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Rainbow Dash and Misty Fly bump into each other in Ponyville, but she has something to tell the Wonderbolt. Unfortunately, it's about something Misty has been struggling with for years.
Thanks to Spirit Shift and IceQB for proofreading.
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This has got t be one of the best slice of life stories I've ever read.
I JUST REALIZED MISTY LOOKS LIKE FLUTTERSHY IN A WONDERBOLT OUTFIT
WHAT IF...
Super cute story. Especially when Misty Fly
ate the saladglared at RD.6451409
Yay! Thanks for the compliment! I appreciate it! :pinkiesimile:
6451532
She kind of does. I guess that partly explains why Misty Fly is a cute pony.
And thank you for looking at the story.
6451571
Yeah, working on it sure was a lot of fun! Thank you for the compliment!
Cute! Also,
Yesssss you understand
6451639 Yep!
Anyway, thank you for reading the story. I appreciate it.
Your dialogue is still stilted, and unnatural sounding at times. For starters:
People don't use each others names that often in a one on one conversation. Also, Rainbow's dialogue just seem too formal and indirect. Really had a hard time picturing her saying these things. I can picture her having the same intent, it's just that the wording was off.
Misty's was slightly awkward to, but seeing as she doesn't talk much in the show anyway it didn't really sound as weird with her.
6451918 Oh. Sorry that the story wasn't good. I wish I knew how to do dialogue, but trying to get formal vs informal down and making the characters sound natural is surprisingly hard. Maybe I should do more research before trying something like this again.
6451921
It's fine, everyone has areas of weakness. All you can do is just keep reading things to try to see examples of it being done right.
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw11304_medium.jpg
6453424 Yep! Continuity!
Anyway, thank you for looking at this story. I appreciate it.
'twas an enjoyable read
6464947 Thanks for looking at the story. I'm glad you found it enjoyable.
Nice, enjoyable, cute. Misty and rainbow had some great chemistry, too. Overall, a very nice read.
6475914 Thank you for looking at this story. I appreciate it!
Adorable