This is the story, a weird story, in this story of a boy, a 22 year old man who was suddenly taken by slightly unknown forces from his world and dropped into the mystical world of Equus, and The Royal Dominion of Equestria; now Jesse Edwards must adjust to life in this new country and world but will he make it? Or will this world only lead to him being disappointed even more and bring to him more heartbreak than what he already had??
In light of the amount of Down votes this has received, I was cancelling this story but because of a comment I perhaps needed to hear...I feel...I forgot why I wrote this story...vote against this if they want, I say in the words of Admiral David Farragut, "Damn the torpedo's! Full steam ahead!"
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where ever you go." -Joshua 1:9
You do know that there are other factors in that many deaths during the Civil War, right?
6279249 Yes I do.
6279776 I suppose you weren't able to fit all those reasons in there for the story, correct?
6279791 I may have implied factors before I started talking about weird coincidences.
6279810 Well, there are actually entire full-length books that talk about the subject.
6279846 I know man...but I for the sake of time cut the other factors out.
Don't you worry. I'm positive that your thumb ups will soon out-number the downs soon enough.
The problem you're facing is that this kind of story has been done to the point that many people will downvote it purely on principle. A story about a guy getting sent to Equestria as his O.C is a hard sell that's rarely done well. The few that do succeed do so because the author (generally) mixes in a fair share of unconventional elements so that a familiar and conventional story seems less so. I'm not trying to be harsh here, far from it; rather, I'm simply offering an explanation for why the downvotes (at the moment) outnumber the upvotes. You don't have to win the Nobel Prize for Originality to get some respect here but showing that you're at least trying something different and unconventional will win you lots of support.
Here's an example: one of my stories, Lucky Strike, isn't terribly original if you really think about it, yet has done very well. It's fairly standard but like I mentioned, offers enough unconventional tidbits that it (hopefully) comes off as fresh and entertaining. Elements as simple as naming a radio station The Walrus, a flying train, and a floating island paradise introduced enough uniqueness (again, hopefully) that the grand majority of the readers enjoyed it, yet still felt familiar enough at parts that the reader could identify with the main character. It's all about finding that balance, man. Trying to help, not trying to boast!
TL;DR, think outside the box. Hope that helps!
6295638
Well, you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I for one, hope that you'll change your mind and give it another try. It's the only way to get good at it.
For the record, I gave your story a thumbs-up.
6295726
Hey man, good luck with whatever you decide to do. And my offer is on the table.
6295732 Just to say in letting you know, I am continuing this story of mine...I love it too much and put my heart into it to quit on it; however I do perhaps would like your help if you could help me fix what is wrong from Chapter 1 onward, I would like to see how I can help my story.
You know, I wish they'd release more episodes centering around Shining Armor.
6319288 That perhaps would be nice...perhaps have Cadence having a foal...finally....so long as the foal is not named Skyla for some reason...I would like them to have a colt.
6319963 Amen to that. So your story's on Hiatus again? Because you primarily have to worry about just writing for an audience of One after all, no matter if other readers dislike your stories or not.
6320032 No this time it is on hold because of editing and I am slow at writing...have to think before writing right? Has to be well written not just written out without thinking it out; so that is why, editing old chapters and brainstorming the stalled 18th chapter....
6320056 Okay, good. Glad to hear of it.
Well, that was just as saddening as before, but I'm hoping that it will become better over time.
6331102 It will soon....
Well bud, for your first story we think you crushed the beginning. We have a soft spot for anything remotely related to the American Civil War.
The only thing that really bugged us was your use of all caps words, but that's minor. Your content we thought was excellent, which is the main thing that we pay attention to. We ain't one of those people who get thrown out of story every time we see a misspelled word.
We hope you keep going with this. And remember "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." That's a quote from our favorite teacher in college and we have no clue where he got it from.
6337937 Thank you kindly.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that quote.
Please tell me he starts dating celestia
6684301 I have plans to insert my GF's OC in sometime actually. But I will try to help Celestia out with somepony...I will think on who I should create.
6684447 maybe you could use my OC Nova Bast
6684465 A Stallion?
6684563 yes
He's a unicorn who prefers his hooves like an earth pony. Only knows levitation. Well built muscular and very shy but not afraid to express his feelings. He's dark blue fur with a red mane with a black streak, red eyes and black colored magic(bullied for his magic color) his cutie mark is twin sabers crossed with a black sun/or shield in the middle. His cutie mark means he very good with saber and shield combat(prefers dull sabers). A bit small for stallion. Has a little sister he been caring for since his and his sisters parents died. He is 19 and his sister is 4. Mother died in child birth, father died 3 days later working on a water tower(fell off). Travaks a lot searching for a job tacks his sister with him every where he goes.
Hope you like him (don't have an idea for his sisters color or name yet so you can choose or leaver her out). You can choose if you want to use him or not. I hope you will
6687882 I shall consider this.
6687953
YAY
6687960 Welcome.
6688050 what happened to the original story with cielo (by different author. I think?)
6746395 Not sure what you mean by that...The guy I guest star in this I ma not sure how he is doing.
6746453 what's his user name
6845037 He is not on Fimfic; name and Cielo Rey.
6845076 what's he on then?
6845129 He I think has a tumblr or something...I have no clue where he is now.
6845184 how's the next chapter coming along?
6855025 It has been coming along but I am at a stall still; this story is on hold still
Okay, I finally found time to dive into this story... I won't go digging into the plot much, except mentioning that the opening is quite rushed and would require another few chapters to cover it and properly hook the reader... For example opening in the form of a Civil war battle reenaction would be awesome!
However, I have many troubles with the form.
You have to see a difference between chating with a friend and writing a story. So what should not be present:
& - replace with 'and'
"....*giggles*..." - You can write it as "..." she giggled. Don't insert it in the direct speech.
;), :D - he winked, he smiled... Whatever, just no emojis.
...(some info that the reader needs to know now)... - sometimes, you can insert that between dashes or commas, but mostly you have to drop one or two sentences of explanation and properly incorporate them
1st, 2, 1/2 - all numbers should be written in words, thus first, two, half
Also, you are forgetting commas in the direct speech.
"Write it like this," I say.
"Or with a question or exclamation mark at the end!" I exclaim.
Honestly, I probably won't read any further as what mentioned above is quite discouraging for me.
7813845
Like I said this was my first story so I am not surprised it was a pile of crap........