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Silver Spoon once had the perfect life and the perfect friend. When her friendship with Diamond Tiara cracks due to past incidents, it's only downhill from there. Will Silver Spoon be able to crawl out of this problem? Or is it all hopeless?
Thanks to TheLevelHeadedBrony, Eagle, Jack Mahoff, Soaring, and RK_Striker_JK_5 for pre-reading.
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wow, this is so good, i can't wait to read more
6055822 Thank you for the compliments! I appreciate it!
*CRASH*
Oops. Fell off my chair.
6055924 Yeah, I do have plans for Twist and how she interacts with Silver Spoon later on in the story. It should be fun to write.
Anyway, thanks for reading the story!
Looks like you have another hot one on your hands! See the "Hot Muffins" listing in the "Featured In" section for proof!
Excellent characterisation of Spoon!! I can only hope you give Diamond as much depth as her (probably soon to be ex) friend. FAVOURITED!!
I am entertained. Good story mate.
And now, the shout-y part...
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!!!!
More pls.
That's almost as bad as "My Country Right or Wrong" in its original quoting by Stephen Decatur (“Our Country! In her intercourse with foreign nations may she always be in the right; but right or wrong, our country!”), (Carl Schulcz than made a similar quote but with an addendum that makes it acceptable [“My country, right or wrong; if right, to be kept right; and if wrong, to be set right.”])
6056285
Thank you for the compliment. As for Diamond Tiara, I do have plans for her character later on in the story, so it should be fun to write.
6056470
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. There will be more chapters coming out soon.
Ouch, seems like Diamond is aware that she is a massive bitch to everyone.
Do I spy with my little eye a Silver Spoon redemption fic? Hell to the yes! Immediate read later material.
A fic based on Silver Spoon, how can I not read it? Keep going!
While the story unfolds in an interesting way, the purple prose may become its biggest problem. I guess it was kinda the point in Silver's dialogue (though it still sounds kinda unnatural to me. I was wondering if it was intentional, but then I saw that it was lampshaded at some point), but the narration gets it bad. "Sparkling surface" is repeated twice, once in the description of a table, and then in the description of a plate. Since it's a memorable phrase (it's an alliteration and those two words flows well together, making it easy to remember), it can be jarring when seen once more, even after some time.
Some parts are written in a rather clumsy way. This paragraph in particular rubbed me the wrong way:
Some problems I have with it:
- While "erected" is a perfectly cromulent word, it's not the most fortunate choice, due to the imagery it invokes (kinda why JKR is the only author who still uses the word "ejaculated" as "exclaimed").
- A wall can't really signal anything, because, well, it's a wall </maud>. Not the best word choice here.
- The word "mansion" is repeated in two consecutive sentences, despite your efforts to avoid repetiton (while we're at it, "structure" is not the best replacement, due to how rarely this word is used in this context – mostly in the military, I think).
- The sentence "The building was a little on the small size from where they stood, Silver Spoon well aware of the distance between her and the mansion." is a comma splice, not to mention that about half of it is redundant (it's actually a deeper problem – often one sentence repeats the same information twice).
- "Waving and saying goodbye to Diamond, the two parted ways with smiles on their faces, Diamond having a skip in her step." – in this sentence, "the two" is the subject. Since "the two" means "Silver and Diamond", it seems that Diamond also waved and said goodbye to herself.
The problems with what exactly is the subject of the sentence occur in a few other places too. For example, "Ruffling her brow, Diamond's ears twitched." – Diamond's ears are technically the subject here, so it seems like Diamond ruffled her brow with her ears which twitched in the process. I guess it's not the mental image you aimed at.
However, the story itself isn't bad. I like this Silver Spoon and I wonder how this fic continues. Keep writing
6075101 Sorry the story didn't work out for you. Thanks for bringing those up as well. I'll think about where to take the story in the future and reevaluate how I approach writing prose.
Quick question -- was that meant to be "villainess"? Either word works, really, but "villainess" fits a little bit better.
6110859 That's a nice suggestion. I'll go make that change. Thank you for the suggestion and for looking at the chapter! I appreciate it!
6110869
As a Silver Spoon fan, I've been reading this from the beginning -- and I'm enjoying it.
I'm also a Twist fan, so I hope it's true that we'll see more of an expanded role for her later on.
6110902 I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far. And Twist will definitely be getting a bigger role later in the story.
Someone give this poor child a hug. I have a feeling it's only gonna get worse before it gets better for her...
6110968 Thanks for reading the chapter. And yeah, Silver Spoon could use a hug. As for her future, the upcoming chapters will provide more details. I can't reveal what will happen just yet, but I do have a number of ideas planned.
I'm really enjoying the story so far! The interactions between characters are really well done, as well as conveying Silver's feelings. I mean, wow, I almost feel like I'm feeling them right along side her! No Miss Cheerilee, I'm a good pony! I don't want detention, please!
6111745 Thanks for the compliments. I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Question is if someone was listening that bush who was it? Someone who will spread the news like wildfire, or will it be someone willing to give her that second chance? Or is it some third option I haven't considered...
Okay we can rule out the Crusaders and Twist... but who the spy is is anyone's guess. You probably have already "told" us but I just haven't caught on. Not to mention even if I did have suspicions as to who it was I know how tricky such games can be, Jon Arryn's death in the A Song of Ice and Fire series is one such case where there was far more to it than meets the eye.
On a happier note its good to see Silver starting to come out of her shell. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
6334530 Finding out the spy's identity will play a role in the story, but I don't want to reveal too much on it just yet. And yeah, I did have fun writing Silver Spoon coming out of her shell in her interactions with Twist. Anyway, thanks for sticking around with the story. I appreciate it.
6334543 Obviously you don't want to reveal it, that much was obvious I'm more berating myself (and berate seems to harsh a word in any case) than anything else trying to figure it out. I enjoy trying to solve such puzzles... So ihope you should not just tell us, hint perhaps, leave a clue or two and their, even make it seem obvious in hindsight, I wouldn't complain even if my pride would but most certainly do not tell us before you specifically intend for the spy to be revealed.
I'm digging this story. Keep it up!
6383291 Thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!
Just a small nitpick: in a couple of places in this chapter, you use "donning" as a synonym for "wearing" (referring to Apple Bloom's bow and Applejack's hat); "to don" actually means "to put on".
6383580 Ah. That's good to know. Thanks for pointing that out. I appreciate it!
Yikes, talk about humiliation. The cat's out of the bag now! At least Apple Bloom forgave her, though they are still pretty far from being *best friends*. Who knows? They may never be friends, they might just end up being nothing more than classmates. Anyway, great chapter as always!
6384631 Yeah, it was quite the embarrassing experience for her. Anyway, thanks for reading the chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Thanks for the update!
6445805 You're welcome. I hope you found the chapter enjoyable.
Good for Sliver Spoon, making another possible friend! A nice chapter overall, I'm looking forward to seeing Sweetie and Silver interact when they hang out.
I wonder if Diamond Tiara's dad really did shrug off the fact that she was a bully, or if Diamond isn't telling us something. Hmmm....
6446677 There will definitely be more Sweetie Belle and Silver Spoon interaction as the story progresses, and it was fun writing the two. As for Diamond Tiara, we'll find out soon, but I can't tell you what quite yet.
Anyway, thank you for looking at the chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Still enjoying the story, but as is often the case, there's a small issue I have to point out. (Sorry.)
This is a fairly common error. When someone refers to himself/herself after the conjunctions "and"/"or", you use the personal pronoun that you would if the first noun and the conjunction weren't there. Or, to put it in simpler terms, if Cheerilee left out the bit about the staff, she wouldn't say, "Ask I if you have any questions." It would be "Ask me if you have any questions," so you use the same pronoun in the sentence that includes the conjunction: "Ask the staff or me if you have any questions."
Oh, and even though Twist is still seeming more like a supporting character than a main character at this point, I'm going to go ahead and approve this for the Twist group.
6447827 Thanks for letting me know about that rule. I'll go fix that line up.
6447834
Happy to help!
(And trying like crazy not to be annoying about it.)
EEEEEE! I love how Spoon's character is being portrayed so far! She's so adorable!
Sorry, couldn't help it. Anyways, I really do like this story, and where it's going. Keep up the Amazing work!
6465906 Thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it and I'm glad you're liking the story so far!
One of my favs right here.
6469809 Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.
*Huggles* an update! Wooo! Thanks! This was fun. Great to see diamond progress in her new friendships.
6479658 You're welcome! And thanks for reading this chapter! I appreciate it!
A nice new chapter!
I like seeing Silver Spoon's inner workings. She wants friendship, but it's hard for her to completely get away her past bully thoughts. I'm proud of her though, she's trying very hard to build a new, better, more healthy attitude towards others!
6480703 Yep!
Anyway, thank you for reading the chapter. I appreciate it.
6479658 I think you got the name wrong... Unless, you're looking in a crystal ball.
Or, know the author personally. Cheat.
Well, wasn't expecting that at the end!
6484760 Yeah, it's quite the move on Diamond's part, though she has mentioned such an interest earlier in the story.
Anyway, thank you for reading the chapter. I appreciate it!