a heavy heart that I take this off my reading list and close the book before getting to the end. I'm hoping to read more from this author in the future when his or her writing has matured a bit more.
Oh, so Twi and Luna are gonna talk in Twilight's room.
...
...
Wait a second...
Derp?
Well, this story manages to keep on getting better. That book is going to enlighten us to some wonderful things, I can feel it.
~SolidFire
I'm not sure I agree with the conclusion that not telling Twilight about her parent's condition was a mistake. At least not for the reasons stated. Had they told her as soon as the Princesses knew, it is quite probable that she would have spent much of her time with them, perhaps even refusing to leave their side. Worse still, she might have taken to herself to try to cure them, a prospect that might have been impossible, which would have led her to become obsessive and more agitated and, in the end, even more disraught at their passing believing it to be her fault. That would have meant almost a month of progress lost. While she spent two weeks in mourning, it didn't greatly impact her progress that much, so in the end the Princesses did have a valid point in not telling her.
That being said, I'm not actually condoning their actions either. The consequences of their decision are only starting to be explored, and alienating their own Archmage and putting so much grief and stress on somepony as volatile as Twilight is inadvisable at best and downright reckless at worst. However there's not really that much info regarding as to the actual need for urgency on Twilight taking the reins of her duties, so wether the haste deserved the consequences is up to debate.
On the other hand, I do believe that the school of Divination should be banned outright because, as it stands, Prophecy implies a massive risk for absolutely no benefit whatsoever. What's the use of knowing the future when trying to change it any way makes it go nuclear? That's why I believe it's a terrible idea to allow Twilight to read the book. The way I see it there's only three outcomes of her reading it: one, that she becomes aware of what's supposed to happen and strives to accomplish it, which should be absolutely unnecessary because if prophecy is the foresight of the future then it should come to pass on its own without additional intervention; Two, that becoming aware of her destiny somehow makes her act in such a way as to jeopardize it, which may very well mean the risk of a planet-cracking explosion; And three, that she reads something that she very much would have prefered she hadn't and becomes tormented by the knowledge that whatever horrible thing she read must come to pass or the whole world is doomed.
Quite honestly, the smartest move would be to burn the thing and forget it ever existed